APRIL 12, 2010 - MINNESOTA 5, BOSTON 2

Hello folks, Hank Rickenbacher checking in. Well, my son Henry gave me and Betsy tickets to Opening Day as a birthday present, so yours truly was at the Target Field for yesterday's festivities. Before we get to the game, I thought you folks would like a "Rickenbacker Review" of the Target Field.Now let me just say, I don't know why the Twins ever left Met Stadium for a football stadium named after a hippie. What was wrong with the Met? And I remember all the hype about the Metrodome before that place opened, and look how that turned out. So when I heard all the hubbub about the Target Field after two practices, I thought, let's not put the horse before the apple cart here.

Well, I don't want to be a drain on the old parade here, but let's just say the Target Field isn't perfect. I mean, it's a nice looking park and all, and for all the tax money they spent on the place it better be. But after the drive Betsy and I were hungry enough to eat a pony, so we got in line at one of the concessions. Of course all the kids in front of us had to use their debit cards and the debit card machine wasn't working, so we waited thirty minutes just to order. What happened to good old fashioned green backs? Anyway I ordered a hot dog and they said they didn't have any hot dogs at that stand. You could've rolled me over with a feather. A baseball game, and I couldn't get a hot dog. Betsy, bless her heart, ordered us cheeseburgers, but they tried to charge us nineteen dollars for the two of them. Like heck I was paying that for two cheeseburgers, so we just left and found our seats.

Of course we had to get the seats in front of the four loudmouth Boston kids who watched about three pitches of the game total and babbled on and on with those mobile phones instead. Betsy said if I let them get to me, they'd win. Well I'm no loser, but let me just say I don't want to talk about those Boston kids anymore. Except that those punks could have used about five bars of Lifeway to clean out those mouths, good Lord, and I let 'em know it too.

Well after all that there was still a game to be played, and that’s why I made the trip down for my first game since 1981, because I have high hopes about this team. And I’ll say it was a good game for this Twins fan. Pavano pitched 6 strong innings, outdueling the Lester kid from Boston. I for one was not impressed with this “Lesser” fellow. He started his outing with a walk, and after hits by Hudson, Cuddyer, and Kubel he was down 2-0. Later, Punto turned his monthly hit into a run, and a lucky hop off the bag on a patented Mauer grounder led to another run. In the 7th Kubel hit the first moon ball in the Target Field and even landed one section from me and Betsy.

The Twinkies showed some swagger Monday which was refreshing since they usually play frightened against the Big Boys. They smacked the ball around, came inside with some pitches (though with the feminine way that Youklis kid holds the bat, I’d throw at him too), and generally acted like they were the better team. Gardenhire tested the limits of cockiness when he trotted out Brad Duensing for the 7th and then to start the 8th too! If that kid gets you three 7th inning outs against the Red Sox, you thank your lucky stripes and have a good chuckle about it later. You don’t tempt fate by sending him out there again! Thankfully the joke ended with a screaming double from one of the Beantowners, and from there it was Guerrier and Rausch to close things out.

All and all, a decent visit to the new park. I suppose I would go back, but I’ll plan on having Betsy pack some ground ham sandwiches for us, because nineteen dollars for two cheeseburgers is criminal. The Twins are back at it Wednesday at noon, Slowey vs. Lackey. Hammering Hank, signing off.

Photos: (1) & (2) - AP/Ann Heisenfelt; (3) AP/Paul Battaglia

APRIL 7, 2010 -- MINNESOTA 4, LOS ANGELES 2

Quick write-up today, as I'm entering headlong into the start of bee season. Justin Morneau and J. J. Hardy both hit home runs for the second consecutive game, and Carl Pavano's solid start clinches at least a split in the season-opening series in Anaheim. This is surely a good thing, as the Angels are a difficult draw to open the season, and playing in Anaheim has not been fun for the Twins the last few years. As long as they get pitching, the Twins are going to be in a lot of games this season. The what-ifs in the staff -- Blackburn, Pavano, and Liriano -- are usually so inconsistent that it's hard to tell from inning to inning what kind of pitcher you're getting. Pavano's next start may be absolutely dreadful, and it may go something like his performance on Wednesday. Either way, the Twins will take it, and rest easy in the fact that they won't begin the season behind the eight-ball.

Jon Rauch picked up his second straight save, surrendering a meaningless run in the ninth inning and retaining the victory for the Twins. Coming into a three-run game with three outs to get -- and getting credited with what is perceived to be a big-time statistic...wow! The joys of being a major-league closer. Seriously, if you blow a three-run lead with one inning to play, you don't deserve to be in the big leagues, much less a "closer." I've said before that this is one rule change that I'd impose if I were commissioner for a day. I'd narrow the save margin to a two-run lead, because frankly that's not that great an accomplishment to earn a save after holding a three-run lead. This is why Rauch will do a stupendous job in the closer's role -- anyone can, really. With the Twins slated to reach 90 wins, Jose Mijares could rack up 30 saves easily. Hell, Brian Douchebag could. Jeff Manship could do it from Triple-A Rochester. Keep piling them up, Jonny!

Photos: (1) AP/Andy King; (2) AP/Steven Senne

OCTOBER 4, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 13, KANSAS CITY 4

The Twins' win on Sunday clinches a tie for the division title, and with the Tigers' win over the White Sox, for the second straight season the Twins will play in a one-game playoff for the right to go to the postseason. Before I continue, I would like to first thank my good neighbor "Hammerin'" Hank Rickenbacher, who graciously stepped in for me at the last second while I attended to a medical emergency. No need to worry about me -- it just so happened that a young person down in Iowa was recently stung by a nasty swarm of bees and the people down there needed an apiarist's knowledge as to containing the bees. To make matters worse, I knew the victim of the attack, and I felt compelled to drop everything (even during a pennant chase) and drove down to just outside of Dubuque. The one thing about apiary science that drew me to that field was its unpredictability, and it's the one thing that keeps my retirement only half-serious. I'm happy to report that all is well with the person affected by the bees, and I'm back here with a hive of those pesky suckers and I'm going to do a little research that just might be slacked on if there's some postseason whoopin' that the Yankees need to get to later this week. But anyhows, thanks a bunch Hank for the yeoman's work on the site.


As has been the case lately, the Twins' offense took control early, as they jumped on Royal starter Luke Hochevar with two home runs in the first inning. Jason Kubel would add a second three-run home run (I think that's the second time this season that Kubel's had a game in which he's hit two three-run blasts) and Seldom Young would also notch a second home run. Carl Pavano and the middle relief let KC inch back into the game, getting within four before the Twins blew it open in the later innings. So Sunday's game against the Royals will not be the Metrodome's swan song for major-league baseball, as at least one more game will be played there: Tuesday, 4 PM, Scott Baker vs. Rick Porcello. Imagine, for a second, if you're Porcello, who's 20 years old, one year removed from Single-A ball and pitching for the Tigers in the 163rd and potentially final game of the season. That story aside, the Twins are playing hot and the Tigers have languished for three weeks; not to mention the obvious home-field advantage that the Twins have. The Twins should easily win Tuesday's game. Easily. They've got their best pitcher on the mound opposing the Tigers' #3, their bats are clicking and they're at home. There's no reason to think that the Twins can't win, except for the fact that they're the '09 Twins, who are the baseball equivalent of a CD filler-song; something not good to stand alone on its own, but forgettable enough not to lament its brutality when surrounded by actual quality. In fact, it might be more memorable if the Twins lost Tuesday, as people would remember how favored the Twins were, only to lose. If they do drop the game, it'd probably be something pathetic like a 1-0 loss. Hmm, that sounds familiar...

Photos: AP/Jim Mone

SEPTEMBER 30, 2009 -- DETROIT 7, MINNESOTA 2

The Twins are now on the brink of elimination, thanks to a pitiful hitting performance off spot starter Eddie Bonine and terrible pitching by Carl Pavano. After scoring two runs off Bonine in the first on four hits, Jose Morales grounded into a double play, knocking the wind out of the Twins' sails and serving the Tigers really well. Bonine was on the ropes in the first, and had Morales delivered a hit it likely would have ended the night for the Tiger pitcher. Instead, he keeps the damage to a minimum and then watches his offense come back on Pavano and the Twins. The second inning was a classic Detroit hit parade, as Pavano gave up two singles and a walk before back breaking hits by Brandon Inge and Ramon Santiago gave the Tigers a 4-2 lead. The real nail in the coffin came in the fifth, when Magglio Ordonez cleared the gap with a double that extended the lead to 7-2 and effectively put the Twins away. For all the "good" that Pavano has given the Twins -- just listen to Bremer and Blyleven laud Pavano as if he were the second coming of Johan Santana -- he's been supremely average with the Twins, going 4-4 with a 4.50 ERA. Granted, when you have yuksters like Francisco Liriano and Glen Perkins in the rotation before Pavano came over to the Twins, you'll sure as heck take those middling numbers. But when it counted, Pavano failed miserably, and if that was his last start as a Twin, "au revoir."

The Twins' backs are officially against the wall, as they sit three games back with four to play. Thursday's game is an absolute must-win, and in all reality they need to win out while the Tigers need to win no more than one more game. In other words, the Twins have a 4% chance of winning the division, according to the ESPN number crunchers. But at the very least, their win on Tuesday clinches a winning season for the Twins, which was something that looked bleak a few weeks ago. After the season I plan on doing a season summary of the Twins and I'll express more there, but what I think is the real tragedy here is that the last two weeks are going to make the previous five and a half months seem insignificant. People are going to remember the 11-2 run and, because of that, consider the season a success, yet another example of the Twins "always being there at the end." It's that sort of thinking that needs to be re-educated, as I think the Twin Cities are the only market in the country that accepts this sort of second-place mediocrity. More to follow next week.

Photos: AP/Paul Sancya

SEPTEMBER 25, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 9, KANSAS CITY 4

You know you're going good when you score four runs in an inning and get exactly one hit in that inning. That was precisely the case Friday night against the lowly Royals, and it led to the relatively easy 9-4 win against Kansas City. Orlando Cabrera had the lone hit of that fifth inning -- a single to right field -- and then the Twins took three consecutive walks with the bases loaded, just a sampling of the five free passes the Royals surrendered in that inning alone, and eight walks altogether on the evening. Considering that the Twins were facing that kind of talent, you damn well better win the ballgame, and with the Tigers losing to the hands of Jake Peavy and the White Sox, the gap is narrowed again to two games. Michael Cuddyer hit his thirtieth home run of the season (who woulda thunk it?) and Seldom Young added an inconsequential dinger in the ninth (who really woulda thunk that?) to help propel the offense, and Carl Pavano won his fourth game as a Twin, going six innings that would have been great had it not been for two Billy Butler home runs. It really doesn't matter how the Twins do it at this point in the season -- as long as there are wins, the improbable comeback can live for another day.

Saturday's game has a whole lot of importance attached to it, what with the fact that Zach Greinke, who has arguably been pitching better in the last month than he was in April and May (and that's really saying something), is pitching on Sunday afternoon. As long as the Twins don't completely lose it before they get to Detroit on Monday, they'll have a chance, and that's better than what they could have said just two weeks ago. Scott Baker has cooled off considerably since his 10-1 stretch that he compiled from June through August, and he's actually pitched pretty poorly as of late. He's the only Twins pitcher to lose a game since the 12th of September, and that was the finale of the Tiger series that may end up being the costliest loss of the year. Sure, his mound opponent is the retread Lenny DiNardo, the owner of some pretty ugly 2009 numbers and some pretty humdrum career marks, but the big key in Saturday's game is Baker. If the Twins lose, it's because Baker again lost all that mound presence that we all know he can show, and starts nitpicking with his pitches. Let's hope Baker hasn't lingered on Sunday's pathetic start and he can put up some zeroes for the Twins tonight.

Photos: (1) AP/Charlie Riedel; (2) AP/Paul Battaglia

SEPTEMBER 19, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 6, DETROIT 2

The Twins are really going to be sorry that they are moving outdoors next year. Because they don't know how good they've got it at the Metrodome. Case in point Saturday afternoon, when a routine fly ball gets lost in the roof and pretty much wins the game for the Twins. If Orlando Cabrera's pop-up is hit in any other ballpark in the world, that's an easy out for outfielder Don Kelly, which makes it two out and a man on first in the bottom of the eighth inning. Instead, men were on second and third, and the entire dynamic of the inning shifted. Jason Kubel singled after the Tigers walked Joe Mauer intentionally, and the Twins led 3-2. That spelled the end of the day for Justin Verlander (who was certainly not showing signs of fatigue, pumping his 129th pitch of the day at about 98 miles an hour), and Michael Cuddyer chipped in sloppy seconds-style, crushing a three-run homer off Brandon Lyon for the insurance runs. Yeah, it's a win, but just about as cheesy as they get. It was kind of disappointing -- you just don't really know if the best team won on Saturday. I will say that I was surprised to see a rookie infielder-outfielder be put in the outfield for defensive purposes, someone (Kelly) who only had a few games of major league experience and little experience fielding flies at the Dome. Reminiscent of Ron Gardenhire's classic move of putting Jason Pridie in for defense in Toronto in his major league debut last season (a move that resulted in the Twins losing a winnable game because of Pridie, and by extension they lost the division because of that stroke of genius), Jim Leyland's ill-fated move may come back to haunt him big-time.

It was a great game to see as one's final trip to the Dome to see a Twins game. A classic pitchers duel between Carl Pavano and Verlander was clearly won by Verlander, as Pavano was wiggling out of trouble all game long. Pavano gave up a bundle of hits in his seven innings -- eleven to be exact -- but got the big outs when he needed them. Verlander was nothing short of dominant, and for his line to be what it ended up -- 7 and 1/3 innings, five earned runs -- is really a shame, because the Dome-double changed everything, and Lyon gave up two of those runs on the Cuddyer home run. It's clear that the Twins have the Tigers' number under the Teflon sky, and they'll go as far as exposing the weaknesses of the worst stadium in human history in order to solidify that dominance. But the Twins are the closest to first they've been in a long time, and more importantly they're four games above .500 (a season high) and have won six straight. They're getting hot at the right time, but unfortunately we still can't gauge whether they have the legs to stretch this hot streak for the remainder of the season. The Twins have had this disturbing pattern of playing really well for one week, and then playing like regurgitated Alpo the next. It was just one week ago that the Twins had just lost three straight to the likes of Brett Cecil and the Blue Jays and the last-place Oakland A's. The ten-game road trip will ultimately define the season, and even with a win today against the Tigers, the Twins don't have anything sealed up. Scott Baker pitches for the Twins today.

Photos: AP/Ann Heisenfelt

SEPTEMBER 9, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 4, TORONTO 1

Certainly an unlikely victory by the Twins on Wednesday, as they beat a halfway decent pitcher named Roy Halladay for the first time in his twelve-year career, 4-1. Halladay pitched a complete game, obviously, and was done in by a mammoth Justin Morneau home run in the eighth inning, the first real hit of consequence that Morneau's had in about a month. Even more unexpected was Michael Cuddyer's two-run, pinch-hit double in the ninth inning that provided the much-needed insurance runs; we all know that Cuddyer's hit wouldn't have come had the Twins been down 2-1 or had the game been tied -- it still is about as clutch a hit as Cuddyer could get and it should be duly noted that he actually got the job done. Carl Pavano pitched well for the victory, getting into the eighth inning and earning his third win as a Twin. And, hey, the Tigers lost, so the Twins are (as Dick Bremer would like to say) "only" 5 1/2 games behind first place. What is noteworthy is that the Twins are playing somewhat competitive baseball, and at the very least, the games are still worth watching.

Orlando Cabrera had a big hit for the Twins, as he homered in the sixth inning to tie the game at one. Cabrera, after about a good first week for the Twins, has been absolutely dreadful at the plate and in the field for the Twins. Just look at his numbers: He's hitting .254 as a Twin, he has a .280 on-base percentage (about forty points lower than Nick Punto in fact) and has committed seven errors. The common spin regarding the Cabrera trade was that he was upgrade from Punto and, unlike perennial Ron Gardenhire shit-list denizen Brendan Harris, Cabrera would actually play. But I can't believe I'm saying this -- you might as well have the limited range and .220 hitting of Nick Punto in there -- at least the guy can take a walk here and there. No, you know what -- I can't do this anymore. I can't say good things about Nick Punto. It's kind of like rooting for the Yankees; you just don't feel good about yourself after you do it.

Scott Baker tries to build on his magnificent pitching run that he's been on since June and the Twins will try to [gasp] win a series in Toronto. I certainly didn't see this coming, but if Baker can pitch the way he has been, chances are good that the Twins can take three out of four. Brett Cecil pitches for Toronto.

Photos: AP & Canadian Press/Frank Gunn

SEPTEMBER 4, 2009 -- CLEVELAND 5, MINNESOTA 2

The Twins follow up their most deflating loss of the season with perhaps their worst overall effort, losing pathetically to the Cleveland Indians, 5-2. The Twins were just plain sloppy in all aspects of the game on Friday, committing four errors in the field, receiving a mediocre-at-best start from the mediocre-at-best Carl Pavano, and again failing to hit anything of notable authority against Tribe starter Jeremy Sowers. Orlando Cabrera was quoted as saying that he thought the offense needed to pounce on Sowers, what with his 5+ ERA coming into the game; fortunately for Cabrera he didn't have to be on the team in the past, when they pretty much hit with their hands tied against Sowers. Scattering six hits against Sowers and that not-so-vaunted Cleveland bullpen is simply not going to be enough for you any day of the week, especially not one in which your defense doesn't show up and your pitchers don't make good pitches in key spots. Brendan Harris led the way with two errors at third base, all but solidifying his spot on the bench for Saturday's matinee in favor of the Fantastic Nick Punto. I, for one, really look forward to that. In fact, I'm steeped in anticipation.


The Twins certainly had chances at the plate to cut the deficit that Pavano put them in, notably in the fifth and sixth innings against Sowers. Alexi Casilla, back under the Mendoza line where he belongs, grounded into a rally-killing double play with runners on first and second in the fifth inning, and Michael Cuddyer continued his two-out, runners-in-scoring-position non-brilliance in the sixth inning, when he flew out measly to the outfield with two men on base and the Twins down by a run. Cuddyer's now batting .172 on the season in those situations, and if you expand those numbers, it becomes clear that this guy does all of his damage in low-pressure situations. With no one on base, Cuddyer does just fine -- .305 average, 18 home runs, .982 OPS. But he's a totally different player with guys on base, hitting a mere .236 with a .704 OPS. And you have to factor in the reality that Cuddyer really comes to play when the rout is on. He's best known for his eighth-inning three-run home runs that extend the Twins' lead to 13-3. Really crucial hits, you know. Back to Friday, the threats that the Twins mounted in those two innings was enough to prompt Eric Wedge to go to his bullpen, but the likes of Tony Sipp and Jose Veras and Kerry Wood would breeze through the Twins in the late innings, not allowing a hit for the final three innings.

Scott Baker goes for the Twins today against Justin Masterson. The last time Baker faced the Indians he shut them out on two hits, by far the best start by any Twin this season. Has anyone noticed that Baker's gone 10-1 since June started? That has certainly flown under the radar for me, and he'll have to continue that hot streak if the Twins want to stay in second place.

Photos: (1) AP/Mark Duncan; (2) http://www.citypages.com/

AUGUST 29, 2009 -- TEXAS 3, MINNESOTA 0

The Twins follow up a nice victory against the Rangers on Friday with a pitiful effort against Scott Feldman and company, as they aren't able to score a single run off the Texas pitching staff and lose 3-0. Yet again, the Twins can't buy a hit with runners in scoring position, as they revert back to their old selves and strike out with guys at third and one out, as was the case so often for most of the season. The two biggest threats that the Twins posed were in the fifth and sixth innings against Feldman; in the fifth, Alexi Casilla struck out with Brendan Harris on third and one out. As you've probably noticed, Casilla's name has been largely absent from this site for a while, mainly because he was hitting much better than he had earlier in the season (granted, it's only a small accomplishment to raise your batting average from the .160-range to .201), but for that kind of non-production, Casilla's once again persona non grata here at the MTRC. Jason Kubel popped up in the same situation an inning later, and Michael Cuddyer's strike out to end the inning (what? Michael Cuddyer striking out in a pressure situation? No, really?) was the final nail in the coffin for the Twins. They didn't get a guy on base over the final three innings, and went softly into the night against the competitive Rangers. Again, the Twins fail to move on the Tigers, whose loss earlier in the day opened the door for the Twins to gain ground.

Carl Pavano didn't pitch horribly, but he did go out there and get his team in a hole right away, giving up two quick runs in the first inning. When your offense decides to take the day off, and collect only four hits and zero hits with guys in scoring position, two runs is far too many runs to give up. It's yet another example of the Twins failing to click on one facet of the game. Desparate for some kind of consistency in their starting rotation, it's that much more frustrating when their pitching can keep them in ballgames but then see the team lose because their offense phoned in the effort. Sure, they're only 4 and 1/2 games out, but the team that "we've all been waiting for" still hasn't come out to play this season, and that team that came out of spring training is a lot different than the players that are taking the field right now for the Twins. Pavano might as well be their ace for the starts that he's put forth, Brian Douchebag has a role that's much too big for a team that fashions itself as a contender, and as of Sunday Jeff Manship is going to be starting the Wednesday afternoon tilt against the White Sox, thereby becoming the second pitcher to be making his major-league debut during the "pennant chase." The one thing it certainly doesn't breed is a whole lot of confidence.

AUGUST 23, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 10, KANSAS CITY 3

Michael Cuddyer homers twice in the seventh inning, one of some import (the first being the tiebreaking shot to lead off the inning), and, like most of Cuddyer's production, the second being of the get-em-while-their-hot variety (offensive stats, namely). Carl Pavano did a nice job mowing down an easy Kansas City lineup, and yes, the Twins completed a three-game sweep of the lowly Royals. Sweeping this series did nothing to satisfy this fan's desire to want to know why and how on earth the Twins could drop two out of three to this team at home, mind you. Yet again, the Twins lucked out and didn't have to face Zach Greinke, and that's a godsend to this team that struggles to beat mediocre pitching, but the fact remains that the Twins have somehow lost five games this year to Kansas City. O, to think if the Twins didn't play in the Central Division...

The Tigers lost their final two games while in Oakland, so coupled with the Twins' sweep in Kansas City, the Twins are but 4 1/2 games behind Detroit for the division lead. Again, I don't feel as if the Twins have the team (and the pitching, to be precise) to pull off a thrilling comeback, and the team continues to frustrate and fluster its fan base by playing almost on a week-to-week fluxuation: one week they have things clicking, like they did most of the last week against Texas and Kansas City (without Justin Morneau to boot); the next, they'll take a breather and lose two home series to bottom-feeders like Kansas City and Cleveland. Consistency has consistently eluded this team, and there's no reason to believe that they will suddenly run like a well-oiled machine here in the last forty games. Good pitching always beats good hitting, and with the two teams ahead of the Twins in the standings having obvious advantages on the rubber, it's going to be increasingly hard for the Twins to come back. But I feel like I can say this until my face turns blue; yes, I would like the Twins to make the playoffs, I think it would be cool, sure. But it's a matter of saving face, and I for one don't like my chances of the Twins facing the Yankees in the first game of the playoffs with Carl Pavano being the "ace" of the Twins staff. That does not sound cool.

Photos: AP/Charlie Riedel

AUGUST 18, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 9, TEXAS 6

The Twins fall behind 5-0, as Carl Pavano struggles to get through four innings. It appears that the formula for losing, which the Twins have darn near patented in the last few weeks, is again on track. Then something funny happened on the way to the middle innings. The Twins came back. Seldom Young, of all people, who had just struck out pathetically on a pitch at his head with a runner on third and one out in the second inning, ignited the rally, doubling home two to tie the game at five in the sixth inning. When Phil Humber threw the ball to nobody covering third base in the bottom of the sixth, which gave the Rangers the lead again at 6-5, it appeared that this would be how the Twins would lose -- pathetically with a Triple-A pitcher losing the game on an asinine fielding decision. But then what happened? Joe Mauer led off the seventh with a home run, his second of the game, and then there's that pesky Seldom Young winning the game with a two-run blast of his own in the seventh. Shocking. Absolutely stunning. The only thing that would have made it more surprising if Nick Punto had done it all offensively and defensively (in other words, been worth the four million dollars the Twins are shelling out for him). After Joe Nathan quickly retired the Rangers (in his first save opportunity of the month) in the ninth, the Twins could breathe easy again, as they posted a key win in a situation where the Rangers, in sole possession of the wild card lead coming into the game, needed to win.


It's a nice win, sure, a little late of course, but yet another example of how the offense certainly can produce for you. The Twins played the game shorthanded again, as Justin Morneau sat on the bench one day after dizzy spells forced him to leave the game, and Jason Kubel had to exit early in Tuesday's contest due to fouling a ball off his knee. But the bigger story in the game should have been how the starting pitching continues to betray the Twins. Pavano's now had two bad starts following his brilliant debut with the Twins, and Tuesday's win was more of an anomaly than a harbinger of future success. You're not going to win a whole lot of games when you're starter gives you four pathetic innings and you have to (again) rely too heavily on an already overtaxed (and lacking in the talent department to begin with) bullpen. The Twins lucked out on Tuesday, but there's no reason to expect this "winning" thing will continue.


As a few of you commented on last night, the whole Brett Favre saga is now in full gear, and though I'm glad I don't blog about the Vikes, I will say some words about it here as they relate to the Minnesota Twins. I'll tell you one thing: Brett Favre in a Vikings uniform is an absolute godsend to the Minnesota Twins. Why? Well, that circus is now in full gear, and with the Twins season rapidly falling apart, Ron Gardenhire and his bunch of clowns can relish the fact that the media darling Favre will likely steal all of the attention in this media market. September is likely going to be a miserable month for the Twins, as they're going to be fighting for third place and staving off the Indians; but with Favre helming the Vikings, not many people around Minnesota are likely going to care much about the Twins' troubles. It's an understated quality of Ron Gardenhire's undeserved job security, that the Vikings (and the Wild, it can be argued) really own the town in terms of Minnesota pro sports. The Twins are more than happy to be second banana to their Metrodome cohabs, because Minnesota sports fans will quickly latch on to the Vikings and soon forget about the Twins' woes. Ron Gardenhire should almost feel obliged to thank Brett Favre personally, just because it makes his own idiocy that less visible to the public.

Photos: (1,2) AP/Tony Gutierrez; (3) AP/Hannah Foslein

AUGUST 15, 2009 -- CLEVELAND 7, MINNESOTA 3

Yet another example of the Twins horrendous inconsistency this season, as the fall weakly to the Cleveland Indians at the Dome. Michael Cuddyer set the tone for Saturday's patheticness when he popped up with the bases loaded and one out in the bottom of the first inning, the second such failure to get guys home from third base with less than two outs in this series (it's the umpteenth time that Cuddyer hasn't done his freaking job in those situations -- but hey, he's got "good" numbers, so we won't chastise him). Shin-Soo Choo (bless you) homered to lead off the top of the second and the Indians didn't look back, adding four more runs off beleaguered starter Anthony Swarzak and two more off Brian Douchebag to open up a 7-0 lead. A few meaningless RBI singles by Justin Morneau and Joe Crede in the fifth and a Joe Mauer solo home run in the ninth weren't nearly enough to come back on one of the worst teams in the league. David Huff had been so bad -- Twins-terrible, in fact -- against the Twins this season, but of course Ron Gardenhire's bunch picked Huff to be the one to shut them down on Saturday. It didn't help that Ron Gardenhire did one of the most insane managerial decisions of this season (which is saying something, believe me), by sitting Jason Kubel (who had gone 2 for 3 with a home run the last time he faced Huff) in favor of Seldom Young, whom Gardenhire "wanted in the lineup" over one of his best hitters. That makes a whole lotta sense, Gardy, to replace an elite hitter with perhaps the worst outfielder in the game -- I was going to say worst player in the league, but we have to remember that Seldom's not even the worst player on the team -- that race is a dead heat between Sirs Punto and Casilla.


I have to give new Twin Carl Pavano some mad props for his expletive he slinged on air during an in-game interview with Fox broadcaster Dick Stockton. Usually I'm not a fan of those in-game interviews, because especially if the inning drags on, it can get quite awkward to listen to. But in an attempt to skirt a foul ball that entered the dugout, Pavano let an "Oh, S@$%!" fly on-air, and even Bert Blyleven's snickering and Stockton's comments couldn't make that one easily forgettable. That happened to be one of the funnier moments in a game which was laughable from a fan's standpoint. Orlando Cabrera's seventeenth error of the season (on such a routine play, too) was hilariously pathetic, and Cleveland's four-run fifth inning off the two-headed monster of Swarzak and Duensing (sounds like a bad law firm) was nothing short of gut-busting. At this point of a lost season (with Detroit's sound thumping of a clearly inferior team, the Kansas City Royals (whom the Twins couldn't beat twice in three games at home earlier this week), the Twins are six games behind first -- and six games ahead of fourth-place Cleveland) all you can really do is laugh about it. There's no point in getting frustrated -- I think my frustration with the team left after the mid-May Yankee Massacre, and not only has this blog been the ideal outlet to let off steam regarding this pathetic ballclub, but it has been almost therapeutic to document the foibles of Gardy's sad circus of clowns.


The Twins face Aaron Laffey on Sunday, who's been nothing short of Steve Carlton this season against the Twins. Nick Blackburn unfortunately takes the mound for the Twins.

AUGUST 13, 2009 -- KANSAS CITY 5, MINNESOTA 4

Another humbling loss to the hands of one of the worst teams in the American League, the Kansas City Royals. Carl Pavano lets the bottom of the order beat him in the first four innings, and the Joe Mauer machine couldn't power the Twins to a victory. Mauer drove home all four runs for the Twins off Royals starter Gil Meche, including a three-run home run in the fifth inning that brought the Twins back in the game at 5-4. But the Twins had chances galore, and yet again couldn't get a two-out hit to save their lives. Mauer's home run was the lone hit the Twins had with runners in scoring position, and five innings ended with a runner in scoring position being stranded there. Michael Cuddyer did that twice, again securing his status as a guy who only produces in low-pressure situations, and new acquisition Orlando Cabrera failed big time in the sixth inning when he grounded into an inning-ending double play with the bases loaded. The real goat of that inning was likely Nick Punto, who couldn't even do the easiest thing to do in all of sports -- get a freaking bunt down, and three times he bunted it foul. I'd love to say "see, Gardenhire -- why are you playing this worthless excuse of a ballplayer?" but I feel I've said it before until I was blue in the face. We just have to accept the fact that Ron Gardenhire wants horrible, terrible, pathetic players in the lineup every single game. If he could, he'd pencil himself into the lineup, because I don't know how Gardenhire could do worse than his career .232 batting average. Well, what am I talking about -- of course he could do worse, as evidenced by Nick Punto's embarrassing batting average, which is sitting pretty at a cozy .204.

Not much to add about such a pathetic series as this one, but I do have to give props to Royals manager Trey Hillman for doing something that's so logical and strategic that Ron Gardenhire would never think of doing. Hillman, whose starter Meche had struggled through five innings, was finding that his patchwork bullpen was shaky at best, so he decided to bring in his closer Joakim Soria to start the eighth inning and have a chance for a two-inning save. And guess what happened? The Royals won the game. Soria hadn't pitched at all in the other two games in the series, and so he was fresh enough to go a little bit more than is normally expected of a modern-day closer. Sure, Soria ended up throwing 35 pitches, which may be out of his comfort zone, but more importantly, the Royals won. Trey Hillman -- there's another man in baseball who would do a better job managing the Twins than the sad-sack Ron Gardenhire. I was explaining to a family member who isn't much of a Twins fan why it was a terrible idea to bring in Jesse Crain in the ninth to "hold" a one-run deficit, and they asked (quite logically) "Why not bring in Nathan?" All I could respond with was, "you can't. They have to be in the lead for Nathan to come in the game." This person looked confused and said, "you can't put him in if you're behind?" "Yeah, I know it doesn't make much sense, but them's the breaks when you've got Ron Gardenhire for a manager."

The Twins will now face the fourth-place Cleveland Indians at the dome, and nothing is taken for granted anymore with this ballclub. They haven't won a series in seemingly forever (only two weeks, surprisingly) and the Twins are roughly about the same amount of games ahead of Cleveland (6) than they are behind Detroit (5). And they have to face Aaron Laffey in this series, who the Twins have selected as their arch nemesis for the month. We'll see if the Twins can win one of three here in this upcoming series.

AUGUST 12, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 7, KANSAS CITY 1

It would be nice to think that the Twins could build on Wednesday's easy 7-1 win against the Royals and that perhaps they could start a winning streak and become a serious threat to win the Central Division. But there just hasn't been enough of this to believe that the Twins can start winning a lot of games in a row. The Twins have won exactly three times in their last eleven games, and the scores of those wins has been 10-1, 11-0, and 7-1. They have responded to those blowout victories with blowout losses, terrible pitching, untimely hitting, poor defense and always pathetic managing. It just goes to show how inconsistent this team has been, that they can play near flawless baseball one night and come back the very next game and don't even put forth a semi-effort. For what it's worth, Francisco Liriano responded to the imminent danger of being sent to the bullpen by what was perhaps his best outing of the season. He gave up a home run to the second batter he faced on Wednesday (to the power-challenged Willie Bloomquist, no less), but after that gave up only two more hits for the rest of his seven innings. He struck out eight and more importantly walked only one. His command was sharp and he actually looked like wanted to be on the mound. In a season that has been marked with frustrating inconsistency, Liriano has perhaps been the shining example of that inconsistency. If the Twins can get some solid pitching from Liriano down the stretch, that will be certainly encouraging; but as long as the other spots in the rotation continue to be a sore spot, Liriano can pitch like it's 2006 and it won't make much of a difference.

Joe Crede came back from (take a guess) another injury and promptly belted a three-run home run in his first at-bat in the first inning, capping a five-run inning off Royals starter Brian Bannister that the Twins used to coast to the victory. Crede's been just about what the Twins asked for when they signed him in the offseason. He'll provide a little pop in the order while hitting for a low average and getting on base sparingly. And we all kind of knew about his fragility and thought that the idea of Crede playing on turf would spell doom for his back, and it's been pretty much an assortment of injuries that's sharply limited his playing time. For the kind of numbers Crede is putting up (sub-.300 on-base percentage), it's not like the Twins should really be missing them. The guy pops up to the infield more than anybody else I've ever seen (even Nick Punto and Michael Cuddyer), but that being said, he's a lot better than the alternatives that the Twins have. Brendan Harris has limited range at third base, Brian Buscher is toiling in Triple-A, and Nick Punto couldn't crack the St. Paul Saints roster if the Twins weren't insane enough to give him $4 million a season, so when Crede's out of the lineup, it's not a good thing.


The Twins are so desperate for pitching that Ron Gardenhire is forced to do something pretty much unheard of from Ronny Boy: skip a starter and move up his ace, Carl Pavano, to pitch the Thursday afternoon matinee. Pavano's on his normal rest and such a move (especially considering what the Twins' back end of the rotation consists of) would be obvious to most people. But we're talking about Ron Gardenhire here, and if there's ever a guy who would want guys like Anthony Swarzak and Nick Blackburn and Glen Perkins to take a turn in the rotation just because it won't "screw things up," it's Ron Gardenhire. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if Jeff Manship, who was called up to replace the disabled Perkins on Wednesday, gets a crack at a few starts. Anything is better than what they have. Put it this way -- Armando Galarraga has had a bad season for the Tigers and his status as Detroit's #5 starter has been in limbo for much of the season. If he were on the Twins, he might damn well be their top starter. That's depressing.

AUGUST 11, 2009 -- KANSAS CITY 14, MINNESOTA 6

Another embarrassing loss for the Twins, this time twice as embarrassing considering that it was to the hands of the lowly Kansas City Royals at home under the Teflon sky of the Metrodome. Making matters worse, the Twins weren't in this game right from the start. Before Nick Blackburn could blink, the Royals had already put four runs on the board in the first (three of which came home after there were two outs), and a Brendan Harris error in the second inning led to two more runs and Blackburn's departure. Although Blackburn didn't deserve to pitch any longer than he had, his short start meant that the bullpen would have to pitch the final 7 and 1/3 innings of the game, and that just spells runs. Sure enough, Brian Douchebag (who apparently won't be starting in the series), Bobby Keppel, and Jesse Crain all gave up runs in their relief outings, and only Jose Mijares, who pitched a clean eighth, was able to hold off the suddenly barnstorming Royals. This is a team that came into the game with one of the lowest team batting averages in the American League (batting .255 as a team), and they put up 18 hits in the game, making that the sixth game out of their last ten that the Twins pitching has given up at least fifteen hits in a game. Not surprisingly, the Twins have lost all six of those games, and the way things are going (and how the rest of this series is set up), it's going to be a challenge to even win one of these games against the last-place Royals.


Games like this must make those foolish fans who are still believing that the team is going to make the playoffs second-guess themselves. Blackburn had been the team's solid #1 starter throughout the first half of the season, but ever since Ron Gardenhire had the ingenious idea to rest Blackburn for ten days between starts (straddling the All-Star Break), he's pitched really, really poorly -- kind of like Joe Mays bad, or Sean Bergman bad, late-90s Twins bad. I read somewhere that it's possible that Carl Pavano, with one start down in his Twins career, is pert' darn near the ace of this staff, and I'd have to say that's about right. When you have zero starting pitching and even worse bullpen help, it's going to be increasingly difficult to notch wins, and right now the Twins are four games under .500. They're at the nadir of their season, and though they're five games out of first place, it's quite deceiving. Look at what the White Sox did the other day, by picking up Alex Rios from the Blue Jays. Though Rios hasn't proven that his monstrous contract he signed last season has been a good investment, he's a solid upgrade from what the White Sox had in their outfield, and he's still a young player. Rios and Jake Peavy are now going to be South Siders for quite a while, and even if the Sox don't win the division this season, they're going to be bonafide contenders for a good number of years. What have the Twins done to solidify their future, especially considering their move to Target Field next season? Nothing, at least, to signal to Joe Mauer that the Twins are committed to putting a winning club on the field, and if I'm Mauer, I sure as hell don't take one penny as a "hometown discount" to sign with the Twins. Mauer's a born winner, and he's not going to give a team which is so content with mediocrity the benefit of the doubt just because he was born a few minutes away from the stadium.


The Mark Grudzielanek experiment officially ended on Monday, when the Twins released the veteran infielder eight games into his comeback attempt with Double-A New Britain. The Twins felt that Grudzielanek's range wasn't what it once was, and his bat hadn't bowled over the Twins, either. That the Twins felt eight games was enough to prove to them that Grudzielanek wasn't the answer, and that they've given Alexi Casilla nearly 100 games at the major league level to prove to everyone else (other than the Twins' on-field management) that he isn't a major-league player is frankly a slap in the face to this Twins fan. Eight games is enough to gauge a veteran player who hadn't played competitively for a year due to injury? He was hitting .267 with the Rock Cats, which is roughly 100 points higher than what Casilla's hitting at the major league level, and don't talk about "range" when guys like Casilla and Punto are getting the bulk of the playing time at second base for the big-league team. They're average defensively -- sure, they'll put forth a Web Gem once in a while, but then also make plenty of miscues too -- and their defensive talents are further underemphasized when they give back all their defensive assets by consistently going 0 for 4 at the plate. With the Grudzielanek cutting, the Twins have officially said that they are just fine with their second basemen hitting .186 with average defense. Grudzielanek had a classic quote (actually a text message) printed in the Star Tribune that may go down as the quote of the year around here at the MTRC: "They [the Twins] just wasted my time." Thanks, Mark. That makes two of us.

AUGUST 8, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 11, DETROIT 0

Man, this team is hard to figure out. They have to be the most inconsistent team I've ever had the opportunity to watch. One day, they'll look like absolute garbage, failing at all aspects of the game -- hitting, pitching, defense, and managing. Then the next day, they'll come out, knock around one of the best pitchers in the league, and ride their pitcher to an easy win. I don't know from day to day what team is going to show up, and whenever the Twins do win games like the one on Saturday, I can't believe that the team is "turning the corner," because every other time they've won convincingly, they've come out the next day and phoned it in (like they did earlier in the road trip). If ever there is a season-saving victory in early August, Saturday's 11-0 romp was just that. With a loss, the Twins were in danger of dropping 6 and 1/2 games out; by winning, they are 4 and a half back and have a chance to get within another game of first place with a win today. But am I convinced that they will bring a lot of momentum into Sunday's game? Absolutely not.


I will give credit where credit is due, and Carl Pavano pitched like it was 2004 on Saturday. His pitching performance was a breath of fresh air for Twins fans, who have become all too accustomed to the Twins giving up eight runs a game, especially since the All-Star break. He had a veteran's presence on the mound, again refreshing when the Twins trot out an unexperienced, deer-in-the-headlights starter seemingly every other day. Not that the "veteran presence" is going to be a good thing necessarily (Livan Hernandez, anybody?), but if Pavano can pitch even a little bit like he did on Saturday, his acquisition will at least be justified (again, it's not as if he's going to be the tipping point for the Twins' winning the division). But the knock on Pavano has been all season long is that when he's on, he's on; but when he's off, he's absolutely dreadful, and the Tigers were the one team that Pavano has really owned this year, as he notched his fourth win of the year with no losses against Detroit on Saturday. The reason, however, that Pavano can't be the savior for the staff is that not one but two spots in the rotation are still up for grabs, even after the Pavano acquisition. Anthony Swarzak's run of good pitching appears to have elapsed, and not only does he not deserve to be in the starting staff, but it's probably overdue that he should return to Triple-A. Glen Perkins and Francisco Liriano also have not deserved to stay in the staff; so in effect the Twins have three for-sure starters on their staff: Scott Baker, who'll pitch today, Nick Blackburn, and Pavano. Brian Douchebag has been pitching effectively out of the long man bullpen role (what major league team, other than the Twins, has three long men in the bullpen? Well, I guess -- considering that you can count on a starter turning in a clunker twice every five games, so you need those long men). By process of elimination more than anything else, Douchebag should be penciled into the rotation. I've said it before that Liriano can really help the bullpen, and I think his value is greater in the bullpen. So who's the fifth starter? Glen Perkins can't get anybody out, whether he's in relief or starting, so he can't assume that role, and the scouting report on Anthony Swarzak appears to have gotten around to the entire league now, so he can't be trusted. You look at the other two Central competitors and their top 3 pitchers: Detroit's Verlander, Jackson, and Washburn, and Chicago's Buehrle, Peavy (when he's healthy) and Danks/Floyd, you've got to give both of those teams the edge over the Twins' Baker, Blackburn and Pavano. That's not saying anything about the glaring holes at the back end of the rotation for the Twins.


The bullpen continues to be a sore spot for the Twins, and again the Twins passed up the opportunity to add a bullpen arm on Saturday. Twice in the past week the Tampa Bay Rays have made waiver claims on two arms that had been designated for assignment by their prior clubs. Jeff Bennett was picked up from Atlanta, where he had put up a 3.18 ERA (albeit with a high opponent's batting average), and on Saturday the Rays picked up Russ Springer from Oakland. Springer's 40 years old, sure, but he's still effective (a lot more effective than Jesse Crain, for instance). He had been pitching stellar of late, posting a sub-2.00 ERA over his last 25 games, and he has 47 strikeouts in 41 innings pitched. The Rays have a better record than the Twins, meaning that had the Twins claimed either pitcher, they would have gotten them because their record is worse than Tampa Bay. Why they didn't pursue either of those relievers is astounding considering the fact that Joe Nathan continues to be the only guy in the 'pen that can consistently and confidently get batters out. But hey -- Luis Ayala was sent down by the Marlins the other day after posting an 8.50 ERA for them. He might be available (for the right price, that is -- "we don't want to mortgage our future just to make a move").

AUGUST 7, 2009 -- DETROIT 10, MINNESOTA 8

The Twins lose again on Friday, this time because the umpires just totally, like, "ruined" it for Ronny Gardenhire, who launched a verbal attack on the umpiring crew and in particular home plate ump Hunter Wendelstadt following the game. You talk about unprofessional, classless, and plain pathetic -- I can't come up with more adjectives to describe Ron Gardenhire's behavior after the game. Yet again he fails to take responsibility for his team's terrible effort and again he puts the blame on the umpiring crew. Sure, the umpires probably missed a few calls, but I tell you what -- it's a horrible time for the manager to be losing his cool. The hinges are coming off on this ballclub, and fast, and the one thing that the Twins need right now is a steady presence in the clubhouse. If their manager is running on steam and getting thrown out in the second inning of ballgames, that sort of quick temper and irrational, childish reaction are going to transfer to the players. What's worse is that Gardenhire was basically asking for a suspension in his post-game interview, and he intimated that his rapport with Wendelstadt and other umpires in the league is such that they don't respect Gardenhire one iota (join the no-respect-for-Gardy Club, fellas; it's a long line). So good luck getting any "calls" in the future, Ronny Boy.


What should be the story about Friday's game was not the umpiring or Ron Gardenhire going second-grade on everybody's ass. What should have garnered the headlines was that Anthony Swarzak gave up seven runs in one inning of work, contributing his two cents to a starting staff in complete shambles right now. Did the umpires make Swarzak groove a 3-0 fastball to Miguel Cabrera in the first inning that landed in the right field seats? Did the umpires give up two hits, including a home run, and four RBI to Alex Avila, a rookie catcher in his second major league game? Did the umpires give up fifteen hits, the fourth time in seven games that the staff has surrendered that many base hits? Did the umpires cause Justin Morneau to make an error in the fifth inning (which easily could have been given to Orlando Cabrera) which directly led to two runs, which ended up being the difference in the game? Did the umpires force Michael Cuddyer to strike out with a man on third and one out in the sixth inning? Did the umpires force the front-office to sign Nick Punto to an astronomical contract in the offseason to keep that piece of s*** on the team so he could continuously fail in every situation? Did the umpires force Ron Gardenhire to play the said Punto every single game? The short answer, according to Ron Gardenhire, is: Yes. The umpires did it.


Speaking of that starting staff in shambles, there's help on the way (cue superhero music). Carl Pavano, he of the 5.37 ERA, will fit nicely in to a starting staff that's already populated by such notables as Swarzak (5.44 ERA), Francisco Liriano (5.63 ERA), and Glen Perkins (5.95 ERA). Pavano's acquisiton from Cleveland is just another example of a low-risk, low-impact move made by the front office. He's not a guy that's going to bring a divisional title to the Twin Cities, and even by getting Pavano, either Liriano or Perkins is still going to be in the rotation (not to mention Swarzak, who's last two starts have been so bad that Quebec is again reconsidering secession). For the time being, it's Perkins' spot that's the casualty to Pavano's acquisition, as Pavano will take the rubber in Saturday's game against Detroit. The most common spin to Pavano being acquired by the Twins was that he had pitched well against Detroit and Chicago, and that's all good and well, but all that means is that's he's been really, really bad against everybody else, and it's not like all ten or so starts that he'll make with the Twins are going to be against the Tigers and White Sox. The best numbers that Pavano had are these: 36-32-30. No, that isn't a hits-to-walks ratio, but rather the measurements of Pavano's ex-girlfriend Alyssa Milano, who Pavano dated in 2004 (which, not surprisingly, was Pavano's only solid season at the major league level). And here's the rub: Pavano's contract, which when you look at what the Twins are paying for this guy, you can't really understand why they went out and got him. The remainder of Pavano's base salary is only about $500K, which isn't much in terms of baseball money nowadays, but after his next start he'll start banking in his incentives. As Thrylos over at the Tenth Inning Stretch estimates, if Pavano continues to get the ball every fifth day, the Twins would end up paying him $2.7 Million to make ELEVEN starts. In other words, if you're the Cleveland Indians, who have announced in the last few days that they're on pace to lose $16 million this season, getting rid of Carl Pavano was a godsend to their organization. For the Twins, when they finally wrap up their third-place season in October, they're going to be wondering why the hell they spent almost $3 million for two months of such an average pitcher, and Twins fans will have to scratch their heads whenever the front office balks at making other acquisitions because they would be too costly. They'll scratch their heads because this is an organization that paid $2.7 million for eleven Carl Pavano starts and $4 million for 500 Nick Punto at-bats; meanwhile they won't give Casey Blake an extra year on a contract offer and won't go the extra million to sign a guy like Orlando Hudson. Head-scratching indeed.