AUGUST 4, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 10, CLEVELAND 1

Perhaps the Twins exorcised some of the demons (or, more appropriately, the team's many weak spots) that came into full view when they were pasted by a top-flight team over the past weekend in their 10-1 win over Cleveland on Tuesday. I half expected Randy Quaid to be desolately pounding a bongo drum in the sparse left-field bleachers, because these Indians are very reminiscent of that sad-sack bunch immortalized in the Major League series. This is a bad team right now, and if the Twins don't sweep the Tribe, they should be kicking themselves like the Tigers probably did after losing two out of three last weekend. The Indians have two players in their lineup that have done good things in the past, and Grady Sizemore is having an awful season, and Travis Hafner continues to be hampered by injuries. Shin-Soo Choo (bless you!) has always hit well against the Twins, too, but other than that, the Indian offense doesn't really scare you anymore without Victor Martinez, but that really isn't the problem -- it's the pitching. The Indians, shockingly, are sixth in the majors in runs scored but are, not surprisingly, second to last in runs surrendered, and guys like David Huff certainly aren't going to set the world on fire with that kind of stuff. It's a formula that the Twins have too followed this season -- good offensive production, horrendous pitching; the Twins pitching has just been a little bit better at times (it helps to have a good closer) and that's why the Twins are at .500 and "competing."


Most importantly for the Twins in this game was that Scott Baker put in his fourth straight "quality" start for the Twins (I know, his start in Anaheim wasn't technically a "quality" start, but compared to his early-season efforts, and especially in comparison with the quote-unquote pitching that the Twins have gotten of late, it was just fine). Seven innings, three hits, and zero runs for Baker, who lowered his ERA to a somewhat respectable 4.59. Unless Baker continues this run of brilliance, the Twins will continue to languish without a solid ace on their staff. Nick Blackburn had assumed that role up until Ron Gardenhire and the field staff decided that he should get two weeks between starts and screw up his rythym, and now it appears that Baker has stepped up. Jesse Crain even got through an inning without giving up a run, and the run that Bobby Keppel gave up in the ninth was great -- so good, in fact, that it was worth losing the shutout for the mere fact that Keppel's ERA is now over 5, which is only about a run or two lower than what Keppel's career track record had indicated he was worth before the season. Keppel needs to give up some more runs and quickly, because Ron Gardenhire's a manager that likes to lose a lot with one guy (see Henn, Sean) before finally cutting ties with him (see Ayala, Luis). A bullpen pitcher with a 5.01 ERA is a godsend to Ron Gardenhire. Those kind of pitchers don't grow on trees, you know, and you know that Ron Gardenhire's going to get as many losses out of Bobby Keppel as he can get.


Francisco Liriano will return to the mound on Wednesday (that is, unless Ron Gardenhire asks some doctors their opinion and then hedges on those trained, medical opinions like he did last week). Liriano's got some of the ugliest stats of any pitcher in baseball, and I wouldn't expect that to change. Unfortunately for the Twins, they face southpaw Aaron Laffey, who, for whatever reason, has been tough on the Twins in the past. It actually makes perfect sense for the Twins to struggle against Laffey, as they seem to pick guys out of midair to have fits against (Daniel Cabrera, anyone?). With eleven more games remaining on the schedule against the lowly Indians, they're going to have to feast on their pitching, and also get good pitching in return. The inconsistency which the Twins have shown in spades this year needs to change, as seemingly they can morph from a playoff team to an also-ran in a matter of a day and vice versa.

JULY 23, 2009 -- LOS ANGELES 6, MINNESOTA 5 (10 innings)

The bullpen does it again, giving up four runs in five innings and miraculously losing a game to the Angels which they should have won. Joe Nathan blew the save, giving up two runs in the bottom of the ninth. In all fairness, the game tying hit was nothing more than a fourteen-hop grounder that deflected off the second base bag and eluded the grasp of Nick Punto. Sometimes the bounces don't go your way, and it was a frustrating way for Nathan to blow the save. Once Los Angeles tied the game, the momentum was clearly away from the Twins, and it didn't take long for the Angels to bring the game home. Brian Fuentes mowed down the middle of the Twins order in about a minute and a half in the top of the tenth, and then came the bottom half. Ron Gardenhire must have said something like, "Bounces be damned, I'm going to make sure we lose this game on some solid hits," because he brought in Jesse Crain to lose the ballgame. Crain, fresh from a stint in Rochester, did so in spades, though he did retire two batters (well, one, really -- the other out was a sacrifice bunt). Mike Napoli's two-out double brought home the game winner, and the Twins lost for the second time in three extra-inning affairs on this road trip.

Crain's numbers suggest that he has become the Matt Guerrier of 2009, and with the Twins still unwilling to address their bullpen woes, it will likely spell doom for the club for the remainder of the season. Bobby Keppel gave up a quick run in the sixth inning, as his run of good pitching appears to have come and gone. No doubt Ron Gardenhire will continue to go to Keppel until his ERA starts to offend grandmothers across the Upper Midwest, but for an intents and purposes Keppel's finished as an effective pitcher. What's worse is that in the last week, more than serviceable relief pitchers have been seemingly dealt with ease and have not demanded a whole lot in return in the trade market. Ground ball specialist Cla Meredith with traded to the Orioles last week (who may in turn trade Meredith again before the deadline) for a middling prospect. Just yesterday the Colorado Rockies traded a Class-A pitcher for Rafael Betancourt of the Indians, a guy who's always pitched well against the Twins. Perhaps the Indians didn't want to help their divisional rivals, but I have a sneak feeling that Bill Smith and the front office didn't even inquire as to Betancourt's availability. And former All-Star B.J. Ryan, released by the Blue Jays, was scooped up by the Cubs last week; since Toronto is still on the hook for Ryan's contract, any team signing him would have little financial obligation. But, at least as it looks from up here, Ron Gardenhire and the field staff is more than content using minor-league call-ups, retread wash-ups and never-even-has-beens, and Matt Guerrier than acquiring outside relief help. It's an area that they should have addressed in the previous offseason and came out of it bragging about Luis Ayala, so I wouldn't be surprised if the Twins sit on their hands again.

It had appeared that Ron Gardenhire had come to his senses finally when he put Joe Mauer in the #2 hole for the last two games in the Oakland series. Mauer's been the only guy that has hit in the #2 hole all season long, and on Monday he put Nick Punto in the second hole protecting Mauer; that move is so wrong on so many levels -- I wouldn't be surprised if Tanzania declared war on Djibouti for that stroke of genius. But Ron Gardenhire's a guy who likes to tinker with things that are working and he'll try his darnedest to screw them up again. So for that reason and that reason alone, apparently, Alexi Casilla hit in the #2 hole again. I've said it before: How long does it take Mark Grudzielanek to get into game shape? Casilla was at it again, going 0 for 4 at the plate, striking out twice and looking pretty pathetic doing it. His average is now at a head-shakingly bad .168, and he's 3 for 26 (.115) since being recalled again after the All-Star break. Putting Casilla in the #2 hole is kind of like putting your pitcher in the middle of the freaking lineup, shoulder to shoulder with Mauer, Morneau and company. Gardy -- it was cute before when you'd put Casilla and Tolbert in the #2 hole, but enough's enough. Get your head out of your ass and stop putting minor-league talent in a major-league lineup.

Francisco Liriano takes his 4-9 record and 5.33 ERA to the hill on Friday, and he opposes Angel ace John Lackey. The Twins did do enough at the plate on Thursday to beat Jered Weaver, and they're going to have to be on against Lackey if they want a chance on Friday. More importantly Liriano's going to have to pitch well, and that certainly has not been a given this season.

The MTRC also tips its cap to Mark Buehrle, who pitched the 18th perfect game in major league history on Thursday afternoon. Most impressively it was Buehrle's opponent, the Rays, who are an offensive power that just sent five of their hitters to the All-Star Game. Buehrle's a guy I've always admired for his attitude on the mound, his passion for the game, and his old-school approach. He's the ideal ace starter for his similarly old-school manager in Ozzie Guillen, as both players are a few decades behind their time (and that's a good thing). Though he's certainly been outspoken, especially when talking about the Twins, he's a guy I've always had respect for, and with the type of career he's already had (he's only 30), I wouldn't be surprised if there is Hall of Fame talk when he decides to hang 'em up.

Luis Ayala is Out of The Doghouse!

Happy day! The Twins officially dispatched horrible relief pitcher Luis Ayala on Tuesday in anticipation of the opening game of the three-game series against the Brewers. Ayala, who had a deceivingly low 4.13 ERA, had the perennial task of extending opponents' leads, and he was doing that fantastically. Give Ayala a one-run deficit and he'd turn it into a two-run deficit, whether you give him one batter or five. In reality, Ayala had lost any value for the Twins by the middle of April, but characteristically, the Twins let Ayala lose a few more games for them in order to get their money's worth. After all, they paid this guy $1.3 million to lose games for them, and they'd be darned if they weren't going to get all that they paid for. Ayala's departure is yet another in the long list of free-agent busts and bad trades that the Twins have had in the last five years. Here we go:

Terry Mulholland

Pat Borders

Juan Castro

Bret Boone

Tony Batista

Rondell White

Ruben Sierra

Phil Nevin

Jeff Cirillo

Sidney Ponson

Ramon Ortiz

Adam Everett

Mike Lamb

Carlos Gomez

Seldom Young

Livan Hernandez

Craig Monroe

Eddie Guardado

Luis Ayala

That's impressive. Some guy named Bobby Keppel has been called up to take Ayala's spot on the roster. In ten major league games, Keppel is 0-4 with a 6.10 ERA, though most of those games were starts for the 2006 Kansas City Royals. Whatever Keppel's stats are, he's going to be an upgrade from Luis Ayala, who just could not get people out at the major league level. And Keppel's been doing a fine job in Rochester, for whatever that's worth. We all know that Sean Henn was firing aces down in Triple-A, and that hasn't exactly translated to success in the majors. But it was about time that the Twins addressed Ayala's suckiness -- too bad it was two months two late. He was so bad that he got a spot in The Doghouse, but before I was able to write a formal piece on Ayala in The Doghouse, he was released. There's only a few ways that you can get out of the Doghouse: getting released, retiring, getting sent to the minor leagues, or winning a World Series. Ayala is free because of his release.

JUNE 17, 2009 -- PITTSBURGH 8, MINNESOTA 2

So this is what losing to the Pittsburgh Pirates feels like. I’ve got to tell you, it doesn’t feel too good. In perhaps their worst performance of the season, the Twins are pummeled by the lowly Pirates 8-2, in a game in which every facet of the game was absolutely pathetic. They lost to a pitcher, Ian Snell, who had a 1-7 record with a gaudy ERA of 5 and a half. Not only did they lose to Snell, they were manhandled by a guy who is so average it’s hard to even distinguish him from a pack of average pitchers. Snell’s better than Francisco Liriano, however, who was busy giving up home runs to the likes of Andy LaRoche and Andrew McCutchen (who???). And Snell’s way better than Sean Henn, who finally turned in a terrible performance that will bloat his once deceivingly-low ERA. Henn’s been pitching awful of late but hasn’t seen his ERA reflect his patheticness; with his line on Wednesday (1/3 of an inning pitched, three runs) his ERA is now more indicative of his lack of talent. The same is true for Luis Ayala, who also padded his ERA and also let Henn’s two baserunners score in the eighth. The Twins just did a stupendous thing by sending Jesse Crain to the minors; it’s really too bad that what they have up in the big leagues isn’t much better. Other than Joe Nathan, every pitcher in the bullpen is a sore spot. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but R.A. Dickey has been the best bullpen pitcher aside from Joe Nathan, but his “role,” as Ron Gardenhire has defined and is therefore set in stone, is long relief, and though Dickey did work the seventh and eighth innings on Tuesday, that was mainly mop-up duty in a blowout win, and I don’t see Dickey’s role changing any time soon.

The only offense on the day was provided by a two-out double by Joe Crede, which tied the score at 2 in the fourth inning. The Twins had plenty of chances to tie the game late, but it appeared that their horrid clutch hitting that they displayed on Tuesday carried over into Wednesday. With Michael Cuddyer on third and one out in the sixth, Seldom Young tapped out to the pitcher, and Cuddyer stupidly was going on contact and got thrown out at home, and the rally was thereby killed. In the seventh, the bases were loaded with one out, and the game was very much still winnable, as the Bucs were only up by two. But, alas, Jason Kubel struck out against a guy named John Grabow and Crede tapped out pitifully to the pitcher. Rally snuffed out again. Other than two rallies that the Twins embarrassed themselves in, they didn’t really put together another rally the entire game. I love it how Fox Sports has now chosen to say that Seldom Young is “coming out of his slump” and providing the offense that the Twins are counting on from him. It was really classic Dick Bremer timing, as they couldn’t have picked a better game in which to lie to the fans about Seldom Delmon. The truth is, Seldom might be the worst player on the team, which is really saying something considering some of the other talent-free players on the team (Gomez, Tolbert, Punto, etc). And Young proved to everyone that he does indeed massively suck, as he went 0 for 4, struck out again, grounded into a double play, and failed in that guy-on-third-less-than-two-outs situation alluded to earlier. I don’t think there’s many ways that Young could fail at the plate more than he did on Wednesday. Absolutely ridiculous.

There is no excuse for losing to the Pittsburgh Pirates at home, my friends, and the Twins just did that. So much for the “interleague dominance” that the Twins apparently have, as one game like this can prove that theory wrong. It really doesn’t have anything to do with interleague play at all; the Pirates are a second-division team in the worst sense of the term, and the Twins (and Dick Bremer) would like to fashion themselves as a contending ballclub. It’s similar to losing to the Washington Nationals; the Twins should have seen three games against the Pittsburgh Pirates at home as a gift from the schedulers. Instead they go through the motions and put forth probably the worst excuse for baseball since that dreaded series against the Blue Jays in early April. And now they have to face the Pirates’ best pitcher, Zach Duke, who is 7-4 on the season with a good 3.10 ERA. Considering the Twins’ actual talent, it’s going to be a struggle for them to beat the Pirates on Thursday. I know that it’s June and that there’s a lot of baseball left, but I think the series finale is a big game for the Twins, for their morale if anything. It appeared on Wednesday that they didn’t think they needed to try to beat the Pirates. After all, they put forth a half-assed effort on Tuesday and routed the Bucs. But after a humiliating loss, now they have to battle to win the series and have to beat the Pittsburgh ace to do it. If you want to lose a series at home against the Pirates, go ahead and do the same crap that you’ve done the first two games of the series. If you want to avoid embarrassment and take care of business, then you put your game face on, treat the game like any other and go out there and pound their sorry asses. It’s not rocket science, folks, it’s the Pittsburgh Pirates. Kevin Slowey has the mound today, looking for win #10 on the season.

JUNE 8, 2009 -- OAKLAND 4, MINNESOTA 3

The Magical Mystery Tour continues in Oakland, where the Twins bats are again silenced for most of the night and the pitching does just enough to lose the game. The Athletics won their seventh game in a row, yet they hardly looked unstoppable, as a pedestrian lineup did the bare minimum to get past the Twins. Josh Outman cruised in five of his six innings, and his only hiccup was the fourth, when the Twins clawed for three two-out runs. Handing Anthony Swarzak a three-run cushion, Swarzak went out and followed Twins-on-the-road protocol to a tee, but giving up that lead as soon as humanly possible. I'm going to do some research on this today to see how many times that the Twins have given up a lead on the road in the next half inning, because it seems to be just about every time that they score, their opponents answer right back.

Swarzak was his own worst enemy in the fourth, as the A's scored three runs on just one hit: a bases-clearing double by ex-Gopher great Jack Hannahan. The bases were loaded compliments of two walks and a hit batsman, and if it were not for two spectacular defensive plays by Brendan Harris, the inning would have been absolutely disastrous. Ron Gardenhire's gameplan worked out well, though -- I think his goal in the game was to give Luis Ayala a loss, because he's been pitching deceivingly well of late and for all the suckiness that he's done so far this year that has not been acknowledged with defeats, he deserves one. Ayala delivered in the fifth, when the first pitch of the inning was belted 400 feet off the bat of Jack Cust. The 4-3 score at that point did not change, as the Twins haplessly collected five measly singles against rookie Outman and the bullpen.

I could go in detail about the Twins patheticness at the plate, but it's safe to say that the Twins on the road are one of the worst offensive threats in baseball. We're getting a daily reminder on this road trip that the Twins' power surge in May was a fluke, as they've yet to hit a home run in the first four games of the road trip and only have a handful of doubles. Especially when you don't get two-out hitting with runners in scoring position, it's really hard to score runs and win games, and it's no surprise that the Twins are 1-3 (lucky to be 1-3, really -- their lone win on the trip was a 2-1 victory) and have scored a grand total of eight runs in four games. Michael Cuddyer was at it again on Monday, grounding into double plays late in the ballgame in clutch situations. Justin Morneau took the collar, striking out in all three at-bats against Outman. Brendan Harris' 12-game hitting streak came to an end, though his defense no doubt saved a few runs -- it's really sad to say that Harris' status as an everyday player is in jeopardy because of Nick Punto returning from the DL on Friday. If ever there was a manager in baseball that would bench a hot hitter and a good defender (as good as Punto) in favor of the worst hitter in baseball and an average fielder, it's Ron Gardenhire. Expect Punto to be in the lineup the second he comes off the disabled list, and Harris may have to shift to second base in order to remain playing. Speaking of twelve-game streaks, Seldom Young's twelve gamer stretched to thirteen -- not a hitting streak, of course, but a strikeout streak; yep, that's a whole baker's dozen games consecutive with a strikeout. Absolutely unacceptable.

Something has got to be done about Joe Crede, too. It seems that every other day now Crede has been out of the lineup with some minor injury. We knew that coming into the season Crede's back was a big question mark, but it really hasn't been the back that has forced Crede out of the lineup. One day it's a hamstring, then it's his knee, then his hand -- Crede just might be the most fragile player I've ever heard of. It's not like Crede is a helluva ballplayer -- he hits .230 with a little pop -- but considering the other options for the Twins (Matt Tolbert, Alexi Casilla, Brian Buscher), Crede being out of the lineup is disastrous for the Twins. Either Crede needs to work with the strength and conditioning team to get his body in full working order or the Twins need to DL him and get him some rest. Right now Crede's a guy who seems only able to play about four games a week. That means that guys like Tolbert and Buscher and Casilla are playing way too much for the Twins to call themselves a true contender.

I few days back I did a rudimentary report card for Carlos Gomez and I gave him an A- for his fielding. Let's drop that down to a B, as Gomez' terrible play in the field on Hannahan's double perhaps cost the Twins a run. Hannahan's hit wasn't going to be caught, and Gomez took about the worst angle he possibly could, and let the ball roll to the wall. Had Gomez stayed in front of the ball and cut it off, he probably would have held the third runner from scoring. In all honesty, Gomez probably was just giving back the run that he earned in the top half of the inning, when Gomez unexpectedly walked with the bases loaded. It wasn't a difficult walk, as all of the pitches were well out of the strikezone, but that sort of thing (Gomez getting RBIs) just doesn't happen very often, and he seemed determined to give that run right back in the field, and he accomplished that in spades.

The way the offense is running right now, it's going to be very very hard for the Twins to win a game here in Oakland. Scott Baker pitches tonight against the A's -- if ever there was a time for Baker to step up and stop the bleeding, it's right now. If I'm Gardenhire, I start to panic right about now. This road trip has the makings of a long losing streak, and the look on the player's faces is not one of determination. They seem to be taking the losing in stride, and if I'm the manager, I get in their grill and lay the smack down. You don't lose games like this to subpar teams like Seattle and Oakland, and you don't have this much of a disparity at home versus on the road. Good teams play consistently well no matter the venue, and this version of the Twins, at this point, appears to be a sub-.500 team.

MAY 18, 2009 -- NEW YORK 7, MINNESOTA 6

Ron Gardenhire does his annual "let's lose four" in the Bronx and the Twins are swept in a four-game series by an admittedly mediocre Yankee team. Mediocrity or not, these games might as well be the Harlem Globetrotters against the Washington Generals. Ron Gardenhire is the ideal coach for the bumbling Generals, and the Yankees continuous pummeling of the Twins is getting somewhat comedic. It sure makes for good entertainment if you're a Yankee fan (as you keep wondering if all these good things that people keep saying about the Twins aren't true) and absolute heartache for a Twins fan. With the loss, Gardenhire drops to 3-23 in the regular season in the Bronx and an incredible 16-44 career (including playoffs) against the Bombers. That's an unbelievably low .267 winning percentage -- just over once every four games does Gardenhire's Twins beat the Yankees. A team with a dead blind man managing the team could probably do as good as Ron Gardenhire does against the Yankees.

Same old story on Monday, however with a different twist. Glen Perkins did his best impression of pitching in the first inning, lasting one trip through the batting order before good ol' R.A. Dickey came in to save the day. By the time Perkins' night was through, he had given up six runs (four of which crossed the plate via the long ball) and gotten only two outs, one of which was a warning-track fly ball. Perkins topped his night off by giving up a pathetic hit to some guy named Francisco Cervilli -- yet another example of the Twins giving up hits to what I call "sore thumbs." They did it constantly last year with Jose Molina and they're back at it this year with Brett Gardner and Francisco Cervilli -- looking at that dreaded Yankee lineup, guys like Cervelli stick out like sore thumbs in the batting order and must be retired. Due to the one-run deficit at the end of the game, the hit to the sore thumb of the batting order was the difference of the game.

Dickey surprisingly mowed the Yankees down, but Ron Gardenhire was not satisfied with his bullpen putting zeroes on the board, so he put Luis Ayala into the game. Perhaps the worst pitcher in the American League, Ayala has continued to prove to everyone (except Ron Gardenhire, who has a demented sense of confidence in him) that he cannot get anybody out. Ayala was lucky to get through the sixth inning unscathed, but then he laid a 0-2 cookie right down the plate to Mark Teixeira leading off the seventh that he hit for a mammoth home run, which turned out to be the winning run in the ballgame. Hey, Gardenhire, are you watching the same game that I am? If Luis Ayala is able to pitch a scoreless inning, it's like you just got away with murder. You take him out of that game before the Yankees can process the fact that they were unable to get a run off of him. But, in another episode of "Gardy being Gardy," The Brain left Ayala in and the results were fantastic.

How 'bout Mike Redmond, folks? Representing the last out of the game, The Brain chose to go with Mike "No Gas Left in the Tank" Redmond to pinch hit for the pitcher-- er, Nick Punto. Redmond, facing left-hander Phil "Definitely Not Mariano Rivera" Coke, worked the count full and then started swinging at pitches feet from the strike zone. The game ended with Redmond literally swinging at a pitch half-way into the left-handed batter's box. For Pete's sake, Gardenhire, I could do that. Nick Punto could do that. Hell, I'd have sent up Jose Morales in that situation -- at least I've seen him get a hit that didn't make me want to puke. It was the perfect way to wrap up one of the most pathetic weekends of baseball I have ever seen in my life.

Why can't Gardenhire win in New York? It's pretty simple, I think. Gardenhire's well aware of his track record in the Bronx and he certainly lets his players know about that. There was a shot of Gardenhire Monday night after another failed scoring opportunity, shaking his head and chuckling to himself in disbelief. The failures in New York are so much a part of Gardenhire that it's the mentality that he conveys to his players. He's a scared manager managing a bunch of scared players. They are under the belief that it takes a perfect game to win in New York, so they play on pins and needles the entire time that they're there. If they could just relax and play their game, they'd do at least better than 3-23, which I don't think you could do if you tried to lose those games on purpose. Unfortunately, Gardenhire is a weak and shallow fool, and he imparts the fear of the Yankees that he experiences regularly to his players.

As it turns out, Glen Perkins had a bad elbow and that was the reason, aside from him sucking with a good elbow, that he was unable to finish one inning on Monday night. He was put on the disabled list and some guy named Sean Henn, he of a career record of 2-6 with a 7.56 ERA, was called up to replace him. With those numbers, it sounds like he'll fit into that bullpen real well.

MAY 4, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 7, DETROIT 2

Hey, hey! The Twins are back in the win-column, thanks to Francisco Liriano's first win of the season, a 7-2 victory over the Tigers at Comerica Park. The game was certainly a rarity for the 2009 Twins -- a game in which they never trailed, and won it with a five-run seventh inning, which amazingly included Alexi Casilla driving in two runs (!!). At least for this writer, the hit did not make up for Casilla's mental mistake in the first inning, when he pathetically popped a bunt in the air, and, due to Casilla's lack of running to first base, was smartly turned into a double play by pitcher Edwin Jackson. It's that kind of crap that gets you benched with any other manager, but with Ron Gardenhire, c'est la vie.

In reality, this is troubling for Twins fans, as this all but assures Casilla at least another week in the starting lineup. It's strange, but in Ron Gardenhire's demented mind, one hit can buy you playing time. Except if you're Jose Morales, whose sixteen hits in forty-seven at-bats (.340 average), who was sent down today in order for the Twins to activate Jesse Crain from the DL. Terrible decision by Gardenhire and the front-office; Mike Redmond has absolutely nothing left in the tank, is hurt and hasn't played in weeks, and he can't hit and can't throw. Gardy and the gang will spin it as "we need Red Dog's veteran leadership with our young pitchers," which is laughable, really. Hey, I'm all for Redmond -- he's certainly a guy I'd love to hang out with and shoot the breeze -- but the "value" he has for a major-league team at this point in his career is as a coach. Hell, I think Redmond would probably make a damn fine manager at some point down the road. But a hobbled Redmond serving as the backup to a fragile Joe Mauer is a liability. Put Redmond on the DL and keep Morales on the team -- he's shown he belongs in the bigs and he's displayed surprising poise.

Getting back to the game, Matty Guerrier cleaned up the eighth and the ninth innings tonight, no doubt providing fans with a false sense of confidence in the beleaguered reliever. All indications are that Ron Gardenhire is set on using Luis Ayala to lose leads late in ballgames rather than Guerrier. You know you're bullpen sucks when you're so glad that Jesse Crain is back of the disabled list. Talk about a guy with a lot of promise -- Twins fans will remember Crain as one of the Twins' top prospects in 2004, but injuries and a flat fastball have plagued Crain throughout his career. It got so bad for Crain that he was teaming up with Guerrier last season; often Guerrier would start the mess by putting the runners on base and Crain would bring 'em home, thereby inflating Guerrier's ERA and keeping Crain's ERA deceivingly low. For what it's worth, Crain's activation from the DL is a glimmer of hope, as it may cut into Luis Ayala's workload. I'm pretty sure my late grandmother could get guys out more consistently than Luis Ayala.

Nick Blackburn on the hill tomorrow against twenty-year old Detroit phenom Rick Porcello. He's one of these flame-throwers without a gameplan, so expect the Twins to be frustrated at the plate.

MAY 2, 2009 -- KANSAS CITY 10, MINNESOTA 7 (11 innings)

WELCOME TO THE MINNESOTA TWINS RE-EDUCATION CENTER

I am your host, Eisenhower McSteele.

Such a pathetic effort from the Twins (again) is reason enough to start venting on a big-league level. This blog’s mission statement is simple: to educate people as to the pitiful nature of the Minnesota Twins and in particular their manager Ron Gardenhire. Each game, wins and losses, will be recapped in detail here to reveal to the pedestrian fans the underlying reasons for why the Minnesota Twins are the most dreadful team in sports – dreadful in terms of the stress and heartache that they cause their fans.

As a prologue, the ordinary fan must be educated about the 2008 Minnesota Twins. They were a terrible team, as undeserving of 88 victories as any team can be, but at the same time they should have easily won the division if not for the horrendous managing of Ron Gardenhire. The 2008 Twins were perhaps the most gut-wrenching, stress-inducing, gray-hair producing team to follow in the sports world. The team performed in spite of Ron Gardenhire’s best efforts to lose games, and in 2009, the same is true. For the Twins to be hovering on or near the five-hundred mark is truly a sign that a God exists. The same crap that happened last year has recurred again this year, almost more so. In particular, Ron Gardenhire’s continuous mismanaging of a pitching staff consistently costs his team wins, and in last year’s case, all it took was one mismanaged game to cost his team a division.

And in Gardenhire’s world, an A.L. Central Division title is code for “mission accomplished.” The Minnesota Twins are perhaps the most ill-equipped World Series contender, but because Ron Gardenhire and the front office’s standard for accomplishment is merely division titles, they believe they have done their job. Never mind the fact that Ron Gardenhire’s career playoff record is absolutely pitiful (6-15) and that he will never, ever win the “big one”; the regime in charge is pleased as punch as long as the Twins are competitive (read: profitable). When the sole goal of the franchise is not to win a World Series (think the Yankees, Red Sox, or pretty much any team) but to turn a profit, it does not behoove the front office to build a serious contender that can actually win a World Series, as it cuts into profit. Hey, the team is bringing in fans in droves right now, and the majority of the fan base is happy with the team. I represent the minority of fans that frankly cannot accept the way the franchise is being run, both on the field and off. As long as Ron Gardenhire is at the helm, the team will continue to be in a state of arrested development. This blog seeks to illustrate this frustrated stagnancy.

TO THE GAME:

Talk about a game where your opponent was almost literally giving the game to you. The Kansas City Royals are a decent team but quite frankly, Saturday was not their best night. But on all facets of the game – hitting, fielding, baserunning, pitching, and of course managerially – the Twins refused to show their fans that they are a legitimate team. At this point, it is clear that Trey Hillman’s Royals are the superior team, and it is indicative of a good ballclub when they can pounce on their opponents’ mistakes – on the road, no less. Let’s take a look at each facet of the game where the Twins failed:

HITTING
When you get seven runs it seems as if the offense did its job, and it certainly provided the run support needed to win a baseball game. But, when the fielding, pitching, and managing fail you, mistakes at the plate are thus amplified. Nick Punto, questionably the worst hitter in the American League (whose lone competition seems to be Alexi Casilla or Carlos Gomez), had a chance to win the game in the bottom of the tenth inning. With the winning run on third base and one out, all Punto needed to do was hit a fly ball in the outfield to win the game. He could have made an out and won the game. But, facing Royals relief ace Joakim Soria, Punto tapped out pathetically to short, failing to get the job done and win the game.

So stupid was I to think that Punto would get a hit to win the game. Banking on the fact that long shot Mine That Bird won the Kentucky Derby earlier Saturday from the eighth position, I saw the Twins’ #8 as the potential hitting hero. Then I saw Punto wave haplessly at two Soria strikes and thought better of that scenario. When Soria uncorked a wild pitch to move the winning run to third base, it was as much a long shot as Mine That Bird winning the Derby that Punto would get a hit. The lesson learned here: Nick Punto sucks.

FIELDING
When is Ron Gardenhire going to sit Alexi Casilla, or, even better, send him down to Triple-A? The guy can’t hit the broad side of a barn, he’s not a good baserunner considering his sheer speed, and now we know he boots routine grounders in clutch situations. In the eighth, Ron “The Brain” Gardenhire leaves Luis Ayala in the game to complete his Matt Guerrier Special (see below) and he is lifted for Jose Mijares after the go-ahead run gets on base. Mijares gets the job done, striking out the first batter and then getting Miguel Olivo to tap out weakly to the right side. Casilla, pathetically, bobbled the easy play, and the go-ahead run scored. What a good, in-your-face manager would have done is to sit Casilla’s ass on the bench right then and there. Brendan Harris doesn’t have the range that Casilla has, but he’s the much better bat and he can make the routine play. It’s an easy decision – guys hitting .160 do not belong in the big leagues. Most likely, however, Casilla will be back in the lineup on Monday night.

PITCHING
The bullpen is in shambles. This is the big difference between the Royals and the Twins. The starting staff for the Royals is a helluva lot better, too, but it’s the bullpen that’s ultimately going to cost them games. Ron Gardenhire and Rick Anderson share a good load of the criticism that must be leveled at the pitching staff because it’s these guys who continue to have faith in them. Luis Ayala has not proven he can get anybody out, yet Ron Gardenhire has apparently chosen him to be his seventh-inning stopper, this year’s version of Matt Guerrier. The 2008 Twins were so memorable because of the many Matt Guerrier Specials that cost the team critical victories down the stretch last year. A Matt Guerrier Special (MGS) is a relief appearance in which a reliever inherits a lead, squanders the lead, and gives up the go-ahead run. A classic MGS involves the eponymous reliever also giving up an insurance run to boot. In 2009, Matt Guerrier has been rightfully relegated to long-relief, and apparently Ron Gardenhire has given the responsibility of squandering leads to Luis Ayala. The difference between this year and last is that there was a time in the 2008 season that Matt Guerrier actually got batters out, which in the second-half of the season led The Brain to believe that Guerrier could get the job done. Interestingly, Luis Ayala has never gotten batters out consistently in 2009 and yet Gardenhire, perhaps arbitrarily, has continued to believe (stupidly) that Ayala can hold leads.

Whereas the classic MGS involves the reliever giving up the lead and the go-ahead run in the same inning, in this game Luis Ayala did it over two innings. Stupidly, Ron Gardenhire brought Ayala back out to start the eighth inning after he let the Royals tie the game the inning earlier, and this led to the Alexi Casilla debacle. Later in the game, The Brain’s classic bullpen management eventually led to their demise. Mijares and Joe Nathan, the only pitchers who have proven they can get batters out, only go 1 2/3 innings; Matt Guerrier struggled through the tenth, and then Craig Breslow and R.A. Dickey (Gardenhire’s favorite human on earth) combined to provide the second MGS of the game, giving up three runs in the eleventh to lose the game.

Not to be forgotten is Glen Perkins’ forgettable performance, which featured pathetic highlights like two-out, two-run triples to light hitting catchers such as Miguel Olivo.

BASERUNNING
Three times the Twins made the third out on the bases, twice at third base. The cardinal rule in baseball is: NEVER make the first or third out at third base, and they managed to do this twice in a game. Alexi Casilla added to his splendid game by being thrown out at third to end the first inning (Casilla’s game: 0-3 at the plate, thrown out at third to end an inning, and a crucial error that cost the team a victory – awesome, dude). More unacceptable is Nick Punto’s baserunning blunder in the sixth inning, getting thrown out trying to advance to third on Casilla’s popout to left field. Though the play was close, Punto is an idiot for failing to realize who is on-deck: Joe Mauer, who was only hitting about .800. Why do you not get thrown out at third to end an inning? Because with two outs, you’re off on the crack of the bat, and you’re going to score on a hit to the outfield from second base anyways. There’s only a few plays that you would score from third base that you wouldn’t score from second, and Punto needs to know that Mauer is on-deck. A classic Punto temper-tantrum added icing to the cake on this bonehead play.

MANAGERIALLY
Ron Gardenhire has authority over all of the facets of the game. Alexi Casilla has deserved to lose his starting job weeks ago; his game-winning hit in the second game of the season seems to be the only reason he continues to keep his job. It’s too bad that that is the only hit of any consequence that Casilla’s had all year long, and the two runs he drove in on that hit are the only runs he’s driven in all year long. Not that Casilla’s supposed to be an RBI machine, but two RBIs in one month – that’s just pathetic. The Brain’s choice to keep Casilla in the everyday lineup only crimps his team’s chances to win, as now his defense is showing holes.

Nick Punto is a terrible player in his own right, but Ron Gardenhire must shoulder some of the blame, as he continues to play him everyday. Nick Punto is the lamest excuse for an everyday player in the American League; for Ron Gardenhire to have confidence in him proves his insanity.

Most of all, Ron Gardenhire’s approach towards managing his pitchers is the biggest travesty to Twins fans. What is his rationale for continuing to go to Luis Ayala to give up leads? Why are you so willing to let R.A. Dickey give up run after run after run? Gardenhire’s willingness to use Dickey to “save” the arms of the rest of the bullpen is self-defeating; once you bring R.A. Dickey into a game, you have clinched a loss – just like when you bring in Matt Guerrier or Luis Ayala in to “hold” a lead (i.e. blow a lead), whenever R.A. Dickey is brought into a game, you have conceded defeat. Because he babied the rest of the bullpen, he had no other choice but to go to Dickey after Craig Breslow walked the bases loaded (why Breslow was not taken out of the game after the second walk I don’t know).

On contrast, the Kansas City bullpen is a big strength to their team. One guy that Twins fans should get used to seeing mow them down in Juan Cruz. Although he did not look impressive on Saturday, this guy has a power arm that the Twins desperately need in eighth-inning situations. The Twins could have had Cruz in the offseason, too. They showed interest in Cruz, who was a Type A free agent from Arizona that waited until March to sign with Kansas City. Because of his Type A status, the Twins would have had to surrender their first-round draft pick this year in order to sign Cruz; because Kansas City’s draft position is in the first sixteen picks, they only had to surrender a sandwich-pick rather than their first-round selection. The Twins tried to swing a sign-and-trade with Arizona but the deal fell through. So typical of the Twins – who’d rather not lose a prospect who may or may not pan out than sign the relief pitcher they desperately need right now. Cruz’s signing with the Royals may ultimately cost the Twins a division title, and the other guys in that KC bullpen – Ron Mahay, Kyle Farnsworth, Jamey Wright, Horacio Ramirez, and of course Soria – make the Royals’ pen much more formidable than the Twins, who other than Joe Nathan, are very thin in between.

With a stronger starting five (even with Sidney Ponson) and a much stronger bullpen, the Royals appear to have a better chance than the Twins do of winning the Central this season. For Trey Hillman, this would be an incredible achievement, whereas for the Twins, another division title coupled with another early playoff exit would continue to put salt in the wounds of Twins fans everywhere.