OCTOBER 7, 2009 -- NEW YORK 7, MINNESOTA 2

Butt-kicking #1 goes pretty much as planned on Wednesday night, as Brian Duensing can't get out of the fifth inning before taking his team out of the game, and the offense can't provide that clutch hit when it needed it. This game was very much a return to a simpler time, namely May of this year, when the Yankees laid a four-game sweep at the hands of the Twins using the same formula. The Twins did get ten hits -- six of them in the first three innings -- but were 1 for 9 with runners in scoring position. One of their runs came on a passed ball, and the other due to a Michael Cuddyer single. And the Twins had a 2-0 lead in this game, but like so many contests against the Yankees, their lead was extremely short-lived. It lasted a whole three batters, as Douchebag surrendered a game-tying blast off the bat of Derek Jeter in the bottom of the third. Nick Swisher's double put the Yankees up for good in the fourth, and Hideki Matsui clocked a mammoth home run off Francisco Liriano (on the postseason roster for some reason) to put the game out of reach in the fifth.

One of the biggest plays in the game may have been in the top of the first inning, when Denard Span led the game off with a double off C.C. Sabathia. Orlando Cabrera failed in his opportunity to get Span over to third, but Span ended up on third due to a passed ball, but Joe Mauer struck out and Cuddyer flew out, giving the Yankees and everybody else watching a good idea of what was about to come. Frankly, nothing about the Twins' failing in the clutch was surprising when you know how Ron Gardenhire manages his teams against New York. As I've said before, with Gardenhire being absolutely owned by the Yankees, he's of the mindset that the Twins have to play a perfect ballgame when they play them. It's pins and needles baseball whenever the Twins face the Yanks, and that's a philosophy that probably loses more games than it would win them. Every failed opportunity is thus magnified, and momentum swings are that much more apparent. The same thing happened in the seventh inning, when the Twins were already down by four runs. They had runners on second and third with one out, but again, Span flew out weakly to the outfield, not nearly deep enough to score the run, and Cabrera struck out pathetically to end the threat. How were the Twins able to win 17 out of their last 21 ballgames? By getting clutch hitting, and that simply didn't show up on Wednesday night.

They were also driven to win the division by some pretty good starting pitching, and that, too, didn't appear to be the case with Brian Douchebag on the mound. Some people had been saying that, hey, the Yankees had never seen Duensing before, so maybe that's a good thing. What I'm struggling to understand is Ron Gardenhire's logic in starting Duensing. His regular turn in the rotation would have been last Saturday against the Royals, but Gardy pushed up both Nick Blackburn and Carl Pavano to start those two games, probably because he'd want his best pitchers to pitch in important ballgames. But then he lets Brian Duensing start the first game of the playoffs? This is a perfect example of the demented ideology that Ron Gardenhire has instilled on the team. It's more important for Gardy to win the division than to win something of real importance, say a World Series. Their goal every year is only to with the Central, and as we saw on Wednesday, the playoffs are simply "gravy" to Ron Gardenhire. That's why he couldn't care less if Duensing pitched or not -- hell, I wouldn't be surprised if Jeff Manship starts Game 3. How are games against Kansas City more important than playoff games against the Yankees? If it was up to me, I would have thrown Blackburn in Game 1 on three days' rest, and then countered with Pavano in Game 2. There's no excuse for Brian Duensing to be on the playoff roster, much less pitch the pivotal Game 1 in the playoffs. But, as we all know (and accept, which is the difficult part), mediocrity is just fine with us Minnesotans, and we're just happy to be in the playoffs. Except me -- I'd actually want to see us win a real title, and I won't accept anything less. Anything less is a tease, plain and simple.

Photos: AP/Julie Jacobson

OCTOBER 6, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 6, DETROIT 5 (12 innings)

I've got to tell you guys -- with a little salt and pepper, crow actually doesn't taste that bad. I'm more than happy to eat a little crow, however, after the Twins completed their miraculous comeback to win the Central Division title (or, as Ron Gardenhire calls it, the Holy Grail). In many ways Tuesday's tiebreaker was a whole lot like the majority of Twins games -- plenty of missed opportunities by guys that are deservedly in The Doghouse, some lucky breaks that go the Twins way, and in the end a Doghouse Denizen gets the game-winning hit. I kind of saw Alexi Casilla's game-winner coming, as he had failed to score the winning run a few innings before due to his stupidity; granted, that was on a Nick Punto sacrifice fly, and at least God has a sense of humor, or at least good sense, because Nick Punto just cannot win the biggest game of the season for the Twins. All in all, it was a whale of a game, and now they get to go to the Bronx and throw Brian Duensing to the wolves. I've heard it all been said -- "anything can happen in October" -- but a Twins win over the Yankees here would be nothing short of apocalyptic. Whatever. Go get 'em, Douchebag.

I had the pleasure (I guess) of watching most of the second half of the game at a local watering hole, and it was there that I found some startling facts out about certain Twins fans. One, that some Twins fans actually like Matt Tolbert, which I thought was damn near impossible. I thought the only reaction any person could have regarding Matt Tolbert was that he was absolute garbage on the baseball diamond. Another was that a lot of people were surprised when Matty Guerrier delivered his most timely Matt Guerrier Special of the season. I predicted Guerrier would blow the lead once Orlando Cabrera put the Twins ahead in the seventh with his home run (everybody was just going nuts over Cabrera, saying that he'd been the biggest piece of the puzzle and the key for the Twins' turnaround!) and got some knowing glances once Magglio Ordonez promptly tied it off Guerrier in the eighth. These "fans" also weren't livid when Ron Gardenhire, in his infinite wisdom, burned his bullpen by the eighth inning and had to get two innings out of Joe Nathan, then had to turn to Jesse Crain and Bobby Keppel to preserve the tie. Crain gave up the lead, and the Twins were bailed out only because Ryan Raburn lost Michael Cuddyer's liner in the lights and misplayed it for a triple. Keppel gave up the lead, too, but umpiring saved the Twins big time in the 12th. With the bases jammed, Keppel clearly grazed Brandon Inge's jersey with a pitch, but home plate umpire Randy Marsh didn't see it that way, and that turned out to be the biggest call of the game, as Inge would force out a runner at home and Gerald Laird struck out to end the inning. As always, the Twins rely on a little bit of luck, both with their ballpark and the men in blue.

I probably could go on further about the game, but let's just leave it at that. It was a terrific, exciting thriller that will go down in Metrodome lore. It's almost too bad that they have to get their butts kicked by the Yankees; if only that could be the swan song on the Teflon Treasure. As mentioned before, Duensing pitches today for the Twins at 5:07 local time, and he opposes Twins killer C.C. Sabathia. Sabathia's 13-8 with a ERA just about 3 in his career against the Twins, and he seems to pitch exceptionally better when there's something on the line. Like everybody says, anything can happen in October, and the Twins are hot. But as Tuesday's contest showed, the Twins' biggest problem remains the bottom of the order. How many times in the game did Matt Tolbert and Nick Punto come up with the game on the line? How many times did Ron Gardenhire let those two slugs hit? That will come back to haunt them against New York, mark my words.

Photos: (1)AP & Star Tribune/Brian Peterson; (2)AP/Tom Olmscheid; (3)AP/Paul Battaglia

OCTOBER 1, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 8, DETROIT 3

Scott Baker and the Twins stave off elimination for one more day, as they beat the Tigers in a messy affair that featured a bench-emptying non-skirmish over some hit batsmen. Baker was classic Baker, throwing 105 pitches to get through five innings, but it was good enough as the Twins bats were alive against Nate Robertson and the Tigers. Thirteen hits were spread throughout the Twins lineup, including three by Seldom Young and two by Nick Punto. Orlando Cabrera busted the game open in the eighth with a bases-clearing double that extended the lead from 4-1 to 7-1. For the Twins to win a game in which they committed four errors in the field is miraculous in its own right. All in all, it was a sloppy game, but one in which the Twins absolutely needed to win, and the tease will continue until the final weekend of the year.

The scenario is this: if the Tigers can merely take two out of three this weekend playing against the White Sox at home, they're in the playoffs, no matter what the Twins do. The Twins need to win at the very least two games against Kansas City and hope that the Tigers either get swept or win one game. The problem is for the Twins that Zach Greinke pitches on Saturday, and the way the Twins' bats were not producing in pressure situations against Greinke last Sunday, it's going to be extremely tough for them to win that ballgame. So if you can assume that Greinke will lead the Royals to victory on Saturday, that means that the Twins must hope that the White Sox sweep the Tigers. Hey, it's happened before -- remember 2006, when the Twins won only one game against the Sox in the last series of the year, but still won the division thanks to the Royals sweeping the Tigers at Comerica? And Jake Peavy pitches tonight against Detroit, and he shut them down with relative ease last week. So the Twins have a chance, and the last series at the Metrodome will have at least something on the line for the many fans that will choose to attend. It will be a little different scenario than in 1981, when the Royals helped turn out the lights at Metropolitan Stadium. In those days, guys like Hrbek and Gaetti were just getting their first taste of the bigs, while veterans like Pete Mackanin and Rob Wilfong got the majority of the playing time. Nick Punto would've fit right in on that squad.

Photos: (1) AP/Duane Burleson; (2) AP/Paul Sancya

SEPTEMBER 25, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 9, KANSAS CITY 4

You know you're going good when you score four runs in an inning and get exactly one hit in that inning. That was precisely the case Friday night against the lowly Royals, and it led to the relatively easy 9-4 win against Kansas City. Orlando Cabrera had the lone hit of that fifth inning -- a single to right field -- and then the Twins took three consecutive walks with the bases loaded, just a sampling of the five free passes the Royals surrendered in that inning alone, and eight walks altogether on the evening. Considering that the Twins were facing that kind of talent, you damn well better win the ballgame, and with the Tigers losing to the hands of Jake Peavy and the White Sox, the gap is narrowed again to two games. Michael Cuddyer hit his thirtieth home run of the season (who woulda thunk it?) and Seldom Young added an inconsequential dinger in the ninth (who really woulda thunk that?) to help propel the offense, and Carl Pavano won his fourth game as a Twin, going six innings that would have been great had it not been for two Billy Butler home runs. It really doesn't matter how the Twins do it at this point in the season -- as long as there are wins, the improbable comeback can live for another day.

Saturday's game has a whole lot of importance attached to it, what with the fact that Zach Greinke, who has arguably been pitching better in the last month than he was in April and May (and that's really saying something), is pitching on Sunday afternoon. As long as the Twins don't completely lose it before they get to Detroit on Monday, they'll have a chance, and that's better than what they could have said just two weeks ago. Scott Baker has cooled off considerably since his 10-1 stretch that he compiled from June through August, and he's actually pitched pretty poorly as of late. He's the only Twins pitcher to lose a game since the 12th of September, and that was the finale of the Tiger series that may end up being the costliest loss of the year. Sure, his mound opponent is the retread Lenny DiNardo, the owner of some pretty ugly 2009 numbers and some pretty humdrum career marks, but the big key in Saturday's game is Baker. If the Twins lose, it's because Baker again lost all that mound presence that we all know he can show, and starts nitpicking with his pitches. Let's hope Baker hasn't lingered on Sunday's pathetic start and he can put up some zeroes for the Twins tonight.

Photos: (1) AP/Charlie Riedel; (2) AP/Paul Battaglia

SEPTEMBER 22, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 8, CHICAGO 6

The Twins outslug the White Sox on Tuesday, using four home runs to beat up on Jon Danks and the Pale Hose. Pitching wasn't great on either side of the diamond, as the Twins' Jeff Manship continued to confuse Twins fans as to why this guy is even in the big leagues to begin with, much less starting critical games down the stretch in a pennant race. Francisco Liriano couldn't pick up the trash, either, and it turned out that Jesse Crain, quickly becoming the vulture of the bullpen, actually got the win. The Twins spread out their offense again, using another good game from Michael Cuddyer, who seems to be either going 3 for 4 with a home run and multiple ribbies or he goes 0 for 4 with seven men left on base. Orlando Cabrera got the scoring started early with a two-run homer in the first, and even guys like Matt Tolbert got into the action by hitting a home run in the sixth inning. That's two career home runs for Tolbert, and they've both come at U.S. Cellular Field -- talk about a strange coincidence.

The Tigers won in Cleveland, however, dropping their magic number to ten games. Though the Twins certainly still have a shot at the division crown, it appears that this run of good baseball -- clearly the best they've played for any two weeks this entire season -- is a tragic case of too little, too late. Can you imagine where the Twins would be if Cuddyer could have played with the Superman cape on all season? Where would the Twins be if Nick Punto had merely flirted with .230 all season long instead of having to make a strong case for the worst all-around player in big league history? Or how about if the bullpen had even remotely shown the fans a smidgen of what they've seen lately -- namely, little of Bobby Keppel and R.A. Dickey, and a lot of Joe Nathan and Jose Mijares and a solid Matt Guerrier? A Seldom Young that didn't go 0 for 4 with three strikeouts on a daily basis, but one that can chip in a hit or two here or there? When you play a 162-game schedule, consistency is the name of the game in order to get into the playoffs, and frankly the Twins just haven't deserved to get into the playoffs based on their lack of consistency. But, for whatever it's worth, they are making the final few weeks of the season meaningful, and I know I'm not the only one that is glad that the Twins are making a late-season push for the playoffs. The major sports networks like ESPN are pleased as punch that the Twins are making it at least mildly interesting, because the rest of the league is mired in playoff-fever-immunity. So much for that "competitive balance," Mr. Selig, as it seems like the big spenders are getting their way this season, at the expense of the fans and any sort of September excitement.

Photos: AP/Charles Rex Arbogast

SEPTEMBER 21, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 7, CHICAGO 0

The Twins take care of business on the South Side of Chicago, beating rookie Daniel Hudson in his first major league start 7-0. Nick Blackburn notched his third win of the second half of the season by pitching shutout ball for seven innings. The Twins spread out the offense, letting guys like Nick Punto go 2 for 2 and Orlando Cabrera 2 for 4, while their bigger stars like Joe Mauer and Jason Kubel were happy to take a lesser role in the victory. The win came with a cost, however, as Denard Span had to leave the game due to getting plunked in the head by reliever Randy Williams in the sixth inning. Just what the Twins need right about now -- they're already playing shorthanded due to the injuries to Justin Morneau and Joe Crede. If Span is forced out of the lineup for an extended period, that might prove to be more costly than the other injuries. Span's value is supremely underrated, especially considering that the second spot in the batting order has been a foreboding abyss for most of this season. Much of the production that the middle of the lineup had was made possible by Span's great season. With him out of the lineup, who bats leadoff for you? Carlos Gomez? Matt Tolbert? I don't even want to know.

With the Tigers idle, the Twins creep to two and a half games behind Detroit with a dozen games left. The Tigers' magic number remains at eleven, and they play in Cleveland for three games starting Tuesday. Monday's win was critical for the Twins, as they needed to take advantage of the obvious pitching mismatch that pitted Blackburn against a wet-behind-the-ears rookie in Hudson. Now they have to deal with Jon Danks and Mark Buehrle, two tough southpaws that the Twins have classically struggled against, and the Twins have to counter with Jeff Manship (really -- he's your best option to win?) and Brian Duensing. A sweep would be sweet, of course, but in reality a split of the last two games is all the Twins could hope for. They'll finally have to face Zach Greinke when they play Kansas City this weekend, and they need to maintain some amount of the momentum they've had when they go into Detroit next week.

On a side note, I see that the Twins and the Vikings face a potential scheduling snafu should the Twins tie the Tigers and force a one-game playoff. The Vikes play host to the Packers on Monday Night Football on the fifth of October, the Monday following the end of the regular season. The NFL won't accomodate a scheduling change in order to appease MLB, and it appears that the situation might be dire. But it confuses the hell out of me, because last season the Twins and White Sox played their one-game playoff on a Tuesday. I do remember that the Sox had to make up a game with Detroit the day before, but with the rest of the playoffs starting on Wednesday anyways, it doesn't seem like that much of a hassle to play the playoff game (if there even is one) on Tuesday. Whatever -- I just needed to say that.

SEPTEMBER 19, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 6, DETROIT 2

The Twins are really going to be sorry that they are moving outdoors next year. Because they don't know how good they've got it at the Metrodome. Case in point Saturday afternoon, when a routine fly ball gets lost in the roof and pretty much wins the game for the Twins. If Orlando Cabrera's pop-up is hit in any other ballpark in the world, that's an easy out for outfielder Don Kelly, which makes it two out and a man on first in the bottom of the eighth inning. Instead, men were on second and third, and the entire dynamic of the inning shifted. Jason Kubel singled after the Tigers walked Joe Mauer intentionally, and the Twins led 3-2. That spelled the end of the day for Justin Verlander (who was certainly not showing signs of fatigue, pumping his 129th pitch of the day at about 98 miles an hour), and Michael Cuddyer chipped in sloppy seconds-style, crushing a three-run homer off Brandon Lyon for the insurance runs. Yeah, it's a win, but just about as cheesy as they get. It was kind of disappointing -- you just don't really know if the best team won on Saturday. I will say that I was surprised to see a rookie infielder-outfielder be put in the outfield for defensive purposes, someone (Kelly) who only had a few games of major league experience and little experience fielding flies at the Dome. Reminiscent of Ron Gardenhire's classic move of putting Jason Pridie in for defense in Toronto in his major league debut last season (a move that resulted in the Twins losing a winnable game because of Pridie, and by extension they lost the division because of that stroke of genius), Jim Leyland's ill-fated move may come back to haunt him big-time.

It was a great game to see as one's final trip to the Dome to see a Twins game. A classic pitchers duel between Carl Pavano and Verlander was clearly won by Verlander, as Pavano was wiggling out of trouble all game long. Pavano gave up a bundle of hits in his seven innings -- eleven to be exact -- but got the big outs when he needed them. Verlander was nothing short of dominant, and for his line to be what it ended up -- 7 and 1/3 innings, five earned runs -- is really a shame, because the Dome-double changed everything, and Lyon gave up two of those runs on the Cuddyer home run. It's clear that the Twins have the Tigers' number under the Teflon sky, and they'll go as far as exposing the weaknesses of the worst stadium in human history in order to solidify that dominance. But the Twins are the closest to first they've been in a long time, and more importantly they're four games above .500 (a season high) and have won six straight. They're getting hot at the right time, but unfortunately we still can't gauge whether they have the legs to stretch this hot streak for the remainder of the season. The Twins have had this disturbing pattern of playing really well for one week, and then playing like regurgitated Alpo the next. It was just one week ago that the Twins had just lost three straight to the likes of Brett Cecil and the Blue Jays and the last-place Oakland A's. The ten-game road trip will ultimately define the season, and even with a win today against the Tigers, the Twins don't have anything sealed up. Scott Baker pitches for the Twins today.

Photos: AP/Ann Heisenfelt

SEPTEMBER 9, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 4, TORONTO 1

Certainly an unlikely victory by the Twins on Wednesday, as they beat a halfway decent pitcher named Roy Halladay for the first time in his twelve-year career, 4-1. Halladay pitched a complete game, obviously, and was done in by a mammoth Justin Morneau home run in the eighth inning, the first real hit of consequence that Morneau's had in about a month. Even more unexpected was Michael Cuddyer's two-run, pinch-hit double in the ninth inning that provided the much-needed insurance runs; we all know that Cuddyer's hit wouldn't have come had the Twins been down 2-1 or had the game been tied -- it still is about as clutch a hit as Cuddyer could get and it should be duly noted that he actually got the job done. Carl Pavano pitched well for the victory, getting into the eighth inning and earning his third win as a Twin. And, hey, the Tigers lost, so the Twins are (as Dick Bremer would like to say) "only" 5 1/2 games behind first place. What is noteworthy is that the Twins are playing somewhat competitive baseball, and at the very least, the games are still worth watching.

Orlando Cabrera had a big hit for the Twins, as he homered in the sixth inning to tie the game at one. Cabrera, after about a good first week for the Twins, has been absolutely dreadful at the plate and in the field for the Twins. Just look at his numbers: He's hitting .254 as a Twin, he has a .280 on-base percentage (about forty points lower than Nick Punto in fact) and has committed seven errors. The common spin regarding the Cabrera trade was that he was upgrade from Punto and, unlike perennial Ron Gardenhire shit-list denizen Brendan Harris, Cabrera would actually play. But I can't believe I'm saying this -- you might as well have the limited range and .220 hitting of Nick Punto in there -- at least the guy can take a walk here and there. No, you know what -- I can't do this anymore. I can't say good things about Nick Punto. It's kind of like rooting for the Yankees; you just don't feel good about yourself after you do it.

Scott Baker tries to build on his magnificent pitching run that he's been on since June and the Twins will try to [gasp] win a series in Toronto. I certainly didn't see this coming, but if Baker can pitch the way he has been, chances are good that the Twins can take three out of four. Brett Cecil pitches for Toronto.

Photos: AP & Canadian Press/Frank Gunn

SEPTEMBER 4, 2009 -- CLEVELAND 5, MINNESOTA 2

The Twins follow up their most deflating loss of the season with perhaps their worst overall effort, losing pathetically to the Cleveland Indians, 5-2. The Twins were just plain sloppy in all aspects of the game on Friday, committing four errors in the field, receiving a mediocre-at-best start from the mediocre-at-best Carl Pavano, and again failing to hit anything of notable authority against Tribe starter Jeremy Sowers. Orlando Cabrera was quoted as saying that he thought the offense needed to pounce on Sowers, what with his 5+ ERA coming into the game; fortunately for Cabrera he didn't have to be on the team in the past, when they pretty much hit with their hands tied against Sowers. Scattering six hits against Sowers and that not-so-vaunted Cleveland bullpen is simply not going to be enough for you any day of the week, especially not one in which your defense doesn't show up and your pitchers don't make good pitches in key spots. Brendan Harris led the way with two errors at third base, all but solidifying his spot on the bench for Saturday's matinee in favor of the Fantastic Nick Punto. I, for one, really look forward to that. In fact, I'm steeped in anticipation.


The Twins certainly had chances at the plate to cut the deficit that Pavano put them in, notably in the fifth and sixth innings against Sowers. Alexi Casilla, back under the Mendoza line where he belongs, grounded into a rally-killing double play with runners on first and second in the fifth inning, and Michael Cuddyer continued his two-out, runners-in-scoring-position non-brilliance in the sixth inning, when he flew out measly to the outfield with two men on base and the Twins down by a run. Cuddyer's now batting .172 on the season in those situations, and if you expand those numbers, it becomes clear that this guy does all of his damage in low-pressure situations. With no one on base, Cuddyer does just fine -- .305 average, 18 home runs, .982 OPS. But he's a totally different player with guys on base, hitting a mere .236 with a .704 OPS. And you have to factor in the reality that Cuddyer really comes to play when the rout is on. He's best known for his eighth-inning three-run home runs that extend the Twins' lead to 13-3. Really crucial hits, you know. Back to Friday, the threats that the Twins mounted in those two innings was enough to prompt Eric Wedge to go to his bullpen, but the likes of Tony Sipp and Jose Veras and Kerry Wood would breeze through the Twins in the late innings, not allowing a hit for the final three innings.

Scott Baker goes for the Twins today against Justin Masterson. The last time Baker faced the Indians he shut them out on two hits, by far the best start by any Twin this season. Has anyone noticed that Baker's gone 10-1 since June started? That has certainly flown under the radar for me, and he'll have to continue that hot streak if the Twins want to stay in second place.

Photos: (1) AP/Mark Duncan; (2) http://www.citypages.com/

AUGUST 30, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 5, TEXAS 3

A perfect example of the Twins winning a game in spite of their manager, Ron Gardenhire, whose moves in the bottom of the eighth inning are head-scratching mystifiers if you ask this fan. To make matters worse, Dick Bremer pointed to "shrewd managing" as a reason why the Twins were able to come back against the Rangers; it's unfortunately paradoxical and counter-productive when one idiot heaps praise on a fellow idiot. Let's examine this half-inning to see how the Twins were shockingly able to come back: after Justin Morneau walked and Jason Kubel singled against C.J. Wilson, Michael Cuddyer came up to the plate with one goal in mind: to strike out. Some baseball people would have had Cuddyer bunt, but I'm fine with what happened. In those situations, Cuddyer has to strike out, because that is apparently what he's paid to do. No problem there. Then Brendan Harris singles to left to tie the game, and outfielder Nelson Cruz's error allows runners to move to second and third with one out. So far, so good for Ron Gardenhire -- he hasn't done jackshit, and the team has tied the game and is on the verge of taking the lead. Then he continues to do nothing, and inexplicably he lets Mike Redmond hit. Here's a guy who, if it weren't for Nick Punto and Alexi Casilla also being on the team, would be by far the worst hitter on your team, who hits the ball to the right side of the field because he can't catch up to anything at this point in his career and is perpetually behind the baseball. Gardenhire had some moves on the bench to make: Jose Morales, he of the Joe Mauer-esque batting average, Orlando Cabrera, and Seldom Young -- all three of those players are far superior hitters to Redmond. But Gardy goes with Redmond, who bounces it to first, and pinch-runner Carlos Gomez is only able to score because of a bad throw home. Gardenhire again lucks out, does nothing and gets the advantageous bounce to take the lead.

Now it's Nick Punto's turn, and Bremer lauded Gardenhire's ploy to bunt Punto here. As if everybody else in the building didn't also think that Punto just *might* bunt. Dude, have you seen Nick Punto swing the bat this season? It's kind of like watching Elaine Benes dance -- he's got these little kicks and herky-jerky movements that's very hard to watch most of the time. Yeah, like you're going to have Nick Punto try to swing away to get the run home. The bunt is a decent one, and Wilson's throw home was again errant, allowing the run to score, and Bremer takes that opportunity to praise both morons, Gardenhire and Punto, for teaming together to score another run. As if Gardy was done making moronic managerial moves; in the middle of the next at-bat, on a 1-1 pitch, Gardenhire pinch-runs Redmond at second base in favor of Orlando Cabrera? Whaaaaaat???!!! You'd pinch-run Redmond in the middle of an at-bat but you'd think that he could get the job done at the plate? What the hell are you thinking, Gardenhire? And to make matters worse, instead of putting Jose Morales behind the plate for the ninth, he loses his DH and has Mauer catch the ninth. Ladies and gentlemen, meet the Master of Logic, Ron Gardenhire. Oh, and as a side note, the Twins are unable to extend their lead because Alexi Casilla, batting .198 and second in the lineup again, failed to get a two-out hit. Hmm. I wouldn't have expected that.

So Sunday's game was a perfect example of the Twins winning despite their manager's best efforts to lose ballgames. Not that this should be necessarily new to Twins fans, as Gardy has done this ever since he took over the managerial reins in 2002. Unfortunately for the Twins, Gardenhire's poor managing did constitute enough to lose the season for the Twins in 2008, and if they want to make the playoffs this year, it's going to be the players that are going to have to rise up and win in spite of Gardenhire's best Pete Rose imitations. By the way, the Tigers' dramatic 4-3 win against Tampa Bay again prevented the Twins from moving up on Detroit.

Photos: (1) AP/Tom Olmscheid; (2) Getty Images/G. Newman Lawrence

AUGUST 26, 2009 -- BALTIMORE 5, MINNESOTA 1

Well, so much for that winning streak the Twins had. Nick Blackburn goes on the mound for the Twins and he puts forth a Blackburn-esque outing, giving up two quick runs in the first inning to put his team behind the eight-ball early. One of those runs, it should be noted, was unearned due to another Orlando Cabrera error, as he had one hell of a game -- 0 for 4 at the plate, his league-high 19th error of the season which directly cost the team a run, and he was ejected for childishly slamming his bat after getting called out on strikes in the eighth inning. Certifiable idiots Bremer and Blyleven were suprised at home plate umpire Todd Tischenor's quick hook of Cabrera, but the more I think about it, the more I love that ejection. As Blyleven said, most of the time players are fined but never ejected for displaying such a poor example of sportsmanship. Yeah -- like a $5,000 fine is really going to make them think twice about doing that again, as these players already make insane amounts of money. For the kids that watch the game, these players are role models, and you damn well should get ejected for acting like a 5-year old. That and the fact that Cabrera sucks anyway.

Cabrera's ejection had some interesting side effects, mostly due to Ron Gardenhire's stupidity. It can be argued that Ron Gardenhire lost Wednesday's game even before it started, as he put both Alexi Casilla and Nick Punto in the starting lineup. Now, let's remember that the Twins were on a five-game winning streak. Does anybody want to guess how many of those five games Nick Punto appeared in? That's right -- zero. Of course -- after all, we are talking about one of the worst players to ever play in the big leagues. It makes perfect sense that the Twins reel off their biggest winning streak of the year and Nick Punto wasn't around to f*** things up. So what does Ron Gardenhire do to "keep the train moving"? He changes things up. He benches Brendan Harris, who had been playing third base since Joe Crede's back crapped out finally last Friday, and plays Punto at third. The best part about that work of genius was that Wednesday was Harris' 29th birthday, for Pete's sake. Yeah, we all know how much you hate Brendan Harris, but you don't have to be a dick about it. And what's worse is that by the late innings, after Punto had put forth his 0-for-2-with-two-strikeouts "effort", Gardenhire had to replace him with Brendan Harris anyways, which came back to haunt him when Cabrera was thrown out of the game. Michael Cuddyer had to be placed at second base and Casilla was shifted to shortstop, all because Ron Gardenhire was insane enough to change the entire momentum of a winning streak and put Nick Punto in a ballgame.

The Twins get a day off on Thursday before they play the competitive Rangers on Friday. With both the Tigers and White Sox losing on Wednesday, the Twins remained tied for second place, 4 and 1/2 games behind Detroit. The Twins will have to play well, which likely means playing without Nick Punto in the starting lineup, to beat the Rangers this weekend and give them a little momentum heading into the Chicago series next week.

Photos: (1) AP/Paul Battaglia; (2) http://www.bleacherreport.com/

AUGUST 24, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 2, BALTIMORE 1

The Twins are able to scratch across two runs against the worst pitching staff in the American League, and they were lucky enough to do that. During Orlando Cabrera's at-bat in the sixth inning, a two-strike curveball by Baltimore starter Chris Tillman appeared to break straight across the middle of the plate belt-high. Even Bert Blyleven and Dick Bremer appeared to think that home plate umpire Paul Emmel made the incorrect call by judging the pitch a ball. With second life at the plate, Cabrera lined a single to center field, moving Denard Span to third base with nobody out, and Span would eventually score the game-winning run on a Jason Kubel sacrifice fly. But strangely absent from any post-game commentary was a rant by Baltimore manager Dave Trembley, who really should be bitching about umpires missing calls that turn out to be the difference of the game. I mean, what kind of manager wouldn't just take the easy way out and blame officiating when bigger, more crucial problems are actually in the manager's control to change? It was just very odd, this display of professionality and class by Mr. Trembley -- something that just would never happen if it were the other way around. It's always refreshing to know that whenever the Twins play another team, there's one professional manager in the stadium that doesn't cry over sour milk or whine and moan when things don't go his way. It's funny that, when the shoe is on the other foot, Ron Gardenhire's suddenly a quiet fan of Mr. Emmel's strike zone and poor calls.

So the Twins have run off four straight wins against last-place ballclubs; if we're talking about a good team, that wouldn't be noteworthy, but when we're discussing the 2009 Twinkies it should be duly noted. The problem is that you're only as good as the next game's starter, and in this case it's wild-eyed rookie Armando Gabino, who'll be making his major league debut against the Orioles. Since every game is extremely important from here on out, it's pretty hard to accept this line of reasoning from the front office and Ron Gardenhire, that Armando Gabino represents the best chance of netting the team a victory on Tuesday. It's usually the case, however, that rookie pitchers tend to have a successful first couple starts (see Swarzak, Anthony), due mostly to the fact that a solid advance scouting report has yet to be circulated throughout the league. The Orioles can hit, that's for sure, but I would be surprised if Gabino totally implodes. It's hard to expect wins out of guys pitching in the big leagues for the first time ever, and Gabino's no different. Hell, this guy was mainly a reliever for Rochester; he's started only five games for the Red Wings this year and only 13 in his entire professional career, dating back to 2004. It would appear that, out of the Red Wings' current staff, Yohan Pino would be more deserving of a major-league promotion, as he's pitched very well in eight starts in Triple-A since being promoted from New Britain. But whatever the case, the fact remains that games in late August that are the most critical to your ballclub just plain cannot be started by guys like Armando Gabino. Here's to eight innings of shutout ball, kid.

Photos: (1) AP/Tom Olmscheid; (2) www.rockcats.com

AUGUST 19, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 5, TEXAS 4

Yet another shocker on Wednesday, as the Twins come back from a 4-0 hole this time around, scoring the final five runs to beat the wild-card competing Rangers by a run. The resiliency shown by the Twins has been honorable, and it's nice to see that the Twins haven't completely thrown in the towel at this point of what has been a lost season. It's pretty hard to carry over momentum from one season to the next, but at the very least the Twins can find out who belongs on their roster and who they can easily dispatch. That would at least be the logical thing to do, but when you're confident playing Nick Punto on an everyday basis, that sort of undermines your talent-appraisal skills. And it's sorry to say that these wins might not be the best thing for the team right now. They are in limbo as an organization currently. They're five and a half games behind first place, but they're also four games below .500. It's hard to gauge whether the team can actually pull off a run and compete for the division or whether they aren't suited for a race in the first place. If it were up to me, I would start the 2010 rebuilding process right now. Let's face it; even if the team were to make the playoffs, there's absolutely no way they can beat anyone in the playoffs, and a division title would likely mean they may win 83-85 wins, which in any other division in baseball would have put them in third place at best. But it's tough for Bill Smith to wave the white flag at this point, however, with the Brett Favre circus in full gear, now might be the best time to do that. Get rid of stopgaps like Crede and Cabrera and get the young kids up here to get their feet wet, the Danny Valencias and Anthony Slamas of the world.


Another encouraging sign in Wednesday's win was that the Twins offense came back largely without the help from Joe Mauer, who went hitless in three at-bats, drawing two walks. The sixth inning in which the Twins scored four runs to take the lead was that much more astounding when you consider that the last three runs scored with two outs and runners in scoring position, just the sort of situational hitting that the Twins have really struggled with this season. Nick Punto may have gotten the biggest hit of the bunch, as he drove home the second run of the inning with his single, and that perhaps sparked Denard Span and Orlando Cabrera to follow up Punto's knock with two hits of their own. It was yet another discouraging loss for Ranger fans, who have been pleasantly surprised with their pitching staff this season, only to see that Achilles heel of years past come back to haunt them the past two nights. And again, the Twins have lucked out two nights in a row here after getting poor starts by their starters. Scott Baker was able to pitch into the sixth inning, but did put the Twins in a 4-0 hole. Though these two comeback wins were refreshing to see from the Twins, the fact remains that that sort of starting pitching will not consistently win you games. And there's no reason to think that Anthony Swarzak can post good numbers on Thursday, which probably means he'll pitch a gem. The team continues to be a head-scratcher.
Photos: AP/Tony Gutierrez.

AUGUST 16, 2009 -- CLEVELAND 7, MINNESOTA 4

I had the (dis)pleasure of watching Sunday's pathetic rubber match with the Cleveland Indians in person at the Metrodome. I have to tell you, it doesn't look any better when you're at the game than it appears on television; any way you can disect Nick Blackburn's imitation of "pitching," it was absolutely horrible. What's worse is that the six run third inning that Blackburn started (and Jesse Crain inexplicably finished) came directly on the heels of a three-run second inning by the Twins that gave them a 3-0 lead over the Indians and their newfound nemesis, Aaron Laffey. Hell, I thought I was fortunate enough to witness a minor miracle when Seldom Young blasted a home run to center field in that three-run frame, and I had a good feeling that Blackburn could get off the schneid and post his first victory since Ron Gardenhire rested him for a week and a half at the All-Star break. Blackburn, who had retired the first six batters with relative ease through the first two innings, faced the bottom of the Cleveland lineup to start the third, and what does he do? He gives up a towering fly ball that lands in the seats to Kelly Shoppach (still can't believe that ball went out), a home run bombed to right field by the light hitting Luis Valbuena, hits 9th-place hitter Andy Marte and gives up a tape-measure fuhgettaboutit blast to Grady Sizemore. Just like that, within a matter of minutes, the Twins lead had vanished, and of course Ron Gardenhire kept the downtrodden Blackburn on the mound in order to give up two more runs before the inning was up. Why Gardenhire went to Jesse Crain in the third inning is beyond me (don't get me wrong -- the only innings he deserves are mop-up duty in a wiffleball game) and not one of their four long relievers -- Jeff Manship being the newbie of that group. But whatever, Ronny Boy -- the game (and the season) was lost long before Sunday's contest.


The goat of the game just may have been Orlando Cabrera, who had one of the worst all around games I've ever had the privilege to watch first hand. Cabrera went 0 for 5 at the plate and found a way to make seven outs in those five at-bats, courtesy of two double plays that Cabrera banged into. To make matters worse, Ron Gardenhire has Cabrera hitting second in the lineup, protecting Joe Mauer, so with Cabrera's pathetic day at the plate, that insured that Mauer would not be hitting with runners on base all game long. His biggest folly was his second GIDP, which came in the seventh while the Twins were mounting a mild rally. With runners on first and second, Cabrera grounded into the Twin killing with Joe Mauer waiting on deck. Cabrera struck out for the final out in the game in the ninth, and Joe Mauer again was the tying run, left in the on-deck circle. To make matters worse, Cabrera's defense again betrayed him. He made a bad error on an easy play in the third inning that would have loomed larger had the Indians taken advantage of the error, and also showed his lack of range by failing to field a grounder that went for a base hit later in the game. He extended his major-league lead of most errors out of anyone playing in the bigs with his 18th boot of the season. Yeah, he's an awesome pickup.


Seldom Young's two-run blast in the second inning was also not without its repercussions, as that meant that he had to play the rest of the game like he's played it the majority of the season, namely like he's the worst player ever to pick up a bat. Those qualities were ever so apparent in the bottom of the fourth, when Young bounced into an inning-ending double play, wasting a bases loaded, one out opportunity for the Twins to get back in the game. Considering what Laffey and the rest of the Indians pitchers were giving them (not much mound presence, very hittable pitches), the Twins seemed to be sleepwalking through this match. It appears as if some players have begun to merely phone in the effort on what has become a lost season -- Michael Cuddyer's someone who has routinely called in sick whenever the game is on the line, and especially now with the chance of the postseason slim to none (the Twins are officially closer to fourth than first with Sunday's loss), expect those players who aren't playing for a contract to give decidedly half-assed efforts. There is one saving grace, and it's probably the only reason (other than the maintenance of this blog, of course) that I'm going to want to watch the Twins the rest of the season -- and that of course is Joe Mauer. If he hits like he did in May (which is a tall order, no doubt) he has a legitimate shot at hitting .400. Reaching such a coveted milestone may come with a downside for the Twins, however. If he does do something historic this season, that just means that the Red Sox and Yankees are going to try that much harder to sign this guy once his contract is up after next season. The big question will remain: Will the Twins try to put a World Series competitor (not just an A.L. Central Division championship competitor) on the field and convince Mauer that they are serious about winning?


Photos: (1) AP/Paul Battaglia (2) AP/Hannah Foslein (3) AP/Tom Olmscheid

AUGUST 7, 2009 -- DETROIT 10, MINNESOTA 8

The Twins lose again on Friday, this time because the umpires just totally, like, "ruined" it for Ronny Gardenhire, who launched a verbal attack on the umpiring crew and in particular home plate ump Hunter Wendelstadt following the game. You talk about unprofessional, classless, and plain pathetic -- I can't come up with more adjectives to describe Ron Gardenhire's behavior after the game. Yet again he fails to take responsibility for his team's terrible effort and again he puts the blame on the umpiring crew. Sure, the umpires probably missed a few calls, but I tell you what -- it's a horrible time for the manager to be losing his cool. The hinges are coming off on this ballclub, and fast, and the one thing that the Twins need right now is a steady presence in the clubhouse. If their manager is running on steam and getting thrown out in the second inning of ballgames, that sort of quick temper and irrational, childish reaction are going to transfer to the players. What's worse is that Gardenhire was basically asking for a suspension in his post-game interview, and he intimated that his rapport with Wendelstadt and other umpires in the league is such that they don't respect Gardenhire one iota (join the no-respect-for-Gardy Club, fellas; it's a long line). So good luck getting any "calls" in the future, Ronny Boy.


What should be the story about Friday's game was not the umpiring or Ron Gardenhire going second-grade on everybody's ass. What should have garnered the headlines was that Anthony Swarzak gave up seven runs in one inning of work, contributing his two cents to a starting staff in complete shambles right now. Did the umpires make Swarzak groove a 3-0 fastball to Miguel Cabrera in the first inning that landed in the right field seats? Did the umpires give up two hits, including a home run, and four RBI to Alex Avila, a rookie catcher in his second major league game? Did the umpires give up fifteen hits, the fourth time in seven games that the staff has surrendered that many base hits? Did the umpires cause Justin Morneau to make an error in the fifth inning (which easily could have been given to Orlando Cabrera) which directly led to two runs, which ended up being the difference in the game? Did the umpires force Michael Cuddyer to strike out with a man on third and one out in the sixth inning? Did the umpires force the front-office to sign Nick Punto to an astronomical contract in the offseason to keep that piece of s*** on the team so he could continuously fail in every situation? Did the umpires force Ron Gardenhire to play the said Punto every single game? The short answer, according to Ron Gardenhire, is: Yes. The umpires did it.


Speaking of that starting staff in shambles, there's help on the way (cue superhero music). Carl Pavano, he of the 5.37 ERA, will fit nicely in to a starting staff that's already populated by such notables as Swarzak (5.44 ERA), Francisco Liriano (5.63 ERA), and Glen Perkins (5.95 ERA). Pavano's acquisiton from Cleveland is just another example of a low-risk, low-impact move made by the front office. He's not a guy that's going to bring a divisional title to the Twin Cities, and even by getting Pavano, either Liriano or Perkins is still going to be in the rotation (not to mention Swarzak, who's last two starts have been so bad that Quebec is again reconsidering secession). For the time being, it's Perkins' spot that's the casualty to Pavano's acquisition, as Pavano will take the rubber in Saturday's game against Detroit. The most common spin to Pavano being acquired by the Twins was that he had pitched well against Detroit and Chicago, and that's all good and well, but all that means is that's he's been really, really bad against everybody else, and it's not like all ten or so starts that he'll make with the Twins are going to be against the Tigers and White Sox. The best numbers that Pavano had are these: 36-32-30. No, that isn't a hits-to-walks ratio, but rather the measurements of Pavano's ex-girlfriend Alyssa Milano, who Pavano dated in 2004 (which, not surprisingly, was Pavano's only solid season at the major league level). And here's the rub: Pavano's contract, which when you look at what the Twins are paying for this guy, you can't really understand why they went out and got him. The remainder of Pavano's base salary is only about $500K, which isn't much in terms of baseball money nowadays, but after his next start he'll start banking in his incentives. As Thrylos over at the Tenth Inning Stretch estimates, if Pavano continues to get the ball every fifth day, the Twins would end up paying him $2.7 Million to make ELEVEN starts. In other words, if you're the Cleveland Indians, who have announced in the last few days that they're on pace to lose $16 million this season, getting rid of Carl Pavano was a godsend to their organization. For the Twins, when they finally wrap up their third-place season in October, they're going to be wondering why the hell they spent almost $3 million for two months of such an average pitcher, and Twins fans will have to scratch their heads whenever the front office balks at making other acquisitions because they would be too costly. They'll scratch their heads because this is an organization that paid $2.7 million for eleven Carl Pavano starts and $4 million for 500 Nick Punto at-bats; meanwhile they won't give Casey Blake an extra year on a contract offer and won't go the extra million to sign a guy like Orlando Hudson. Head-scratching indeed.

AUGUST 2, 2009 -- LOS ANGELES 13, MINNESOTA 4

Another thorough ass-kicking to the hands of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, as they shellack the Twins pitching for the third straight game. It was the kind of game that reminded all Twins fans following their three-game sweep of the White Sox that this team simply cannot compete with the cream of the crop in the American League. Against the three best teams in the league -- the Yankees, Red Sox, and Angels -- the Twins are 6-17, and three of those wins earlier came against a depleted Angels team that was decimated by injuries. Fortunately for the Twins, they're done with those teams for the remainder of the season, and in reality the schedule certainly advantages the Twins down the stretch. They've got 24 games against the Central bottom feeders, the Indians and the Royals, so it's still in the realm of possibility that the Twins can win the division. But that's going to be a largely false accomplishment considering their competition in the division, and you would have to be insane or on drugs (or both) to think that the Twins could beat any of the actual contenders in the A.L. in the playoffs.

The biggest reason that they can't compete is that they just don't have the pitching, plain and simple. The team's ERA is 4.65 -- that's reminiscent of the mid-'90s pitching staffs helmed by the immortal Dick Such, when guys like Bob Tewksbury and Mike Morgan and Rich Robertson were toiling away on the mound. Glen Perkins was quoted as saying something along the lines of being frustrated in his last start to the White Sox after giving up a couple of home runs, because he "wasn't pitching his game." While that pearl of wisdom still confuses me, I think what he meant was that "his game" was more similar to his performance on Sunday afternoon, in which he gave up nine runs (eight earned) on a dozen hits in just four innings. Yeah, putting up a quality start is simply un-Perkins, and this kind of "pitching" was more of the regular Glen Perkins that we've become all too accustomed to. Now, when your starting pitcher gives up nine runs in four innings, you're basically out of the game at that point, but it doesn't help when you have nothing in the form of bullpen help that can perhaps salvage a game out of it. Brian Douchebag and Jose Mijares coupled to put the embarrassing finishes on one of the most embarrassing series that I've witnessed in years. Kendry Morales hit two three-run home runs for the Angels, and they pounded out fifteen hits yet again. The drubbing was so bad that it actually was historic in a bit; the Angels became just the second team in seventy-one years to score ten runs with at least fifteen hits in three straight ballgames (joining the infamous 1986 Cleveland Indians), according to the Elias Sports Bureau, which means that the Twins have never in their history been on the receiving end of such a pathetic pounding. Add to this the fact that Friday's game should have been a victory, and you may have had the worst weekend series in club history. Awesome.

Orlando Cabrera hit a home run in this game, but more important to me (and absent in any in-game or post-game discussion by paid liars Dick Bremer and Bert Blyleven) was Cabrera's error on a ground ball in the fourth inning that led to the lone unearned run in the game. The play was as routine as routine gets, and Cabrera seemingly coughed it up with ease. Certifiable idiot Bremer was one to say that the acquisition of Cabrera would mean that the Twins would get a Gold Glover at shortstop, which is true I guess in the fact that Cabrera has indeed won a Gold Glove in the past, but his decline in the last two years has been nothing short of precipitous, and that includes his defense. His error was his fifteenth on the season, which is the -- wait for it, wait for it -- most errors in the Major Leagues! That's not just the most errors among major league shortstops -- nope, that's the most errors committed by any one player at any position. Why exactly did we trade for this guy?

The Twins' batters seemed to be swinging potato peelers on Sunday, because the Angels racked up thirteen strikeouts against the Twins. Justin Morneau was the only Twin not to strike out, and Carlos Gomez took the sombrero, striking out all three times (each time more pathetic, I may add) he was at the plate. Alexi Casilla showed everyone why the Twins were wise to keep him on the roster instead of Brian Buscher by going 0 for 3 with two strikeouts, lowering his average to a paltry .166. Michael Cuddyer is nursing a minor injury right now, which normally I would definitely welcome, but that means more playing time for Seldom Young, who responded to the rare opportunity to start by going 0 for 4. For the greatness that the Twins do have in the lineup -- Joe Mauer, Morneau, Jason Kubel, and for the most part Denard Span -- the Twins have an awful bottom third of the lineup, and their fringe guys are not producing much either. Young, Brendan Harris, Gomez, Casilla, Nick Punto, and Joe Crede all have on-base percentages hovering around a measly .300. Brian Buscher, for what it's worth, did have a pretty solid .350 OBP, all the more reason to look at that transaction on Saturday and plain shake your head. It's becoming increasingly obvious that the Twins management does not seem to consider talent as an asset. But in reality, the lineup problems are secondary now to the pitching woes, and if the pitchers can't get anybody out, the Twins could score 13 runs and lose (wait...didn't that happen not that long ago?).

AUGUST 1, 2009 -- LOS ANGELES 11, MINNESOTA 6

The Angels score eleven runs off the Twins pitching staff for the second straight game, spoiling Orlando Cabrera's debut with the Twins. Anthony Swarzak pitched like sour milk, and then the bullpen pitched in with a five-run, three home run sixth inning that was a tandem effort by R.A. Dickey and Bobby Keppel, who after giving up two moon shots to the first two batters he faced, is quickly falling out of favor with everyone watching the Twins except Ron Gardenhire and Rick Anderson. But, as Dick Bremer would say, it's refreshing to hear someone like Keppel be upfront and "take responsibility" for Friday's pathetic eleventh inning. Refreshing, sure; but what would really be refreshing is if Bobby Keppel could get batters out, or even better, it'd be damn refreshing if the Twins cut their ties with this guy. It would be refreshing to be a fan of an organization that knows talent and tries its best to put the best players on the roster, and to use the best out of those players to place in their everyday lineup. That would be refreshing, yes, but the reality is is that I'm likely going to stay thirsty here for quite a while.


One example of this poor talent assessment is the transaction that the Twins made before the game on Saturday, when Brian Buscher was inexplicably sent down over Alexi Casilla's .171 average to Rochester to make room for Cabrera on the roster. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not here to laud praises on a guy hitting .225, but when the choices are .225 with a little pop who can deliver a pinch hit once in a while and a guy who's hit progressively worse in three seperate stints with the club, can't play consistent defense, is a mentally putrid player and sucks the team dry of offensive production in the bottom of the order, I'll take Busch any day of the week. What had Casilla done to deserve staying on the roster? He was recalled just before the All-Star break when his average was .180; somehow the guy found a way to lower that another ten points. The guy has simply failed at every aspect of the game, and his value as a fifth infielder at this point has to be lower than Buscher's value as a pinch-hitting option. Again, not to say that Buscher absolutely deserved to stay with the club, either, but everyone in the entire league has outperformed Alexi Casilla in 2009, and there's no excuse for leaving him on the roster.


But there is, according to Ron Gardenhire (who said this, according to Dick Bremer). The main reason for Casilla to stay on the ballclub, according to these two clowns, was that the veteran presence of Orlando Cabrera could perhaps help the young Casilla get a better understanding of the game of baseball. Casilla can learn from Cabrera, and it would be more valuable for the Twins long-term if Casilla were directly mentored by Cabrera for the two months that he's going to be in a Twins uniform. This notion is at once pathetic and self-defeating in all its intentions. This is a kind of thing that non-competitive teams do. If you're the Kansas City Royals or the Washington Nationals or the Pittsburgh Pirates, you can afford to do things like this and you probably could benefit from such a move. But according to everyone paid to like the Twins, this is a "competitive" ballclub that has set its sights on winning the division. How can a "competitive" baseball team afford to keep minor-league talent on their roster when they're trying to win a division? A move like this, and the philosophy behind it, should signal to Twins Nation that this team has no intentions of trying to win a Championship (I would consider an A.L. Central Division title a supremely lower-case "championship"), and as a lifelong fan I can't help but be offended at such a philosophy.


Speaking of offensive philosophies, I think my respect of Ron Gardenhire sank even lower after I heard Dick Bremer report to everyone listening that some of the content of last Saturday's "closed-door" meeting following their 11-5 thumping at the hands of the Angels in Anaheim regarded foolish outfield defensive plays "such as missing the cutoff man." According to Bremer, Gardenhire had told his outfielders that if they missed the cutoff man, that they would get benched on the spot. That's something that I agree with 100%; especially when you're dealing with Mensa antitheses like Carlos Gomez, you need a "tough-love" approach to management. But on Friday, when Gomez missed the cutoff man in the first inning (which led to an extra run for the Angels, which by extension was a major reason the Twins lost the game), Gardenhire sat on his hands and did nothing of what he had threatened his players with just a week before. That is not only a terrible way to manage a baseball team, but that's a horrible way to run a company, to raise a family, to be in an interpersonal relationship -- you can add to the list ad infinitum. Do you have any idea what happens when you set clear-cut boundaries and specific penalties and then welsh on those parameters which you yourself set up? The behavior that you had attempted to extinguish in the first place will *undoubtedly* happen again. If you're a parent, it's like telling your sixteen year old not to have a party when you're gone for the weekend, and if he/she did that they would be grounded; and then you return home to find your kid's hosting a party at that minute, and then join in on the festivities. What does that signal to your sixteen-year-old? That he/she can do that again and not take anything you say in terms of "threats" seriously. As a manager of a major-league baseball team, you lose all credibility with your players and those who follow the team closely. In fact, if I were Brian Buscher, I would have had a hard time believing Ron Gardenhire when Gardy told him he was sent down Saturday, for the mere reason that Gardenhire did not follow through on his "promise" that he initiated just a week prior. This much is guaranteed, Gardenhire -- Carlos Gomez will miss the cutoff man again, and probably sooner rather than later. What are you gonna do about it? Remember that all the respect your players had has been transfered to the status of simply a buddy-buddy manager whose words can be taken very lightly. Yeah, we all knew you weren't Knute Rockne, but at the very least, don't be a f***ing Pinocchio, Gardenhire.

JULY 31, 2009 -- LOS ANGELES 11, MINNESOTA 5 (11 innings)

The Twins lead 5-2 going into the seventh inning and watch Nick Blackburn and the bullpen give up the last nine runs of the game, and the Angels beat the Twins at the Metrodome in a game in which the Twins needed to win. This is the type of game that competitive ballclubs do not lose, and it was fitting that on the day that the Twins continued their year-and-a-half long trend of failing to improve their bullpen via outside help, the bullpen lost the game for the Twins. Matt Guerrier came through with his first Matt Guerrier Special in months, promptly giving up the game-tying home run to the first batter he faced in the eighth inning, Mike Napoli. After Guerrier and Nathan mowed down Los Angeles through the tenth inning (and the Twins offense shut down against an Angel bullpen comprised of the likes of Justin Speier and Jason Bulger and Kevin Jepsen), Ron Gardenhire decided to lose the game in the eleventh when he started the inning with Bobby Keppel, who failed to retire a batter and took the loss. Gardenhire made sure that the Twins were pathetically embarrassed when he turned to Jesse "Gas on the Fire" Crain, who failed to retire any of the four batters he faced, and by the time R.A. Dickey completed the six-run eleventh, the Twins were supremely out of the game. Not surprising that the Twins' bullpen lost this one for the Twins, as it will doubtless be the area of the team that, again, will likely preclude the team's postseason chances.


Fans may have been clamoring for Orlando Cabrera when Brendan Harris made a fool of himself in the eleventh inning, on a play that my anger was merely supplanted by my bursting out in laughter at the sheer patheticness of Harris. With runners at first and third, Howie Kendrick, who of course is in my good graces due to his first name, grounded a ball to Harris' left. Harris hesistated and wanted to come home with the ball, but then tripped over his own feet and did a head-first digger into the turf. It was one of those plays bound to make the blooper reel, and it would be really funny if the game hadn't been on the line at that point. I don't mind that Harris wanted to throw home, seeing as that's the go-ahead run and all, but both Dick Bremer and Bert Blyleven were criticizing Harris for not turning the double-play. In reality, with Jesse Crain coming into the game and not getting anybody out, it's unlikely that the Angels wouldn't have extended their lead, but Harris' gaffe no doubt opened the floodgates on a big inning. For those counting at home, that's the fourth time in the last eleven games that the Twins' pitching staff has allowed an inning of six runs or more; but hey, they didn't need another arm badly or anything.


The loss dropped the Twins back to third place, one game over .500 at 52-51. Again, to consider that the White Sox and Tigers made significant moves to improve their club's chances not to win the Central Division but to compete for the World Series, it's going to be increasingly difficult for the Twins to overcome both the Sox and Tigers. Take a second to ponder the White Sox acquisition of Jake Peavy and its inherent risk. Peavy likely won't be able to pitch for almost a month, and so in effect Chicago mortgaged a good part of their future (four pretty good pitching prospects) for, at most, five or six starts in the regular season. As Kenny Williams said, it's a move that was made in order to win a championship, and I had a sneak feeling that he meant a real championship (i.e., a World Series) rather than what the Twins have set as their goal (i.e., winning the weakest division in baseball). With Orlando Cabrera mainly being a Brendan Harris in masquerade, I have to strongly disagree with Bremer and Blyleven that the move is even a "good" move at this point. He's certainly not a player that's going to put the team over the top, and definitely he's not going to make them be able to beat the Yankees any more. And most importantly, I hope to God that Bremer is wrong when he reports that Cabrera's going to be placed in the #2 hole, but I'm pretty sure that'll happen. Ron Gardenhire likes to change things that are going right, and Joe Mauer in the #2 hole is a natural fit. As ESPN's Eric Karabell reports, Cabrera's .318 on-base percentage "should not alter" the current batting order with Mauer hitting second, and that Cabrera should be hitting low in the Twins' lineup; unfortunately Karabell doesn't know who he's dealing with with Ron Gardenhire, who's a logician's nightmare. Mauer, after all, is only hitting .398 from the #2 hole, and they've won more games with Mauer hitting there than anybody else. Why change something that's worked?

JULY 31, 2009 -- Trade Deadline; Detroit and Chicago 2, Twins 1

At around noon today, the news flash reported that the Twins had acquired Orlando Cabrera from the Oakland A's, in a deal that had been rumored to go down for nearly a week. In return the Twins gave up last year's second-round draft pick, a young shortstop named Tyler Ladendorf. The A's also sent cash to the Twins, thereby deferring even more of the $1.4 million still owed to Cabrera for the rest of this season. It's a safe move, relatively low-risk but not too high in terms of return. Sure, Cabrera's spot on the roster most likely means that the Alexi Casilla experiment will end for the third time this season, and it also means that Nick Punto can play second base instead of giving the Twins limited range at shortstop. But that also means that Cabrera's limited range takes over at shortstop, and it means that Nick Punto is still in the everyday lineup. And if you take a look at Cabrera's numbers this year, they're very, well, Brendan Harris-esque: he's hitting .280, but his on-base percentage is a paltry .318 and his OPS is just .683 (in comparison, Harris' OPS is a near-identical .676, and Harris' range is similar to Cabrera).

So in essence, the Twins got rid of a minor-league prospect in favor of a 34-year old version of Brendan Harris. Considering that Harris might actually be a better defender than Cabrera, the trade can be interpreted as a downgrade from what they have on the roster. But here's how the Twins management will spin this: a) the Twins made a move, which, save for an August acquisition like Eddie Guardado or Phil Nevin, they can't say they've done in six years and b) Cabrera is a playoff-tested "experience" guy who will bring a sort of veteran leadership to the clubhouse. Ron Gardenhire never liked Brendan Harris from the moment the guy put on a Twins uniform, and even though Cabrera and Harris are virtually identical players, Gardy probably will be more likely to use Cabrera and stick with Cabrera. As to the second "benefit" from getting Cabrera -- wasn't this the same player that the Chicago White Sox (and manager Ozzie Guillen in particular) criticized as being somewhat of a clubhouse cancer for the Sox last season? Sure, the guy's got a World Series ring, for being a deadline acquisition by the Red Sox in 2004. The more I consider the trade, the more I dislike it, even if this Ladendorf was a low-level prospect. But it will force Ron Gardenhire to not play Alexi Casilla, and in that long-shot possibility of Mark Grudzielanek being able to play this season, that may mean that Nick Punto can ride the pine like he should be.

And, of course, the Twins did nothing to address their bullpen issues or their pitching issues in general. With the Cabrera trade likely to make little impact for the Twins, it's interesting to consider that the moves that will most affect the Twins' chances of getting in the playoffs were ones that other teams made. Cleveland traded both Cliff Lee and Victor Martinez this week, and that's important for the Twins, because they still get to play the Indians 12 times down the stretch. Those games are even more winnable now with those players off the team. But you have to look at the other teams in the Central Division and clearly say that the Twins made the third-best acquisition out of the divisional contenders. The Tigers' acquisition of Jarrod Washburn was a great move for the current division leaders, as Detroit had a need for a quality starter and they sure got one in Washburn, who has the third-lowest ERA in the league at 2.64. And then the White Sox came calling at the eleventh hour and came through with Jake Peavy, who, though on the disabled list, now makes Chicago a viable contender in the divison. Though the Cabrera trade may slightly benefit the Twins, in reality it's a low-impact acquisition, and though I still hope that the Twins can pass the Tigers, I have to look at the pitching disparity and give the edge to Detroit at this point, and now the White Sox' rotation is as formidable as any in the American League. But here's to Cabrera hitting .410 as a Twin down the stretch and the Twins winning the division by seven games.