OCTOBER 11, 2009 -- NEW YORK 4, MINNESOTA 1

What a shocker folks -- the Twins drop three straight against the Yankees, and go down with hardly a whimper against the Evil Empire. If you're keeping track at home (which I am), that's nine straight postseason losses for the Twins under the Ron Gardenhire regime, and that's only a part of eight straight losses at home in the playoffs. The last Twin to win a playoff game at the Metrodome was none other than Joe Mays, whose gem in the first game of the 2002 ALCS against the Angels stands as the last home victory for the Twins in the Metrodome. This run of postseason futility that the Twins are experiencing is just a perfect example of what the priorities are here in the Twin Cities. Playoffs are gravy to Ron Gardenhire, and he apparently just doesn't care if they win or lose in the playoffs. They're just happy to be there. And this philosophy has translated to an abysmal, embarrassing 6-18 mark in the playoffs under Gardenhire. Considering this, what's the point of even winning the division? If you're just going to play like bird droppings in the playoffs, why tease your fans to think that you actually might win something of actual significance? But no. Winning the perennially weakest division in baseball is hotdish for Ron Gardenhire. It makes me sick to my stomach. This is why I was pessimistic about the Twins hot stretch -- because it gives the illusion that this season was a success. Dude -- you've won the division five times in eight years. Why not try a more challenging goal? I think that winning the division was a bad thing for the Twins, as they'll use the division title as proof that they don't need to improve their ballclub for 2010. In reality, this team should be shaken up, but we know any real change (i.e. canning Ron Gardenhire) will never happen.

The Twins seem to be embodied (at least to those observing the team from a national level) by Nick Punto -- that scrappy, "hard-nosed," talent-deficient excuse for a ballplayer -- and that's really hard for me to accept. Punto may have had some of the best offensive numbers for the Twins in the three-game sweep, as he went 4 for 9 at the plate, but he was there in the eighth inning to put the nail in the coffin that was the Twins season. His baserunning blunder cost the Twins the season, and is yet another example of why this man has no business being a Single-A player, much less a starting player on a playoff team. For some reason he thought that Denard Span's chopper over the mound went into the outfield, and of course he wasn't looking at his third-base coach to see if he should score -- barreling around third was Punto, and Derek Jeter smartly threw home to force Punto to return to third, but he returned too late, and instead of having runners at first and third and nobody out (the Twins were down 2-1 at the time), Punto ran his team out of their season. What I said to myself after that predictable boner was "Nick Punto is the stupidest player in franchise history. Nick Punto is the stupidest player in franchise history." As far as mantras go, that one caught on pretty quick. Seriously though -- the fact that this guy has any words of praise go his way is gut-wrenchingly pathetic. I'm shaking my head in shame right now, having to be a fan of a team that plays Nick Punto on a regular basis. I was thinking about this hard-to-accept fact, too: Nick Punto's played here for six years. SIX YEARS. And he'll be here for probably another six. At the end of his career, he's going to be one of the longest-tenured Twins in franchise history. Why? As Tracy Chapman once sang, Give me one reason, Ron Gardenhire, why Nick Punto is on a major-league roster.

I'm done with this team, finally, for this season. Let me tell you -- it was a maddening adventure to document this sad-sack bunch of characters for nearly six months. I know I'm in the minority when it comes to ragging on guys like Ron Gardenhire, but I've found that the Re-Education Center has been amazingly therapeutic for me. In the past (and especially in 2008) I was unable to contain my rage when I watched the Twins. Often I'd bang a fist on my coffee table in frustration and shout obscenities at the TV screen. But once I started this website, I found it much easier to accept the Twins' patheticness. Now when I watch the games, I find their errors and futility comedic and humorous, and I look at Ron Gardenhire as if he were one of the Keystone Kops of the early silent movies. The guy is such an Andy Kaufman joke -- not at all funny, a little creepy, definitely pathetic, and tragic at the same time. I will go to my grave saying that Ron Gardenhire is the worst manager I've ever seen in my life, and I will continue to say that on this site. By putting faith in guys like Carlos Gomez and Nick Punto, Ron Gardenhire lost this series before it even started. It reminds me of a Modest Mouse album title of a few years back: We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank. If there's anything that sums up the 2009 Twins, it's that right there.

It was a blast to do this, and I thank everyone who put in their two cents. Whether you agreed with me or not, I appreciate those who took the time to support this site. I'll keep it updated every once in a while in the offseason (I do plan on doing a 2009 Season Wrap-Up and Postseason Awards sometime within the next week) and I'm considering doing this again next season. I really enjoyed what my neighbor Hank Rickenbacher did when he had the reins, and I'd like to hear more from him next season. If you have any suggestions on how to make the MTRC better, I'd love to hear from you. And I'd like to do another segment of Reader's Mail, so feel free to get questions and comments in to my e-mail: eisenhowermcsteele@gmail.com. Thanks again everyone!

Photos: (1) AP/Jim Mone; (2) AP/Kathy Willens; (3) AP/Charlie Neibergall; (4) www.cinemablend.com

OCTOBER 4, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 13, KANSAS CITY 4

The Twins' win on Sunday clinches a tie for the division title, and with the Tigers' win over the White Sox, for the second straight season the Twins will play in a one-game playoff for the right to go to the postseason. Before I continue, I would like to first thank my good neighbor "Hammerin'" Hank Rickenbacher, who graciously stepped in for me at the last second while I attended to a medical emergency. No need to worry about me -- it just so happened that a young person down in Iowa was recently stung by a nasty swarm of bees and the people down there needed an apiarist's knowledge as to containing the bees. To make matters worse, I knew the victim of the attack, and I felt compelled to drop everything (even during a pennant chase) and drove down to just outside of Dubuque. The one thing about apiary science that drew me to that field was its unpredictability, and it's the one thing that keeps my retirement only half-serious. I'm happy to report that all is well with the person affected by the bees, and I'm back here with a hive of those pesky suckers and I'm going to do a little research that just might be slacked on if there's some postseason whoopin' that the Yankees need to get to later this week. But anyhows, thanks a bunch Hank for the yeoman's work on the site.


As has been the case lately, the Twins' offense took control early, as they jumped on Royal starter Luke Hochevar with two home runs in the first inning. Jason Kubel would add a second three-run home run (I think that's the second time this season that Kubel's had a game in which he's hit two three-run blasts) and Seldom Young would also notch a second home run. Carl Pavano and the middle relief let KC inch back into the game, getting within four before the Twins blew it open in the later innings. So Sunday's game against the Royals will not be the Metrodome's swan song for major-league baseball, as at least one more game will be played there: Tuesday, 4 PM, Scott Baker vs. Rick Porcello. Imagine, for a second, if you're Porcello, who's 20 years old, one year removed from Single-A ball and pitching for the Tigers in the 163rd and potentially final game of the season. That story aside, the Twins are playing hot and the Tigers have languished for three weeks; not to mention the obvious home-field advantage that the Twins have. The Twins should easily win Tuesday's game. Easily. They've got their best pitcher on the mound opposing the Tigers' #3, their bats are clicking and they're at home. There's no reason to think that the Twins can't win, except for the fact that they're the '09 Twins, who are the baseball equivalent of a CD filler-song; something not good to stand alone on its own, but forgettable enough not to lament its brutality when surrounded by actual quality. In fact, it might be more memorable if the Twins lost Tuesday, as people would remember how favored the Twins were, only to lose. If they do drop the game, it'd probably be something pathetic like a 1-0 loss. Hmm, that sounds familiar...

Photos: AP/Jim Mone

SEPTEMBER 8, 2009 -- TORONTO 6, MINNESOTA 3

These are the Twins we know and love, from cruising with a 3-0 lead in the sixth to imploding thanks to poor pitching and a timely bullpen collapse that put them behind the eight ball for good. John McDonald of all people hit the game-winning three-run home run off Jon Rauch, who made his proper introduction to Twins fans. You can't be a mainstay in that bullpen until you've let leads slip through your fingers, and after Rauch's classic performance on Tuesday, he's damn well entrenched in the 'pen. Inheriting a three-run lead, Rauch began his night by giving up a sacrifice fly to ex-Twins great Randy "The Latino LeCroy" Ruiz, then walked a batter to re-load the bases, gave up a single on a hanging curveball to the Puntoesque Edwin Encarnacion, and an out later surrendered the back-breaking home run to the light-hitting McDonald. Though the Tigers lost a late lead themselves against Kansas City and the Twins didn't fall further back in the standings, they have to be concerned about their own team, and games like Tuesday do nothing to inculcate inspiration to dreary Twins fans ready to turn their attention to other teams.

I, for one, am greatly looking forward to the postseason, and I think the American League matchups, though certainly stale and not suggestive of any real competitive balance (how many times will this be that the Angels and Red Sox meet in the first round?), will be entertaining to watch, especially the Tiger-Yankee series. And of course the National League is always tough to handicap, but the Phillies are certainly strong, maybe better than they were last season when they won it all. The Dodgers played their best baseball early in the season and have slowly wilted as the season has progressed, and the Cardinals right now might be playing the best baseball of anyone in the majors. You can't count out the Giants or Rockies, either. All in all, playoff baseball should be entertaining to watch. At the end of the regular season, I'll do some playoff predictions on this site as well as submit my ballot for the regular-season awards (as if it actually counts, right). And I'll do a little preview for the Twins offseason, which should be interesting considering the potential Joe Mauer soap opera that might be in store. It's really simple, actually: if the Twins don't sign Joe Mauer, expect a near mutiny by the Twins fan base. Good luck filling the seats in Target Field if you let Mauer walk or if you trade him a la Johan Santana. Twins fans are a loyal bunch, but you can't go Pittsburgh Pirates on them, or else they will act.

Photos: (1) www.mlb.com; (2) www.umn.edu