APRIL 14, 2010 -- BOSTON 6, MINNESOTA 3

The first weather-affected game goes against the Twins, as the Red Sox get the clutch hits and take the middle game of the three-game series. The Twins offense was dreadfully pathetic, as they couldn't come up with the big hit all game long. The key at-bat in the game came in the seventh inning, when the Twins loaded the bases with two outs. Boston was up a run at 3-2 and brought in Hideki Okajima to face Justin Morneau. Morneau, predictably, popped up -- just about as pitiful of an at-bat as you could come up with. Jesse Crain then returned to his old self in the top of the eighth by surrendering three insurance runs to effectively put the nail in the coffin. Those three runs were driven in by none other than Jeremy Hermida, no doubt the weak link in the Boston lineup. What Crain's history will tell you is that when he struggles, all that he can figure out to throw is a straight fastball, and that's when bad hitters like Hermida can feast on Crain. Many people were expecting big things from Crain this year, but I'm pretty skeptical. The only big thing I see from Crain in 2010 is his ERA (hey-o!). Worth mentioning as well is Michael Cuddyer's fly-out to end the game. He represented the tying run and of course failed to deliver. His home run in the eighth was classic Cuddyer -- a meaningless homer that pads the stats and looks good on his baseball card. If he would ever hit a homer that would actually mean something...

Kevin Slowey pitched poorly, barely getting through five innings and obviously struggling to pitch through the weather. As mentioned before, Crain's terrible outing put a stain on the bullpen's overall impressive start to the season, and they'll be getting some help in the form of Ron Mahay, who was called up from extended spring training. Alex Burnett drank his cup of coffee and he's back to Rochester and will likely sink into Twins oblivion. The Mahay call-up has everything to do with Jose Mijares, who's looked as good as a pregnant woman on roller skates so far this year. As Hank eluded to yesterday, to see Ron Gardenhire put Brian Douchebag late in the game for multiple innings is a plan waiting to backfire. Mahay's endurance is questionable, however -- he's always been a lefty to face a batter or two; certainly not full innings. In a sense, the Twins got an emergency pinch-hitter, too. Some may be surprised to hear that Mahay first broke into the big leagues as an outfielder for the Red Sox. His numbers translate to a Nick Punto-esque kind of career at the plate, so it's a great thing that he turned out to be left-handed, because he's made quite a career for himself out of pitching exclusively to left-handed batters.

Just as a quick sidenote, we are officially nine games into the season (that's 153 to go!) and Dick Bremer is already in pennant chase mode. In the middle of Wednesday's game, he was giving all-too-frequent-for-the-middle-of-April updates on the Kansas City-Detroit game, saying that it'd be a "good thing" if the Royals were able to beat the Tigers. Dude, it's APRIL. Last season is over -- there is no need to keep us apprised of the Tigers. For all we know, the Royals might be the team to catch this season -- it wouldn't be good for the Twins if KC won then, would it? Just do me a favor Dick: give it fifty games at least before you start blowing shit out of proportion. 50 games. That's all I ask.

Photos: AP/Andy King

APRIL 8, 2010 -- MINNESOTA 10, LOS ANGELES 1

The Twins open a can of whoop-ass on the perenially-competitive Angels, taking three of four in the season-opening series. The surprising thing about the series was not that the Twins hit the cover off the ball for the majority of the four games, nor was it the somewhat-surprising fact that the starting pitching fared pretty well. What surprised me the most was how lackluster and imminently beatable the Angels looked. Their pitching is going to win them plenty of games, but their lineup has some major holes. Who knew losing Chone Figgins would hurt the ballclub this much? Torii Hunter anchors the lineup, and we all know too well what Hunter could do to a promising rally when he consistently failed in the clutch in a Twins uniform. Either way, the Twins looked impressive in this series on most sides of the diamond.

What was frustrating to see was the Twins' first inning performance against Angels starter Joel Pineiro. After Joe Mauer doubled Orlando Hudson to third base with one out in the first, Pineiro got Justin Morneau and Michael Cuddyer to strike out to end the threat. The Cuddyer at-bat is a given, as Cuddyer rarely delivers big hits in the clutch, but the Morneau strikeout is somewhat troubling. Usually, when you're facing premier teams such as the Angels, you need to drive in guys on third base with less than two outs in order to have a chance to win the game. You NEED to, no questions asked. What exacerbates the fact that the Twins failed at this rudimentary part of the game is the fact that one of their best players did it. Sure, if Nick Punto or Alexi Casilla or a pitcher gives three half-assed waves of the bat at terrible pitches in the same situation, we at least wouldn't be surprised. With a former MVP, however -- your clean-up hitter, mind you -- those situations MUST be productive. It's unacceptable for Justin Morneau to fail to get the run home there, and though the rest of the lineup bailed out Morneau, it's not going to be everyday that guys like Brendan Harris and Seldom Young hit home runs to provide the bulk of the scoring.

Jim Thome also homered for the Twins, and although that's a sight that Twins fans should be used to (the guy's hit fifty homers against the Twins, for crissakes), don't think that this will be a regular occurance when he plays for the Twins. Here's my bold prediction of the week: Jim Thome will end up with less than 100 at-bats for the Twins this season. I'm predicting that his line, at the time the Twins finally release Thome in mid-June, will read something like this: 89 at-bats, 19 hits, five home runs, and 33 strikeouts. Thome will be Tony Batista-esque in his short-lived stint with the Twins, and once it becomes apparent that he cannot deliver bloop hits to the opposite field (the hitting approach so prized by Ron Gardenhire and Joe Vavra), the team will jettison him in favor of the more versatile player in Matt Tolbert. Here's hoping I'm wrong, that Thome will hit so well that they bench Seldom Young and he ends up hitting 30 home runs -- sorry, but I see the former scenario much more likely.

Now the Twins are off to the South Side to face the White Sox. Tonight will be interesting, as Francisco Liriano takes the hill for the Twins. Ron Gardenhire would be wise to have a short leash on Liriano, not only in this game but also in terms of his status as a starting pitcher. After struggling so mightily with elementary things like command and mound presence, Liriano's career very much hangs in the ballots in the early season here. He opposes Chisox southpaw John Danks.

Photos: (1,2) AP/Francis Specker; (3) AP/Nam Y. Huh

APRIL 7, 2010 -- MINNESOTA 4, LOS ANGELES 2

Quick write-up today, as I'm entering headlong into the start of bee season. Justin Morneau and J. J. Hardy both hit home runs for the second consecutive game, and Carl Pavano's solid start clinches at least a split in the season-opening series in Anaheim. This is surely a good thing, as the Angels are a difficult draw to open the season, and playing in Anaheim has not been fun for the Twins the last few years. As long as they get pitching, the Twins are going to be in a lot of games this season. The what-ifs in the staff -- Blackburn, Pavano, and Liriano -- are usually so inconsistent that it's hard to tell from inning to inning what kind of pitcher you're getting. Pavano's next start may be absolutely dreadful, and it may go something like his performance on Wednesday. Either way, the Twins will take it, and rest easy in the fact that they won't begin the season behind the eight-ball.

Jon Rauch picked up his second straight save, surrendering a meaningless run in the ninth inning and retaining the victory for the Twins. Coming into a three-run game with three outs to get -- and getting credited with what is perceived to be a big-time statistic...wow! The joys of being a major-league closer. Seriously, if you blow a three-run lead with one inning to play, you don't deserve to be in the big leagues, much less a "closer." I've said before that this is one rule change that I'd impose if I were commissioner for a day. I'd narrow the save margin to a two-run lead, because frankly that's not that great an accomplishment to earn a save after holding a three-run lead. This is why Rauch will do a stupendous job in the closer's role -- anyone can, really. With the Twins slated to reach 90 wins, Jose Mijares could rack up 30 saves easily. Hell, Brian Douchebag could. Jeff Manship could do it from Triple-A Rochester. Keep piling them up, Jonny!

Photos: (1) AP/Andy King; (2) AP/Steven Senne

APRIL 5, 2010 -- LOS ANGELES 6, MINNESOTA 3

With a group of newly acquired players and a brand-spanking new set of road uniforms, the 2010 season got of to an inauspicious start, as the Twins channeled their April-through-mid-September performance of last season in kicking off this year's campaign with a disappointing 6-3 loss to the Angels. I will say that the opener did not feel like a season opener one bit -- it felt as if it were a mid-season game, and for that I will give both teams credit for not looking rusty. It also felt like a mid-season game for the Twins in the respect that their patheticness in not producing clutch base-hits appeared to be in mid-season form. The Twins didn't get a clutch hit in the late innings from their big stars, and the team went a true-to-form 1 for 6 with runners in scoring position. In probably the biggest at-bat of the game, Justin Morneau hit a scorching line-drive to first base with two outs and the bases jacked in the seventh, one inning after Seldom Young ended the sixth with a bases-loaded flyout. Also in mid-season form: the bullpen surrendering key insurance runs late in the ballgame to stretch a one-run deficit to a three-run deficit. Jose Mijares gave up two solo home runs in the eighth that pretty much sealed the deal for the Angels. Mijares is quickly becoming a left-handed version of Matty Guerrier and Monday's opener may be a harbinger of things to come in 2010.

Scott Baker pitched poorly in the opener, staying consistent in that he neared the 100 pitch count in the fifth inning before getting lifted. Falling behind hitters all game long, Baker put the Twins in an early hole after surrendering two runs in the first inning. Baker is like Johan Santana in the respect that it will take Baker a month or two before getting into his groove. Santana classically struggled in April before getting into lock-down mode once the second half of the season started. Now, Baker's second-half success isn't nearly the same as Santana's post-All Star Game domination of the league, but historically Baker's been much better in the latter half of the season. With the Twins having a tough early schedule, having a struggling Baker may sink the Twins into a deep hole in April. Surely his approach of "let's get behind every hitter I face and lack poise and confidence at every step of the way" is a loser's mentality, and for the Twins to go to Baker on Opening Day, telling the league he's the best we have -- that's a "gulp" moment if I've ever seen one.

Now it's Nick Blackburn's turn in the rotation, and out of all of the pitchers on the starting staff, I have concerns that Blackburn's sinker is going to flatten out this season and hitters will start to drill his pitches with consistent authority. This is a guy who gives up a ton of hits but seems to avoid big innings because he doesn't walk many batters. That control might come back to harm him, as he can't blow away anybody with pure stuff, and hitters may just sit back and wait for a hittable pitch to drive out of the ballpark. We'll get a good indication of how Blackburn's going to be tonight as he faces a patient team in the Angels. They certainly aren't free swingers, and they're the type of team that Blackburn could easily get shelled by. Joe Saunders goes for the Angels.

SEPTEMBER 16, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 7, CLEVELAND 3

The Twins take care of business against the apparently-not-even-trying-at-this-point Cleveland Indians, who don't even put up much of a fight against the Twins on Wednesday. Michael Cuddyer continued his hot run in non-pressure at-bats, going 3 for 4, with most of those hits coming with the Twins already up by four runs. Even though I like to bash on Cuddyer, he has been hitting well of late, and especially with Justin Morneau and Joe Crede out for the year (most likely), they desperately need someone to step up. The biggest casualty of the Morneau injury, it would seem, would have to be Joe Mauer, as the pitches he sees aren't going to be as good with Cuddyer protecting him as they would be with Morneau hitting behind him. That simply hasn't been the case, as Mauer has raised his batting average an astounding ten points in five games, to the cool altitude of .374. Hitting .400 seems out of reach at this point in the season, but the fact remains that this guy is simply incredible. If only the Twins could put an entire team around him.

Nick Blackburn won just his second start since Ron Gardenhire's stupendous plan of resting a sinkerball pitcher for ten days straddling the All-Star break. He's not even close to the same pitcher that he was in June for the Twins, when he was the clear-cut ace of the staff, and he's even not as good as he was last year, when he started the one-game playoff for the Twins. Blackburn's been wildly inconsistent this season and of course he's going to be a big part of the Twins' final few weeks here in 2009. With the Tigers taking care of the Royals at home on Wednesday, the Twins' gap from first place is still four and a half games, and the Tigers play on Thursday while the Twins are idle. The Twins won't be able to completely catch Detroit this weekend, but consider the three-game series against the Tigers to be make-or-break for the Twins. Following the series the Twins head on the road for a 10-game road-trip that will likely officially end any hope of postseason play, but if the Twins can sweep the Tigers this weekend, they will have a chance. The problem is, the Tigers will be sending two of their top three studs to the hill this weekend, with Rick Porcello and Justin Verlander (and Jarrod Washburn, traditionally a Twin killer). If Brian Duensing wants to remain a Duensing on this site, he'll have to pitch his heart out on Friday; if not, I fear the dreaded Douchebag moniker may have to return to the MTRC.

Photos: (1) AP/Ann Heisenfelt; (2) AP & The Canadian Press/Frank Gunn

SEPTEMBER 14, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 6, CLEVELAND 3

Again the Twins sleepwalk through seven shutout innings against mediocre-at-best Jeremy Sowers, and it appeared as if the Twins were on their way, thanks to a late comeback win by the Tigers, to falling further behind Detroit. But then a funny thing happened on the way to third place: the Twins came back, picking themselves off the mat. A clutch three-run home run off the bat of Michael Cuddyer (no, really!) tied the game off reliever Chris Perez, and then the Twins used rinky-dinky cheeseball to take the lead. Matt Tolbert, playing in a "pennant race" for some reason, doinked a bloop double behind third base after Seldom Young had singled, and Young would score on a wild pitch/passed ball. Jason Kubel would launch a home run later in the at-bat, and the Twins' six-spot they put on the board in the eighth was enough to carry them past the pitiful Indians. It was nice to see the Twins win a game when their opponents' reliever put up a Matt Guerrier Special, but the biggest news of the night would come to the surface during the post-game interviews.


Justin Morneau's done for the season, as is Joe Crede's (most likely), as both players' backs have officially crapped out. Morneau, frankly, has been nothing short of terrible lately, but it goes without saying that this injury is potentially fatal for the Twins' chances of holding on to second place. Add Crede's injury, and that means a few things: one, it means more playing time for guys like Carlos Gomez and/or Seldom Young, and it means more playing time for Nick Punto and/or Matt Tolbert. Any way you cut it, the two injuries makes the Twins that much worse offensively. Especially when you have a manager who's willing to play guys like Matt Tolbert in "key games down the stretch," these injuries will force Ron Gardenhire to be creative, which is kind of like asking a kindergartener to go without cake at his birthday party. Lots of tears will ensue and it'll probably mean that you'll have to clean the drapes afterwards.


If the Twins want any shot at first place, they'll have to sweep the Tigers this weekend at the Dome, and if they really want that to happen, they're going to have to win these games against an inferior opponent in order to gain momentum. Scott Baker has been pitching lights-out as of late, and he faces Fausto Carmona, owner of some pretty ugly numbers who mowed down the Twins the last time he faced them.

Photos: (1) AP/Jim Mone; (2) AP/Ben Margot

SEPTEMBER 12, 2009 -- OAKLAND 4, MINNESOTA 2

Another loss at the hands of the pathetic Athletics drops the Twins two games under .500 and it's yet another example of the wasted opportunities that the Twins have had to gain on the suddenly slumping Tigers. Detroit hasn't won a game since last Sunday's thrilling comeback win in Tampa Bay, going 0-5, yet all the Twins have been able to do is gain a paltry game and a half on first place. In fact, with the White Sox winning yesterday in Anaheim, the Twins have fallen back to third place in the division -- this is notable considering the Twins had a 3 1/2 game lead over Chicago for second place just ten days ago. It makes you think that the Twins surely could have come back on Detroit, except for the fact that the Twins just aren't that good of a team. And it really doesn't help when minor-leaguers like Jeff Manship are called upon to stop the bleeding. Manship's longest start in the majors is a five-inning performance, and on Saturday he lasted only a few batters into the fifth. Walks came back to haunt the Twins in a big way, as the A's scored the two game-winning runs in the fifth without the benefit of a single base hit. Manship walked the first two batters (facing the eight and nine hitters, no less) and gave way to Jesse Crain, who promptly walked the first batter he faced. Two sacrifice flies later, the A's had a two run lead, and they used that same margin to coast to a victory.

Brett Anderson pitched like an ace against the Twins, mowing them down over seven innings. Michael Wuertz and Andrew Bailey slammed the door on the Twins in the late innings, and the Twins offense continued to sleepwalk down the stretch. The biggest tragedy of this season has been the fact that the Twins, with the talent they have, should be RUNNING AWAY with this division. Detroit hasn't shown any real moxie down the stretch following that Tampa Bay series, and the fact remains that 85 wins will likely win this division. Right now, the Twins can't guarantee themselves a winning season, and when you have guys like Mauer and Morneau and Span and Kubel all having career years or close to it (Morneau's last month and a half will be most remembered, however, as his struggles have stood for the struggles of the whole offense lately), you'd like to think you have a good chance to win a weak division. But it always comes down to pitching, and this season has been a flashback to the good old Dick Such days of the mid-90s. To rewrite the classic Simon and Garfunkel song, Where have you gone, Scott Aldred?

Photos: AP/Tom Olmscheid

SEPTEMBER 9, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 4, TORONTO 1

Certainly an unlikely victory by the Twins on Wednesday, as they beat a halfway decent pitcher named Roy Halladay for the first time in his twelve-year career, 4-1. Halladay pitched a complete game, obviously, and was done in by a mammoth Justin Morneau home run in the eighth inning, the first real hit of consequence that Morneau's had in about a month. Even more unexpected was Michael Cuddyer's two-run, pinch-hit double in the ninth inning that provided the much-needed insurance runs; we all know that Cuddyer's hit wouldn't have come had the Twins been down 2-1 or had the game been tied -- it still is about as clutch a hit as Cuddyer could get and it should be duly noted that he actually got the job done. Carl Pavano pitched well for the victory, getting into the eighth inning and earning his third win as a Twin. And, hey, the Tigers lost, so the Twins are (as Dick Bremer would like to say) "only" 5 1/2 games behind first place. What is noteworthy is that the Twins are playing somewhat competitive baseball, and at the very least, the games are still worth watching.

Orlando Cabrera had a big hit for the Twins, as he homered in the sixth inning to tie the game at one. Cabrera, after about a good first week for the Twins, has been absolutely dreadful at the plate and in the field for the Twins. Just look at his numbers: He's hitting .254 as a Twin, he has a .280 on-base percentage (about forty points lower than Nick Punto in fact) and has committed seven errors. The common spin regarding the Cabrera trade was that he was upgrade from Punto and, unlike perennial Ron Gardenhire shit-list denizen Brendan Harris, Cabrera would actually play. But I can't believe I'm saying this -- you might as well have the limited range and .220 hitting of Nick Punto in there -- at least the guy can take a walk here and there. No, you know what -- I can't do this anymore. I can't say good things about Nick Punto. It's kind of like rooting for the Yankees; you just don't feel good about yourself after you do it.

Scott Baker tries to build on his magnificent pitching run that he's been on since June and the Twins will try to [gasp] win a series in Toronto. I certainly didn't see this coming, but if Baker can pitch the way he has been, chances are good that the Twins can take three out of four. Brett Cecil pitches for Toronto.

Photos: AP & Canadian Press/Frank Gunn

SEPTEMBER 7, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 6, TORONTO 3

The Twins use a five-run first inning against Blue Jays starter Scott Richmond to coast to a relatively easy win for the Twins on Labor Day. No win, of course, comes easy to the Twins these days, but especially considering the fact that the Twins hadn't won in Canada since Brad Radke started a game, the Twins victory over the below-.500 Jays was certainly worth noting. After that first inning, the Twins' bats went to sleep as if they were still in Cleveland, but the damage was done, and six pitchers were able to fend off Toronto the rest of the way. One thing that I have learned from the 2009 Twins is that no lead is safe, so even after the five run first, we knew that that just wouldn't be enough for Jeff Manship and company. To give the pitching staff credit, they did buckle down when they needed to, inducing two pop-ups with runners on third and less than two outs. With the Tigers idle on the holiday, the Twins actually gained ground on first-place Detroit; however, with the Tigers in Kansas City ready to feast on the Royals and the Twins ready to struggle against Toronto like it's 2007 (especially with Roy Halladay in the rear-view mirror, coming off a one-hit shutout of the Yankees), don't expect the Twins to make any serious movement towards first-place anytime this week.

Michael Cuddyer and Justin Morneau both snapped their long hitless streaks with cheesy base hits in the first inning -- Morneau's was a seeing-eye fourteen-hopper through the right side, and Cuddyer's was a one-handed lob shot that doinked into center field. If the Twins want to retain their hold on second place, these two guys will have to pick up the slack, Morneau in particular. Cuddyer's garbage and we all know it; Morneau is the key in this equation. It might be that he's still feeling the ill effects of those dizzy spells he came down with in Texas a few weeks back, but it does appear that a late-season swoon has become commonplace for Morneau. Had Morneau had a better September last season (and in particular that last homestand where he simply didn't show up), the Twins would have made the postseason and he may have deservedly won another MVP title. Again, he picks the absolute worst time to go into an extended cold slump, and when Morneau's not hitting, that effects everyone in the lineup, most of all Joe Mauer. Cuddyer's a fifth wheel on the team who's best known for his "sloppy seconds" approach to run-production; namely, when the runs are to be had, Cuddyer's got no qualms about getting a little piece for himself. When the game's on the line, Cuddyer chokes more than a donkey with a small esophagus, and that's the extend of his "value."

Photos: AP & The Canadian Press/Darren Calabrese

SEPTEMBER 6, 2009 -- CLEVELAND 3, MINNESOTA 1

The nail-in-the-coffin road trip that I thought would really come to fruition in Toronto has blossomed a little premature with the Twins' second pathetic effort in three games against the second-division Indians. David Huff was a guy who the Twins just pummeled the first two times facing him, and on Sunday all the Twins were able to scratch across against Huff in seven innings were two measly base hits in the fifth inning. Add to the fact that Nick Blackburn gave up three back-breaking two-out hits, and that's a formula to lose a game in which you desperately need to win. It's not the formula that the Twins have used all that frequently in the second half -- they love to use the "three-inning, seven-run performance by a starter" formula, but the hallmark of a bad team is that they find different ways to lose. The Twins aren't simply one-track losers; they can scratch and claw their way to losses and, most importantly, be creative in their patheticness. Case in point Sunday, when they use a botched run-down to directly lead to the Cleveland insurance run. Michael Brantley had just knocked a two-out single to score the go-ahead run, and the throw to the infield was cut off, and Brantley was a dead duck between first and second. But, because of the Twins' ineptness, they fail to get Brantley out, mainly because Michael Cuddyer playing first base has no clue how to defend his position. Sure enough, Brantley would end up scoring on a base hit in the next at-bat. Though the extra run certainly wasn't needed considering the Twins offense on the road, it was yet another stroke of the hammer banging down on that coffin nail.

Contrast the Twins' sluggish performance on Sunday against a miserable opponent with the Tigers' character-building classic comeback against Tampa Bay. Down 3-1 with one out in the ninth, Brandon Inge hit a grand slam home run, leading the Tigers to a 5-3 win that extended their division lead to a comfy seven games. Though the Tigers' magic number is 20, that home run might have damn well clinched the division for Detroit. A three-game sweep on the road against the defending AL champs, in which all three games featured the Tigers scoring late runs to win the game, is proof positive that the Tigers are for real. Can you see the Twins having that impressive of a series on the road against a good team? The Twins can't even win two out of three against the Cleveland Indians -- facing the team with the second-worst team ERA in the league, the Twins scored a whopping seven runs in the entire series (it certainly doesn't help when your "stars" like Cuddyer and Justin Morneau are in extended slumps -- 0 for 16 for Cuddyer, 0 for 19 for Morneau). As I've said before, the lone drama that will unfold here in September is whether the Twins can hold on to second place. Before the season I predicted an 82-80 third-place season for the Twins, a prediction that resulted in sneers and derision and skepticism from overly optimistic fans who banked on the notion that 2008 wasn't an outrageous fluke. Though I hoped I was wrong, I just didn't see how certain players could duplicate their success in 2009 (guys like Casilla and Buscher and the entire starting staff). Unfortunately, it looks like my prediction has turned out to be precient, though I would like to see the team put it together here at the end and finish above .500.

Photos: AP/Tony Dejak

AUGUST 23, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 10, KANSAS CITY 3

Michael Cuddyer homers twice in the seventh inning, one of some import (the first being the tiebreaking shot to lead off the inning), and, like most of Cuddyer's production, the second being of the get-em-while-their-hot variety (offensive stats, namely). Carl Pavano did a nice job mowing down an easy Kansas City lineup, and yes, the Twins completed a three-game sweep of the lowly Royals. Sweeping this series did nothing to satisfy this fan's desire to want to know why and how on earth the Twins could drop two out of three to this team at home, mind you. Yet again, the Twins lucked out and didn't have to face Zach Greinke, and that's a godsend to this team that struggles to beat mediocre pitching, but the fact remains that the Twins have somehow lost five games this year to Kansas City. O, to think if the Twins didn't play in the Central Division...

The Tigers lost their final two games while in Oakland, so coupled with the Twins' sweep in Kansas City, the Twins are but 4 1/2 games behind Detroit for the division lead. Again, I don't feel as if the Twins have the team (and the pitching, to be precise) to pull off a thrilling comeback, and the team continues to frustrate and fluster its fan base by playing almost on a week-to-week fluxuation: one week they have things clicking, like they did most of the last week against Texas and Kansas City (without Justin Morneau to boot); the next, they'll take a breather and lose two home series to bottom-feeders like Kansas City and Cleveland. Consistency has consistently eluded this team, and there's no reason to believe that they will suddenly run like a well-oiled machine here in the last forty games. Good pitching always beats good hitting, and with the two teams ahead of the Twins in the standings having obvious advantages on the rubber, it's going to be increasingly hard for the Twins to come back. But I feel like I can say this until my face turns blue; yes, I would like the Twins to make the playoffs, I think it would be cool, sure. But it's a matter of saving face, and I for one don't like my chances of the Twins facing the Yankees in the first game of the playoffs with Carl Pavano being the "ace" of the Twins staff. That does not sound cool.

Photos: AP/Charlie Riedel

AUGUST 20, 2009 -- TEXAS 11, MINNESOTA 1

Two comeback wins by the Twins were enough for them to salvage a split in the series, so Ron Gardenhire's bunch felt that it would be acceptable to phone in their effort for Thursday's game, and the results clearly showed a pitiful effort. The Rangers hit four home runs off Twins starter Anthony Swarzak, who again showed everyone watching that his scouting report has been duly circulated throughout the league and that teams know what to expect when he pitches. Especially considering his stuff isn't dazzling to begin with, that's a recipe for absolute disaster, and Swarzak followed the pattern set by, well, all the other starters when he put the Twins down 4-0 early. Seldom Young continued his hot streak (who knew?) when he led off the fifth with a home run, and the Twins mounted a threat in the sixth, loading the bases with one out. Ranger fans were probably groaning as they were expecting the same course of events to occur in Thursday's game that also happened the previous two nights: that the Twins, namely, would score four in the sixth to get back in the game, as they had on both Tuesday and Wednesday. Well, after Ron Washington put rookie Neftali Feliz into the game, Joe Crede silenced all that crap by tapping into an inning ending 5-3 double play, thereby extinguishing both the rally and the chance to win.

Swarzak started the bottom of the sixth by giving up his fourth homer of the game, and the inning wouldn't end until Jeff Manship could stop the bleeding. In between the Swarzak-Manship sandwich was another classic outing by Bobby Keppel, who's becoming kind of like the evil cream in the middle of a disastrous Oreo cookie of failure. More traditionally that cookie, which apparently stands for those big innings ("crooked numbers," as certifiable idiot Dick Bremer would say) that the bullpen is wont to give up, involves such notables as Jesse Crain and R.A. Dickey; Keppel's usually been part of that mix, too, and Thursday was no exception, as he faced three batters and all three Rangers hit doubles off Keppel. Talk about thrifty patheticness -- Bobby Keppel has mastered that art.

With the dramatic comeback win for the Tigers on Thursday afternoon, the Twins dropped back to 6 1/2 games behind the front-running Tigers (and 4 1/2 behind the second-place Pale Hose), which means that even with the two impressive comeback wins in Texas, the Twins ended up losing a half-game in the standings. Justin Morneau, meanwhile, will see a specialist concerning his inner ear infection that kept him out of the lineup for pretty much all of the Texas series. An injury to Morneau would be fatal for the team, and a trip to the disabled list just might put the final nail in the coffin to this season. But first they have to travel to Kansas City to put forth what likely will be a pathetic effort. Luke Hochevar, who looked nothing better than Bret Saberhagen the last time he faced the Twins, will be on the hill for the Royals, and Nick Blackburn, he of the 0-4, 10.17 ERA since Ron Gardenhire rested him for ten days between the All Star Break, will oppose him for the Twins.

Photos: AP/Tony Gutierrez.

AUGUST 18, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 9, TEXAS 6

The Twins fall behind 5-0, as Carl Pavano struggles to get through four innings. It appears that the formula for losing, which the Twins have darn near patented in the last few weeks, is again on track. Then something funny happened on the way to the middle innings. The Twins came back. Seldom Young, of all people, who had just struck out pathetically on a pitch at his head with a runner on third and one out in the second inning, ignited the rally, doubling home two to tie the game at five in the sixth inning. When Phil Humber threw the ball to nobody covering third base in the bottom of the sixth, which gave the Rangers the lead again at 6-5, it appeared that this would be how the Twins would lose -- pathetically with a Triple-A pitcher losing the game on an asinine fielding decision. But then what happened? Joe Mauer led off the seventh with a home run, his second of the game, and then there's that pesky Seldom Young winning the game with a two-run blast of his own in the seventh. Shocking. Absolutely stunning. The only thing that would have made it more surprising if Nick Punto had done it all offensively and defensively (in other words, been worth the four million dollars the Twins are shelling out for him). After Joe Nathan quickly retired the Rangers (in his first save opportunity of the month) in the ninth, the Twins could breathe easy again, as they posted a key win in a situation where the Rangers, in sole possession of the wild card lead coming into the game, needed to win.


It's a nice win, sure, a little late of course, but yet another example of how the offense certainly can produce for you. The Twins played the game shorthanded again, as Justin Morneau sat on the bench one day after dizzy spells forced him to leave the game, and Jason Kubel had to exit early in Tuesday's contest due to fouling a ball off his knee. But the bigger story in the game should have been how the starting pitching continues to betray the Twins. Pavano's now had two bad starts following his brilliant debut with the Twins, and Tuesday's win was more of an anomaly than a harbinger of future success. You're not going to win a whole lot of games when you're starter gives you four pathetic innings and you have to (again) rely too heavily on an already overtaxed (and lacking in the talent department to begin with) bullpen. The Twins lucked out on Tuesday, but there's no reason to expect this "winning" thing will continue.


As a few of you commented on last night, the whole Brett Favre saga is now in full gear, and though I'm glad I don't blog about the Vikes, I will say some words about it here as they relate to the Minnesota Twins. I'll tell you one thing: Brett Favre in a Vikings uniform is an absolute godsend to the Minnesota Twins. Why? Well, that circus is now in full gear, and with the Twins season rapidly falling apart, Ron Gardenhire and his bunch of clowns can relish the fact that the media darling Favre will likely steal all of the attention in this media market. September is likely going to be a miserable month for the Twins, as they're going to be fighting for third place and staving off the Indians; but with Favre helming the Vikings, not many people around Minnesota are likely going to care much about the Twins' troubles. It's an understated quality of Ron Gardenhire's undeserved job security, that the Vikings (and the Wild, it can be argued) really own the town in terms of Minnesota pro sports. The Twins are more than happy to be second banana to their Metrodome cohabs, because Minnesota sports fans will quickly latch on to the Vikings and soon forget about the Twins' woes. Ron Gardenhire should almost feel obliged to thank Brett Favre personally, just because it makes his own idiocy that less visible to the public.

Photos: (1,2) AP/Tony Gutierrez; (3) AP/Hannah Foslein

AUGUST 14, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 11, CLEVELAND 0

Well, the Twins won on Friday, so that must mean two things: one, that they won by six or more runs, and two, that they'll likely lose on Saturday. The Twins haven't won back-to-back games in the month of August, and again there's nothing that can signal to Twins fans that Friday's 11-0 romp is a harbinger of future success. On Friday, they were clicking on all cylinders: Scott Baker pitched an outstanding two-hit shutout (which likely means that his next start will be as frustratingly horrendous as this one was terrific), and the hitting was both timely and came from all parts of the lineup. Hell, even Alexi Casilla had two hits, including a bunt single that Dick Bremer blew all out of proportions, basically saying that it was the hit of the year and it likely will spark the Twins to overtake Detroit and win the division -- in fact, they probably won't lose another game the rest of the way because of Lexi's awesome single that raised his batting average to a still paltry .179. Jason Kubel continued his dominance over Cleveland, driving in five runs and hitting his sixth home run this season against the Tribe. When you win 11-0, most fans will condone such failure as two inning-ending double plays with runners on third and one out (compliments of Justin Morneau, and, not surprisingly, Michael "I Live to Fail in the Clutch" Cuddyer, whose lone contribution to the scoring came when the game was out of reach). People who follow this blog know that I'm not that forgiving. That kind of crap won't be tolerated here at the MTRC, and if they want to go anywhere, their "star players" need to get the job done in those situations. This is a team that hasn't won a close ballgame in over two weeks; if you're going to make a run at the division, at-bats like those are going to be the difference in games and perhaps the season. If I'm Ron Gardenhire, I -- wait, wait, wait. I'm not Ron Gardenhire and I don't even like the thought of being that weasel. Forget it.

Thanks to Dick Bremer's delusions, the broadcasters kept us well apprised of the goings-on in Detroit, where the Tigers won a classic pitcher's duel with a walk-off home run in the ninth inning, so the Twins' victory only prevented them from falling further behind the Tigers. The fact that anyone seriously believes that a team that came into Friday's action four games below .500 could actually win a division or even play consistent baseball is proof enough that Bremer belongs in a straitjacket. But I've heard this garbage for more than twenty years with this fool, and it ain't gettin' any better. I'd love to be able to mute the TV and flip on the radio for the play-by-play, but John Gordon and the Wrench, Danny Gladden, continue to yuk it up on the radio waves. One thing I will give the radio guys credit for (and especially Gladden) is that it doesn't appear that they're being paid to wax poetic on the heroic exploits of losers like Casilla and Punto. Gladden will tell you exactly what he thinks, which is a good thing when he's rightfully doing color, but it is a formula for disaster when he's calling the action. My vote is for Jack Morris to do Twins games more often -- anybody with me?

Any time that I have to criticize the broadcasters more than the players must mean that the Twins did well, and that they did. But as I said after Wednesday night's blowout win over the Royals, this team has done nothing to prove to their fans that they can ride these wins and start a winning streak. Most importantly is the fact that Anthony Swarzak gets the ball on Saturday afternoon, and he has lapsed into the scared rookie that most people figured he would be when he was first called up. David Huff, whom the Twins have roughed up twice this season, gets the ball for the Indians.

AUGUST 7, 2009 -- DETROIT 10, MINNESOTA 8

The Twins lose again on Friday, this time because the umpires just totally, like, "ruined" it for Ronny Gardenhire, who launched a verbal attack on the umpiring crew and in particular home plate ump Hunter Wendelstadt following the game. You talk about unprofessional, classless, and plain pathetic -- I can't come up with more adjectives to describe Ron Gardenhire's behavior after the game. Yet again he fails to take responsibility for his team's terrible effort and again he puts the blame on the umpiring crew. Sure, the umpires probably missed a few calls, but I tell you what -- it's a horrible time for the manager to be losing his cool. The hinges are coming off on this ballclub, and fast, and the one thing that the Twins need right now is a steady presence in the clubhouse. If their manager is running on steam and getting thrown out in the second inning of ballgames, that sort of quick temper and irrational, childish reaction are going to transfer to the players. What's worse is that Gardenhire was basically asking for a suspension in his post-game interview, and he intimated that his rapport with Wendelstadt and other umpires in the league is such that they don't respect Gardenhire one iota (join the no-respect-for-Gardy Club, fellas; it's a long line). So good luck getting any "calls" in the future, Ronny Boy.


What should be the story about Friday's game was not the umpiring or Ron Gardenhire going second-grade on everybody's ass. What should have garnered the headlines was that Anthony Swarzak gave up seven runs in one inning of work, contributing his two cents to a starting staff in complete shambles right now. Did the umpires make Swarzak groove a 3-0 fastball to Miguel Cabrera in the first inning that landed in the right field seats? Did the umpires give up two hits, including a home run, and four RBI to Alex Avila, a rookie catcher in his second major league game? Did the umpires give up fifteen hits, the fourth time in seven games that the staff has surrendered that many base hits? Did the umpires cause Justin Morneau to make an error in the fifth inning (which easily could have been given to Orlando Cabrera) which directly led to two runs, which ended up being the difference in the game? Did the umpires force Michael Cuddyer to strike out with a man on third and one out in the sixth inning? Did the umpires force the front-office to sign Nick Punto to an astronomical contract in the offseason to keep that piece of s*** on the team so he could continuously fail in every situation? Did the umpires force Ron Gardenhire to play the said Punto every single game? The short answer, according to Ron Gardenhire, is: Yes. The umpires did it.


Speaking of that starting staff in shambles, there's help on the way (cue superhero music). Carl Pavano, he of the 5.37 ERA, will fit nicely in to a starting staff that's already populated by such notables as Swarzak (5.44 ERA), Francisco Liriano (5.63 ERA), and Glen Perkins (5.95 ERA). Pavano's acquisiton from Cleveland is just another example of a low-risk, low-impact move made by the front office. He's not a guy that's going to bring a divisional title to the Twin Cities, and even by getting Pavano, either Liriano or Perkins is still going to be in the rotation (not to mention Swarzak, who's last two starts have been so bad that Quebec is again reconsidering secession). For the time being, it's Perkins' spot that's the casualty to Pavano's acquisition, as Pavano will take the rubber in Saturday's game against Detroit. The most common spin to Pavano being acquired by the Twins was that he had pitched well against Detroit and Chicago, and that's all good and well, but all that means is that's he's been really, really bad against everybody else, and it's not like all ten or so starts that he'll make with the Twins are going to be against the Tigers and White Sox. The best numbers that Pavano had are these: 36-32-30. No, that isn't a hits-to-walks ratio, but rather the measurements of Pavano's ex-girlfriend Alyssa Milano, who Pavano dated in 2004 (which, not surprisingly, was Pavano's only solid season at the major league level). And here's the rub: Pavano's contract, which when you look at what the Twins are paying for this guy, you can't really understand why they went out and got him. The remainder of Pavano's base salary is only about $500K, which isn't much in terms of baseball money nowadays, but after his next start he'll start banking in his incentives. As Thrylos over at the Tenth Inning Stretch estimates, if Pavano continues to get the ball every fifth day, the Twins would end up paying him $2.7 Million to make ELEVEN starts. In other words, if you're the Cleveland Indians, who have announced in the last few days that they're on pace to lose $16 million this season, getting rid of Carl Pavano was a godsend to their organization. For the Twins, when they finally wrap up their third-place season in October, they're going to be wondering why the hell they spent almost $3 million for two months of such an average pitcher, and Twins fans will have to scratch their heads whenever the front office balks at making other acquisitions because they would be too costly. They'll scratch their heads because this is an organization that paid $2.7 million for eleven Carl Pavano starts and $4 million for 500 Nick Punto at-bats; meanwhile they won't give Casey Blake an extra year on a contract offer and won't go the extra million to sign a guy like Orlando Hudson. Head-scratching indeed.

AUGUST 6, 2009 -- CLEVELAND 2, MINNESOTA 1

Go figure. The Twins' biggest problem in the last two weeks (and the entire year, really) has been consistently ineffective pitching. Their loss on Thursday had absolutely nothing to do with pitching and had everything to do with an absence of clutch hitting. The Twins went 0 for 13 with runners in scoring position, this against an Indian ballclub which boasts of the worst pitching staff in the American League. Fausto Carmona was absolutely destroyed the last time the Twins faced him in early June, as he didn't last more than two innings. Here's a guy who was such a mess that he was sent down to Rookie ball to try to figure things out. Even with his six inning, one-run performance on Thursday, Carmona's ERA sits at a devilish 6.66, and the Twins were unable to get anything more than one measly run against Carmona and company. I believe this loss to be somewhat of a forboding defeat. Though previous to this game I had serious doubts whether they could win the division, I think after Thursday's debacle that they're done. I know it's August, but these are the kind of games that made me think of 2005 and 2007 -- in that it seems that if the Twins hit and put 5-6 runs on the board, their pitching fails them and they lose, and the games which their pitchers give up one or two or three runs, their offense fails them and they lose. I know it's just one game, but it was the kind of game that sort of tells a larger story -- and this story doesn't end with the Twins making the playoffs.

It's hard to pin the blame on one hitter when the team went hitless in thirteen at-bats with runners in scoring position, and nobody had an RBI for that matter (the lone run scored on a wild pitch). The top of the second was perhaps the most pitiful of the scoring chances that the Twins squandered, and guess who's to blame there -- no, you didn't say the bottom of the lineup, did you? After a Michael Cuddyer walk and a Joe Crede double put runners on second and third with nobody out, it was up to Mike Redmond and Alexi Casilla to get those runners home. That previous sentence would make it seem like those players have done that sort of thing in the past, which I know is purely asinine logic, considering the actual talent those players don't possess. Redmond hit a soft liner to the second baseman, pathetically wasting the first chance the Twins had. Now it's Alexi Casilla's turn. This guy's had one -- count it, ONE -- hit this season of any circumstance, against the Mariners in the opening series of the year. That clutch hit has been supremely dwarfed in a gigantic shadow of mental mistakes, defensive miscues, infield pop-ups, strikeouts -- consistent failure at the plate. Against Carmona, there wasn't any doubt that Casilla would not get the job done, and sure as shit, he strikes out, and after Denard Span tapped back to the pitcher, the Twins had wasted a golden opportunity to break through.

The rest of the game featured chances in which the Twins' best hitters, Justin Morneau and Joe Mauer and Jason Kubel, could not get clutch two-out hitting, which is a hallmark of good clubs. Considering the opponent that the Twins played, the series they just completed against the Indians was probably the worst series of the season for the Twins, especially because they now head to Detroit with zero momentum. The upcoming series against the Tigers might be a make-or-break series. Four and a half games behind the Tigers already, the Twins could be as much as seven and a half back before the weekend is up. And they'll have to face two of the Tigers' top three pitchers, Justin Verlander and Jarrod Washburn, which amplifies the importance of Friday's game, in which the Twins will face the struggling Armando Galarraga, who has never beaten the Twins in five career decisions. If the Twins want to have a chance at winning the division, they need to win this series, but what evidence is there to make that a reasonable thing to ask of this ballclub? This would be a perfect time for Ron Gardenhire to take a closed-door meeting with his ballclub and lay down some parameters -- tell his team that certain play will not be tolerated and that his players would get benched for making mental mistakes. Oh wait, that just happened two weeks ago, and it turned out those threats turned out empty and the effectiveness of said meeting turned out to be marginal and the respect for the manager turned out to be superficial. Well, it was worth a try.

JULY 19, 2009 -- TEXAS 5, MINNESOTA 3 (12 innings)

Ian Kinsler started the game with a home run off Francisco Liriano and ended the game some twelve innings later, belting a two-run shot off R.A. Dickey to give the Rangers a much-needed 5-3 win. In between Kinsler's home run, the Twins' offense was pretty much non-existent against the always subpar Texas pitching staff. They got only three runs off a lost rookie lefthander, Derek Holland, and those runs were produced by Nick Punto (on a home run -- yes, miracles do happen!), Alexi Casilla and Denard Span. Joe Mauer and Justin Morneau continued to phone it in during the three-game series, and the Twins' 3-4-5 hitters went a combined 0 for 15 in Sunday's game. That's just ridiculous folks, and it's almost amazing that the game went 12 innings to begin with. The Twins struck out thirteen times against Holland and company and went 2 for 8 with runners in scoring position. There was a huge shortage of clutch hitting, which is quickly becoming a theme for this team.

Casilla finished the day 1 for 5 and completed the series going 2 for 14, which actually lowered his already low batting average from .180 to .176. Compounded to his absolute patheticness at the plate, Casilla made yet another defensive lapse in the field, letting a catchable foul ball drop because he wanted Justin Morneau, who had a much worse angle at the ball, to catch it instead. Casilla grounded into a double play in the first inning, too. With the Twins signing veteran Mark Grudzielanek on Sunday, the only question I have is this: how long does it take Mark Grudzielanek to get into game shape? I'm not saying that Grudzielanek is the be-all and end-all option at second base. He's old (39) and he hasn't played at all since last August. But considering who the Twins have (Casilla, Punto, Tolbert -- or in other words, Bad, Terrible, and God-Awful) Grudzielanek might as well be Joe Morgan. Seriously, how can Grudzielanek be any worse than what the Twins already have? Here's a guy who has always hit consistently (.290 career hitter) and he even won a Gold Glove in the later part of his career, in 2006 with the Royals. Most importantly, the guy is experienced and he's not going to make the mental errors that Casilla has been making every single game that he plays. And, it's going to be a lot less embarrassing to pencil in a guy like Grudzielanek in the #2 hole instead of guys hitting below the cost of a gallon of gasoline. This being said, even if Grudzielanek comes to the Twins, you know Ron Gardenhire's going to look at his infield -- Joe Crede at third, Brendan Harris at short, Grudzielanek at second, Morneau to first -- and say that that's way too good, and insist on putting Nick Punto somewhere. An infield just wouldn't be an infield for Ron Gardenhire if there wasn't at least one guy hitting under .200.

Well, the Twins won a series against the competing Rangers, and now they get to travel to Oakland to face the bottom-feeding Athletics, who have the second-worst record in the American League. The first time the Twins went to Oakland they let the A's win two games which the Twins should have won, but this time around if the Twins don't win the series (they really should sweep Oakland) it would be a major disaster, especially considering that the Twins actually face a competent opponent next weekend in the Angels. Staff ace Nick Blackburn goes for the Twins against southpaw Gio Gonzalez.

JULY 9, 2009 -- NEW YORK 6, MINNESOTA 4

Well, the Twins did it. They were swept in the season series against the Yankees, losing all seven games, including this humiliating three game sweep at your home stadium. Remember all that so-called "momentum" that the Twins had built prior to the Yankees series, winning four consecutive series and narrowing the Tigers' lead over the Twins to two games? Well, that's all gone, as the Twins find themselves at .500, four games out and in third place. With one swift kick to the nuts, the Yankees have brought the Twins down to where they belong, and Thursday's game was more of a mockery of the game of baseball than anything else. What was the difference in the game, you ask? Two at-bats by the Yankees' sore thumb in the lineup -- third baseman Cody Ransom, who came into the game the proud owner of statistics so bad that they remind people of a certain Puntoesque Patheticness. Francisco Liriano walked Ransom with the bases loaded in the three-run second inning, after getting ahead of him 0-2 in the count. Then in the fourth inning, Ransom singled in a run, thereby providing the two runs that turned out to be the difference in the ballgame. Throughout the seven pathetic losses to the Yankees, the Twins were not beaten by Mark Teixeira and A-Rod and Jeter -- it was because of consistent, embarrassing production from the Cody Ransoms and Brett Gardners and Francisco Cervellis that made the difference.


The Twins' made a rash of mistakes on Thursday and quite frankly they had no business being close. Matt Tolbert was batting second and playing second -- all I have to say about that is What??!! and Why??!?!!! Sure as shit, Tolbert makes the key gaffe in the game -- making an error that led to all three runs scoring in the second inning. It's too bad, too, that everyone knew that Tolbert couldn't get those runs back at the plate, because, like everyone in the league is quickly learning, he is absolutely atrocious with the stick. It was around the first Yankee series that Ron Gardenhire first got his head out of his ass and stopped batting the .170-hitting Tolbert in the two hole, but apparently Gardenhire's missed the view of his own intenstines, so there was Tolbert protecting, or rather doing a bad impression of protecting, Joe Mauer in the batting order. Tolbert was able to drive in the run the only possible way he can, by walking with the bases loaded in the fourth inning. Still, the three runs that his error led to in the second inning was enough for the Yankees to beat the Twins again, and once again Twins fans are left scratching their heads, wondering why the hell this horrid excuse for a ballplayer is on a major league roster. Frankly I doubt whether the Kansas City Royals or the Washington Nationals could make good use of Tolbert on their teams -- but for Ron Gardenhire, if you can "hustle," you've got it made in the shade.


Nick Punto is such a terrible -- you know what? I'm just going to save my breath on Punto. We all know what to expect from Punto -- a talentless, vomit-inducing, worthless human being who does absolutely nothing positive for a ballclub. There he was on Thursday, going 0 for 4, dropping his average to an abysmal .211, including striking out with the bases loaded and one out in the fourth. Without question, Punto is the worst ball player I've ever seen, and I'm just going to end it at that.

And what the hell was Justin Morneau thinking in the bottom of the seventh inning? Michael Cuddyer was up, primed to strike out in another clutch situation (representing the tying run), but he never got that chance because Morneau stupidly tried to advance to second on a pitch in the dirt. Jorge Posada picked the ball up and easily threw out Morneau. Factor in Francisco Liriano's horrible pitching performance -- falling behind hitters consistently, throwing forty pitches in the second inning alone, and not appearing to be confident at all with any of his pitches, and the Twins failed at every aspect of the game on Thursday -- pitching, hitting, fielding, and baserunning. Add that to the fact that Ron Gardenhire can't manage to save his life, and that's a great recipe for losing. It's a recipe that Ron Gardenhire has down by heart, in fact, and it especially is used whenever the Twins face the Yankees. Astonishingly, it's the third season out of eight for Ron Gardenhire that the Yankees have swept the Twins in a season series. It happened in Gardy's first two seasons (2002 and 2003) and now it again happens this season. It also makes it two seasons in a row that the Twins have gotten swept in a season series (last year they went 0-6 against the Toronto Blue Jays). For his career, Ron Gardenhire is an amazingly pathetic 16-47 against the Yankees in his career, including, of course, the playoffs. That's head-shakingly terrible, but it's understandable when you realize that he's imparting a certain style of baseball that he believes needs to be played to beat the Yankees. It's classic Ron Gardenhire pins-and-needles baseball, where everyone's afraid to make a mistake. As we've seen time and again, if you are nervous about making a mistake, you're going to make one sooner or later, and good teams like the Yankees pounce on those chances and win games because of them.


Now the Twins have to face the high-flying Chicago White Sox, who have been hitting the cover off the ball of late. The Twins should be grateful that Glen Perkins' "illness" will push him back to Saturday, because they desperately need their ace, Nick Blackburn, to stop the bleeding. Considering the Twins face All-Star and perennial Twin killer Mark Buehrle on Sunday, the Twins need to win on Friday, and it's the kind of game that they need their ace pitcher to provide the stabilizing force and avert a losing streak going into the All-Star Break. John Danks, hero of the one-game playoff last season, will pitch for the Pale Hose.

JULY 5, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 6, DETROIT 2

The Twins take two of three from the first-place Tigers, riding the strength from eight shutout innings from their ace Nick Blackburn. Blackburn's defense let him down a bit in the ninth and he surrendered a two-run bomb off the bat of Brandon Inge, but surprisingly Ron Gardenhire kept Blackburn in to finish the game even though he wound up throwing over one hundred pitches -- something that's as close to anathema as there is in the demented head of Ron Gardenhire. The offense was supplied by one big inning off Detroit rookie Rick Porcello -- the fourth, in which the Twins scored all six runs. Justin Morneau belted his 21st home run of the season, Seldom Young had a run-scoring single, and two runs scored due to an error by ex-Twin shortstop Adam Everett. The Twins did have twelve hits, but considering they scored only four earned runs, the offense was off the hook on Sunday. After Porcello left the game following the fourth inning, the Twins could not get any runs off Zach Miner and some guy named Fu-Te Ni -- I know, right? That's not even a case where you need to buy a vowel; you've got to buy a couple vowels and a few consanants while you're at it. He might as well be named Mo X, and the Twins were unable to get anything off a pitcher who has a two-letter last name. Ridiculous.

On a related note, the All-Star selections were announced on Sunday, and not surprisingly three Twins made the team. Morneau, Joe Mauer, and Joe Nathan were selected, with Mauer being the only one of the three to be voted in by the fans. All three players are much deserving of being on the team, and I don't think any Twin was really snubbed by Joe Maddon, either. Dan Gladden and John Gordon were making the case that Kevin Slowey's trip to the DL may have cost him a spot on the All-Star team, but they fail to notice that the guy has a 4.86 ERA and his ten wins were mostly due to the overwhelming run support that he's had the benefit of pitching with. The American League roster, and Joe Maddon's selection of the reserves, reminded me a little bit of Tom Kelly in that Maddon rewarded quite a bit of his players from last season's World Series team with an All-Star selection this year. Yes, Ben Zobrist has amassed some great numbers this season (2nd in the league in slugging and OPS -- what???) but the guy's only been a starting player for about a month, and I'd like to know how many people outside Tampa-St. Pete that actually know who Zobrist is. Jason Bartlett and Carl Crawford also were selected by Maddon, and Evan Longoria was voted in at third base. Granted, all of those players are having good seasons -- it's not like Tom Kelly selecting Tim Laudner for the '88 All Star game -- that was ridiculous. Charlie Manuel didn't display as much nepotism as his American League counterpart, as Ryan Howard was the only Phillie that he selected himself; Chase Utley and Raul Ibanez were voted in as deserving starters.

The problem, however, isn't the managers selecting the reserves. The problem is that the All-Star game selection process is the same that is has been for decades, while the scope of the "exhibition game" is now greatly expanded. What's at stake is homefield advantage in the World Series, and the fans are voting in the starting players? That means that the Yankees and Red Sox, due to their huge fan base, will always have a couple players in the starting lineup no matter what their statistics are. People will say that the game is for the fans -- well, not if the game actually means something. If you're going to attach a ridiculous prize to an exhibition game, then you let the manager select every player. And that also means that you eliminate the old "every team gets at least one player on the All-Star team" crap. Remember when the Twins really sucked in the late nineties? I'm sure Joe Torre groaned every year at All-Star time because he had to put someone from those teams in an All-Star game. Ron Coomer made an All-Star team for crissakes. If the game means that much, you want the best of the best, not the best of the best, and Andrew Bailey of the Oakland Athletics.

MLB can have it one of two ways -- make the All-Star game decide home-field advantage for the Fall Classic and thereby strip the fan's vote and get rid of the rule that stipulates that every team needs to be represented. Or, keep those rules and make the All-Star game an exhibition game like it should be. The way it is now, MLB is way behind its time and is appearing as slow to change as the Catholic Church. Here's an idea to decide home-field advantage for the World Series: award the league who has the best overall record in interleague-play with the advantage, or better yet, whoever has the best record between the two teams in the World Series gets the home-field advantage. If you step back for a second and realize how MLB is handling that situation, you shake your head and can't believe that insanity. You might as well use spring-training records to decide home field advantage of the World Series.

JULY 3, 2009 -- DETROIT 11, MINNESOTA 9 (16 innings)

If ever there is a baseball team that should have won a game that they had trailed by six runs, it’s the Minnesota Twins. The Detroit Tigers prove to be a resilient team, rebounding from the huge shift in momentum that occurred when the Twins rallied to tie the score at seven in the middle innings. Then the game went on and on…and on and on…and on to the sixteenth inning. Fortunately for everyone involved, R.A. Dickey was the last pitcher left for the Twins, and he provided a flashback to April, when Dickey was one of the most hittable, slop-throwing pitchers I’ve ever seen. All the respect that Dickey had gained from this writer over the past few months he lost in three little innings in which he gave up nine hits and four runs. The Tigers’ run they scored in the fourteenth inning didn’t hold up, because the last pitcher in there bullpen was the shaky Freddy Dolsi, and the Twins quickly tied the score, but thanks to Justin Morneau and Dan Gladden, they couldn’t win the game. That’s because Gladden, who inexplicably was calling play-by-play in crucial extra innings, claimed that, after Dolsi had allowed hits to Joe Mauer and Morneau to start the inning, the Twins “were going to win this game because of Dolsi’s ineffectiveness.” Good one, Dazzle. After you mentioned that, you officially jinxed the Twins and they were certainly not going to win. Justin Morneau helped that cause in the very next at-bat, when he stupidly tried to go to third on Michael Cuddyer’s game-tying single. Morneau was easily thrown out, thereby committing the cardinal sin of getting making the first out at third base. Still not sure what Morneau’s thinking – dude, you’re not fast, and you don’t need to try to be Superman. Park your ass at second base and don’t be an idiot.

The game was really classic Twins – providing more than a glimmer of a hope that they would win the game, and then teasing fans for sixteen wretched innings just so they can lose. It was a dickhead effort in every sense of the word – if you were going to lose, why not just take that 6-0 deficit that Kevin Slowey put you in after the third inning, bring in R.A. Dickhead right then and there, and cruise to a 15-0 loss? Instead, the Twins had to get their money’s worth, tire out all their pitchers in the bullpen, make Joe Mauer catch all sixteen innings (most certainly he’ll DH today because of that) and embarrass their fans at the end of the game. The top of the sixteenth was an abomination in the Biblical sense, as Dickey was throwing batting practice to the Tiger hitters. Though the Twins patheticness was the hallmark of Friday’s game, the Tigers also have to be commended, as they showed everyone which of the two teams belonged in first place. Though they haven’t run away with it yet, making certifiable idiots like Dick Bremer get ants in his pants over the fact that the Twins are only four games out of first place, the Tigers are clearly the best team in this division. One thing that they proved on Friday is that they are able to win games that they should have lost. True, they had led the game by six runs, but after the fourteenth inning started, the Twins should have been able to get across the winning run. Good teams take advantage of their opponent’s mistakes; the Tigers did that in spades, while the Twins just couldn’t do enough.

I should apologize to my readers today, as I was unable to post an blog entry on Friday. Though Thursday was an off-day and I had no game to recap, I was planning to complete Matt Guerrier’s Doghouse post, but some unfortunate events occurred that had me flying to San Diego in a huff. See, some people would have heard of the 53-minute delay that occurred at Petco Park in San Diego on Wednesday, a delay that was caused by a mammoth swarm of bees. It was unfortunate to see the gentleman who was called upon to quell the situation and because of that, I needed to make a quick trip to San Diego on Friday. The apiarist that they called upon to take care of the bees was a Mr. Mark Goldsmith, who just so happened to be mentored by yours truly in the 1980s. Being the lone certified apiarist in the county in which I reside, I was the one to go to if you had apiarist ambitions, and Goldsmith was one of those people. Since he became certified, Goldsmith has resolutely turned his back on me and frankly I resent that. I know that this may not be the appropriate medium to utter these words, but Goldsmith and I are now rivals, and I happened to catch Goldsmith’s actions on Wednesday. Knowing that the cameras were rolling and that it may be the only time that he would get any exposure from his job, Goldsmith frankly was rude and condescending and as a fellow apiarist, I took great umbrage, so much so that I had to fly to San Diego and talk to a man that I had not spoken to in over ten years. He’s gone California with his career and has forgotten his roots, and I felt that I needed to speak to him desperately. When you’re in the bee business, you learn that it’s more often the people than the bees that really sting, and I hope that by talking to Goldsmith, he now understands that.

Francisco Liriano pitches tonight against Edwin Jackson. Liriano pitched well in St. Louis after turning in a terrible five-inning performance in Milwaukee. He’s won two games in a row, but I still think that Liriano is best suited for the bullpen. Jackson has been perhaps the best acquisition of any team from last offseason, and he’s a major reason that the Tigers are where they’re at. The game starts at 3 PM today.