OCTOBER 2, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 10, KANSAS CITY 7

They wouldn't be the 2009 Twins if they don't let a game against the 95-loss Royals in which they led by ten runs get far too interesting, as Kansas City scores the final seven runs in the ballgame but still loses by three. It was all probably a ploy to allow Joe Nathan to break the Twins' single-season saves record with his 46th save of the season, one-upping ex-Twins great Eddie Guardado's mark set in 2002. Though it got much too tense than it should have late in the ballgame, a win's a win, especially considering that Jake Peavy went out for the White Sox and totally dominated Detroit, and the Twins are still alive and kicking, one game out with two to go. If the Twins are to win both games against KC (a tough task considering they've drawn Zach Greinke today), Detroit will have to also win out to take the division without a one-game playoff. The scenario is so eerily similar to 2006, when the Tigers struggled for the last month of the season and limped into the playoffs while the Twins had been the hot team, getting into the playoffs on a high. As things often go, those patterns didn't stay true to form, as Detroit was the team that turned it on in the playoffs, getting to the World Series, and the Twins' season, which for all intents and purposes had ended on the last day of the regular season considering the lack of effort they gave forth in the ALDS against Oakland, was a stupendous flop for me. If the Twins win the division, they're going to celebrate their asses off, and then likely play some of the most embarrassing baseball anyone's ever seen against the Yankees. The biggest problem of this franchise is its mindset -- that a Central Division title is the end-all goal. That mindset owes a whole lot to its major endorser -- Ron Gardenhire.

As for Friday's contest, it appeared that the game was over by the second inning. Royals starter Lenny DiNardo was knocked out early after surrendering a Seldom Young grand slam in the first inning, among six hits he gave up in an inning-plus of work. Jason Kubel notched his 25th home run of the season in the 4th inning, and the entire Twins offense was clicking. In a trip back to simpler times, every Twins starter had at least one hit except Nick Punto, who so often loves being the exception to the rule offensively. Even Matt Tolbert got two hits, making it that much more possible that Ron Gardenhire decides to have a little more confidence in the Punch-and-Judy-meister. Jeff Manship got his first major league win, silencing those doubts as to why a guy who's pitched like regurgitated pumpkin seeds in the big leagues is pitching with the season on the line. The bullpen made it interesting, as always, as the vaunted combo of Crain-Mahay-Keppel allowed the Royals back in the game. On a side note, why is Bobby Keppel in the major leagues? This guy is such absolute garbage is hard to understand how he could make the St. Paul Saints or the Wichita Wingnuts, let alone a major-league roster, let alone a "contending" major league club. Remember the Oakland Disaster? The one game the Twins will look back on after this season and say, "why couldn't we keep a ten-run lead against a last place club?" Well, Keppel was a big part of that, and that question was nearly asked again on Friday, but luckily for the Twins, they held on, and, like Maxwell House, they're in it 'til the last drop.

Photos: AP/Jim Mone

SEPTEMBER 22, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 8, CHICAGO 6

The Twins outslug the White Sox on Tuesday, using four home runs to beat up on Jon Danks and the Pale Hose. Pitching wasn't great on either side of the diamond, as the Twins' Jeff Manship continued to confuse Twins fans as to why this guy is even in the big leagues to begin with, much less starting critical games down the stretch in a pennant race. Francisco Liriano couldn't pick up the trash, either, and it turned out that Jesse Crain, quickly becoming the vulture of the bullpen, actually got the win. The Twins spread out their offense again, using another good game from Michael Cuddyer, who seems to be either going 3 for 4 with a home run and multiple ribbies or he goes 0 for 4 with seven men left on base. Orlando Cabrera got the scoring started early with a two-run homer in the first, and even guys like Matt Tolbert got into the action by hitting a home run in the sixth inning. That's two career home runs for Tolbert, and they've both come at U.S. Cellular Field -- talk about a strange coincidence.

The Tigers won in Cleveland, however, dropping their magic number to ten games. Though the Twins certainly still have a shot at the division crown, it appears that this run of good baseball -- clearly the best they've played for any two weeks this entire season -- is a tragic case of too little, too late. Can you imagine where the Twins would be if Cuddyer could have played with the Superman cape on all season? Where would the Twins be if Nick Punto had merely flirted with .230 all season long instead of having to make a strong case for the worst all-around player in big league history? Or how about if the bullpen had even remotely shown the fans a smidgen of what they've seen lately -- namely, little of Bobby Keppel and R.A. Dickey, and a lot of Joe Nathan and Jose Mijares and a solid Matt Guerrier? A Seldom Young that didn't go 0 for 4 with three strikeouts on a daily basis, but one that can chip in a hit or two here or there? When you play a 162-game schedule, consistency is the name of the game in order to get into the playoffs, and frankly the Twins just haven't deserved to get into the playoffs based on their lack of consistency. But, for whatever it's worth, they are making the final few weeks of the season meaningful, and I know I'm not the only one that is glad that the Twins are making a late-season push for the playoffs. The major sports networks like ESPN are pleased as punch that the Twins are making it at least mildly interesting, because the rest of the league is mired in playoff-fever-immunity. So much for that "competitive balance," Mr. Selig, as it seems like the big spenders are getting their way this season, at the expense of the fans and any sort of September excitement.

Photos: AP/Charles Rex Arbogast

SEPTEMBER 21, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 7, CHICAGO 0

The Twins take care of business on the South Side of Chicago, beating rookie Daniel Hudson in his first major league start 7-0. Nick Blackburn notched his third win of the second half of the season by pitching shutout ball for seven innings. The Twins spread out the offense, letting guys like Nick Punto go 2 for 2 and Orlando Cabrera 2 for 4, while their bigger stars like Joe Mauer and Jason Kubel were happy to take a lesser role in the victory. The win came with a cost, however, as Denard Span had to leave the game due to getting plunked in the head by reliever Randy Williams in the sixth inning. Just what the Twins need right about now -- they're already playing shorthanded due to the injuries to Justin Morneau and Joe Crede. If Span is forced out of the lineup for an extended period, that might prove to be more costly than the other injuries. Span's value is supremely underrated, especially considering that the second spot in the batting order has been a foreboding abyss for most of this season. Much of the production that the middle of the lineup had was made possible by Span's great season. With him out of the lineup, who bats leadoff for you? Carlos Gomez? Matt Tolbert? I don't even want to know.

With the Tigers idle, the Twins creep to two and a half games behind Detroit with a dozen games left. The Tigers' magic number remains at eleven, and they play in Cleveland for three games starting Tuesday. Monday's win was critical for the Twins, as they needed to take advantage of the obvious pitching mismatch that pitted Blackburn against a wet-behind-the-ears rookie in Hudson. Now they have to deal with Jon Danks and Mark Buehrle, two tough southpaws that the Twins have classically struggled against, and the Twins have to counter with Jeff Manship (really -- he's your best option to win?) and Brian Duensing. A sweep would be sweet, of course, but in reality a split of the last two games is all the Twins could hope for. They'll finally have to face Zach Greinke when they play Kansas City this weekend, and they need to maintain some amount of the momentum they've had when they go into Detroit next week.

On a side note, I see that the Twins and the Vikings face a potential scheduling snafu should the Twins tie the Tigers and force a one-game playoff. The Vikes play host to the Packers on Monday Night Football on the fifth of October, the Monday following the end of the regular season. The NFL won't accomodate a scheduling change in order to appease MLB, and it appears that the situation might be dire. But it confuses the hell out of me, because last season the Twins and White Sox played their one-game playoff on a Tuesday. I do remember that the Sox had to make up a game with Detroit the day before, but with the rest of the playoffs starting on Wednesday anyways, it doesn't seem like that much of a hassle to play the playoff game (if there even is one) on Tuesday. Whatever -- I just needed to say that.

SEPTEMBER 12, 2009 -- OAKLAND 4, MINNESOTA 2

Another loss at the hands of the pathetic Athletics drops the Twins two games under .500 and it's yet another example of the wasted opportunities that the Twins have had to gain on the suddenly slumping Tigers. Detroit hasn't won a game since last Sunday's thrilling comeback win in Tampa Bay, going 0-5, yet all the Twins have been able to do is gain a paltry game and a half on first place. In fact, with the White Sox winning yesterday in Anaheim, the Twins have fallen back to third place in the division -- this is notable considering the Twins had a 3 1/2 game lead over Chicago for second place just ten days ago. It makes you think that the Twins surely could have come back on Detroit, except for the fact that the Twins just aren't that good of a team. And it really doesn't help when minor-leaguers like Jeff Manship are called upon to stop the bleeding. Manship's longest start in the majors is a five-inning performance, and on Saturday he lasted only a few batters into the fifth. Walks came back to haunt the Twins in a big way, as the A's scored the two game-winning runs in the fifth without the benefit of a single base hit. Manship walked the first two batters (facing the eight and nine hitters, no less) and gave way to Jesse Crain, who promptly walked the first batter he faced. Two sacrifice flies later, the A's had a two run lead, and they used that same margin to coast to a victory.

Brett Anderson pitched like an ace against the Twins, mowing them down over seven innings. Michael Wuertz and Andrew Bailey slammed the door on the Twins in the late innings, and the Twins offense continued to sleepwalk down the stretch. The biggest tragedy of this season has been the fact that the Twins, with the talent they have, should be RUNNING AWAY with this division. Detroit hasn't shown any real moxie down the stretch following that Tampa Bay series, and the fact remains that 85 wins will likely win this division. Right now, the Twins can't guarantee themselves a winning season, and when you have guys like Mauer and Morneau and Span and Kubel all having career years or close to it (Morneau's last month and a half will be most remembered, however, as his struggles have stood for the struggles of the whole offense lately), you'd like to think you have a good chance to win a weak division. But it always comes down to pitching, and this season has been a flashback to the good old Dick Such days of the mid-90s. To rewrite the classic Simon and Garfunkel song, Where have you gone, Scott Aldred?

Photos: AP/Tom Olmscheid

SEPTEMBER 7, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 6, TORONTO 3

The Twins use a five-run first inning against Blue Jays starter Scott Richmond to coast to a relatively easy win for the Twins on Labor Day. No win, of course, comes easy to the Twins these days, but especially considering the fact that the Twins hadn't won in Canada since Brad Radke started a game, the Twins victory over the below-.500 Jays was certainly worth noting. After that first inning, the Twins' bats went to sleep as if they were still in Cleveland, but the damage was done, and six pitchers were able to fend off Toronto the rest of the way. One thing that I have learned from the 2009 Twins is that no lead is safe, so even after the five run first, we knew that that just wouldn't be enough for Jeff Manship and company. To give the pitching staff credit, they did buckle down when they needed to, inducing two pop-ups with runners on third and less than two outs. With the Tigers idle on the holiday, the Twins actually gained ground on first-place Detroit; however, with the Tigers in Kansas City ready to feast on the Royals and the Twins ready to struggle against Toronto like it's 2007 (especially with Roy Halladay in the rear-view mirror, coming off a one-hit shutout of the Yankees), don't expect the Twins to make any serious movement towards first-place anytime this week.

Michael Cuddyer and Justin Morneau both snapped their long hitless streaks with cheesy base hits in the first inning -- Morneau's was a seeing-eye fourteen-hopper through the right side, and Cuddyer's was a one-handed lob shot that doinked into center field. If the Twins want to retain their hold on second place, these two guys will have to pick up the slack, Morneau in particular. Cuddyer's garbage and we all know it; Morneau is the key in this equation. It might be that he's still feeling the ill effects of those dizzy spells he came down with in Texas a few weeks back, but it does appear that a late-season swoon has become commonplace for Morneau. Had Morneau had a better September last season (and in particular that last homestand where he simply didn't show up), the Twins would have made the postseason and he may have deservedly won another MVP title. Again, he picks the absolute worst time to go into an extended cold slump, and when Morneau's not hitting, that effects everyone in the lineup, most of all Joe Mauer. Cuddyer's a fifth wheel on the team who's best known for his "sloppy seconds" approach to run-production; namely, when the runs are to be had, Cuddyer's got no qualms about getting a little piece for himself. When the game's on the line, Cuddyer chokes more than a donkey with a small esophagus, and that's the extend of his "value."

Photos: AP & The Canadian Press/Darren Calabrese

SEPTEMBER 1, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 4, CHICAGO 3

Jeff Manship does a yeoman's job as a spot starter, tossing five innings of one-run ball to keep his team in the game, and Jose Morales, he of the "I shoulda been playing in the majors all year long but the team likes its no-talent character guy bring-your-lunch-in-a-lunchpail Mike Redmond more," delivers the game-winning hit in the bottom of the ninth inning to give his team the victory. Tom Kelly was quoted as saying that Jose Morales is "the most professional hitter" the Twins have in Triple-A, which is saying something whe you see how many non-professional hitters the Twins have on their major league roster (Redmond, Nick Punto, Alexi Casilla). Morales' hit bailed out Matty Guerrier, who delivered another Matt Guerrier Special in the top of the eighth inning when he gave up the game-tying home run to the first batter he faced, Gordon Beckham. Jon Rauch got his second victory in two appearances since becoming a Twin, quickly making a name for himself as the vulture of the bullpen.

Morales' hit also bailed out Carlos Gomez, whose ninth-inning at-bat with the game on the line is such an epitome of the terrible hitter that Gomez is that it will certainly not go unnoticed. After Jason Kubel singled off Sox reliever Matt Thornton to start the inning, Brendan Harris singled pinch-runner Nick Punto over to third base with one out. That's the situation: first and third, one out. A sacrifice fly would win the game. In all likelihood a ground ball up the middle might end the game, because Gomez's speed is such that a double-play would be tough to turn. In short, Gomez has plenty of ways in which he can make an out and the game would be over. But, as I've mentioned in my Doghouse post on Gomez, he is probably the last player on the team that I'd want at the plate in this kind of situation. Everyone in the building knows that Gomez is going to strike out; it's not even a question at this point. You might as well name a church after Gomez if he actually produces the run because that's damn near a miracle in my book. Sure as shit, Gomez strikes out, and everyone gets to forget about that folly because Morales came through in the next at-bat, pinch-hitting for Alexi Casilla. My question is this, Ron Gardenhire: why not pinch-hit Morales for Gomez?

The Twins go for the sweep this afternoon with Brian Douchebag on the mound facing Mark Buehrle. The Tigers beat the hapless Indians on Tuesday, so the Twins remain three and a half games behind Detroit for first place. Every game from here on out is crucial, and especially when you're facing a team that's down and out like the White Sox, you need to win these games.

AP: (1) AP/Ann Heisenfelt; (2) Getty Images/Jonathan Daniel

AUGUST 31, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 4, CHICAGO 1

A solid game for the Twins, in which they actually get a good pitching performance from Nick Blackburn, who notched his first win since Ron Gardenhire's ingenious idea to rest a sinkerball pitcher for ten games straddling the All-Star Break. Granted, the win came against the Chicago White Sox, who traded Jim Thome and Jose Contreras after the game and most likely were working on deals to send Jermaine Dye and Scott Linebrink to other contenders, too. Six games out with a month to go, the White Sox have basically risen to white flag, and will try to collect themselves for a serious run next season. Though it's not the best PR-type move, it's probably the correct move, as the White Sox acknowledge (especially after starting this crucial roadtrip 1-7, playing top-eschelon teams like the Yankees and Red Sox and finding out that they just can't compete with the cream of the crop) that they won't go far this season, even if they make the playoffs, and players like Thome and Contreras are in the declining phases of their careers anyway. Their two top acquisitions, Jake Peavy and Alex Rios, are real pieces of their future rather than temporary stopgaps to win a weak division this season (Orlando Cabrera and Carl Pavano, anybody?).


Getting back to Monday's game, it was nice to see Nick Blackburn turn the corner, as he's going to be perhaps the most important piece in the Twins' drive to a division title. Scott Baker and Carl Pavano are certainly not a scary 1-2 punch, and without a solid 3 behind them (Blackburn), their weaknesses are going to be greatly accentuated. If Blackburn can pitch even half as good as he was going before The Brain had his genius idea to rest him for ten days between the All-Star break, the Twins' playoff chances are going to be that much better. If not, that means more pressure on guys like Jeff Manship (making his first major-league start tonight [gulp]) and Brian Douchebag, and if you thought at the beginning of the season that the Twins would be depending on Brian Douchebag and Jeff Manship, you'd probably have laughed, and hard. Glen Perkins apparently isn't the answer, as he was optioned down to Triple-A after he was activated from the disabled list, but hey, there's potential help on the way -- Boof Bonser might be ready to pitch by the end of the season!! Here's a guy who's so bad that his 2008 season made the Matt Guerrier Horror Show look like Sesame Street. Not that Ron Gardenhire lost any sort of faith in the guy, what with his 5.93 ERA and all.


You probably noticed that there was nary a mention of the rumor that the Twins had claimed Rich Harden off waivers from the Cubs and were trying to work out a deal with Chicago for the right-handed power pitcher. I've been around the block with this club to know with absolute certainty that that sort of move just never happens with this club. Sure, Harden would've been a great pick-up, likely becoming the staff ace (by default, no less). But it's just entertaining to think how those trade talks would have went. Cubs GM Jim Hendry would have explained to Bill Smith his side of the story:
HENDRY: "He's a free agent at the end of the year and we'd get two high draft picks if we lost him, so we're not just going to give him away for nothing. How 'bout that Valencia that you've got, and we kind of like that Rob Delaney, too."
SMITH: "Well, how's Matt Tolbert, Yohan Pino -- oh wait, I just traded him last week -- um, Armando Gabino, and I've got this two-for-one coupon from Domino's..."
HENDRY: "What? OK, how about either Valencia or Delaney or Slama and then a lower prospect."
SMITH: "You're right. Tolbert's just too much like the player we want around here. Frankly I don't know what Ron's doing with Tolbert in Rochester. So, how about Tyler Ladendorf? He's good, you know. And I've got this thing with Netflix, where I can give new customers a 30-day trial for free. I'd get a free rental by referring you, so it'd help us both out. Do you have Netflix?"
HENDRY: [click]
SMITH: "Jim?"

Photos: (1) AP/Paul Battaglia; (2) www.sethspeaks.net; (3) AP/Paul Beaty

AUGUST 29, 2009 -- TEXAS 3, MINNESOTA 0

The Twins follow up a nice victory against the Rangers on Friday with a pitiful effort against Scott Feldman and company, as they aren't able to score a single run off the Texas pitching staff and lose 3-0. Yet again, the Twins can't buy a hit with runners in scoring position, as they revert back to their old selves and strike out with guys at third and one out, as was the case so often for most of the season. The two biggest threats that the Twins posed were in the fifth and sixth innings against Feldman; in the fifth, Alexi Casilla struck out with Brendan Harris on third and one out. As you've probably noticed, Casilla's name has been largely absent from this site for a while, mainly because he was hitting much better than he had earlier in the season (granted, it's only a small accomplishment to raise your batting average from the .160-range to .201), but for that kind of non-production, Casilla's once again persona non grata here at the MTRC. Jason Kubel popped up in the same situation an inning later, and Michael Cuddyer's strike out to end the inning (what? Michael Cuddyer striking out in a pressure situation? No, really?) was the final nail in the coffin for the Twins. They didn't get a guy on base over the final three innings, and went softly into the night against the competitive Rangers. Again, the Twins fail to move on the Tigers, whose loss earlier in the day opened the door for the Twins to gain ground.

Carl Pavano didn't pitch horribly, but he did go out there and get his team in a hole right away, giving up two quick runs in the first inning. When your offense decides to take the day off, and collect only four hits and zero hits with guys in scoring position, two runs is far too many runs to give up. It's yet another example of the Twins failing to click on one facet of the game. Desparate for some kind of consistency in their starting rotation, it's that much more frustrating when their pitching can keep them in ballgames but then see the team lose because their offense phoned in the effort. Sure, they're only 4 and 1/2 games out, but the team that "we've all been waiting for" still hasn't come out to play this season, and that team that came out of spring training is a lot different than the players that are taking the field right now for the Twins. Pavano might as well be their ace for the starts that he's put forth, Brian Douchebag has a role that's much too big for a team that fashions itself as a contender, and as of Sunday Jeff Manship is going to be starting the Wednesday afternoon tilt against the White Sox, thereby becoming the second pitcher to be making his major-league debut during the "pennant chase." The one thing it certainly doesn't breed is a whole lot of confidence.

AUGUST 20, 2009 -- TEXAS 11, MINNESOTA 1

Two comeback wins by the Twins were enough for them to salvage a split in the series, so Ron Gardenhire's bunch felt that it would be acceptable to phone in their effort for Thursday's game, and the results clearly showed a pitiful effort. The Rangers hit four home runs off Twins starter Anthony Swarzak, who again showed everyone watching that his scouting report has been duly circulated throughout the league and that teams know what to expect when he pitches. Especially considering his stuff isn't dazzling to begin with, that's a recipe for absolute disaster, and Swarzak followed the pattern set by, well, all the other starters when he put the Twins down 4-0 early. Seldom Young continued his hot streak (who knew?) when he led off the fifth with a home run, and the Twins mounted a threat in the sixth, loading the bases with one out. Ranger fans were probably groaning as they were expecting the same course of events to occur in Thursday's game that also happened the previous two nights: that the Twins, namely, would score four in the sixth to get back in the game, as they had on both Tuesday and Wednesday. Well, after Ron Washington put rookie Neftali Feliz into the game, Joe Crede silenced all that crap by tapping into an inning ending 5-3 double play, thereby extinguishing both the rally and the chance to win.

Swarzak started the bottom of the sixth by giving up his fourth homer of the game, and the inning wouldn't end until Jeff Manship could stop the bleeding. In between the Swarzak-Manship sandwich was another classic outing by Bobby Keppel, who's becoming kind of like the evil cream in the middle of a disastrous Oreo cookie of failure. More traditionally that cookie, which apparently stands for those big innings ("crooked numbers," as certifiable idiot Dick Bremer would say) that the bullpen is wont to give up, involves such notables as Jesse Crain and R.A. Dickey; Keppel's usually been part of that mix, too, and Thursday was no exception, as he faced three batters and all three Rangers hit doubles off Keppel. Talk about thrifty patheticness -- Bobby Keppel has mastered that art.

With the dramatic comeback win for the Tigers on Thursday afternoon, the Twins dropped back to 6 1/2 games behind the front-running Tigers (and 4 1/2 behind the second-place Pale Hose), which means that even with the two impressive comeback wins in Texas, the Twins ended up losing a half-game in the standings. Justin Morneau, meanwhile, will see a specialist concerning his inner ear infection that kept him out of the lineup for pretty much all of the Texas series. An injury to Morneau would be fatal for the team, and a trip to the disabled list just might put the final nail in the coffin to this season. But first they have to travel to Kansas City to put forth what likely will be a pathetic effort. Luke Hochevar, who looked nothing better than Bret Saberhagen the last time he faced the Twins, will be on the hill for the Royals, and Nick Blackburn, he of the 0-4, 10.17 ERA since Ron Gardenhire rested him for ten days between the All Star Break, will oppose him for the Twins.

Photos: AP/Tony Gutierrez.

AUGUST 17, 2009 -- TEXAS 8, MINNESOTA 5

Yet another bad start for Francisco Liriano, and after the game Ron Gardenhire announced that the young southpaw would be placed on the disabled list for a "tired arm," or technically speaking, "suck-itis," which is a disease that has plagued the pitching staff all season long. It doesn't seem like there's any real reason for Liriano to be put on the DL; if anything it may be better for his morale than if the team rightfully sent him back down to Triple-A. My guess is that the Twins are just going to shut Liriano down for the rest of the season and figure out a gameplan for how to use Liriano in 2010 -- either in the starting staff or in the bullpen. In any case, Phil Humber returns from Triple-A, in yet another example of the Twins calling up less deserving guys from Triple-A. Slama and Delaney continue to toil in the minors, and even Juan Morillo, who looked awful in a cup of coffee early in the season, has apparently righted the ship in Rochester and throws absolute gas. But Humber it is; apparently they tried to call up Kevin Mulvey but his phone went straight to voicemail and it's pointless to leave a message at that point because you know they aren't going to get the message for at least a day.


Liriano's line was a gaudy one on Monday: two innings pitched, seven hits, seven runs, two walks, a hit batter, and one strikeout. And this was after he was given a brief lead by Joe Mauer's 23rd homer of the year in the first inning. Mauer, by the way, was the only hitter it seemed that wasn't catatonic, as he collected almost half the Twins' hits (3 of their seven) and pushed his average to .380. For the third straight game, Ron Gardenhire was forced to exhaust his bullpen early, and this time Bobby Keppel came in and did a pretty good job in relief, throwing 3 1/3 shutout innings to provide a little bit of relief and allowing the Twins to get back in the game. Then Gardy had to use Jose Mijares and Matty Guerrier earlier than usual, in the fifth, sixth, and seventh innings; aside from the expected Matt Guerrier insurance run that he surrendered, those innings went fine. Then Ron Gardenhire did a very strange thing: he put in Brian Douchebag, who he had announced would (graciously) start for Anthony Swarzak on Thursday, on the mound for the eighth inning. What??? After the game, of course, Ron Gardenhire told the press that Swarzak would make the start after all because he felt forced (apparently) to use Douchebag in the eighth inning when guys like Jeff Manship, a converted starter who's thrown exactly 2 1/3 innings since being called up last week, were more than available to pitch. This was the second straight game where Ron Gardenhire made some curious moves with his pitching staff (sending in Jesse Crain in the third inning on Sunday, when the team is glutted with long relievers) and it's further proof that this man is purely bat-shit insane.


One piece of good news that did occur for the Twins on Monday was their signing of first-round pick Kyle Gibson. In classic Twins fashion, the deal went right down to the deadline, as the two sides agreed to terms about ten minutes before the midnight deadline. Gibson's a college pitcher, and this is an organization that's suddenly pitching thin, so Gibson's signing, though his impact at the major league level is a few years away at the least, is good news for the club. Hell, the Twins need to fill Liriano's spot in the rotation on Saturday -- I wonder what Gibson's up to that day? It can't be any worse than the prospect of seeing Douchebag or Phil Humber out there. And it keeps getting funnier (but sad at the same time) to hear Dick Bremer and Bert Blyleven still believe that the Twins can make a run. Take a look at their starting rotation -- how on earth can teams even ponder the idea of postseason baseball when Thursday's starter comes into the eighth inning on Monday and Saturday's starter is potentially flying in from Triple-A? The acquisitions of Orlando Cabrera and Carl Pavano (Tuesday's starter) continue to be dwarfed by their divisional rivals -- the White Sox will try to plug their fifth-starter spot in the rotation by Freddy Garcia, and more importantly the Tigers addressed their biggest weakness (the lineup) by getting Aubrey Huff from Baltimore for virtually nothing (a Single-A reliever). Huff's 73 ribbies will fit in nicely in that order and make Detroit that much better come playoff time. But, hey, keep us informed on that "three-team" divisional race in the Central, Dick.

Photos: (1,2) AP/Tony Gutierrez; (3) University of Missouri Media Relations

AUGUST 12, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 7, KANSAS CITY 1

It would be nice to think that the Twins could build on Wednesday's easy 7-1 win against the Royals and that perhaps they could start a winning streak and become a serious threat to win the Central Division. But there just hasn't been enough of this to believe that the Twins can start winning a lot of games in a row. The Twins have won exactly three times in their last eleven games, and the scores of those wins has been 10-1, 11-0, and 7-1. They have responded to those blowout victories with blowout losses, terrible pitching, untimely hitting, poor defense and always pathetic managing. It just goes to show how inconsistent this team has been, that they can play near flawless baseball one night and come back the very next game and don't even put forth a semi-effort. For what it's worth, Francisco Liriano responded to the imminent danger of being sent to the bullpen by what was perhaps his best outing of the season. He gave up a home run to the second batter he faced on Wednesday (to the power-challenged Willie Bloomquist, no less), but after that gave up only two more hits for the rest of his seven innings. He struck out eight and more importantly walked only one. His command was sharp and he actually looked like wanted to be on the mound. In a season that has been marked with frustrating inconsistency, Liriano has perhaps been the shining example of that inconsistency. If the Twins can get some solid pitching from Liriano down the stretch, that will be certainly encouraging; but as long as the other spots in the rotation continue to be a sore spot, Liriano can pitch like it's 2006 and it won't make much of a difference.

Joe Crede came back from (take a guess) another injury and promptly belted a three-run home run in his first at-bat in the first inning, capping a five-run inning off Royals starter Brian Bannister that the Twins used to coast to the victory. Crede's been just about what the Twins asked for when they signed him in the offseason. He'll provide a little pop in the order while hitting for a low average and getting on base sparingly. And we all kind of knew about his fragility and thought that the idea of Crede playing on turf would spell doom for his back, and it's been pretty much an assortment of injuries that's sharply limited his playing time. For the kind of numbers Crede is putting up (sub-.300 on-base percentage), it's not like the Twins should really be missing them. The guy pops up to the infield more than anybody else I've ever seen (even Nick Punto and Michael Cuddyer), but that being said, he's a lot better than the alternatives that the Twins have. Brendan Harris has limited range at third base, Brian Buscher is toiling in Triple-A, and Nick Punto couldn't crack the St. Paul Saints roster if the Twins weren't insane enough to give him $4 million a season, so when Crede's out of the lineup, it's not a good thing.


The Twins are so desperate for pitching that Ron Gardenhire is forced to do something pretty much unheard of from Ronny Boy: skip a starter and move up his ace, Carl Pavano, to pitch the Thursday afternoon matinee. Pavano's on his normal rest and such a move (especially considering what the Twins' back end of the rotation consists of) would be obvious to most people. But we're talking about Ron Gardenhire here, and if there's ever a guy who would want guys like Anthony Swarzak and Nick Blackburn and Glen Perkins to take a turn in the rotation just because it won't "screw things up," it's Ron Gardenhire. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if Jeff Manship, who was called up to replace the disabled Perkins on Wednesday, gets a crack at a few starts. Anything is better than what they have. Put it this way -- Armando Galarraga has had a bad season for the Tigers and his status as Detroit's #5 starter has been in limbo for much of the season. If he were on the Twins, he might damn well be their top starter. That's depressing.