APRIL 14, 2010 -- BOSTON 6, MINNESOTA 3

The first weather-affected game goes against the Twins, as the Red Sox get the clutch hits and take the middle game of the three-game series. The Twins offense was dreadfully pathetic, as they couldn't come up with the big hit all game long. The key at-bat in the game came in the seventh inning, when the Twins loaded the bases with two outs. Boston was up a run at 3-2 and brought in Hideki Okajima to face Justin Morneau. Morneau, predictably, popped up -- just about as pitiful of an at-bat as you could come up with. Jesse Crain then returned to his old self in the top of the eighth by surrendering three insurance runs to effectively put the nail in the coffin. Those three runs were driven in by none other than Jeremy Hermida, no doubt the weak link in the Boston lineup. What Crain's history will tell you is that when he struggles, all that he can figure out to throw is a straight fastball, and that's when bad hitters like Hermida can feast on Crain. Many people were expecting big things from Crain this year, but I'm pretty skeptical. The only big thing I see from Crain in 2010 is his ERA (hey-o!). Worth mentioning as well is Michael Cuddyer's fly-out to end the game. He represented the tying run and of course failed to deliver. His home run in the eighth was classic Cuddyer -- a meaningless homer that pads the stats and looks good on his baseball card. If he would ever hit a homer that would actually mean something...

Kevin Slowey pitched poorly, barely getting through five innings and obviously struggling to pitch through the weather. As mentioned before, Crain's terrible outing put a stain on the bullpen's overall impressive start to the season, and they'll be getting some help in the form of Ron Mahay, who was called up from extended spring training. Alex Burnett drank his cup of coffee and he's back to Rochester and will likely sink into Twins oblivion. The Mahay call-up has everything to do with Jose Mijares, who's looked as good as a pregnant woman on roller skates so far this year. As Hank eluded to yesterday, to see Ron Gardenhire put Brian Douchebag late in the game for multiple innings is a plan waiting to backfire. Mahay's endurance is questionable, however -- he's always been a lefty to face a batter or two; certainly not full innings. In a sense, the Twins got an emergency pinch-hitter, too. Some may be surprised to hear that Mahay first broke into the big leagues as an outfielder for the Red Sox. His numbers translate to a Nick Punto-esque kind of career at the plate, so it's a great thing that he turned out to be left-handed, because he's made quite a career for himself out of pitching exclusively to left-handed batters.

Just as a quick sidenote, we are officially nine games into the season (that's 153 to go!) and Dick Bremer is already in pennant chase mode. In the middle of Wednesday's game, he was giving all-too-frequent-for-the-middle-of-April updates on the Kansas City-Detroit game, saying that it'd be a "good thing" if the Royals were able to beat the Tigers. Dude, it's APRIL. Last season is over -- there is no need to keep us apprised of the Tigers. For all we know, the Royals might be the team to catch this season -- it wouldn't be good for the Twins if KC won then, would it? Just do me a favor Dick: give it fifty games at least before you start blowing shit out of proportion. 50 games. That's all I ask.

Photos: AP/Andy King

APRIL 12, 2010 - MINNESOTA 5, BOSTON 2

Hello folks, Hank Rickenbacher checking in. Well, my son Henry gave me and Betsy tickets to Opening Day as a birthday present, so yours truly was at the Target Field for yesterday's festivities. Before we get to the game, I thought you folks would like a "Rickenbacker Review" of the Target Field.Now let me just say, I don't know why the Twins ever left Met Stadium for a football stadium named after a hippie. What was wrong with the Met? And I remember all the hype about the Metrodome before that place opened, and look how that turned out. So when I heard all the hubbub about the Target Field after two practices, I thought, let's not put the horse before the apple cart here.

Well, I don't want to be a drain on the old parade here, but let's just say the Target Field isn't perfect. I mean, it's a nice looking park and all, and for all the tax money they spent on the place it better be. But after the drive Betsy and I were hungry enough to eat a pony, so we got in line at one of the concessions. Of course all the kids in front of us had to use their debit cards and the debit card machine wasn't working, so we waited thirty minutes just to order. What happened to good old fashioned green backs? Anyway I ordered a hot dog and they said they didn't have any hot dogs at that stand. You could've rolled me over with a feather. A baseball game, and I couldn't get a hot dog. Betsy, bless her heart, ordered us cheeseburgers, but they tried to charge us nineteen dollars for the two of them. Like heck I was paying that for two cheeseburgers, so we just left and found our seats.

Of course we had to get the seats in front of the four loudmouth Boston kids who watched about three pitches of the game total and babbled on and on with those mobile phones instead. Betsy said if I let them get to me, they'd win. Well I'm no loser, but let me just say I don't want to talk about those Boston kids anymore. Except that those punks could have used about five bars of Lifeway to clean out those mouths, good Lord, and I let 'em know it too.

Well after all that there was still a game to be played, and that’s why I made the trip down for my first game since 1981, because I have high hopes about this team. And I’ll say it was a good game for this Twins fan. Pavano pitched 6 strong innings, outdueling the Lester kid from Boston. I for one was not impressed with this “Lesser” fellow. He started his outing with a walk, and after hits by Hudson, Cuddyer, and Kubel he was down 2-0. Later, Punto turned his monthly hit into a run, and a lucky hop off the bag on a patented Mauer grounder led to another run. In the 7th Kubel hit the first moon ball in the Target Field and even landed one section from me and Betsy.

The Twinkies showed some swagger Monday which was refreshing since they usually play frightened against the Big Boys. They smacked the ball around, came inside with some pitches (though with the feminine way that Youklis kid holds the bat, I’d throw at him too), and generally acted like they were the better team. Gardenhire tested the limits of cockiness when he trotted out Brad Duensing for the 7th and then to start the 8th too! If that kid gets you three 7th inning outs against the Red Sox, you thank your lucky stripes and have a good chuckle about it later. You don’t tempt fate by sending him out there again! Thankfully the joke ended with a screaming double from one of the Beantowners, and from there it was Guerrier and Rausch to close things out.

All and all, a decent visit to the new park. I suppose I would go back, but I’ll plan on having Betsy pack some ground ham sandwiches for us, because nineteen dollars for two cheeseburgers is criminal. The Twins are back at it Wednesday at noon, Slowey vs. Lackey. Hammering Hank, signing off.

Photos: (1) & (2) - AP/Ann Heisenfelt; (3) AP/Paul Battaglia

JULY 27, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 4, CHICAGO 3

Michael Cuddyer's two-run home run in the bottom of the sixth inning, about as clutch as Cuddyer could get, proved to be the difference in the Twins topping the White Sox on Monday. With the Tigers losing in Texas on Monday, the Twins pull within three games of the division leaders, although the White Sox also stand in the Twins' way of first place. No doubt the Sox are all in favor of the Twins' immenent move to Target Field, as the Metrodome has become a house of horrors for Ozzie Guillen's club, and they had nobody to blame but themselves on Monday. Three errors by the White Sox defense directly led to an embarrassing dugout temper tantrum between ex-Twin A.J. Pierzynski and shortstop Alexei Ramirez, which culminated in Guillen chucking a bucket of bubble gum onto the field. Two runs were caused by Chicago errors in the second inning and pretty much were the difference in the ballgame. The Twins were more than willing to take those extra outs and they pounced on those additional chances and won a ballgame that they desperately needed.

Glen Perkins surprised everyone by pitching well on Monday, and it couldn't have come at a better time. Kevin Slowey's season is apparently done, which is definitely not a good thing for the Twins, who are basically pitching without an ace on this staff right now. Nick Blackburn had assumed that role for most of the first half, but Ron Gardenhire made sure that that kind of stellar pitching needed to end, and he made that a quick reality by resting him for ten days between the All-Star Break. Perkins has been so bad this year that his manager has been covering for him most of the time, claiming injury conveniently whenever Perkins goes out on the mound and can't get out of the second inning. He is a pretty decent pitcher at the Metrodome, however, and by giving the Twins seven innings on Monday, he gave them a chance to win. Sure, he gave up a couple of home runs, to Paul Konerko and rookie Gordon Beckham, but that's part of Perkins' repertoire, and at the very least he practiced good damage control. Matt Guerrier turned in another impressive performance and Joe Nathan was benefited by a fine defensive play by Denard Span to preserve the win in the ninth inning.

The win on Monday was especially huge considering that Mark Buehrle will be pitching for the first time since his perfecto last Thursday. Keep in mind, however, that Buehrle gave up eight runs and three home runs just a few weeks ago in his last start against the Twins. He's always been a pitcher who's either really humming or really scuffling against the Twins, but most of the time he's been pretty good; he's beaten the Twins 23 times already in his career, the most against any club in the big leagues. Scott Baker opposes for the Twins.

JULY 4, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 4, DETROIT 3

Saturday’s game was unfolding like another classic Twins loss. The Twins’ offense, though practically non-existent, provided just enough of a lead for the Twins to win, and then the pitching implosion gave up just enough runs for the Twins to lose. Francisco Liriano had given up just two hits through the first six innings, and then he Scott Baker’d it in the seventh, giving up two straight singles to start the inning and then giving up a back-breaking three-run home run to Magglio Ordonez later in the inning. It appeared as if the gameplan for the Twins had worked yet again. Then Justin Morneau tied the game in the next half-inning, and then a little man named Nick Punto won the game with a bleeder in the bottom of the eighth. The winning run was produced by the unlikeliest of combinations: Brian Buscher led off the eighth with a base hit, pinch runner Matt Tolbert was advanced to second on a Jose Morales groundout, and then Superman came through with his one clutch hit for the season. Don’t expect too much more out Punto at the plate this year – wait, you were expecting a lot out the guy? Were only talking about one of the worst hitters to grace a major-league uniform, who’s so bad that he makes Tony Pena Jr. blush.

Liriano pitched well for the second consecutive start, which means that he’ll keep his turn in the rotation for at least a few more starts. Kevin Slowey went on the disabled list after Friday’s game, a classic example of the Ron Gardenhire cop-out: Slowey’s pitched like absolute tripe the last two times out, but instead of working on actual mechanics and accepting defeat like a man, Gardenhire provides Slowey an easy excuse for his struggles by blaming it on an arm injury. All appearances are that the injury is minor, and considering the All-Star break is coming up, Slowey likely won’t miss more than one start. Anthony Swarzak was called up for the Twins but with the Twins having an off-day on Monday, the Twins may choose to go with a four-man staff for the final six games before the break.

Nick Blackburn goes today against Rick Porcello in a critical swing game for the Twins. Friday’s loss was huge, but Sunday may turn out to be a more important game. If the Twins win, they narrow the gap to two games behind the Tigers; if they lose, they drop to four back of Detroit. Though the series is not as important as certified idiots like Dick Bremer may make it out to appear, they will be remembered at the end of the season when the Twins can look back at the mistakes they’ve made and why they didn’t win the division. If they can win today, at least they can go into the Yankee series, during which they’ll get pummeled, with a little sense of false confidence.

JULY 3, 2009 -- DETROIT 11, MINNESOTA 9 (16 innings)

If ever there is a baseball team that should have won a game that they had trailed by six runs, it’s the Minnesota Twins. The Detroit Tigers prove to be a resilient team, rebounding from the huge shift in momentum that occurred when the Twins rallied to tie the score at seven in the middle innings. Then the game went on and on…and on and on…and on to the sixteenth inning. Fortunately for everyone involved, R.A. Dickey was the last pitcher left for the Twins, and he provided a flashback to April, when Dickey was one of the most hittable, slop-throwing pitchers I’ve ever seen. All the respect that Dickey had gained from this writer over the past few months he lost in three little innings in which he gave up nine hits and four runs. The Tigers’ run they scored in the fourteenth inning didn’t hold up, because the last pitcher in there bullpen was the shaky Freddy Dolsi, and the Twins quickly tied the score, but thanks to Justin Morneau and Dan Gladden, they couldn’t win the game. That’s because Gladden, who inexplicably was calling play-by-play in crucial extra innings, claimed that, after Dolsi had allowed hits to Joe Mauer and Morneau to start the inning, the Twins “were going to win this game because of Dolsi’s ineffectiveness.” Good one, Dazzle. After you mentioned that, you officially jinxed the Twins and they were certainly not going to win. Justin Morneau helped that cause in the very next at-bat, when he stupidly tried to go to third on Michael Cuddyer’s game-tying single. Morneau was easily thrown out, thereby committing the cardinal sin of getting making the first out at third base. Still not sure what Morneau’s thinking – dude, you’re not fast, and you don’t need to try to be Superman. Park your ass at second base and don’t be an idiot.

The game was really classic Twins – providing more than a glimmer of a hope that they would win the game, and then teasing fans for sixteen wretched innings just so they can lose. It was a dickhead effort in every sense of the word – if you were going to lose, why not just take that 6-0 deficit that Kevin Slowey put you in after the third inning, bring in R.A. Dickhead right then and there, and cruise to a 15-0 loss? Instead, the Twins had to get their money’s worth, tire out all their pitchers in the bullpen, make Joe Mauer catch all sixteen innings (most certainly he’ll DH today because of that) and embarrass their fans at the end of the game. The top of the sixteenth was an abomination in the Biblical sense, as Dickey was throwing batting practice to the Tiger hitters. Though the Twins patheticness was the hallmark of Friday’s game, the Tigers also have to be commended, as they showed everyone which of the two teams belonged in first place. Though they haven’t run away with it yet, making certifiable idiots like Dick Bremer get ants in his pants over the fact that the Twins are only four games out of first place, the Tigers are clearly the best team in this division. One thing that they proved on Friday is that they are able to win games that they should have lost. True, they had led the game by six runs, but after the fourteenth inning started, the Twins should have been able to get across the winning run. Good teams take advantage of their opponent’s mistakes; the Tigers did that in spades, while the Twins just couldn’t do enough.

I should apologize to my readers today, as I was unable to post an blog entry on Friday. Though Thursday was an off-day and I had no game to recap, I was planning to complete Matt Guerrier’s Doghouse post, but some unfortunate events occurred that had me flying to San Diego in a huff. See, some people would have heard of the 53-minute delay that occurred at Petco Park in San Diego on Wednesday, a delay that was caused by a mammoth swarm of bees. It was unfortunate to see the gentleman who was called upon to quell the situation and because of that, I needed to make a quick trip to San Diego on Friday. The apiarist that they called upon to take care of the bees was a Mr. Mark Goldsmith, who just so happened to be mentored by yours truly in the 1980s. Being the lone certified apiarist in the county in which I reside, I was the one to go to if you had apiarist ambitions, and Goldsmith was one of those people. Since he became certified, Goldsmith has resolutely turned his back on me and frankly I resent that. I know that this may not be the appropriate medium to utter these words, but Goldsmith and I are now rivals, and I happened to catch Goldsmith’s actions on Wednesday. Knowing that the cameras were rolling and that it may be the only time that he would get any exposure from his job, Goldsmith frankly was rude and condescending and as a fellow apiarist, I took great umbrage, so much so that I had to fly to San Diego and talk to a man that I had not spoken to in over ten years. He’s gone California with his career and has forgotten his roots, and I felt that I needed to speak to him desperately. When you’re in the bee business, you learn that it’s more often the people than the bees that really sting, and I hope that by talking to Goldsmith, he now understands that.

Francisco Liriano pitches tonight against Edwin Jackson. Liriano pitched well in St. Louis after turning in a terrible five-inning performance in Milwaukee. He’s won two games in a row, but I still think that Liriano is best suited for the bullpen. Jackson has been perhaps the best acquisition of any team from last offseason, and he’s a major reason that the Tigers are where they’re at. The game starts at 3 PM today.

JUNE 27, 2009 -- ST. LOUIS 5, MINNESOTA 3

The score basically could have been Albert Pujols 2, Kevin Slowey 0. Slowey gave up two home runs to the Cardinals superstar on two pitches that I think a pitcher could have hit out of the park -- hell, Nick Punto could maybe have gotten a double on those pitches. Ron Gardenhire has too much class to walk Pujols, so he'd rather lose the game than play "embarrassing baseball," as he put it. Wait, wait, wait a minute -- you'd rather pitch to the only guy in the St. Louis lineup that can do any sort of damage just so you can keep up your street cred? Look, Gardenhire, you're no Crip and the Bloods want no part of you after all. Whether or not it's an intentional or unintentional walk, put the guy on base and give yourself a chance to win! You did exactly that after his first two home runs -- why not nip the deficit that you're in before it even happens by sticking to that gameplan all along?

This is different than playing the Yankees, whose lineup is so formidable that to give up key hits to the sore thumbs of the lineup will cost you dearly, as the Twins proved in May. Look at the Cardinals lineup -- Yadier Molina hits fifth for the Redbirds; Ryan Ludwick is apparently playing part time baseball now; the rest of the lineup is cluttered with Joe Schmos and "some guys." Some guy named Skip Schumacher is hitting lead off for St. Louis, rookies like Tyler Greene and Cody Rasmus are playing everyday. Albert Pujols sticks out like a sore thumb in a good way for the Cardinals -- in that he's the only good player that they have. Just like you say to yourself that Francisco Cervelli and Brett Gardner can't beat you when you play the Yankees, you've got to say that Pujols, because of the lineup that surrounds him, cannot be the guy that you lose the game to. Let Rick Ankiel and Chris Duncan win the game for you -- at least then it might be a bit of a surprise. Ron Gardenhire would have none of that, however. He defended his decision by not walking Pujols in the at-bats in which he would end up homering against Kevin Slowey by saying, "If you want to just [intentionally] walk him every time up, I think that's embarrassing baseball. That's ridiculous baseball." No, Gardenhire. What's ridiculous is that a major-league manager would watch Pujols hit not one but two home runs against you when the situation obviously dictates that you don't give the guy anything good to hit. Okay, so you don't intentionally walk him -- tell Slowey to bean him, or throw four out of the zone "unintentionally." There's no loss of integrity by intentionally walking the best hitter in the National League when there's runners on base. If you intentionally walked him with the bases empty, sure, that's kind of a dickhead move. But especially in the third, when there were two out and Slowey had already given up a home run to Pujols, you've got to at least pitch around him. Instead, Slowey gives him a straight, 90 mile-an-hour fastball right down the pipe, and Pujols hits it to Jefferson City. That's ridiculous baseball, Gardenhire.

The offense did not fare too much better either on Saturday. Todd Wellemeyer struggled in a horrendous 2 1/3 innings and the Twins were only able to get a lucky two-out three-run single off the bat of Brendan Harris that should have been caught by left fielder Chris Duncan. Tony LaRussa gave Wellemeyer an early shower in the third inning, and the Twins hit the rest of the way against the mediocre (read: much better than the Twins') bullpen of the Cardinals. Josh Kinney and his Sean Henn-esque 8.50 ERA ended up with the victory, and a menage of other retreads buckled the hapless Twins for 6 and 2/3 innings, no-namers like Kyle McClellan and Jason Motte combined with veteran lefties Trever Miller and Dennys Reyes, jowls and all, who is certainly familiar to Twins fans, as he was pretty effective out of a largely ineffective bullpen last year for the Twins. Considering Reyes' replacement, Jose Mijares, can belly up to any buffet as good as Reyes can, it's not as if we lost a whole lot (maybe ten pounds, give or take -- just give Mijares some time). If we still had Reyes, however, we probably would not have gotten to know Sean Henn, and that would have been for the best. Henn pitched for the first time since last Saturday's MGS and continued his ineffectiveness by walking two batters. The highlight of the game for the Twins was probably Bobby Keppel, who made a good debut with the Twins in his new role, which is basically the new R.A. Dickey. Keppel pitched for scoreless innings in relief of Slowey, who only went three innings. What, may you ask, was a large reason why Keppel was able to throw zeroes in those innings? He walked Albert Pujols twice.

Now the Twins have to count on Francisco Liriano to win the series on Sunday, and Liriano's been nothing close to what the Twins wanted out of him. Furthermore, the Twins have to face Joel Pineiro, against whom the Twins have never done much against and Pineiro is fresh off a two-hit shutout against the Mets his last start. The Twins were lucky to get one win in St. Louis, and Ron Gardenhire made sure that his team would drop at least one to the Cardinals, as sort of a tip of the cap to Tony LaRussa. A good way that Gardenhire can assure his team of losing the series is to continue pitching to the only good hitter the Cardinals have. He might not have a choice -- if Liriano continues his trend of pitching two balls to every strike, Pujols might be coming to the plate with a lot of runners on base on Sunday.

JUNE 19, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 5, HOUSTON 2

The Twins cheesed their way to a 5-2 victory over the last-place Houston Astros, as Kevin Slowey pitched good enough for his incredible tenth win of the season against two losses. The Twins' runs were produced via a sacrifice fly, a squeeze bunt, a Michael Cuddyer double and a Seldom Young "double" that was in reality a ball lost in the lights by outfielder Jason Michaels. The offensive production was what people love to call "Twins baseball," which is pretty much a euphemism for "rinky-dinky cheese-ball that's good enough to win division titles but nothing more." It's actually nice to see line drives hit across the field and it's refreshing when your team wins because they hit the ball with authority. It doesn't need to go over the fence, but it looks better and sounds better when batters make good solid contact with the baseball. But I'm a Twins fan for life, and I suppose I have to accept this brand of baseball. I get it -- Nick Punto can't hit the broad side of a barn, and he's basically a pitcher at the plate, so why not suicide squeeze with Punto at the plate. It's sure as hell better than having Matt Tolbert lay down a suicide squeeze -- we know what happens then.


But wins like these are almost so cheezy that you're kind of
embarrassed to be a Twins fan, like saying it's the only way that we can consistently win, by bunting and hitting high choppers that turn into turf hits. Hey, it's going to win you some division titles and give you a good story for Tim Kurkjian to write about how a small-market team "consistently competes," but when playoff time rolls around, you're going to realize that the teams that are actually good, that have relied on talent to get them to the playoffs, are going to roll over you time and again. Even the 2006 Oakland A's, who weren't all that talented but are the epitome of anti-smallball, beat you handily. This isn't the '80s, when teams like the Cardinals and Astros regularly competed with the speed-based, Astroturf-assisted smallball that the Twins are apparently following. Classic Ron Gardenhire -- playing the game 20 years behind its time. Next year things are going to be different without artificial turf. I have a feeling that the team will remain largely the same, and the philosophy of small ball will still be intact. With Target Field playing totally different than the Metrodome, that could lead to some horrible results.


Slowey uncharacteristically walked four batters in his six innings, but Ron Gardenhire, one game after Nick Blackburn put forth the first (and perhaps only) complete game of the season, apparently thought that his starters couldn't go past six innings on Friday, so he characteristically lifted Slowey after ninety pitches for good ol' Matt Guerrier for the seventh inning. Guerrier pitched a clean seventh, though of course not without a mild heart attack, and Jose Mijares came on for the eighth inning. Mijares gave up a home run to some guy named Jeff Keppinger, which is unacceptable. The Twins have been doing this way too often lately -- giving up home runs to "some guys" -- people that you've never heard of that are pathetically terrible. I'll list the players who got home runs in the Pirates series and raise your hand if you've even heard of any of them -- Naijer Morgan, Andrew McCutchen, and two LaRoches (Andy and Adam). Now career journeyman infielder Jeff Keppinger goes deep on them. Terrible.


Then in a move of utter surprise, Ron Gardenhire brought in Joe Nathan to face Miguel Tejada to close out the eighth inning. It's the second time this month that Gardenhire has stooped to this level -- by that I mean make the obvious, correct managerial decision. Nathan got Tejada to strike out, and in the bottom of the eighth Seldom Young got his cheezy two-run lost-in-the-lights double to pad the lead and thereby seal the win for the Twins. Scott Baker goes tonight against Brian Moehler, he of the very hittable stuff and devilish 6.66 ERA. Twins better win.

JUNE 2, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 4, CLEVELAND 3

Joe Mauer hits another home run and drives in three runs, and Kevin Slowey improves to 8-1 on the season, as the Twins narrowly defeat the lowly Indians at the Metrodome by a score of 4-3. Mauer wasn't retired on Tuesday, as he went 3-3 against Cleveland starter David Huff and the bullpen. The Twins were comfortably ahead 4-0 in the seventh before Slowey sputtered and the bullpen nearly gave it up. In a shocking move, Ron Gardenhire did the unthinkable -- he brought in Joe Nathan in the eighth inning! Happy day! I was sure that the move was going to be Jesse Crain and the bullpen horror show would have continued, as Crain undoubtedly would have lost the game for the Twins. Not surprisingly, Nathan shut the door on the Tribe in the eighth and pitched a clean ninth for his tenth save in twelve tries.

Brendan Harris made a very solid defensive play at shortstop and collected two hits, proving once again why he is far and away the better all-around option at shortstop. Here's a guy who can hit fifth in your lineup, like he did Tuesday, and produce offensively (he went 2 for 4) while not being a liability in the field. Though his range is limited compared to Nick Punto, Harris makes up for it at the plate, certainly something that Punto (who I wish the Twins could DH for) cannot accomplish. And, as we saw on Tuesday, Harris is definitely capable of playing shortstop well. Alas, we better enjoy this while we can, because once Nick Punto is ready to play, you can guarantee that his .501 OPS will go right back into the everyday lineup. This is Ron Gardenhire we're talking about -- a scrappy, talent-deficient utility infielder who never got to start everyday when he played for the Mets in the early '80s. He's getting his comeuppance by letting Punto -- a player that no doubt reminds Gardenhire of himself -- start everyday, and by extension, he loses 4-5 games because of that inane decision.

Slowey again pitched good enough and had the run support to move to a somewhat deceiving 8-1 on the season. His last five starts have been really strong, and it always helps when the Twins average over six runs when Slowey is on the mound. We have to remember that Livan Hernandez started last season 6-1, and he wasn't with the team by the time August rolled around, to there's plenty of time for Slowey to fall down to earth (It's worth mentioning that Livan is 4-1 with a 4.33 ERA as the fifth starter for the Mets this year). But I had predicted a good season from Slowey before the year started, thinking he'd blossom into a 15-17 game winner this season. His first month and a half was only decent -- he was 5-1 but had an ERA of 4.50 in mid-May. But he's pitched well of late, and if he wins a few more games, he might be in line for an All-Star appearance. Hell, if he's 12-1 at the All-Star break (hypothetically speaking, of course) he may start the All-Star Game.

The bottom of the order continues to be the Achilles heel for the team. Joe Crede, who seems to get hurt every other day now, was out of the lineup again on Tuesday and Brian Buscher and his .176 average got the start at third. Delmon Young has numbers that suggest a certain Puntoesque Patheticness (a dreadful .536 OPS), and he had the collar again on Tuesday, going 0-4 with two strikeouts. Since returning from the "family emergency list" on May 24, Young has gone an amazing 3 for 30 with seventeen freaking strikeouts!!! There hasn't been a game that Young hasn't struck out at least once, and he's had three games which he's struck out three times in a game. When I heard Young's name being shopped in the offseason I was against that, as I thought that Young would bounce back from a dreadful 2008 campaign, but frankly it's stupid that the Twins didn't trade him. Right now I don't think the Twins could get anything for Young, certainly not the Jerrod Washburn-Jeff Clement package that they were intent on getting from the Mariners.

Something has got to be done with Young, who obviously isn't clicking here in Minnesota. It just goes to show how pathetic the Twins' hitting philosophies are and why homegrown players are the only hope for the Twins. It happened with Rondell White, Mike Lamb, Craig Monroe, and now Delmon Young -- they acquire these guys and then Joe Vavra and Ron Gardenhire try to make them into slap hitters. The stress that they put on "going the other way" with the pitch goes against these hitters' natural instincts, and especially with guys like White, Lamb, and Monroe, you can't teach an old dog new tricks. If you looked at those guys' numbers before they came to the Twins, it was apparent that these guys can hit -- why don't you just let them do what has made them successful to this point? Young is perhaps the one turnaround project that has worked the least; he's taken their advice to an extreme and has turned into a singles hitter at best. On the season, Young has two extra base hits and 24 singles. More than anything, Young needs to be himself, and I don't think that's going to be in a Twins uniform. Mark my words: once the Twins trade this guy, he will explode into a great offensive player, a la David Ortiz when he went to the Red Sox. The Twins seem to have a strange avocation to turning big, muscular, power-hitting behemoths into slap hitters; Ortiz is the shining example of what kind of player the Twins were missing out on.

Anthony Swarzak goes tonight for the Twins against Cleveland ace Cliff Lee, who has been a tough-luck loser all season long for the Tribe. Expect a low-scoring affair tonight.

MAY 27, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 4, BOSTON 2

Another victory for the Twins against the BoSox on Wednesday, as they beat the erratic Daisuke Matsuzaka, who threw four wild pitches in five sloppy innings. Kevin Slowey pitched good enough to get his seventh win on the season against only one defeat. His 99-pitch performance was deemed good enough for Ron Gardenhire, who lucked out with his bullpen on Wednesday. Jose Mijares pitched a clean seventh inning and started the eighth. Mijares got the first batter, and with two right-handed hitters up (and lefty David Ortiz following that), The Brain chose to keep Mijares in the game. Mijares would walk Kevin Youkilis, which prompted Gardenhire to bring in Matt Guerrier to face Jason Bay, one of the best hitters in the league. Talk about a mismatch, but Gardenhire lucked out again, as Bay grounded into a double play.

My question is, why stick with Mijares if you're going to take him out if he puts a man on base anyways? The only scenario in which Mijares would have finished the inning is if he got both right-handed batters out, or if he got Youkilis, Bay reached base, and Mijares faced Ortiz. If you're going to overmanage the game, overmanage it. Bring Guerrier in to face Youkilis and see what that gives you. It's these kind of moves that just make one scratch their heads. Suppose Guerrier gave up a hit to Bay -- now what do you do? Do you bring in lefty Sean Henn to face Ortiz? Are you prepared to use seven pitchers in an inning, Gardenhire? Moving a guy like Francisco Liriano to the bullpen would alleviate these concerns, as he could be that one or two-inning reliever that could bridge the gap from the starter to Joe Nathan, or at the very least be a consistent eighth-inning option. As long as Ron Gardenhire is committed to taking out his starters after six innings and 99 pitches, he's going to have nights like this, where his bullpen does its job. But probably more often he's going to have bullpen implosions, but apparently Ron Gardenhire is willing to let that happen thousands of times before he changes his gameplan.

Late in the ballgame, when Joe Nathan was warming up in the bullpen, the TV cameras caught a glimpse of Luis Ayala filling a role that I think is just fantastic -- ball boy. He was the guy that was "guarding" Nathan by defending possible foul balls from hitting the pitcher warming up. Talk about a really good role for Ayala -- too bad he would have to be the most expensive (and oldest, probably) ball boy in the history of the game. But it's a change that I certainly welcome. The way this guy throws the baseball makes one vomit.

Speaking of vomit, Nick Punto made up for his RBI single on Tuesday by sucking it up big time on Wednesday. He committed an error on a routine groundball in the first inning -- his fifth error of the season. As I've said before, the only way this guy has any value to a team is if he plays shortstop like Luis Aparicio. Instead, Punto's on pace for a 15-20 error season at shortstop, which is pretty pedestrian for a shortstop. The error almost led to a run for the Red Sox, as Dustin Pedroia was at third with one out. Slowey bailed out his shortstop by pitching out of that jam, but later in the game Punto made up for it at the plate. With Carlos Gomez on third (pinch-running, mind you -- it's not like he made it to third by himself) and one out, Punto was at the plate in a 4-2 ballgame. For whatever the reason, Ron Gardenhire didn't safety squeeze Gomez home -- he let Punto swing away. Of course, the guy meekly grounded out to second base, and Gomez was cut off trying to score on the play. In reality the guy that got hurt the most by Punto's patheticness was Red Sox catcher George Kattaras, who was bowled over by Gomez at the plate in a bone-rattling collision. Part of the blame has to go on Gardenhire here -- dude, do you know how bad Punto sucks at the plate? Do you watch to same game that I do? One thing that Punto can do fairly well is bunt the ball (it is, after all, the easiest thing to do in all of sports). Think of it this way -- if you're in the National League, what would you do in that situation if the pitcher was batting? Do you think you'd let him swing away?

The Twins go for the series win on Thursday afternoon, and Anthony Swarzak battles Red Sox ace Josh Beckett. Swarzak's major league debut went along swimmingly, and he'll no doubt have a tougher challenge on Thursday. Here's more good luck to the youngster; if he continues to pitch well, the Twins will be forced to make a rotation alteration. My stance remains the same -- move Liriano to the bullpen. It's not that I don't like Liriano -- I do, but I think that the move would be better for Liriano, the bullpen, and the team. Considering that, Ron Gardenhire probably won't do it.