APRIL 12, 2010 - MINNESOTA 5, BOSTON 2

Hello folks, Hank Rickenbacher checking in. Well, my son Henry gave me and Betsy tickets to Opening Day as a birthday present, so yours truly was at the Target Field for yesterday's festivities. Before we get to the game, I thought you folks would like a "Rickenbacker Review" of the Target Field.Now let me just say, I don't know why the Twins ever left Met Stadium for a football stadium named after a hippie. What was wrong with the Met? And I remember all the hype about the Metrodome before that place opened, and look how that turned out. So when I heard all the hubbub about the Target Field after two practices, I thought, let's not put the horse before the apple cart here.

Well, I don't want to be a drain on the old parade here, but let's just say the Target Field isn't perfect. I mean, it's a nice looking park and all, and for all the tax money they spent on the place it better be. But after the drive Betsy and I were hungry enough to eat a pony, so we got in line at one of the concessions. Of course all the kids in front of us had to use their debit cards and the debit card machine wasn't working, so we waited thirty minutes just to order. What happened to good old fashioned green backs? Anyway I ordered a hot dog and they said they didn't have any hot dogs at that stand. You could've rolled me over with a feather. A baseball game, and I couldn't get a hot dog. Betsy, bless her heart, ordered us cheeseburgers, but they tried to charge us nineteen dollars for the two of them. Like heck I was paying that for two cheeseburgers, so we just left and found our seats.

Of course we had to get the seats in front of the four loudmouth Boston kids who watched about three pitches of the game total and babbled on and on with those mobile phones instead. Betsy said if I let them get to me, they'd win. Well I'm no loser, but let me just say I don't want to talk about those Boston kids anymore. Except that those punks could have used about five bars of Lifeway to clean out those mouths, good Lord, and I let 'em know it too.

Well after all that there was still a game to be played, and that’s why I made the trip down for my first game since 1981, because I have high hopes about this team. And I’ll say it was a good game for this Twins fan. Pavano pitched 6 strong innings, outdueling the Lester kid from Boston. I for one was not impressed with this “Lesser” fellow. He started his outing with a walk, and after hits by Hudson, Cuddyer, and Kubel he was down 2-0. Later, Punto turned his monthly hit into a run, and a lucky hop off the bag on a patented Mauer grounder led to another run. In the 7th Kubel hit the first moon ball in the Target Field and even landed one section from me and Betsy.

The Twinkies showed some swagger Monday which was refreshing since they usually play frightened against the Big Boys. They smacked the ball around, came inside with some pitches (though with the feminine way that Youklis kid holds the bat, I’d throw at him too), and generally acted like they were the better team. Gardenhire tested the limits of cockiness when he trotted out Brad Duensing for the 7th and then to start the 8th too! If that kid gets you three 7th inning outs against the Red Sox, you thank your lucky stripes and have a good chuckle about it later. You don’t tempt fate by sending him out there again! Thankfully the joke ended with a screaming double from one of the Beantowners, and from there it was Guerrier and Rausch to close things out.

All and all, a decent visit to the new park. I suppose I would go back, but I’ll plan on having Betsy pack some ground ham sandwiches for us, because nineteen dollars for two cheeseburgers is criminal. The Twins are back at it Wednesday at noon, Slowey vs. Lackey. Hammering Hank, signing off.

Photos: (1) & (2) - AP/Ann Heisenfelt; (3) AP/Paul Battaglia

APRIL 11, 2010 -- CHICAGO 5, MINNESOTA 4

The Twins find a way to lose on Sunday, barring them the chance of entering their new ballpark on a six-game winning streak. Nick Blackburn was in continuous "lets-give-up-the-lead" mode all day long, as he surrendered three home runs to the White Sox. Paul Konerko's two-run shot in the first was at least hit by a guy who you expect to go deep. Blackburn giving up homers to the likes of Mark Kotsay and Gordon Beckham, however, are not. If you want to win, you've got to get guys like Mark Kotsay out every time at bat, and certainly you don't give up home runs against them. But Sunday was not without its share of goats. There's Ron Gardenhire for putting Nick Punto in the starting lineup. Punto's double-play grounder early in the ballgame was crucial, as the Twins were threatening to make it a short day for Mark Buehrle. So predictable was Punto's failure at the plate that it made Brendan Harris' walk in the previous at-bat look genius. But Ron Gardenhire is a goat of every Twins loss; what makes the Twins unique is how often the spread around the love, so to speak, in terms of losing ballgames.


Scott Ullger has to be one of the stupidest men working in the major leagues. That's saying something, because not many members of the Twins management are going to get into Mensa anytime soon. But the game ended so pathetically that Scott Ullger must be chided for his ultimate stupidity in the ninth inning. With J. J. Hardy at first base and two outs, pinch-hitter Jim Thome doubled off the wall in left field. Hardy of course was off with the crack of the bat, but had not quite made it to third base when the ball was relayed to the infield. What does Ullger do? He sends Hardy, and he's thrown out by forty-five feet. I realize that you want to make things happen, Ullger, but my God -- that was absolutely pathetic! It's true that Nick Punto was the on-deck hitter, likely to be replaced by a pinch hitter (though with Ron Gardenhire, you might very well see Punto hitting for himself in that theoretical situation -- or he'd send up Alexi Casilla). Maybe that was what motivated Ullger to make such a stupid decision. And in the post-game interview, it was suggested that perhaps Hardy made the decision to go on his own. Either way, the third-base coach needs to do his job there. Hardy doesn't have eyes in the back of his head, and Ullger has a clear view of the play. Who knows what would have happened if Hardy would have rightfully stayed at third, but at least don't make it look that pathetic.


Now the Twins return home for the first time, and for the first time since 1981, the Twins will be playing outdoors in their home whites. Tomorrow, readers will be treated with co-blogger Hank Rickenbacker, who will have a report from the game. It's the first game that Hank's attended since the old Met, and he'll be able to give us a full report on Target Field as well as the Red Sox-Twins game. Looking forward to it Hank!

APRIL 9, 2010 -- MINNESOTA 4, CHICAGO 3 (11 innings)

The Twins continue their winning ways on their season-opening road trip, pulling out an extra-inning victory from the hands of the White Sox, who squandered plenty of chances to win the game. J. J. Hardy, suddenly the Twins' #3 hitter, won the game with a two-out single in the eleventh, prompting many fans to scratch their heads and try to remember the last time a Twins shortstop had hit third for this team. Is never the right answer? Certainly the last few years have featured offensive black holes at short stop, but it's almost surprising that Ron Gardenhire didn't put Nick Punto in the #3 hole for at least one game. The way Gardy'd justify it would be worth it -- to say that he had good numbers against a certain pitcher and that he's an "igniter" anyways. He came close enough last year when he had the balls to put Punto in the #2 hole "protecting" Joe Mauer. But, with Hardy, the Twins actually have a major-league ballplayer in the starting lineup. Add Orlando Hudson to the mix, who, although he's having a rough start to the season at the plate, is another bona fide professional, and you get to see how much an improvement the 2010 team is over last year's sad-sack loser version which featured thoroughbred Double-A talent in Carlos Gomez, Alexi Casilla, Matt Tolbert, Nick Punto, and others as key parts in the everyday lineup. The 4-1 start is an early indication that this team is leagues better than last years, and it has absolutely nothing to do with Ron Gardenhire, folks. It's not like Ron Gardenhire has the ability to coax quality at-bats out of the newcomers. Here's a guy who took good players (see Ortiz, David) and nearly sucked the life out of them. No, the thanks should be in order to Bill Smith, who's suddenly earning his keep after sleepwalking through the first few years on the job.


Scott Baker will make his second start on the road trip, facing Chisox retread Freddy Garcia. Joe Mauer will be back in the lineup Saturday after sitting in lieu of Drew Butera, who only struck out in all three of his at-bats on Friday night. Like father, like son -- Drew's dad Sal was an offensively-challenged backup catcher in his own right. With Butera and Casilla taking up roster spots, Gardenhire has at least set his quota at two minor-league players on the 25-man major league roster (never minding pitcher Alex Burnett, who's serving as an injury replacement for Clay Condrey). Like himself, Ron Gardenhire has a fond spot in his heart for undeserving players in the big leagues. The big difference, however, is that when Gardenhire played himself, he played on a terrible New York Mets team that had nothing to play for anyway (interestingly, once the Mets started to get good in the mid-80s, Gardenhire was waved bye-bye). Nowadays, Gardy helms a competitive team that can't afford to lose games due to minor-league talent clogging up the roster. It was sure cute, though, to see those three pathetic at-bats from Drew Butera on Friday. Cute.

Photos: (1) AP/ Nam Y. Huh; (2) AP/Steven Senne

APRIL 8, 2010 -- MINNESOTA 10, LOS ANGELES 1

The Twins open a can of whoop-ass on the perenially-competitive Angels, taking three of four in the season-opening series. The surprising thing about the series was not that the Twins hit the cover off the ball for the majority of the four games, nor was it the somewhat-surprising fact that the starting pitching fared pretty well. What surprised me the most was how lackluster and imminently beatable the Angels looked. Their pitching is going to win them plenty of games, but their lineup has some major holes. Who knew losing Chone Figgins would hurt the ballclub this much? Torii Hunter anchors the lineup, and we all know too well what Hunter could do to a promising rally when he consistently failed in the clutch in a Twins uniform. Either way, the Twins looked impressive in this series on most sides of the diamond.

What was frustrating to see was the Twins' first inning performance against Angels starter Joel Pineiro. After Joe Mauer doubled Orlando Hudson to third base with one out in the first, Pineiro got Justin Morneau and Michael Cuddyer to strike out to end the threat. The Cuddyer at-bat is a given, as Cuddyer rarely delivers big hits in the clutch, but the Morneau strikeout is somewhat troubling. Usually, when you're facing premier teams such as the Angels, you need to drive in guys on third base with less than two outs in order to have a chance to win the game. You NEED to, no questions asked. What exacerbates the fact that the Twins failed at this rudimentary part of the game is the fact that one of their best players did it. Sure, if Nick Punto or Alexi Casilla or a pitcher gives three half-assed waves of the bat at terrible pitches in the same situation, we at least wouldn't be surprised. With a former MVP, however -- your clean-up hitter, mind you -- those situations MUST be productive. It's unacceptable for Justin Morneau to fail to get the run home there, and though the rest of the lineup bailed out Morneau, it's not going to be everyday that guys like Brendan Harris and Seldom Young hit home runs to provide the bulk of the scoring.

Jim Thome also homered for the Twins, and although that's a sight that Twins fans should be used to (the guy's hit fifty homers against the Twins, for crissakes), don't think that this will be a regular occurance when he plays for the Twins. Here's my bold prediction of the week: Jim Thome will end up with less than 100 at-bats for the Twins this season. I'm predicting that his line, at the time the Twins finally release Thome in mid-June, will read something like this: 89 at-bats, 19 hits, five home runs, and 33 strikeouts. Thome will be Tony Batista-esque in his short-lived stint with the Twins, and once it becomes apparent that he cannot deliver bloop hits to the opposite field (the hitting approach so prized by Ron Gardenhire and Joe Vavra), the team will jettison him in favor of the more versatile player in Matt Tolbert. Here's hoping I'm wrong, that Thome will hit so well that they bench Seldom Young and he ends up hitting 30 home runs -- sorry, but I see the former scenario much more likely.

Now the Twins are off to the South Side to face the White Sox. Tonight will be interesting, as Francisco Liriano takes the hill for the Twins. Ron Gardenhire would be wise to have a short leash on Liriano, not only in this game but also in terms of his status as a starting pitcher. After struggling so mightily with elementary things like command and mound presence, Liriano's career very much hangs in the ballots in the early season here. He opposes Chisox southpaw John Danks.

Photos: (1,2) AP/Francis Specker; (3) AP/Nam Y. Huh

Opening Day Roster Announced

Ron Gardenhire made a couple of noteworthy announcements over the past few days regarding the 2010 roster. First, he announced that Nick Punto will be his regular third baseman, ending speculation that Brendan Harris would platoon with Punto at the hot corner. This, of course, is a potentially disastrous move that could end up costing the Twins valuable runs and, hence, victories down the road. One failproof tenet that people should learn here at the MTRC is that Nick Punto will do everything in his power to lose baseball games for the Twins. Punto defenders are usually quick to point out his defensive prowess, but Punto's glove can betray him just as easily as his bat always does. Of course, Brendan Harris is far from a viable upgrade at third, but in comparison to his competition, Harris suddenly looks like Brooks Robinson next to Punto. Alas, Harris will ride the pine for the time being. Most clubs (well-managed ones, at least) would confront the situation by at the very least giving one player the job on a earn-your-keep basis; if you're not producing, you're going to be replaced. Yet, Ron Gardenhire has been through a five-year trial period with Punto and has loved what he has seen (i.e., .210 production at the plate and an average glove). So even if Punto goes out there and hits a buck-forty with ten errors through April, he's likely to keep his job until he gets injured or retires or dies. In many ways, he's like a Supreme Court justice -- job security is a given for a guy like Punto on a Ron Gardenhire-run team.

Secondly, Gardenhire has given the closer's job to Jon Rauch instead of a closer-by-committee approach that he hinted at last week. As a closer, Rauch reeks of a Ron Davis type, one that blows saves in epic fashion. Like Davis was, Rauch is a more than serviceable bullpen asset in a set-up role; replace Davis' Coke-bottle eyeglasses with Rauch's one-of-a-kind neck tattoo, and the similarities continue. At least Rauch isn't Matt Guerrier, but the chances that Ron Gardenhire would prefer losing games in the ninth inning with Guerrier were slim anyways; Gardenhire has proven that Guerrier is a much better pitcher to plug in there when Gardy is in the mood for blowing eighth-inning leads. Consistency in stupidity is a motto that Ron Gardenhire has always employed, and with the roster already undergoing a major change (Nathan's injury), Gardy was certainly hesistant to continue to shake up an already crappy bullpen. In a mild surprise, Pat Neshek made the club out of spring training, but his effectiveness will be questionable considering he's coming off a lengthy rehabilitation from Tommy John surgery and his mechanics leave something to be desired in the first place. Guys like Jose Mijares and Clay Condrey and Brian Douchebag will be "relied" upon to get late-inning outs, too. In short, the bullpen will again be a headache in 2010, and their troubles are exacerbated with the glaring absence of the lone consistent arm, Joe Nathan.

Gardenhire's love-fest with Alexi Casilla will continue for at least the beginning of this season. This move to have Casilla occupy the final roster spot is supremely confounding, but the other options -- Matt Tolbert, Jacque Jones, et al. -- barely sound better. The thing that is so frustrating is that Casilla has done absolutely nothing to deserve winning the spot. He was atrocious in all three of his call-ups last season, played pathetically in winter ball and his average was hovering in the .150 range during spring training. Add to the fact that Drew Butera won the job as Joe Mauer's backup catcher -- not Jose Morales, not Wilson Ramos, who perhaps deserved the job based on spring training performance -- and Gardenhire's final roster spots are a confusing mess. But hey, it's not like we're surprised at this sort of tomfoolery. Leave it up to Ron Gardenhire to turn simple talent appraisal into an unfunny joke.

Look for complete 2010 predictions Sunday.

MTRC Relaunch...We're Back in Business, People.

After a lengthy hiatus, I'm proud to announce that the Minnesota Twins Re-Education Center is going to be a go for the 2010 season! Like many nowadays, the MTRC was not immune to the tough economic times besetting the country currently, but thankfully a few of my most loyal supporters came through in a big way to provide the funding to maintain this site. So, to Donna, Terry, Hank, and Betsy, a big THANK YOU is graciously extended. As many of you know, the apiary business has not turned out to be an adequate source of part-time cash, and even with my Roth IRA not totally tanking, I needed to tend to the more important things over the winter; hence, the MTRC essentially shut down for a few months. But those four wonderful folks mentioned above wanted to see the MTRC return for this season and paid for that privilege. Our mission statement for 2010: Bigger and better this year. Hank Rickenbacher, who many of you voiced positive responses following his guest gig at the end of last year, has agreed to step into an elevated role for this season. You'll still be mostly hearing from me, but Hank will be featured here on something like a weekly/bi-weekly basis. I, for one, am excited to welcome Hank to the full-time staff here. Like hell I'd ask Mr. Rogers to be my neighbor -- I'm blessed to have Hank and his lovely wife Betsy (who makes the meanest oatmeal-raisin cookies, by the way) live so close by.

Now to get to the stuff you're hear to read about...

A secondary reason that I was resistant to relaunching the blog for the 2010 season was that I thought the Twins weren't going to be as underachieving (and, hence, having the potential for a hilariously pessimistic blog) as last season. They made some good moves in the offseason -- great moves if you count who won't be on the 2010 roster ([cough] Carlos Gomez [cough]). The middle of the field is greatly strengthened for 2010 -- J.J. Hardy provides a much-needed offensive spark at shortstop, and Orlando Hudson was almost too shrewd a move for the front-office to make; you'd think they'd prefer having Matt Tolbert sucking up scoring opportunities in the 2 hole like it's nobody's business. Add Denard Span playing center field full time (like he should have been for the past two seasons) and a locked-up Joe Mauer -- that's a potent combination down the middle. The Twins' other "significant" moves over the offseason were pretty humdrum -- the Jim Thome signing still confuses me, as I don't see him getting all that many at-bats, but at least he'll be a home run threat off the bench, and Clay Condrey might as well be a Matt Guerrier in disguise. At least Condrey's presence will give Ron Gardenhire one more serviceable option to blow leads in the seventh and eighth innings.


That's a good segue to the biggest news for the Twins since they opened spring training in Fort Myers, the Joe Nathan situation. Nathan's done for the 2010 season, about to undergo Tommy John surgery, seemingly dealing a devastating blow for the Twins in the bullpen. Sure, Nathan's a great closer -- right up there with Mariano Rivera in my book in terms of the best closers in the game. But we're talking about a closer here for crissakes -- someone who pitches one inning a game maybe three times a week. As lights out as Nathan can be, let me say it here -- he is replaceable. For any other team in the league and any other manager, Nathan's absence can be overcome through a little roster tinkering and a little inspiration and coddling by the coaching staff. But we're talking about the Tweedledee-Tweedledum regime of Ron Gardenhire and Rick Anderson here. Here's a pair of clowns who didn't know how to manage a pitching staff with a healthy Joe Nathan. Now that you take the all-star stopper out of the mix, I'd just as soon suspect Ron Gardenhire is going to dictate his relievers' appearances by drawing names out of a hat.

What the Twins should be doing right about now is exploring outside options. It can be a blessing that Nathan's injury occurred before the season, as it could give them some time to address the issue before the games counted for real. But let's be honest -- Bill Smith already went over budget when he signed Hudson for $3.5 million, and then he signed Mauer for his deserved extension. Do you think Smith is ready to pony up another few million to add a Heath Bell (the best choice) or a Kerry Wood (a distant #2 option)? Doubtful at best. Most likely the Twins will turn to in-house options [gulp] Jon Rauch, Matt Guerrier, and the like. Francisco Liriano's name has been bandied about in regards to the closer's job, and I for one would welcome Liriano in that capacity if they are going to go with an in-house replacement. He probably doesn't have the meddle to handle the stress that comes with the job, but Liriano usually unravels after two or three innings in his starts -- meaning that his first inning or two is usually solid. That being said, he's probably a LaTroy Hawkins in the making, and I doubt that Ron Gardenhire would want to throw Liriano in that position to start the season, even if he was their best candidate (Gardenhire, of course, struggles making talent-based decisions [see Punto, Nick]).

Either way you think about it, the closer's job is definitely replaceable. Even a pitcher with a solid 3.00 ERA is going to give up a run every three innings, and you just hope that that run is surrendered when the team is up by more than one run. And it's not like Joe Nathan was rock solid all the time -- his playoff record is, well, checkered at best (see the 2004 and 2009 playoffs against the Yankees), and his blown saves down the stretch in 2008 were a major reason the team didn't qualify for the postseason that season. A big loss, for sure, but one that can be overcome.

Photos: (1) www.babble.com/; (2, 4) AP/Steven Senne; (3) www.fullcountpitch.com

OCTOBER 11, 2009 -- NEW YORK 4, MINNESOTA 1

What a shocker folks -- the Twins drop three straight against the Yankees, and go down with hardly a whimper against the Evil Empire. If you're keeping track at home (which I am), that's nine straight postseason losses for the Twins under the Ron Gardenhire regime, and that's only a part of eight straight losses at home in the playoffs. The last Twin to win a playoff game at the Metrodome was none other than Joe Mays, whose gem in the first game of the 2002 ALCS against the Angels stands as the last home victory for the Twins in the Metrodome. This run of postseason futility that the Twins are experiencing is just a perfect example of what the priorities are here in the Twin Cities. Playoffs are gravy to Ron Gardenhire, and he apparently just doesn't care if they win or lose in the playoffs. They're just happy to be there. And this philosophy has translated to an abysmal, embarrassing 6-18 mark in the playoffs under Gardenhire. Considering this, what's the point of even winning the division? If you're just going to play like bird droppings in the playoffs, why tease your fans to think that you actually might win something of actual significance? But no. Winning the perennially weakest division in baseball is hotdish for Ron Gardenhire. It makes me sick to my stomach. This is why I was pessimistic about the Twins hot stretch -- because it gives the illusion that this season was a success. Dude -- you've won the division five times in eight years. Why not try a more challenging goal? I think that winning the division was a bad thing for the Twins, as they'll use the division title as proof that they don't need to improve their ballclub for 2010. In reality, this team should be shaken up, but we know any real change (i.e. canning Ron Gardenhire) will never happen.

The Twins seem to be embodied (at least to those observing the team from a national level) by Nick Punto -- that scrappy, "hard-nosed," talent-deficient excuse for a ballplayer -- and that's really hard for me to accept. Punto may have had some of the best offensive numbers for the Twins in the three-game sweep, as he went 4 for 9 at the plate, but he was there in the eighth inning to put the nail in the coffin that was the Twins season. His baserunning blunder cost the Twins the season, and is yet another example of why this man has no business being a Single-A player, much less a starting player on a playoff team. For some reason he thought that Denard Span's chopper over the mound went into the outfield, and of course he wasn't looking at his third-base coach to see if he should score -- barreling around third was Punto, and Derek Jeter smartly threw home to force Punto to return to third, but he returned too late, and instead of having runners at first and third and nobody out (the Twins were down 2-1 at the time), Punto ran his team out of their season. What I said to myself after that predictable boner was "Nick Punto is the stupidest player in franchise history. Nick Punto is the stupidest player in franchise history." As far as mantras go, that one caught on pretty quick. Seriously though -- the fact that this guy has any words of praise go his way is gut-wrenchingly pathetic. I'm shaking my head in shame right now, having to be a fan of a team that plays Nick Punto on a regular basis. I was thinking about this hard-to-accept fact, too: Nick Punto's played here for six years. SIX YEARS. And he'll be here for probably another six. At the end of his career, he's going to be one of the longest-tenured Twins in franchise history. Why? As Tracy Chapman once sang, Give me one reason, Ron Gardenhire, why Nick Punto is on a major-league roster.

I'm done with this team, finally, for this season. Let me tell you -- it was a maddening adventure to document this sad-sack bunch of characters for nearly six months. I know I'm in the minority when it comes to ragging on guys like Ron Gardenhire, but I've found that the Re-Education Center has been amazingly therapeutic for me. In the past (and especially in 2008) I was unable to contain my rage when I watched the Twins. Often I'd bang a fist on my coffee table in frustration and shout obscenities at the TV screen. But once I started this website, I found it much easier to accept the Twins' patheticness. Now when I watch the games, I find their errors and futility comedic and humorous, and I look at Ron Gardenhire as if he were one of the Keystone Kops of the early silent movies. The guy is such an Andy Kaufman joke -- not at all funny, a little creepy, definitely pathetic, and tragic at the same time. I will go to my grave saying that Ron Gardenhire is the worst manager I've ever seen in my life, and I will continue to say that on this site. By putting faith in guys like Carlos Gomez and Nick Punto, Ron Gardenhire lost this series before it even started. It reminds me of a Modest Mouse album title of a few years back: We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank. If there's anything that sums up the 2009 Twins, it's that right there.

It was a blast to do this, and I thank everyone who put in their two cents. Whether you agreed with me or not, I appreciate those who took the time to support this site. I'll keep it updated every once in a while in the offseason (I do plan on doing a 2009 Season Wrap-Up and Postseason Awards sometime within the next week) and I'm considering doing this again next season. I really enjoyed what my neighbor Hank Rickenbacher did when he had the reins, and I'd like to hear more from him next season. If you have any suggestions on how to make the MTRC better, I'd love to hear from you. And I'd like to do another segment of Reader's Mail, so feel free to get questions and comments in to my e-mail: eisenhowermcsteele@gmail.com. Thanks again everyone!

Photos: (1) AP/Jim Mone; (2) AP/Kathy Willens; (3) AP/Charlie Neibergall; (4) www.cinemablend.com

OCTOBER 9, 2009 -- NEW YORK 4, MINNESOTA 3 (11 innings)

Wow. Unbelievable. As I've said before, you can't lose these games unless you try, or unless you're just in a new category of "pathetic" that I'm just unaware of. Leading 3-1 going into the botom of the ninth, Joe Nathan gives up a single and a mammoth home run to Alex Rodriguez to give up the lead, and then Mark Teixeira comes back in the 11th inning with the game-winning homer off Jose Mijares. Ron Gardenhire didn't do anything during the game that lost the game outright; rather, it was his filling out the lineup that lost the game for the Twins on Friday. I think I thought out loud at least three times as to why Carlos Gomez is even on a major-league roster, much less in the starting lineup in a playoff game. The guy is such absolute doggie do-do that it's hilarious that people actually give the Twins a chance in this series. If I would have known that Gomez would have played Friday, I might as well have just slept through it. Unbelievable that Ron Gardenhire is that stupid. Manager of the Year my ass.


What's even funnier than that is that Brendan Harris propelled the Twins to what would have been a win, and Harris wasn't even in the starting lineup -- Matt Tolbert was, of course. It had to take a pulled muscle to get Tolbert out of the game, and there was Harris, providing the go-ahead triple in the sixth, the key hit to set up the two-run eighth for the Twins, and chipping in on defense with a miraculous Web gem later in the game. The bottom three guys in the Twins lineup -- Gomez, Tolbert, and Punto -- that's Washington Nationals "bad", Pittsburgh Pirates "bad." And you still should have won the game -- unreal. I'll give Punto props, as he delivered a clutch two-out hit in the eighth to put the Twins on top (that hit will probably keep him around for another four years). But I'm not giving Ron Gardenhire props, who I hope was joking when he told TBS reporter/snappy dresser Craig Sager that Punto was "the second best athlete on the team" next to Joe Mauer. That quote prompted me to look up the word 'athlete' in the dictionary, because I don't think Gardy and I are on the same page so to speak. Here it is from dictionary.com:


ath⋅lete 
–noun
a person trained or gifted in exercises or contests involving physical agility, stamina, or strength; a participant in a sport, exercise, or game requiring physical skill. (my emphasis)


OK -- so it doesn't necessary say they have to be good at sports, but merely a participant. But using the modifier "second best" implies that they are good at a particular sport, which just seals the deal -- Ron Gardenhire is the most idiotic, demented, insane man in the game of baseball. If you can hit .220 and play average defense, kids, you're a gold medalist in one man's book. Wow.


Let's get back to Gomez, who was the clear goat in the game. The guy can flat out fly, which was apparently the reason (defense, Gardy'd say, too) that he is even on the postseason roster. Yet Gomez is one of the absolute worst baserunners I've ever seen in my life, and that stupidity cost the Twins a run in the fourth inning. Tolbert actually came through with a hit off Yankee starter A.J. Burnett, sending Seldom Young home with the first run of the game. But wait -- Gomez tripped over his own shoes rounding second and was tagged out trying to go back to second before Young touched home plate, thereby nullifying the run scoring. Just an idiotic turn of events there -- Gomez should be trotting into second base and planting himself there. You're not going first to third there in a million years (I suppose the moronic Gomez probably thought he could), and at the very least, force a run-down so you ensure that the run scores. That blunder was basically the difference in the game, as Gomez proved to everyone, this time on a national scale, that he doesn't belong in the big leagues. But at least Gomez acknowledged his error in a postgame interview, offering his apologies by saying it was "my bad." Oh, OK. I needed that, Carlos.


But that wouldn't be enough for a guy who sucks as bad as Gomez. He had to come through again in the 11th inning, when the Twins started the inning with three straight singles. Seldom Young lined out on the first pitch he saw from reliever David Robertson; that's to be expected from Seldom. Then Ron Gardenhire has Carlos Gomez hit for himself. Huge mistake, Gardy. I'll quote myself from my Doghouse post on Gomez that I wrote way back in June: "This is what Gomez means to me: if the Twins are down by a run in the late innings and the tying run is on third base with one out, Gomez is the last hitter I want at the plate. I'd rather have a pitcher at the plate -- Kevin Slowey, Nick Blackburn, Joe Nathan, hell, even Nick Punto. Gomez folds in the clutch like it's nobody's business, and it's the listless hitting approach and non-existent instincts that make him a Doghouse Denizen for life." Pretty much the same scenario, except that the Twins were tied and would have gone ahead if Gomez can just get the ball in the air. Nope. Instead, he takes one of the most pathetic swings I've ever seen in my life and taps out to first base, and Teixeira throws home to force the runner. Harris flew out after Gomez, and Teixeira would end the game leading off the bottom half of the eleventh. Hooray, Ron Gardenhire! That stroke of managerial prowess lost you another game in the Bronx!


I would like to add that right field umpire Phil Cuzzi delivered one of the absolute worst calls I've ever seen in my life in the eleventh, such a bad call that it makes Mike Muchlinski's infamous home-plate call to end the Oakland Disaster look like a great call. I've always wondered why MLB has outfield umpires in the playoffs; it seems to me that it just means that two more umps can get the calls wrong. Cuzzi is literally fifteen feet away from watching Joe Mauer's fly ball land at least two feet fair and he calls it foul. What's more, outfielder Melky Cabrera touched the ball with his glove! The guy is planted stationary on the field watching nothing but the foul line, and he still gets it wrong. It's just like Richie Garcia's vomit-inducing call in the '96 ALCS when he said that Jeffrey Maier didn't lean over the fence and turn a fly ball into a home run -- the only thing that these outfield umps can do is screw up calls. Now, a lot of people are going to look at that call and do a Gardy and blame the loss on the umpires, but it's hard to tell what would have happened if Mauer had been on second base. Jason Kubel probably would have been trying to "get the guy over to third," i.e. pull the ball on the right side of the infield, and who knows if he would have gotten a hit or not. It likely would have still been up to Seldom Young and Carlos Gomez to blow it in the clutch. And there's no excuses to leaving SEVENTEEN guys on base. But Phil Cuzzi -- jeez, are you that much a Yankee fan or are you simply blind?
Photos: (1,3) AP/Julie Jacobson; (2,4) AP/Kathy Willens; (5) Reuters Pictures

OCTOBER 6, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 6, DETROIT 5 (12 innings)

I've got to tell you guys -- with a little salt and pepper, crow actually doesn't taste that bad. I'm more than happy to eat a little crow, however, after the Twins completed their miraculous comeback to win the Central Division title (or, as Ron Gardenhire calls it, the Holy Grail). In many ways Tuesday's tiebreaker was a whole lot like the majority of Twins games -- plenty of missed opportunities by guys that are deservedly in The Doghouse, some lucky breaks that go the Twins way, and in the end a Doghouse Denizen gets the game-winning hit. I kind of saw Alexi Casilla's game-winner coming, as he had failed to score the winning run a few innings before due to his stupidity; granted, that was on a Nick Punto sacrifice fly, and at least God has a sense of humor, or at least good sense, because Nick Punto just cannot win the biggest game of the season for the Twins. All in all, it was a whale of a game, and now they get to go to the Bronx and throw Brian Duensing to the wolves. I've heard it all been said -- "anything can happen in October" -- but a Twins win over the Yankees here would be nothing short of apocalyptic. Whatever. Go get 'em, Douchebag.

I had the pleasure (I guess) of watching most of the second half of the game at a local watering hole, and it was there that I found some startling facts out about certain Twins fans. One, that some Twins fans actually like Matt Tolbert, which I thought was damn near impossible. I thought the only reaction any person could have regarding Matt Tolbert was that he was absolute garbage on the baseball diamond. Another was that a lot of people were surprised when Matty Guerrier delivered his most timely Matt Guerrier Special of the season. I predicted Guerrier would blow the lead once Orlando Cabrera put the Twins ahead in the seventh with his home run (everybody was just going nuts over Cabrera, saying that he'd been the biggest piece of the puzzle and the key for the Twins' turnaround!) and got some knowing glances once Magglio Ordonez promptly tied it off Guerrier in the eighth. These "fans" also weren't livid when Ron Gardenhire, in his infinite wisdom, burned his bullpen by the eighth inning and had to get two innings out of Joe Nathan, then had to turn to Jesse Crain and Bobby Keppel to preserve the tie. Crain gave up the lead, and the Twins were bailed out only because Ryan Raburn lost Michael Cuddyer's liner in the lights and misplayed it for a triple. Keppel gave up the lead, too, but umpiring saved the Twins big time in the 12th. With the bases jammed, Keppel clearly grazed Brandon Inge's jersey with a pitch, but home plate umpire Randy Marsh didn't see it that way, and that turned out to be the biggest call of the game, as Inge would force out a runner at home and Gerald Laird struck out to end the inning. As always, the Twins rely on a little bit of luck, both with their ballpark and the men in blue.

I probably could go on further about the game, but let's just leave it at that. It was a terrific, exciting thriller that will go down in Metrodome lore. It's almost too bad that they have to get their butts kicked by the Yankees; if only that could be the swan song on the Teflon Treasure. As mentioned before, Duensing pitches today for the Twins at 5:07 local time, and he opposes Twins killer C.C. Sabathia. Sabathia's 13-8 with a ERA just about 3 in his career against the Twins, and he seems to pitch exceptionally better when there's something on the line. Like everybody says, anything can happen in October, and the Twins are hot. But as Tuesday's contest showed, the Twins' biggest problem remains the bottom of the order. How many times in the game did Matt Tolbert and Nick Punto come up with the game on the line? How many times did Ron Gardenhire let those two slugs hit? That will come back to haunt them against New York, mark my words.

Photos: (1)AP & Star Tribune/Brian Peterson; (2)AP/Tom Olmscheid; (3)AP/Paul Battaglia

OCTOBER 3, 2009 -- MINNESOTA TWINS 5, KANSAS CITY ROYALS 4

Good morning everyone. My name is Hank Rickenbacher. Unfortunately Howie is dealing with an emergency at the moment. Now don't get too worked up, everything will be just fine. But he could not watch yesterday's game, so he asked me, his neighbor for going on 22 strong years now, and also treasurer of the local social club we started together (Association of Recreational Cartographers, Apiarists, and Needlepoint Enthusiasts), to put up this internet blog today. Old Howie says I'm quite the carmudgeon but my dear wife Betsy likes to say it's just that every now and then I wake up on the long side of the bed, especially when it comes to my beloved Twins.

And what an interesting time to be a Twins fan. Yesterday they were going up against Zack Greinke, one of the best young pitchers in the division. (I've noticed a lot of young bucks are named Zack these days.) The Twins needed to win to put pressure on the Tigers, who were playing the dysfunctional White Sox later in the day. Things were looking bleak. But as Mickey Mantle once said, it isn't quite over unless the fat lady is singing. And the fat lady is quiet as a doornail today.

Nick Blackburn continues to emerge as the closest thing to a big-game pitcher (or player) the Twins have. If only he could be consistent all year we might have a true ace on our hands. He outdueled Greinke to the tune of four hits and two runs over seven. Of course after giving up a double in the eighth to Miguel Olivo, Gardenhire yanked Blackburn before the line drive even hit the carpet. Talk about knee jerk (though no one should ever give up doubles to Miguel Olivo).

Up until that point Blackburn had given up just a lone moon ball to somebody named Jacobs that is apparently Kansas City's cleanup hitter. The score was 4-1 thanks to a four-run sixth for the Twins, an inning which serves as devastating verification of the first rule of pitching in the major leagues: DO NOT WALK NICK PUNTO. Ever, ever, ever. I could practically hear snickers coming from the Twins dugout. Fast forward to two outs and Punto on third, and Mauer rips a screamer to right for a 1-0 lead. (I know this won't make me many friends, but it's about time Mauer got a clutch hit.) Even though the broadcasting geometry fanatic Bert Blyleven was sure this would be enough to win the game with the way Blackburn was throwing, Mauer's hit was only the tip of the icebox. With a bases-clearing double (an assist must go to Royals right fielder Teahen, who took a line as if he wanted to hug the center fielder instead of catch the ball), Delmon Young now has more RBIs in the last two games than in his entire Twins career. Now, I don't want to promote violence or anything, but the Twins may want to get an opposing pitcher to throw at Young again as in Detroit, as it seemed to wake him up from the 2-year nap that has been his Twins career.

The lead of course did not last as Mijares got back at his teammates for calling him out after Thursday's melee by promptly giving up a moon ball to the light hitting Alex Gordon, undoubtedly the longest ball that kid has ever hit, probably by double.

I had a bad feeling about where this game was going, but in the bottom of the eight Cuddyer hit a nice home run and the Twins won 5-4. Good win, but I don't think the Twins can count on Young to carry them for another game. Cabrera was the only other Twin with 2 hits, and while he's a nice player he isn't going to make anyone forget Zoilo Versalles any time soon.

So today is the last game at HHH Metrodome. And let me say good riddens. I for one have not been to a Twins game since they left the Met. I don't think Wilbur Doubleday intended for the national past time to be played indoors. Plus Humphrey was a yes man and soft on everything, and I don't know why we should name ballparks after him. I told Betsy I'd never go to the Metrodome as long as it was named after that hippie, and it looks like I made it. I'm looking forward to next year, or rather next June 20th, as that's about the only time the weather will make it worth going down to Target Field. Although with all the crime and drugs and littering in Minneapolis, I'm not sure I'll make it to the new ballpark either.

The Twins go for the sweep today. With the Tigers loss last night, the Twins just need to win to ensure a playoff on Tuesday. They are going to trot out Carl Pavano on three days rest, while the Royals will throw Luke Hochevar. Game time is 1:10. Thanks to Betsy for the help and to Howie for the chance to do this. Here's hoping the big guy will be back tomorrow.

Photos: (AP Photo/Jim Mone)

OCTOBER 1, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 8, DETROIT 3

Scott Baker and the Twins stave off elimination for one more day, as they beat the Tigers in a messy affair that featured a bench-emptying non-skirmish over some hit batsmen. Baker was classic Baker, throwing 105 pitches to get through five innings, but it was good enough as the Twins bats were alive against Nate Robertson and the Tigers. Thirteen hits were spread throughout the Twins lineup, including three by Seldom Young and two by Nick Punto. Orlando Cabrera busted the game open in the eighth with a bases-clearing double that extended the lead from 4-1 to 7-1. For the Twins to win a game in which they committed four errors in the field is miraculous in its own right. All in all, it was a sloppy game, but one in which the Twins absolutely needed to win, and the tease will continue until the final weekend of the year.

The scenario is this: if the Tigers can merely take two out of three this weekend playing against the White Sox at home, they're in the playoffs, no matter what the Twins do. The Twins need to win at the very least two games against Kansas City and hope that the Tigers either get swept or win one game. The problem is for the Twins that Zach Greinke pitches on Saturday, and the way the Twins' bats were not producing in pressure situations against Greinke last Sunday, it's going to be extremely tough for them to win that ballgame. So if you can assume that Greinke will lead the Royals to victory on Saturday, that means that the Twins must hope that the White Sox sweep the Tigers. Hey, it's happened before -- remember 2006, when the Twins won only one game against the Sox in the last series of the year, but still won the division thanks to the Royals sweeping the Tigers at Comerica? And Jake Peavy pitches tonight against Detroit, and he shut them down with relative ease last week. So the Twins have a chance, and the last series at the Metrodome will have at least something on the line for the many fans that will choose to attend. It will be a little different scenario than in 1981, when the Royals helped turn out the lights at Metropolitan Stadium. In those days, guys like Hrbek and Gaetti were just getting their first taste of the bigs, while veterans like Pete Mackanin and Rob Wilfong got the majority of the playing time. Nick Punto would've fit right in on that squad.

Photos: (1) AP/Duane Burleson; (2) AP/Paul Sancya

SEPTEMBER 29, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 3-5, DETROIT 2-6

The Twins and Tigers split the twinbill that was prompted by Monday's rain showers, and unfortunately the Twins open play on Wednesday in exactly the same position that they did on Tuesday. Frankly the Twins were lucky to get a split, as they nearly lost the first game all by themselves (namely Mr. Nick Punto). It's ironic that the play from guys like Tolbert and Punto have not been May-esque, i.e. they haven't been losing games consistently like they've done most of the season (or their careers for that matter). What's worse is that this two week stretch of decent play from these guys has made Ron Gardenhire believe that they can be trusted in huge situations. When the season's on the line, Nick Punto will show his true colors, and that wasn't more evident in the ninth inning of the first game, when his suicide squeeze turned out to be one of the most pathetic "ploys" by a "contending" team I've ever seen. It failed miserably for Gardy and company, and if not for a great catch by Denard Span in the bottom of the ninth, the Twins wouldn't have had the opportunity to win it in extra frames.

And then the nightcap, where Brian Duensing reverted back to his Douchebag status, at least for 4 and 2/3 innings, when he graciously put the team in a 5-0 hole. The Twins clawed back, getting back to 5-4 against Tigers ace Justin Verlander, but still could not afford the big hit in the big situation. Jim Leyland, to his credit, kept his ace pitcher in for the pressure situations. For the second time this month, he let Verlander pitch into the eighth inning against the Twins when his pitch count was over 120, something that Ron Gardenhire would probably have a heart attack just thinking about. Verlander got the strikeouts in the clutch situations, and certainly deserved to win. The game was still within reach, however, until Matty Guerrier came in to "hold the fort" down in the eighth, and he gave up that oh-so-important insurance run compliments of a Curtis Granderson home run. Sure enough, the Twins rally to get one run in the top of the ninth (ironically, on a fly ball Granderson misplayed for a double). Guerrier hasn't pitched much of late and the least he can do is get three guys out to protect a one-run deficit. But we all know that Guerrier late in the season loves to suck, so this was a fitting performance from a terrible reliever.

I'm not willing to forget that ninth inning quickly, either, when Ron Gardenhire, in his infinite wisdom, allowed Tolbert and Punto to hit for themselves against Tiger closer Fernando Rodney. Punto was up there and his fly ball to Granderson was nothing more than a medium-deep drive to center that Granderson misplayed. In other words, Gardenhire was willing to end the game with Nick Punto at the plate. Yeah, both players have been playing better and they're no longer flirting with the Mendoza Line. But the fact remains is that both players are still pathetic excuses for a major league baseball player. Tolbert's hitting a paltry .223, and Punto's .232 average is certainly peckish. You've got guys on the bench that, while they're not all that great (Buscher and Harris come to mind immediately), they're not in the league of futility that those to "ballplayers" belong in. But if you ask Ron Gardenhire, I guarantee he'll tell you that a major reason the Twins have gotten back in the race is because of Punto and Tolbert hitting "like they're capable of." This is who we're dealing with, people. A man who has faith in Nick Punto.

The Twins get to face the Tigers' version of Douchebag (or would it be Manship?) in Eddie Bonine tonight, but let's not forget that Bonine took a no-hitter into the sixth inning in his last start against the White Sox before finally giving up a few runs. Carl Pavano's been great against the Tigers this year, and expect Dick Bremer to mention that about fifteen times before 6:30. For all intents and purposes, the Twins need to win the last two games to have a realistic shot at the division. Something tells me that this has all been one big tease.
Photos: (1) AP/Paul Sancya; (2,3) AP/Duane Burleson

SEPTEMBER 27, 2009 -- KANSAS CITY 4, MINNESOTA 1

The Twins revert back to their old ways, i.e. they go an incredible 1 for 14 with runners in scoring position against Zach Greinke and the Royals. What's funny is that the Twins were handling Greinke as good as any team has been, but when it came down to getting the clutch hit at the right time, the Twins were out to lunch. It sure didn't help that Francisco Liriano's "start" didn't go over too swimmingly, as he didn't even last two innings after giving up a three-run home run to arguably the worst player this side of Nick Punto, Yuniesky Betancourt. The Twins failing in the clutch is nothing new, of course, but what is notable is that the guys who really choked were the big boys -- Mauer and Kubel, to be precise, who both struck out in the third inning with the bases loaded. The Twins had a bevy of chances, and though Greinke is a superb pitcher and was able to work out of most of the jams, the Twins must take responsibility of losing what turned out to be a winnable game. It hurts even more when you see that the Tigers lost their game in Chicago; with both teams losing, the gap between the Twins and Tigers is still two games.

The Twins now travel to Detroit for the "Showdown in Motown," or whatever overhyped moniker they choose to attach to the series. If the Tigers win the series, they win the division, and in all reality the Twins need to take three out of four to make it interesting. A split would mean that the Twins would have to basically hope for a miracle to win the division. The way the pitching matchups line up, it would appear that the Twins would catch a break or two; Eddie Bonine and Nate Robertson are both slated to start games in the series, and they're not exactly intimidating hurlers to face. To give the Twins credit, they have made this series relevant, which is noteworthy when you consider that on Labor Day the Twins were seven games behind the Tigers. But the season still cannot be anything but a huge disappointment if the team doesn't finish in first place. For most teams, of course, the World Series is the ultimate goal, but in Twins Territory, winning the Central Division appears to be the holy grail, which would help to explain the Twins' pathetic showings in the playoffs in this decade (nothing left to play for, since the "goal" has been achieved). Here's to the Twins making it interesting in the Motor City.

Photos: AP/Ed Zurga

SEPTEMBER 23, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 8, CHICAGO 6

The Twins have their hitting shoes on again in Chicago, this time sending Mark Buehrle to the showers early and fending off a late rally by the White Sox to sweep their first series on the South Side since 2006. Admittedly, it looks as if the White Sox have thrown in the towel on the season, as they didn't really appear to try a whole lot in the three games, but for the Twins, it was three games they absolutely needed to win and they came through. The Tigers pummelled the equally-half-assed-effort Cleveland Indians on Wednesday and reduced their magic number to nine, but the Twins' sweep precluded any further reduction on that number. Detroit will finish their series in Cleveland on Thursday while the Twins travel to Kansas City, where they ideally need three more wins against the suddenly hot Royals, but in reality, two wins are going to be tough to get, as Zach Greinke will finally make a start against the Twins in his Cy Young-deserving season on Sunday. As it looks now, the Twins are probably going to have to sweep the four-game series in Detroit to win the division, or at the very least take three of four and hope the White Sox play spoiler in their two remaining series against the Tigers.

Brian Duensing again pitched good enough to get the win, his fifth victory against zero defeats since he was put into the starting rotation. Disappointingly, Ron Gardenhire is still aware of Bobby Keppel's existence and it was Keppel who was called upon to put out the fire in the sixth and seventh innings with the Twins hanging on to a one-run lead. In a pennant race, those kind of moves are going to backfire on you big time; the Twins lucked out on Wednesday, as the two runs Keppel did surrender occured after the Twins had extended their lead to 8-4. Just as likely of a scenario is one in which Keppel reprises his performance in the infamous Oakland Disaster of mid-July (wouldn't you like that win back right about now?). Fortunately for the Twins, the offense was in full swing, as Nick Punto again surmounted the .230 mark with a 2 for 4 day at the plate, and even Seldom Young got three hits. Joe Mauer and Jason Kubel went a combined 1 for 7, and the Twins still managed thirteen hits -- that's a sign of an offense that's clicking. Earlier in the season the Twins could have gotten 8 hits out of their 3 and 4 hitters and still lose because guys like Nick Punto and Matt Tolbert batted like, well, themselves. If the Twins want to really make it interesting, those guys are going to have to continue to play at superhuman levels.

Photos: AP/Charles Rex Arbogast

SEPTEMBER 22, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 8, CHICAGO 6

The Twins outslug the White Sox on Tuesday, using four home runs to beat up on Jon Danks and the Pale Hose. Pitching wasn't great on either side of the diamond, as the Twins' Jeff Manship continued to confuse Twins fans as to why this guy is even in the big leagues to begin with, much less starting critical games down the stretch in a pennant race. Francisco Liriano couldn't pick up the trash, either, and it turned out that Jesse Crain, quickly becoming the vulture of the bullpen, actually got the win. The Twins spread out their offense again, using another good game from Michael Cuddyer, who seems to be either going 3 for 4 with a home run and multiple ribbies or he goes 0 for 4 with seven men left on base. Orlando Cabrera got the scoring started early with a two-run homer in the first, and even guys like Matt Tolbert got into the action by hitting a home run in the sixth inning. That's two career home runs for Tolbert, and they've both come at U.S. Cellular Field -- talk about a strange coincidence.

The Tigers won in Cleveland, however, dropping their magic number to ten games. Though the Twins certainly still have a shot at the division crown, it appears that this run of good baseball -- clearly the best they've played for any two weeks this entire season -- is a tragic case of too little, too late. Can you imagine where the Twins would be if Cuddyer could have played with the Superman cape on all season? Where would the Twins be if Nick Punto had merely flirted with .230 all season long instead of having to make a strong case for the worst all-around player in big league history? Or how about if the bullpen had even remotely shown the fans a smidgen of what they've seen lately -- namely, little of Bobby Keppel and R.A. Dickey, and a lot of Joe Nathan and Jose Mijares and a solid Matt Guerrier? A Seldom Young that didn't go 0 for 4 with three strikeouts on a daily basis, but one that can chip in a hit or two here or there? When you play a 162-game schedule, consistency is the name of the game in order to get into the playoffs, and frankly the Twins just haven't deserved to get into the playoffs based on their lack of consistency. But, for whatever it's worth, they are making the final few weeks of the season meaningful, and I know I'm not the only one that is glad that the Twins are making a late-season push for the playoffs. The major sports networks like ESPN are pleased as punch that the Twins are making it at least mildly interesting, because the rest of the league is mired in playoff-fever-immunity. So much for that "competitive balance," Mr. Selig, as it seems like the big spenders are getting their way this season, at the expense of the fans and any sort of September excitement.

Photos: AP/Charles Rex Arbogast

SEPTEMBER 21, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 7, CHICAGO 0

The Twins take care of business on the South Side of Chicago, beating rookie Daniel Hudson in his first major league start 7-0. Nick Blackburn notched his third win of the second half of the season by pitching shutout ball for seven innings. The Twins spread out the offense, letting guys like Nick Punto go 2 for 2 and Orlando Cabrera 2 for 4, while their bigger stars like Joe Mauer and Jason Kubel were happy to take a lesser role in the victory. The win came with a cost, however, as Denard Span had to leave the game due to getting plunked in the head by reliever Randy Williams in the sixth inning. Just what the Twins need right about now -- they're already playing shorthanded due to the injuries to Justin Morneau and Joe Crede. If Span is forced out of the lineup for an extended period, that might prove to be more costly than the other injuries. Span's value is supremely underrated, especially considering that the second spot in the batting order has been a foreboding abyss for most of this season. Much of the production that the middle of the lineup had was made possible by Span's great season. With him out of the lineup, who bats leadoff for you? Carlos Gomez? Matt Tolbert? I don't even want to know.

With the Tigers idle, the Twins creep to two and a half games behind Detroit with a dozen games left. The Tigers' magic number remains at eleven, and they play in Cleveland for three games starting Tuesday. Monday's win was critical for the Twins, as they needed to take advantage of the obvious pitching mismatch that pitted Blackburn against a wet-behind-the-ears rookie in Hudson. Now they have to deal with Jon Danks and Mark Buehrle, two tough southpaws that the Twins have classically struggled against, and the Twins have to counter with Jeff Manship (really -- he's your best option to win?) and Brian Duensing. A sweep would be sweet, of course, but in reality a split of the last two games is all the Twins could hope for. They'll finally have to face Zach Greinke when they play Kansas City this weekend, and they need to maintain some amount of the momentum they've had when they go into Detroit next week.

On a side note, I see that the Twins and the Vikings face a potential scheduling snafu should the Twins tie the Tigers and force a one-game playoff. The Vikes play host to the Packers on Monday Night Football on the fifth of October, the Monday following the end of the regular season. The NFL won't accomodate a scheduling change in order to appease MLB, and it appears that the situation might be dire. But it confuses the hell out of me, because last season the Twins and White Sox played their one-game playoff on a Tuesday. I do remember that the Sox had to make up a game with Detroit the day before, but with the rest of the playoffs starting on Wednesday anyways, it doesn't seem like that much of a hassle to play the playoff game (if there even is one) on Tuesday. Whatever -- I just needed to say that.

SEPTEMBER 20, 2009 -- DETROIT 6, MINNESOTA 2

A huge win for the Detroit Tigers, and a hugely deflating loss for the Twins. Scott Baker fails miserably to take the Twins to the next level (that sounds familiar), and in a two-game swing, the Tigers come out of Minnesota with a lead just one game less than when they came in. And if not for the Don Kelly-meets-the-Metrodome-roof incident on Saturday, the Tigers could have easily won the series. As it stands, the Tigers win a game that division champions win, taking the momentum right from the Twins' hands and sending a clear message: this little "comeback" of yours isn't going to come easy. In a devilish twist of fate, the only game the Tigers win in the series is compliments of spot starter Nate Robertson, and the Twins revert back to their old ways by sucking up the stadium with runners in scoring position. The only hit the Twins got with a guy in scoring position was little Nicky Punto, who raised his average to .227 with his run-scoring hit in the fourth inning. But it was all for naught, as Baker would fail to survive the fifth inning, and the Tigers' bullpen sealed the deal on a potentially fatal loss for the Twins.

The Twins now embark on a 10-game road trip, one in which the Twins need to at least go 7-3 if they want a shot at Detroit. With thirteen games left and three games back, the Twins are running out of time. If the Tigers were to go 7-6 in the last thirteen, the Twins would need to go 10-3 just to tie them. But if 2008 taught us anything, it's that Central Division teams don't like to win a whole lot down the stretch, so expect the Twins to go 5-8 and the Tigers to go 3-10. Nick Blackburn pitches for the Twins tonight.

Photo: AP/Paul Battaglia

SEPTEMBER 15, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 5, CLEVELAND 4

The Twins draw closer to the Tigers, as they finally make up some ground on first place with their win over the Indians and Detroit's 11-1 pummeling at the hands of the Kansas City Royals. Joe Mauer had two more hits for the Twins, bumping his average to .373, and Nick Punto slapped three ugly hits and drove in two runs. You know things are going good when Punto's average clears the .230 mark, a figure that just a month ago seemed completely out of reach. Scott Baker labored through 5 and 1/3 innings, but pitched well enough to keep the Twins in the game, and vulture Jon Rauch picked up his third win in about three weeks of being on the team. Joe Nathan again struggled to get the save, as he surrendered a booming home run to rookie Matt LaPorta and had the tying run on second base with two outs before inducing the game-ending pop-fly off the bat of rookie Michael Brantley. It never is an amazing feat to beat the languishing Cleveland Indians, but with the 2009 Twins, nothing comes easy, and these two wins are huge in setting the stage for this weekend's series with Detroit.

They'll face a test today (well, a test for them at least) in lefthander Aaron Laffey, against whom the Twins are 0-3 this year. He's seemingly always been a pest to the Twins, and we're talking about a guy who's rarely a pest for anybody else. Added to the fact that Laffey goes for Cleveland is that it's Nick Blackburn's turn in the rotation, and he's been nothing short of horrendous ever since Ron Gardenhire had the ingenious idea to rest a sinkerball pitcher for ten days straddling the All-Star break. Need to win this game if you want a chance...

Photos: (1)AP/Paul Battaglia; (2) AP/Ann Heisenfelt

SEPTEMBER 14, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 6, CLEVELAND 3

Again the Twins sleepwalk through seven shutout innings against mediocre-at-best Jeremy Sowers, and it appeared as if the Twins were on their way, thanks to a late comeback win by the Tigers, to falling further behind Detroit. But then a funny thing happened on the way to third place: the Twins came back, picking themselves off the mat. A clutch three-run home run off the bat of Michael Cuddyer (no, really!) tied the game off reliever Chris Perez, and then the Twins used rinky-dinky cheeseball to take the lead. Matt Tolbert, playing in a "pennant race" for some reason, doinked a bloop double behind third base after Seldom Young had singled, and Young would score on a wild pitch/passed ball. Jason Kubel would launch a home run later in the at-bat, and the Twins' six-spot they put on the board in the eighth was enough to carry them past the pitiful Indians. It was nice to see the Twins win a game when their opponents' reliever put up a Matt Guerrier Special, but the biggest news of the night would come to the surface during the post-game interviews.


Justin Morneau's done for the season, as is Joe Crede's (most likely), as both players' backs have officially crapped out. Morneau, frankly, has been nothing short of terrible lately, but it goes without saying that this injury is potentially fatal for the Twins' chances of holding on to second place. Add Crede's injury, and that means a few things: one, it means more playing time for guys like Carlos Gomez and/or Seldom Young, and it means more playing time for Nick Punto and/or Matt Tolbert. Any way you cut it, the two injuries makes the Twins that much worse offensively. Especially when you have a manager who's willing to play guys like Matt Tolbert in "key games down the stretch," these injuries will force Ron Gardenhire to be creative, which is kind of like asking a kindergartener to go without cake at his birthday party. Lots of tears will ensue and it'll probably mean that you'll have to clean the drapes afterwards.


If the Twins want any shot at first place, they'll have to sweep the Tigers this weekend at the Dome, and if they really want that to happen, they're going to have to win these games against an inferior opponent in order to gain momentum. Scott Baker has been pitching lights-out as of late, and he faces Fausto Carmona, owner of some pretty ugly numbers who mowed down the Twins the last time he faced them.

Photos: (1) AP/Jim Mone; (2) AP/Ben Margot

SEPTEMBER 10, 2009 -- TORONTO 3, MINNESOTA 2

So the Royals do the unthinkable and sweep the Tiggers, and the Twins are able to gain one whopping game off their insurmountable lead because they lose two very winnable games against the lackluster Blue Jays. In a dastardly twist of fate, they actually win the game that they virtually should have no chance to win -- the game that Roy Halladay started. Continually the Twins have frustrated their fans by juxtaposing huge, seeming momentum-building wins with pathetic, effortless losses to the hands of Brett Cecil and company. On Thursday, the Twins get yet another solid start from Scott Baker, but the offense falls asleep against southpaw Cecil, and the Toronto bullpen slams the door on any potential comeback. Five and a half games back with twenty-two games left -- dare I say they need a 9-0 homestand to make things interesting?

The Twins offense sure had their chances, but they were crippled by a lack of two-out clutch hitting (what's new) and weren't helped by the fact that Nick Punto is absolutely dreadful at everything he does in life. Seriously, I'd be surprised if Punto can pee standing up, because everything he does on the baseball diamond is below Little League caliber. Case in point his bunting prowess, which the entire Rogers Centre crowd got to enjoy. In the seventh inning and the Twins down a run, Punto was asked to bunt pinch runner Matt Tolbert to second. Punto, of course, openly defied that command and failed to do the easiest thing in professional sports. He bunted the ball way too hard back to the pitcher, and Jeremy Accardo was easily able to throw out Tolbert at second base. Add Punto's standard failure to get the bunt down with Denard Span's failed sacrifice attempt earlier in the ballgame, and that made it two times that the "fundamentally sound" Twins failed to get down fundamental elements of the game. Especially if your whole team is hitting .237 for the month, you need to do the little things if you want to win these games. Like Michael Cuddyer -- don't ground into double plays just before Seldom Young hits a double! That damn well lost the game for you right there.

The vaunted combo of Blackburn (one win since Ron Gardenhire benched him for ten games straddling the All-Star Break) Manship (Triple-A level pitcher) and Douchebag (Triple-A level pitcher) will be on the hill this weekend whe the Twins face the A's. With Blackburn going tonight, here's hoping there's no redux of the Oakland Disaster.