SEPTEMBER 14, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 6, CLEVELAND 3

Again the Twins sleepwalk through seven shutout innings against mediocre-at-best Jeremy Sowers, and it appeared as if the Twins were on their way, thanks to a late comeback win by the Tigers, to falling further behind Detroit. But then a funny thing happened on the way to third place: the Twins came back, picking themselves off the mat. A clutch three-run home run off the bat of Michael Cuddyer (no, really!) tied the game off reliever Chris Perez, and then the Twins used rinky-dinky cheeseball to take the lead. Matt Tolbert, playing in a "pennant race" for some reason, doinked a bloop double behind third base after Seldom Young had singled, and Young would score on a wild pitch/passed ball. Jason Kubel would launch a home run later in the at-bat, and the Twins' six-spot they put on the board in the eighth was enough to carry them past the pitiful Indians. It was nice to see the Twins win a game when their opponents' reliever put up a Matt Guerrier Special, but the biggest news of the night would come to the surface during the post-game interviews.


Justin Morneau's done for the season, as is Joe Crede's (most likely), as both players' backs have officially crapped out. Morneau, frankly, has been nothing short of terrible lately, but it goes without saying that this injury is potentially fatal for the Twins' chances of holding on to second place. Add Crede's injury, and that means a few things: one, it means more playing time for guys like Carlos Gomez and/or Seldom Young, and it means more playing time for Nick Punto and/or Matt Tolbert. Any way you cut it, the two injuries makes the Twins that much worse offensively. Especially when you have a manager who's willing to play guys like Matt Tolbert in "key games down the stretch," these injuries will force Ron Gardenhire to be creative, which is kind of like asking a kindergartener to go without cake at his birthday party. Lots of tears will ensue and it'll probably mean that you'll have to clean the drapes afterwards.


If the Twins want any shot at first place, they'll have to sweep the Tigers this weekend at the Dome, and if they really want that to happen, they're going to have to win these games against an inferior opponent in order to gain momentum. Scott Baker has been pitching lights-out as of late, and he faces Fausto Carmona, owner of some pretty ugly numbers who mowed down the Twins the last time he faced them.

Photos: (1) AP/Jim Mone; (2) AP/Ben Margot

SEPTEMBER 13, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 8, OAKLAND 0

Finally the Twins can beat the Oakland Athletics at home. It really, really shouldn't have been this hard, but considering what kind of team that the Twins have, it should not come as any surprise that they lost two out of three. This time it's Brian Duensing (I'm retiring my "Douchebag" moniker for now, as he's hardly been doucheing it up lately; rather, he's damn near been the best pitcher the Twins put out there) who gets the win, pitching shutout ball over seven innings. Scattering eight hits over those seven innings and wiggling his way out of jams, Duensing was deserving of the win, and the Twins offense finally showed up, providing most of their eight runs early against Oakland starter Gio Gonzalez. Joe Mauer had three hits, including his 27th home run of the season, and most of the lineup was clicking -- except for Joe Crede, who started his first game in three weeks in the designated hitter spot, and went Seldom Young on everybody by going 0 for 4 with four strikeouts. Glad to have you back, Joe.

Of course, with the Twins winning, the Tigers won as well, and the Twins remain five and a half games behind first-place Detroit. It's getting to that point in the season where even certifiable idiots like Dick Bremer are beginning to doubt whether or not the Twins can actually overtake Detroit. Two pathetic losses to the hands of a last-place team like the Oakland A's will make even the most gullible sap skeptical, and I think that's certainly worth noting (this coming from the same moron, Bremer, who Sunday predicted on-air that the Baltimore Orioles would be a surprise team in 2010 [stiffled laughter]). The lack of any sense of urgency on the part of the Twins is really disturbing to anyone even remotely aware of sports. Alas, the Twins do end up playing the Tigers seven times down the stretch, and especially at the Dome, the Twins seem to have their number. And acknowledging that the Twins don't have the heart to compete here when it really counts, the Tigers haven't played well at all either here in the last week. Can somebody please win this division? Dare I say a .500 record could win the Central. As far as the Twins go, what's most important this season is that they simply don't deserve any team accolades that can possibly be given them.

Photos: AP/Jim Mone

AUGUST 28, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 3, TEXAS 2

The three runs that the Twins score off Ranger starter Tommy Hunter is just barely enough to beat Texas, as Brian Douchebag puts forth his first solid start as a major leaguer. To give Douchebag props, he went out there and shut down a potent Rangers offense, limiting them to three hits over seven innings. Of course, shutting down potent offenses over seven innings and 96 pitches is just too much to ask, so Matty Guerrier was on the hill for the eighth inning, and if not for Joe Mauer throwing out potential base stealer Elvis Andrus, Guerrier would have surrendered a run, and David Murphy's blast off Joe Nathan in the ninth came about five feet from clearing the baggie. By the hair on their chinny-chin-chin, the Twins squeek one out at home, but again fail to move on the Tigers, as they handily defeat the Rays at home. The Twins do move into second place due to the White Sox losing to the Yankees, but as long as the Tigers continue to win, they're going to be hard to catch coming down the stretch.

The Twins did some roster maneuvering on Friday, acquiring both Jon Rauch from Arizona and Ron Mahay from Kansas City to "bolster" their bullpen. The Rauch acquisition I actually like, as the Twins will likely retain Rauch for next season at a modest price (around $3 million). The tallest player to ever play in the big leagues, the 6-11 Rauch could also potentially be a boon for the Timberwolves, as their GM has been so anti-Bill Smith this offseason (i.e., making moves) that I couldn't name you two players on that team right now. Mahay, on the other hand, is the classic Twins move. He's had a terrible season with the Royals this season; a 4.79 ERA for a left-handed one out guy ("LOOGY," as they're referred to in some circles) isn't that impressive, and he's given up a whopping 55 hits in 41 innings, including nine home runs. It's funny that Craig Breslow, who the Twins shipped out in May, has benefited from the change of scenery in Oakland and has had a pretty good run with the A's; Mahay's acquisition is such that he basically becomes a lesser Breslow, and in no way does his presence in that bullpen do anything to improve the ballclub. Sure, he may alleviate the pressure and stress on Jose Mijares' arm, but if the guy can't get batters out, it doesn't really matter. Yet, the Twins acquisition that I disliked the most was the one that flew completely under the radar, and that was the Twins sending Yohan Pino, their best starter in Rochester, to the Indians to complete the Carl Pavano deal. Remember that I had said that Pino was more deserving of the call-up than Armando Gabino was, and now the Twins have dispatched Pino for the two months that they'll get from Pavano. You'd like to think that the Twins got Rauch for next to nothing, as a "player to be named later" was sent to the D-Backs; but, knowing Bill Smith, that player to be named later just might as well be Danny Valencia or Anthony Slama.

Joe Crede finally went on the disabled list (for the first time this season, amazingly) and Jose Morales was dutifully called up from Triple-A. Crede's injury likely means more playing time for Nick Punto, and we all know how great that is. And with the rosters expanding in September, the suddenly new-look Twins are about to get a new batch of fresh faces to join them for the "pennant chase." Remember what Ron Gardenhire did last season when he put those minor-leaguers in key spots down the stretch -- he damn well lost the season because he put Jason Pridie (in his major league debut) in for defense in Toronto and Pridie ended up committing a costly error which cost the team the game (and, by extension, the season). So what green rookie is Ron Gardenhire planning on ruining the season with this September?

Photos: (1) AP/Andy King; (2) AP/Ben Margot

AUGUST 20, 2009 -- TEXAS 11, MINNESOTA 1

Two comeback wins by the Twins were enough for them to salvage a split in the series, so Ron Gardenhire's bunch felt that it would be acceptable to phone in their effort for Thursday's game, and the results clearly showed a pitiful effort. The Rangers hit four home runs off Twins starter Anthony Swarzak, who again showed everyone watching that his scouting report has been duly circulated throughout the league and that teams know what to expect when he pitches. Especially considering his stuff isn't dazzling to begin with, that's a recipe for absolute disaster, and Swarzak followed the pattern set by, well, all the other starters when he put the Twins down 4-0 early. Seldom Young continued his hot streak (who knew?) when he led off the fifth with a home run, and the Twins mounted a threat in the sixth, loading the bases with one out. Ranger fans were probably groaning as they were expecting the same course of events to occur in Thursday's game that also happened the previous two nights: that the Twins, namely, would score four in the sixth to get back in the game, as they had on both Tuesday and Wednesday. Well, after Ron Washington put rookie Neftali Feliz into the game, Joe Crede silenced all that crap by tapping into an inning ending 5-3 double play, thereby extinguishing both the rally and the chance to win.

Swarzak started the bottom of the sixth by giving up his fourth homer of the game, and the inning wouldn't end until Jeff Manship could stop the bleeding. In between the Swarzak-Manship sandwich was another classic outing by Bobby Keppel, who's becoming kind of like the evil cream in the middle of a disastrous Oreo cookie of failure. More traditionally that cookie, which apparently stands for those big innings ("crooked numbers," as certifiable idiot Dick Bremer would say) that the bullpen is wont to give up, involves such notables as Jesse Crain and R.A. Dickey; Keppel's usually been part of that mix, too, and Thursday was no exception, as he faced three batters and all three Rangers hit doubles off Keppel. Talk about thrifty patheticness -- Bobby Keppel has mastered that art.

With the dramatic comeback win for the Tigers on Thursday afternoon, the Twins dropped back to 6 1/2 games behind the front-running Tigers (and 4 1/2 behind the second-place Pale Hose), which means that even with the two impressive comeback wins in Texas, the Twins ended up losing a half-game in the standings. Justin Morneau, meanwhile, will see a specialist concerning his inner ear infection that kept him out of the lineup for pretty much all of the Texas series. An injury to Morneau would be fatal for the team, and a trip to the disabled list just might put the final nail in the coffin to this season. But first they have to travel to Kansas City to put forth what likely will be a pathetic effort. Luke Hochevar, who looked nothing better than Bret Saberhagen the last time he faced the Twins, will be on the hill for the Royals, and Nick Blackburn, he of the 0-4, 10.17 ERA since Ron Gardenhire rested him for ten days between the All Star Break, will oppose him for the Twins.

Photos: AP/Tony Gutierrez.

AUGUST 12, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 7, KANSAS CITY 1

It would be nice to think that the Twins could build on Wednesday's easy 7-1 win against the Royals and that perhaps they could start a winning streak and become a serious threat to win the Central Division. But there just hasn't been enough of this to believe that the Twins can start winning a lot of games in a row. The Twins have won exactly three times in their last eleven games, and the scores of those wins has been 10-1, 11-0, and 7-1. They have responded to those blowout victories with blowout losses, terrible pitching, untimely hitting, poor defense and always pathetic managing. It just goes to show how inconsistent this team has been, that they can play near flawless baseball one night and come back the very next game and don't even put forth a semi-effort. For what it's worth, Francisco Liriano responded to the imminent danger of being sent to the bullpen by what was perhaps his best outing of the season. He gave up a home run to the second batter he faced on Wednesday (to the power-challenged Willie Bloomquist, no less), but after that gave up only two more hits for the rest of his seven innings. He struck out eight and more importantly walked only one. His command was sharp and he actually looked like wanted to be on the mound. In a season that has been marked with frustrating inconsistency, Liriano has perhaps been the shining example of that inconsistency. If the Twins can get some solid pitching from Liriano down the stretch, that will be certainly encouraging; but as long as the other spots in the rotation continue to be a sore spot, Liriano can pitch like it's 2006 and it won't make much of a difference.

Joe Crede came back from (take a guess) another injury and promptly belted a three-run home run in his first at-bat in the first inning, capping a five-run inning off Royals starter Brian Bannister that the Twins used to coast to the victory. Crede's been just about what the Twins asked for when they signed him in the offseason. He'll provide a little pop in the order while hitting for a low average and getting on base sparingly. And we all kind of knew about his fragility and thought that the idea of Crede playing on turf would spell doom for his back, and it's been pretty much an assortment of injuries that's sharply limited his playing time. For the kind of numbers Crede is putting up (sub-.300 on-base percentage), it's not like the Twins should really be missing them. The guy pops up to the infield more than anybody else I've ever seen (even Nick Punto and Michael Cuddyer), but that being said, he's a lot better than the alternatives that the Twins have. Brendan Harris has limited range at third base, Brian Buscher is toiling in Triple-A, and Nick Punto couldn't crack the St. Paul Saints roster if the Twins weren't insane enough to give him $4 million a season, so when Crede's out of the lineup, it's not a good thing.


The Twins are so desperate for pitching that Ron Gardenhire is forced to do something pretty much unheard of from Ronny Boy: skip a starter and move up his ace, Carl Pavano, to pitch the Thursday afternoon matinee. Pavano's on his normal rest and such a move (especially considering what the Twins' back end of the rotation consists of) would be obvious to most people. But we're talking about Ron Gardenhire here, and if there's ever a guy who would want guys like Anthony Swarzak and Nick Blackburn and Glen Perkins to take a turn in the rotation just because it won't "screw things up," it's Ron Gardenhire. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if Jeff Manship, who was called up to replace the disabled Perkins on Wednesday, gets a crack at a few starts. Anything is better than what they have. Put it this way -- Armando Galarraga has had a bad season for the Tigers and his status as Detroit's #5 starter has been in limbo for much of the season. If he were on the Twins, he might damn well be their top starter. That's depressing.

AUGUST 6, 2009 -- CLEVELAND 2, MINNESOTA 1

Go figure. The Twins' biggest problem in the last two weeks (and the entire year, really) has been consistently ineffective pitching. Their loss on Thursday had absolutely nothing to do with pitching and had everything to do with an absence of clutch hitting. The Twins went 0 for 13 with runners in scoring position, this against an Indian ballclub which boasts of the worst pitching staff in the American League. Fausto Carmona was absolutely destroyed the last time the Twins faced him in early June, as he didn't last more than two innings. Here's a guy who was such a mess that he was sent down to Rookie ball to try to figure things out. Even with his six inning, one-run performance on Thursday, Carmona's ERA sits at a devilish 6.66, and the Twins were unable to get anything more than one measly run against Carmona and company. I believe this loss to be somewhat of a forboding defeat. Though previous to this game I had serious doubts whether they could win the division, I think after Thursday's debacle that they're done. I know it's August, but these are the kind of games that made me think of 2005 and 2007 -- in that it seems that if the Twins hit and put 5-6 runs on the board, their pitching fails them and they lose, and the games which their pitchers give up one or two or three runs, their offense fails them and they lose. I know it's just one game, but it was the kind of game that sort of tells a larger story -- and this story doesn't end with the Twins making the playoffs.

It's hard to pin the blame on one hitter when the team went hitless in thirteen at-bats with runners in scoring position, and nobody had an RBI for that matter (the lone run scored on a wild pitch). The top of the second was perhaps the most pitiful of the scoring chances that the Twins squandered, and guess who's to blame there -- no, you didn't say the bottom of the lineup, did you? After a Michael Cuddyer walk and a Joe Crede double put runners on second and third with nobody out, it was up to Mike Redmond and Alexi Casilla to get those runners home. That previous sentence would make it seem like those players have done that sort of thing in the past, which I know is purely asinine logic, considering the actual talent those players don't possess. Redmond hit a soft liner to the second baseman, pathetically wasting the first chance the Twins had. Now it's Alexi Casilla's turn. This guy's had one -- count it, ONE -- hit this season of any circumstance, against the Mariners in the opening series of the year. That clutch hit has been supremely dwarfed in a gigantic shadow of mental mistakes, defensive miscues, infield pop-ups, strikeouts -- consistent failure at the plate. Against Carmona, there wasn't any doubt that Casilla would not get the job done, and sure as shit, he strikes out, and after Denard Span tapped back to the pitcher, the Twins had wasted a golden opportunity to break through.

The rest of the game featured chances in which the Twins' best hitters, Justin Morneau and Joe Mauer and Jason Kubel, could not get clutch two-out hitting, which is a hallmark of good clubs. Considering the opponent that the Twins played, the series they just completed against the Indians was probably the worst series of the season for the Twins, especially because they now head to Detroit with zero momentum. The upcoming series against the Tigers might be a make-or-break series. Four and a half games behind the Tigers already, the Twins could be as much as seven and a half back before the weekend is up. And they'll have to face two of the Tigers' top three pitchers, Justin Verlander and Jarrod Washburn, which amplifies the importance of Friday's game, in which the Twins will face the struggling Armando Galarraga, who has never beaten the Twins in five career decisions. If the Twins want to have a chance at winning the division, they need to win this series, but what evidence is there to make that a reasonable thing to ask of this ballclub? This would be a perfect time for Ron Gardenhire to take a closed-door meeting with his ballclub and lay down some parameters -- tell his team that certain play will not be tolerated and that his players would get benched for making mental mistakes. Oh wait, that just happened two weeks ago, and it turned out those threats turned out empty and the effectiveness of said meeting turned out to be marginal and the respect for the manager turned out to be superficial. Well, it was worth a try.

JULY 17, 2009 -- Reader Mail #1

Howdy, folks, and I am proud to present the first segment of Reader's Mail here at the MTRC. I got plenty of e-mails posing questions on a broad variety of subjects, so what I decided is that this segment is just one of many that will be posted here when things are slow around the Center. I appreciate all the e-mails that I did receive and I encourage those to keep them coming. Here's just a sampling of the stuff that I got, and remember -- if your question was not answered here, it will most likely be featured in a future installment of Reader's Mail.


From Dave in St. Peter --

Hey Eisenhower, I'm wondering what you think about Rick Anderson. I know that you're very critical of Ron Gardenhire and I'll be honest -- I like the guy. I can see where you're coming from though. But what's your take on Rick Anderson?


Thanks Dave for the good question. For me, Rick Anderson and Ron Gardenhire are ideal bedfellows, as their philosophies go hand in hand. It's kind of like the old question of what came first, the chicken or the egg, with these two numbskulls. Is it Anderson that initiated the 100-pitch limit (not pitch count, as it's as strict as it can be), or was that Gardenhire all along? What can be said about both of these guys is that they failed so pathetically in their own playing careers -- both getting cups of coffee for the Mets in the early to mid-'80s -- that they really can't impart any real experience to their players. More often than not, they're running on book knowledge of the game. Their coaching philosophies are very similar to Tony LaRussa and Dave Duncan, who really revolutionized the game with their greater usage of a bullpen and not stretching their starters out too long. Hey, if you look at the numbers that the pitching staff has put up in the past, it would be easy to lionize Anderson as a successful pitching coach. One rule I have will all the Twins is "What have you done for me lately," and the pitching staff this season has been far from superb. And secondly, Anderson was grateful to have guys like Johan Santana, Brad Radke, and Francisco Liriano (2006 version) on his staff. Those guys didn't really need a whole lot of coaching. But, like Gardenhire, Anderson is a stubborn, unchanging coach who still coaches his pitching staff as if it were 2004. Both coaches need a greater flexibility and a willingness to adapt to current situations.


From Nick in Plymouth --


I was wondering why the Twins insist on keeping catcher Mike Redmond as the second string catcher when a younger, less injury prone catcher, Jose Morales is hitting .343? From what I hear is Mike Redmond is a great guy to have in the clubhouse, but what ever happened letting the best player play for the better of the team? It’s not little league where everyone gets a chance to play.


Great timely question, Nick. It's timely because the Twins, for the fourteen-hundredth time this season, sent down Morales in favor of a third long-man out of the bullpen, Kevin Mulvey. Mulvey was one of the low-level prospects the Twins netted in the disastrous Santana trade, and with him in the bullpen, that means that he joins R.A. Dickey and Bobby Keppel as long-relievers when their real need, a eighth-inning stopper, continues to go unaddressed. And compounding this head-scratching move is the fact that Morales has continued to be ignored by Gardenhire and the regime. You're exactly right, Nick -- Mike Redmond, while being a classy, hard-nosed guy, is way over the hill. He plain can't hit, his defensive skills are average at best, and the pitching staff has struggled when Redmond has caught them. Redmond just doesn't have much left in the tank, but because the Twins owe Redmond money, they'd rather have Morales, a guy who's hit every time he's been called up, languish in Triple-A. And with Joe Mauer on the team, you need to DH Mauer on those days that he doesn't catch, and that means that Redmond is essentially the only catcher on the roster those days. You'd think that doesn't mean a whole lot, but earlier in the season the Twins were screwed when Redmond was unexpectedly thrown out of the game and Mauer had to catch, thereby eliminating the DH for the game and making the pitcher have to hit. You really don't need three long-relievers on any team at any time, so keep Morales on the team as your third catcher (and, in actuality, your second best catcher). It makes zero sense to keep Redmond over Morales at this point, but remember that we're dealing with Ron Gardenhire, who doesn't tend to make a ton of logical decisions concerning his team. All that we can hope is that Mike Redmond retires at the end of the season, because we know that if he wants to play, the Twins will gladly overpay him.


Donna from Sioux Falls, SD says --

Hi Eisenhower! You do a great job with the blog. I was just wondering about how you got your name -- it's very original and I almost wish I could go back and name one of my kids Eisenhower. Are you named after Dwight Eisenhower?


Thanks for the email, Donna. Yes, I was named after our great 34th president and military genius, Dwight David Eisenhower. My parents were lifelong Republicans and my father served in World War II in the European Theater. Though he did not serve directly under Eisenhower's command, he was my father's hero, and when I was born in the mid-'50s, my folks decided to honor him by naming me after him. I will say that I was made fun of when I was younger for the name, and in response I prefered the name Howie for a long time. But in my later years I've embraced the name, and I even extended that gratitude when my first daughter was born. I paid homage to my folks by deciding to name my daughter Reagan, after the newly-sworn in president at that time. And some people still ask me -- if your parents wished to honor Eisenhower, why not name me Dwight? Or David? But I'm glad that they didn't, and I've learned to really love my handle.


From Pete in Richfield --

[In response to my post regarding the Twins calling up Alexi Casilla and sending Matt Tolbert to Triple-A], Casilla isn’t that bad. Tolbert was. Hustle and effort only go so far, then you have to rely on talent, and Casilla has shown by last year’s performance that he has some talent[...]Finally, if Terry Ryan Jr. doesn’t get off his hands and make a deal, the fans may leave in droves in August and September. Billy Smith has done one thing better than any other GM in baseball: NOTHING.


Casilla did have a good year last year, but at the beginning of this season I did predict a crash down to earth. Not in my wildest dreams did I think he'd do this bad, but I figured that 2008 was a fluke and that appears to be the case. It's not too often that a guy goes down to the minors, gets called back up again, and plays worse than he had before being sent down for the first time. After all, the guy was hitting a mere .170 when he was first sent down, but somehow he played even worse the second go-round, and his defensive play is an absolute joke. If I was Bill Smith I would have put Casilla on my Do Not Call List and have him play the rest of the season in the minor leagues to get his act together. Now, as far as a Tolbert vs. Casilla argument goes, I guess I can agree with you, seeing as Casilla at least has had some success at the majors, and Tolbert not only has not played well in the big leagues, but he has been supremely average in the minors as well. He didn't deserve to be in the big leagues in the first place and certainly hasn't earned a spot to stay. And I totally agree with your analysis of Bill Smith, but I wouldn't expect anything drastic from the front-office. The only guy that the Twins have signed as a free-agent in the last five years that has actually panned out is Joe Crede, and has anyone noticed how they're handling that situation? Check out the stipulations of Crede's contract that he signed in the late winter. It's only a $2 million base salary, and he could make as much as $7 million if he reaches a certain amount of at-bats. But Crede's basically a player who plays four to five days a week, and there's absolutely no way that he makes the maximum amount of his deal. I'm not surprised one bit, because we're talking about the cheapest organization in professional sports -- for every hangnail, scratch, flake of dandruff, cough or burp that Crede produces, the Twins immediately bench him "for precautionary measures," but more importantly that means a few extra bucks that the Twins can save. The guy's on pace to hit over 25 homers, but the Twins would rather play Brian Buscher a couple days a week so they can save money on Joe Crede. Ridiculous.


That concludes the first edition of Reader's Mail, and expect more such segments throughout the year and especially during the off-season. I had a blast doing this and I beg of you -- please keep the e-mails coming. Even if you disagree with me -- especially if you disagree with me, in fact -- don't feel afraid to let your comments known.

JULY 11, 2009 -- CHICAGO 8, MINNESOTA 7

The Twins return to form on Saturday, getting a vomit-inducing start from Glen Perkins, who looked like he was still sick when he was on the mound. All I can hope from Perkins is that he was smart and considerate enough not to spread that crap to the rest of the team, because whatever he had had a small touch of suck-itis on the side. Perkins excelled at his game plan, which is to take his team out of the game as soon as humanly possible, and he did that in spades. The Twins were down by three after two innings, and then fell into a 5-0 deficit before Perkins finally gave way to R.A. Dickey, who showed signs of his early-season horridness by giving up what would eventually turn out to be the winning runs of the game. Actually the last three runs were a tandem effort, as Dickey walked the bases loaded in the sixth and then Brian Douchebag (aka Duensing) did his best Sean Henn impression when he gave up a bases-clearing double to the first batter he faced, Jim Thome. Duensing’s been absolutely dreadful so far in his audition for the Twins, who continue to fill their major holes in the bullpen with minor-league washups, retreads, and non-prospects. Either get Slama or Delaney up here ASAP or trade for somebody – or watch as you finish in third place, out of first place by a double-digit deficit. It’s your choice, Bill Smith.

The Twins would make it close thanks to a couple home runs from ex-White Sock Joe Crede and had a chance to tie it in the ninth after Jose Morales cut the gap to one run when he hit a two-run single off Bobby Jenks. Brian Buscher represented the tying run at second base, but then Denard Span grounded into a terrible double play to end the game, and that was all she wrote. Two-out hitting killed the Twins again, both giving up two-out hits to Chicago and then failing at clutch hitting when they were taking their hacks. I don’t believe there is a stat out there that collects a sort of two-out hitting differential (take the Twins’ batting average with two-outs and subtract their pitcher’s opponents batting average with two outs) but if there was, I would imagine that the Twins’ would be brutal. Last year’s success has proven to be an aberration; remember when the 2008 Twins led the world with batting average with runners in scoring position? Yeah, that was a fluke, and they’ve displayed their real talent for clutch hitting this year. On Saturday, the Twins were giving up two-out hits left and right, twice giving up run-scoring hits to Brian Anderson with two out in an inning. Okay, you don’t give up hits to Brian Anderson, much less big ones. Another example of the sore thumb of an opponent’s lineup coming back to bite you in the ass. Meanwhile, the Twins went 2 for 8 with runners in scoring position (the White Sox went 5 for 19 – nineteen at-bats with guys on base just tells you how effective Perkins and company were Saturday). The 7-8-9 hitters for the White Sox (Jayson Nix, Gordon Beckham, and Anderson) went a combined 7 for 13 – it’s the second time this homestand that the bottom third of the opponent’s order has been the reason that the Twins have lost – that’s just pathetic.

I have the great opportunity to attend today’s Twins game, but when I looked at the pitching match-up – Mark Buehrle against Scott Baker – frankly I’m pretty sure that I’m going to be seeing a White Sox victory Sunday. Buehrle is just so nasty on the Twins and Baker is just so terrible against everyone that I don’t expect the Twins to pull it out today. But I hope that my expectations are wrong and that I see a victory.

JUNE 29, 2009 -- KANSAS CITY 4, MINNESOTA 2

A pathetic performance from the Twins on Monday, who managed a paltry two hits -- two -- of young Royal righthander Luke Hochevar, who's a terrible pitcher in every sense of the word. He struggled mightily early on just getting the ball over the plate, as he allowed two Twins to reach in each of the first three innings, but the Twins did not break through with a hit until the fourth. In that inning, Michael Cuddyer doubled to lead off the inning, and was unacceptably left there, as the vaunted combo of Brian Buscher, Seldom Young, and Nick Punto all flew out to the outfield. Yeah, that's Nick Punto folks, "healthy" again and in the everyday lineup. It was said, however, that Punto's ribs felt good enough to play on Monday but if they were to flare up again, Ron Gardenhire would have no choice but to put Punto on the disabled list. I'm crossing my fingers in the hope that those ribs flare up (and soon) and I even like that he played on Monday, because if he did go on the DL, he would miss the full 15 days, whereas if they had disabled him prior to Monday's game, he would have been eligible to play in about a week and a half, seeing as he had already missed five games. My hope is is that Gardy plays Punto tonight and he slides headfirst into first base again and he injures himself. In fact, while you're at it, break a leg, Punto, because you gone for the season would make this .500 team that much better to watch.

Speaking of injuries, Joe Crede's nagging injuries are back, and now it involves what Twins fans were dreading all along. Apparently Crede's back was giving him problems in St. Louis and that forced him out of the game on Monday. For the first three months, Crede had more injuries than I even think is humanly possible, but none of them concerned the back that was cited as Crede's liability in the offseason. Now the back is starting to hurt, and that could mean more playing time for Brian Buscher. That's not exactly a good thing, because Brian Buscher sucks -- I mean sucks. The guy's hitting .198 with little power, and he's no defensive upgrade, wherever he plays. Buscher doesn't belong in professional baseball -- he fits the mold of a good St. Paul Saint, in that he a) sucks, and b) he's got a Minnesota connection that could bring in a few fans here and there. He reminds me of another ex-Twin that I happened to notice scanning through the Northern League boxscores the other day: outfielder Dustan Mohr, who did have a pretty good year for the Twins in 2002, and then fell off the face of the earth and is now playing for the Wichita Wingnuts of the Northern League. Buscher's success last year was nothing more than a fluke, and he's proving it to everyone who follows the Twins now (well, except Ron Gardenhire). The Twins apparently have a top-notch prospect at third base named Danny Valencia, who was recently promoted to Triple-A. If Crede's back craps out, you might as well bring Valencia up -- the Twins aren't going anywhere this season anyway, and since Valencia will probably be the starter come Opening Day 2010, it might be a good idea to give the guy some experience now.

Nick Blackburn pitched very well for the Twins in the first five innings, surrendering only a two-out, unearned run in the second inning (caused by Michael Cuddyer stupidity, who insanely threw the ball into the left field corner to score a run). Then came the sixth, when Blackburn gave up back-to-back home runs to Alberto Callaspo and Miguel Olivo. I know, who???! You don't give up hits to guys like Alberto Callaspo, much less home runs. It should also be said that Blackburn gave up a base hit to Tony Pena Jr., who is by far the worst hitter among position players in the major leagues. Nick Punto looks like God at the plate compared to Pena, who came into the game hitting .088!!! It's not as if it's an anomaly, either -- Pena hit .169 in 95 games last season for the Royals, with an unheard-of OPS of .398. Blackburn's stuff is conducive to giving up some base hits, but if you're giving up hits to Tony Pena Jr. you don't belong in the bigs, I'm sorry.

Scott Baker pitches tonight for the Twins against right-hander Brian Bannister for the Royals, who's done well against the Twins in his career. Baker has done very well against the Royals in his career, too, notably coming close to a perfect game against KC in 2007. Baker had a no-hitter after six innings against the Royals this year (and had a 4-0 lead) and ended up losing the game in what was one of the most pathetic games I have ever seen. This Royal team has really struggled since the Twins first saw them this year, but the way the Twins' are (i.e. wildly inconsistent), it would make a lot of sense for them to win two series on the road against teams tied for first place and then get swept by the fourth-place Royals. Let's hope that doesn't happen.

JUNE 23, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 7, MILWAUKEE 3

The Twins doink their way to a sloppy 7-3 victory over the Milwaukee Brewers on Tuesday, with Francisco Liriano putting forth probably the worst performance I have ever seen garner a win by a starting pitcher. In five innings, Liriano gave up seven hits, walked five batters and threw 117 pitches -- quite incredible, actually, to think that Liriano was still in the game at that point. In a rare fit of altruism, Ron Gardenhire let Liriano be eligible for the win, even though Liriano was far from deserving of picking up any kind of win. R.A. Dickey pitched a clean sixth and seventh innings, continuing his run of dominance while not being able to pitch in more pressure situations. The role for Dickey has remained the same since the beginning of the year; a long reliever who can go 2-3 innings each appearance. In Ron Gardenhire's mind, a knuckleball/junkball pitcher cannot possibly have a role more important than mere mop-up duty, so even though he's had by far the best year of any reliever save Joe Nathan, Ron Gardenhire won't think of putting Dickey in, say, the eighth inning. That's Matt Guerrier's job for life, and we all know that Gardenhire is willing to lose division titles because of that philosophy (2008, anybody?).

The Twins offense was clicking against Jeff Suppan, who's about as average as you can get when it comes to starting pitchers. It was a good matchup for Liriano, as Suppan's stuff is very hittable; that is evidenced in Carlos Gomez' 3 for 5 night at the plate. Gomez was again inexplicably leading off -- still not sure why Ron Gardenhire has a guy hitting .220 in the lead-off spot when Brendan Harris has thrived there. The Twins lucked out in the first inning, when they benefited from a wild pitch. Not surprisingly, Michael Cuddyer swung at a pitch literally three feet outside -- he didn't come within a foot of touching the baseball -- but the pitch was so terrible that it got past Jason Kendall. Instead of an inning-ending strikeout, Cuddyer made it to first base, which loaded the bases for Joe Crede. Crede promptly cleared the bases with a double, and the Twins were quickly ahead 3-0. Liriano made it clear to everyone in the park that a 3-0 lead with him on the mound is far from safe, and he put the Brewers immediately back in the game in the bottom of the first, giving up hits and walks to make it 3-2 Twins. The offense kept chugging away at Suppan, and the Brewer defense also chipped in some unearned runs in the third. Seldom Young doubled home a run following a J. J. Hardy error, and then Gomez cheesed a hit that fell just past Hardy into center field, bringing the Twins' lead to 7-3. With the way Liriano was going, it did not appear that the lead was safe, but strangely the score did not change, and the Twins opened their nine-game road trip with a nice win against the rival Brew Crew.

Ken Macha was to say following the game that the Brewers played their worst game of the season, and it did not help that Miller Park was in a bit of disrepair following a severe rainstorm that happened there on Sunday. The clubhouses were flooded and the damage to the park was evident, and if anything else it appeared that the Brewers' morale was affected. They didn't really seem ready to play, and with Liriano again struggling with command, it was surprising that they didn't jump on him more. The Brewers just looked a little listless out there on Tuesday, and I would expect an increased intensity from the Brewers for Wednesday's game. Twins ace Nick Blackburn has been pitching very well of late and he opposes Brewer veteran Braden Looper, who the Twins fared well against last month at the Metrodome. As a side note, Nick Punto had to leave the game again due to those bruised ribs that he's dealt with since sliding head-first into first base on Saturday!!! Though it means more playing time for Matt Tolbert, who's now in an 0 for 14 slump at the plate, at least I don't have to watch Punto any more than I have to. Here's to another trip on the DL for Superman -- I'm crossing my fingers.

JUNE 8, 2009 -- OAKLAND 4, MINNESOTA 3

The Magical Mystery Tour continues in Oakland, where the Twins bats are again silenced for most of the night and the pitching does just enough to lose the game. The Athletics won their seventh game in a row, yet they hardly looked unstoppable, as a pedestrian lineup did the bare minimum to get past the Twins. Josh Outman cruised in five of his six innings, and his only hiccup was the fourth, when the Twins clawed for three two-out runs. Handing Anthony Swarzak a three-run cushion, Swarzak went out and followed Twins-on-the-road protocol to a tee, but giving up that lead as soon as humanly possible. I'm going to do some research on this today to see how many times that the Twins have given up a lead on the road in the next half inning, because it seems to be just about every time that they score, their opponents answer right back.

Swarzak was his own worst enemy in the fourth, as the A's scored three runs on just one hit: a bases-clearing double by ex-Gopher great Jack Hannahan. The bases were loaded compliments of two walks and a hit batsman, and if it were not for two spectacular defensive plays by Brendan Harris, the inning would have been absolutely disastrous. Ron Gardenhire's gameplan worked out well, though -- I think his goal in the game was to give Luis Ayala a loss, because he's been pitching deceivingly well of late and for all the suckiness that he's done so far this year that has not been acknowledged with defeats, he deserves one. Ayala delivered in the fifth, when the first pitch of the inning was belted 400 feet off the bat of Jack Cust. The 4-3 score at that point did not change, as the Twins haplessly collected five measly singles against rookie Outman and the bullpen.

I could go in detail about the Twins patheticness at the plate, but it's safe to say that the Twins on the road are one of the worst offensive threats in baseball. We're getting a daily reminder on this road trip that the Twins' power surge in May was a fluke, as they've yet to hit a home run in the first four games of the road trip and only have a handful of doubles. Especially when you don't get two-out hitting with runners in scoring position, it's really hard to score runs and win games, and it's no surprise that the Twins are 1-3 (lucky to be 1-3, really -- their lone win on the trip was a 2-1 victory) and have scored a grand total of eight runs in four games. Michael Cuddyer was at it again on Monday, grounding into double plays late in the ballgame in clutch situations. Justin Morneau took the collar, striking out in all three at-bats against Outman. Brendan Harris' 12-game hitting streak came to an end, though his defense no doubt saved a few runs -- it's really sad to say that Harris' status as an everyday player is in jeopardy because of Nick Punto returning from the DL on Friday. If ever there was a manager in baseball that would bench a hot hitter and a good defender (as good as Punto) in favor of the worst hitter in baseball and an average fielder, it's Ron Gardenhire. Expect Punto to be in the lineup the second he comes off the disabled list, and Harris may have to shift to second base in order to remain playing. Speaking of twelve-game streaks, Seldom Young's twelve gamer stretched to thirteen -- not a hitting streak, of course, but a strikeout streak; yep, that's a whole baker's dozen games consecutive with a strikeout. Absolutely unacceptable.

Something has got to be done about Joe Crede, too. It seems that every other day now Crede has been out of the lineup with some minor injury. We knew that coming into the season Crede's back was a big question mark, but it really hasn't been the back that has forced Crede out of the lineup. One day it's a hamstring, then it's his knee, then his hand -- Crede just might be the most fragile player I've ever heard of. It's not like Crede is a helluva ballplayer -- he hits .230 with a little pop -- but considering the other options for the Twins (Matt Tolbert, Alexi Casilla, Brian Buscher), Crede being out of the lineup is disastrous for the Twins. Either Crede needs to work with the strength and conditioning team to get his body in full working order or the Twins need to DL him and get him some rest. Right now Crede's a guy who seems only able to play about four games a week. That means that guys like Tolbert and Buscher and Casilla are playing way too much for the Twins to call themselves a true contender.

I few days back I did a rudimentary report card for Carlos Gomez and I gave him an A- for his fielding. Let's drop that down to a B, as Gomez' terrible play in the field on Hannahan's double perhaps cost the Twins a run. Hannahan's hit wasn't going to be caught, and Gomez took about the worst angle he possibly could, and let the ball roll to the wall. Had Gomez stayed in front of the ball and cut it off, he probably would have held the third runner from scoring. In all honesty, Gomez probably was just giving back the run that he earned in the top half of the inning, when Gomez unexpectedly walked with the bases loaded. It wasn't a difficult walk, as all of the pitches were well out of the strikezone, but that sort of thing (Gomez getting RBIs) just doesn't happen very often, and he seemed determined to give that run right back in the field, and he accomplished that in spades.

The way the offense is running right now, it's going to be very very hard for the Twins to win a game here in Oakland. Scott Baker pitches tonight against the A's -- if ever there was a time for Baker to step up and stop the bleeding, it's right now. If I'm Gardenhire, I start to panic right about now. This road trip has the makings of a long losing streak, and the look on the player's faces is not one of determination. They seem to be taking the losing in stride, and if I'm the manager, I get in their grill and lay the smack down. You don't lose games like this to subpar teams like Seattle and Oakland, and you don't have this much of a disparity at home versus on the road. Good teams play consistently well no matter the venue, and this version of the Twins, at this point, appears to be a sub-.500 team.