APRIL 14, 2010 -- BOSTON 6, MINNESOTA 3

The first weather-affected game goes against the Twins, as the Red Sox get the clutch hits and take the middle game of the three-game series. The Twins offense was dreadfully pathetic, as they couldn't come up with the big hit all game long. The key at-bat in the game came in the seventh inning, when the Twins loaded the bases with two outs. Boston was up a run at 3-2 and brought in Hideki Okajima to face Justin Morneau. Morneau, predictably, popped up -- just about as pitiful of an at-bat as you could come up with. Jesse Crain then returned to his old self in the top of the eighth by surrendering three insurance runs to effectively put the nail in the coffin. Those three runs were driven in by none other than Jeremy Hermida, no doubt the weak link in the Boston lineup. What Crain's history will tell you is that when he struggles, all that he can figure out to throw is a straight fastball, and that's when bad hitters like Hermida can feast on Crain. Many people were expecting big things from Crain this year, but I'm pretty skeptical. The only big thing I see from Crain in 2010 is his ERA (hey-o!). Worth mentioning as well is Michael Cuddyer's fly-out to end the game. He represented the tying run and of course failed to deliver. His home run in the eighth was classic Cuddyer -- a meaningless homer that pads the stats and looks good on his baseball card. If he would ever hit a homer that would actually mean something...

Kevin Slowey pitched poorly, barely getting through five innings and obviously struggling to pitch through the weather. As mentioned before, Crain's terrible outing put a stain on the bullpen's overall impressive start to the season, and they'll be getting some help in the form of Ron Mahay, who was called up from extended spring training. Alex Burnett drank his cup of coffee and he's back to Rochester and will likely sink into Twins oblivion. The Mahay call-up has everything to do with Jose Mijares, who's looked as good as a pregnant woman on roller skates so far this year. As Hank eluded to yesterday, to see Ron Gardenhire put Brian Douchebag late in the game for multiple innings is a plan waiting to backfire. Mahay's endurance is questionable, however -- he's always been a lefty to face a batter or two; certainly not full innings. In a sense, the Twins got an emergency pinch-hitter, too. Some may be surprised to hear that Mahay first broke into the big leagues as an outfielder for the Red Sox. His numbers translate to a Nick Punto-esque kind of career at the plate, so it's a great thing that he turned out to be left-handed, because he's made quite a career for himself out of pitching exclusively to left-handed batters.

Just as a quick sidenote, we are officially nine games into the season (that's 153 to go!) and Dick Bremer is already in pennant chase mode. In the middle of Wednesday's game, he was giving all-too-frequent-for-the-middle-of-April updates on the Kansas City-Detroit game, saying that it'd be a "good thing" if the Royals were able to beat the Tigers. Dude, it's APRIL. Last season is over -- there is no need to keep us apprised of the Tigers. For all we know, the Royals might be the team to catch this season -- it wouldn't be good for the Twins if KC won then, would it? Just do me a favor Dick: give it fifty games at least before you start blowing shit out of proportion. 50 games. That's all I ask.

Photos: AP/Andy King

SEPTEMBER 22, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 8, CHICAGO 6

The Twins outslug the White Sox on Tuesday, using four home runs to beat up on Jon Danks and the Pale Hose. Pitching wasn't great on either side of the diamond, as the Twins' Jeff Manship continued to confuse Twins fans as to why this guy is even in the big leagues to begin with, much less starting critical games down the stretch in a pennant race. Francisco Liriano couldn't pick up the trash, either, and it turned out that Jesse Crain, quickly becoming the vulture of the bullpen, actually got the win. The Twins spread out their offense again, using another good game from Michael Cuddyer, who seems to be either going 3 for 4 with a home run and multiple ribbies or he goes 0 for 4 with seven men left on base. Orlando Cabrera got the scoring started early with a two-run homer in the first, and even guys like Matt Tolbert got into the action by hitting a home run in the sixth inning. That's two career home runs for Tolbert, and they've both come at U.S. Cellular Field -- talk about a strange coincidence.

The Tigers won in Cleveland, however, dropping their magic number to ten games. Though the Twins certainly still have a shot at the division crown, it appears that this run of good baseball -- clearly the best they've played for any two weeks this entire season -- is a tragic case of too little, too late. Can you imagine where the Twins would be if Cuddyer could have played with the Superman cape on all season? Where would the Twins be if Nick Punto had merely flirted with .230 all season long instead of having to make a strong case for the worst all-around player in big league history? Or how about if the bullpen had even remotely shown the fans a smidgen of what they've seen lately -- namely, little of Bobby Keppel and R.A. Dickey, and a lot of Joe Nathan and Jose Mijares and a solid Matt Guerrier? A Seldom Young that didn't go 0 for 4 with three strikeouts on a daily basis, but one that can chip in a hit or two here or there? When you play a 162-game schedule, consistency is the name of the game in order to get into the playoffs, and frankly the Twins just haven't deserved to get into the playoffs based on their lack of consistency. But, for whatever it's worth, they are making the final few weeks of the season meaningful, and I know I'm not the only one that is glad that the Twins are making a late-season push for the playoffs. The major sports networks like ESPN are pleased as punch that the Twins are making it at least mildly interesting, because the rest of the league is mired in playoff-fever-immunity. So much for that "competitive balance," Mr. Selig, as it seems like the big spenders are getting their way this season, at the expense of the fans and any sort of September excitement.

Photos: AP/Charles Rex Arbogast

SEPTEMBER 12, 2009 -- OAKLAND 4, MINNESOTA 2

Another loss at the hands of the pathetic Athletics drops the Twins two games under .500 and it's yet another example of the wasted opportunities that the Twins have had to gain on the suddenly slumping Tigers. Detroit hasn't won a game since last Sunday's thrilling comeback win in Tampa Bay, going 0-5, yet all the Twins have been able to do is gain a paltry game and a half on first place. In fact, with the White Sox winning yesterday in Anaheim, the Twins have fallen back to third place in the division -- this is notable considering the Twins had a 3 1/2 game lead over Chicago for second place just ten days ago. It makes you think that the Twins surely could have come back on Detroit, except for the fact that the Twins just aren't that good of a team. And it really doesn't help when minor-leaguers like Jeff Manship are called upon to stop the bleeding. Manship's longest start in the majors is a five-inning performance, and on Saturday he lasted only a few batters into the fifth. Walks came back to haunt the Twins in a big way, as the A's scored the two game-winning runs in the fifth without the benefit of a single base hit. Manship walked the first two batters (facing the eight and nine hitters, no less) and gave way to Jesse Crain, who promptly walked the first batter he faced. Two sacrifice flies later, the A's had a two run lead, and they used that same margin to coast to a victory.

Brett Anderson pitched like an ace against the Twins, mowing them down over seven innings. Michael Wuertz and Andrew Bailey slammed the door on the Twins in the late innings, and the Twins offense continued to sleepwalk down the stretch. The biggest tragedy of this season has been the fact that the Twins, with the talent they have, should be RUNNING AWAY with this division. Detroit hasn't shown any real moxie down the stretch following that Tampa Bay series, and the fact remains that 85 wins will likely win this division. Right now, the Twins can't guarantee themselves a winning season, and when you have guys like Mauer and Morneau and Span and Kubel all having career years or close to it (Morneau's last month and a half will be most remembered, however, as his struggles have stood for the struggles of the whole offense lately), you'd like to think you have a good chance to win a weak division. But it always comes down to pitching, and this season has been a flashback to the good old Dick Such days of the mid-90s. To rewrite the classic Simon and Garfunkel song, Where have you gone, Scott Aldred?

Photos: AP/Tom Olmscheid

AUGUST 25, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 7, BALTIMORE 6

Another one-run squeeker against one of the worst teams in the American League goes the Twins way, as Seldom Young's fourth hit of the ballgame drove home the winning run with two outs in the bottom of the ninth inning. The Twins clawed their way back from three runs down twice against the Orioles' horrendous pitching staff, and the game featured a little poetic justice, as the Twins' three runs in the sixth were charged to former Twins great Brian Bass, who at least pitched the sixth inning like he did last season with the Twins. These games are very important for the Twins if they feel like playing well the rest of the way, as their easy, easy schedule affords them the opportunity to play last-place and second-division clubs frequently down the stretch. After Baltimore leaves town after Wednesday's tilt, the Twins entertain two playoff contenders, Texas and Chicago, so it's imperative to beat the teams that you need to beat. With Detroit's second consecutive impressive win in Anaheim against the Angels, the Twins fail to gain any ground on the division leader, but with the White Sox loss in Boston, the Twins have moved into a tie for second place. More importantly, the Twins are back to the .500 mark, which is certainly impressive seeing as they were six games under .500 just a little over a week ago. Yes, the season-long five game win streak was compiled against the likes of Baltimore and Kansas City, but the way the Twins play (i.e., inconsistently), any run of victories is for sure a good sign.

The Armando Gabino experiment failed miserably, to say the least. Gabino was all over the plate, showing no signs that he was even ready to pitch in the big leagues or wanted to, for that matter. The ineffectiveness and the surprising early-onset male pattern baldness will likely combine to make Gabino's major-league stint a short-lived and somewhat forgettable. Even idiots like Ron Gardenhire and Rick Anderson know that they can't survive getting only eight outs from their starters. That's bad enough, but when you've got Philip Humber and Bobby Keppel as your options beyond the poor start, that just compounds the mistakes. If the Twins had been facing a halfway decent opponent on Tuesday, the score wouldn't have been close. But the Orioles pitching staff is worse off than the Twins (and that's saying a lot, mind you) and starter Brian Matusz nearly matched Gabino's lack of command, and the Twins were able to come back on Baltimore. Any game just wouldn't be complete without a Ron Gardenhire head-scratcher, and Tuesday's came compliments of Gardy delusionally believing that Jesse Crain could go a third inning in relief. Crain had completed two solid innings of relief to keep the Twins in the game, and Gardenhire put him out to start the ninth. Let me get something clear, Gardy -- you get six outs out of Jesse Crain in a week, you should be satisfied. If Crain is able to get six outs in a game, you take him out of there like he just committed a crime. Sure as shit, Crain gives up a leadoff double in the ninth, and only Jose Mijares' superb relief stint made it possible for the Twins to win it in the ninth. It all goes back to a familiar theme with Ron Gardenhire, and that's his babying protection of Joe Nathan. If the game's tied in the ninth and you're at home, you put your closer into the ballgame. You don't keep your sixth-best relief pitcher on the mound to try to get a third inning out of him. But, hey, Nathan pitched fifty pitches last week, so he still needs the rest.

Photos: AP/Andy King

AUGUST 22, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 8, KANSAS CITY 7

Two wins in a row against the pitiful Royals, and with the Tigers losing at Oakland, the Twins are "back in the thick of things," as certifiable idiot Dick Bremer would say. They're still three games below .500, mind you, and the Royals haven't been playing like a major league team in the last three months. Saturday's game was an example of a game that if the Twins needed to pitch one more inning, the Royals were likely going to finally overtake them. Brian Douchebag pitched the game of his life, which at this point in his career is just five innings and two earned runs. Because of the short start, the Twins had to rely on their bullpen, and what's worse was that Joe Nathan's 53-pitch outing on Friday apparently made him unavailable on Saturday, making Matt Guerrier the de facto closer [Gulp]. Ron Coomer, filling in for Bert Blyleven on color this weekend, was quoted as saying that this series is something like make or break, the most important series of the year and they desperately can't lose games like this. If that's the case (and it is, unless you want to fall further back in the division), you need to have Joe Nathan on the mound in the bottom of the ninth inning. Frankly I don't care if Nathan had to throw 120 pitches on Friday, if these games mean that much, you've got to have your best players in the spots that they are asked to deliver in. What's the worst that could happen, Gardenhire? You're banking on one good inning from Joe Nathan -- 15-20 pitches at most. Who in their right mind wouldn't be able to throw that many pitches, no matter how many they threw the night previous. Considering Nathan's classic "brush-off" of the push-over Gardenhire the night before, I thought that perhaps Nathan could easily talk his way back into the game. But alas, Matty Guerrier got the save, nearly giving up the tie in the eighth and giving back the insurance run the Twins cheaply got in the top of the ninth to win by the narrowest of margins.

After Douchebag left after the fifth, the Twins had to seriously patch it up until Stopper Guerrier came in in the eighth. Bobby Keppel and Jesse Crain helped get the Royals back in the game in the sixth and seventh innings, each surrendering two runs in their less-than-one-inning performance. Both of these slugs have proven that they simply cannot get major league batters out, but I have a sneak feeling that the front office will bring both of these guys back for 2010. Hell, considering the pay hike that Billy Smith gave Nick Punto last offseason, Keppel's 5.55 ERA may be due for a raise. That the Twins were even able to win this game was a testament to how truly bad the Royals are. The three runs that the Twins got in the top of the sixth were mainly due to Joe Mauer reaching first on a wild pitch on strike three, and Michael Cuddyer's pop-up in a clutch situation in the ninth (Cuddyer popping up in the clutch? No, really???!!!) needed to be caught, and that turned out to be the difference in the game. But the seventh inning was a classic, as the Royals loaded the bases with nobody out against Jesse Crain. Jose Mijares inherited that mess and promptly gave up a single to cut the lead to 7-5. After a key Cuddyeresque pop-up by Mitch Maier for the first out, the madness ensued. Yuniesky Betancourt hit a can of corn to center field, and Carlos Gomez dropped the ball, and instead of getting the easy force play right in front of him at second, threw to third to get the out there instead. To cap it off, Josh Anderson lined a ball to left, and Seldom Young, instead of retreating back on the ball, did a standing leap and barely caught the ball. It was literally one of the funniest things I'd ever seen; I laughed for a solid minute after seeing that patheticness.

The Twins go for the sweep on Sunday, with Carl Pavano making the start for the Twins. Anthony Swarzak, by the way, was finally outrighted back to Triple-A, and some guy named Armando Gabino was called up. Not sure whether this Gabino is going to get a shot at the starting staff, but whatever his role is, there are two things that are important with this transaction: 1) Swarzak's back in the minors, where he belongs, and 2) even the thought of a guy like Gabino making critical starts down the stretch for a "contending" team should tell everyone that the team has zero chance of getting to the playoffs. But hey, anybody's a step up from Swarzak, who in his last four or five starts was serving more meatballs than Olive Garden.

Photos: AP/Charlie Riedel

AUGUST 16, 2009 -- CLEVELAND 7, MINNESOTA 4

I had the (dis)pleasure of watching Sunday's pathetic rubber match with the Cleveland Indians in person at the Metrodome. I have to tell you, it doesn't look any better when you're at the game than it appears on television; any way you can disect Nick Blackburn's imitation of "pitching," it was absolutely horrible. What's worse is that the six run third inning that Blackburn started (and Jesse Crain inexplicably finished) came directly on the heels of a three-run second inning by the Twins that gave them a 3-0 lead over the Indians and their newfound nemesis, Aaron Laffey. Hell, I thought I was fortunate enough to witness a minor miracle when Seldom Young blasted a home run to center field in that three-run frame, and I had a good feeling that Blackburn could get off the schneid and post his first victory since Ron Gardenhire rested him for a week and a half at the All-Star break. Blackburn, who had retired the first six batters with relative ease through the first two innings, faced the bottom of the Cleveland lineup to start the third, and what does he do? He gives up a towering fly ball that lands in the seats to Kelly Shoppach (still can't believe that ball went out), a home run bombed to right field by the light hitting Luis Valbuena, hits 9th-place hitter Andy Marte and gives up a tape-measure fuhgettaboutit blast to Grady Sizemore. Just like that, within a matter of minutes, the Twins lead had vanished, and of course Ron Gardenhire kept the downtrodden Blackburn on the mound in order to give up two more runs before the inning was up. Why Gardenhire went to Jesse Crain in the third inning is beyond me (don't get me wrong -- the only innings he deserves are mop-up duty in a wiffleball game) and not one of their four long relievers -- Jeff Manship being the newbie of that group. But whatever, Ronny Boy -- the game (and the season) was lost long before Sunday's contest.


The goat of the game just may have been Orlando Cabrera, who had one of the worst all around games I've ever had the privilege to watch first hand. Cabrera went 0 for 5 at the plate and found a way to make seven outs in those five at-bats, courtesy of two double plays that Cabrera banged into. To make matters worse, Ron Gardenhire has Cabrera hitting second in the lineup, protecting Joe Mauer, so with Cabrera's pathetic day at the plate, that insured that Mauer would not be hitting with runners on base all game long. His biggest folly was his second GIDP, which came in the seventh while the Twins were mounting a mild rally. With runners on first and second, Cabrera grounded into the Twin killing with Joe Mauer waiting on deck. Cabrera struck out for the final out in the game in the ninth, and Joe Mauer again was the tying run, left in the on-deck circle. To make matters worse, Cabrera's defense again betrayed him. He made a bad error on an easy play in the third inning that would have loomed larger had the Indians taken advantage of the error, and also showed his lack of range by failing to field a grounder that went for a base hit later in the game. He extended his major-league lead of most errors out of anyone playing in the bigs with his 18th boot of the season. Yeah, he's an awesome pickup.


Seldom Young's two-run blast in the second inning was also not without its repercussions, as that meant that he had to play the rest of the game like he's played it the majority of the season, namely like he's the worst player ever to pick up a bat. Those qualities were ever so apparent in the bottom of the fourth, when Young bounced into an inning-ending double play, wasting a bases loaded, one out opportunity for the Twins to get back in the game. Considering what Laffey and the rest of the Indians pitchers were giving them (not much mound presence, very hittable pitches), the Twins seemed to be sleepwalking through this match. It appears as if some players have begun to merely phone in the effort on what has become a lost season -- Michael Cuddyer's someone who has routinely called in sick whenever the game is on the line, and especially now with the chance of the postseason slim to none (the Twins are officially closer to fourth than first with Sunday's loss), expect those players who aren't playing for a contract to give decidedly half-assed efforts. There is one saving grace, and it's probably the only reason (other than the maintenance of this blog, of course) that I'm going to want to watch the Twins the rest of the season -- and that of course is Joe Mauer. If he hits like he did in May (which is a tall order, no doubt) he has a legitimate shot at hitting .400. Reaching such a coveted milestone may come with a downside for the Twins, however. If he does do something historic this season, that just means that the Red Sox and Yankees are going to try that much harder to sign this guy once his contract is up after next season. The big question will remain: Will the Twins try to put a World Series competitor (not just an A.L. Central Division championship competitor) on the field and convince Mauer that they are serious about winning?


Photos: (1) AP/Paul Battaglia (2) AP/Hannah Foslein (3) AP/Tom Olmscheid

JULY 31, 2009 -- LOS ANGELES 11, MINNESOTA 5 (11 innings)

The Twins lead 5-2 going into the seventh inning and watch Nick Blackburn and the bullpen give up the last nine runs of the game, and the Angels beat the Twins at the Metrodome in a game in which the Twins needed to win. This is the type of game that competitive ballclubs do not lose, and it was fitting that on the day that the Twins continued their year-and-a-half long trend of failing to improve their bullpen via outside help, the bullpen lost the game for the Twins. Matt Guerrier came through with his first Matt Guerrier Special in months, promptly giving up the game-tying home run to the first batter he faced in the eighth inning, Mike Napoli. After Guerrier and Nathan mowed down Los Angeles through the tenth inning (and the Twins offense shut down against an Angel bullpen comprised of the likes of Justin Speier and Jason Bulger and Kevin Jepsen), Ron Gardenhire decided to lose the game in the eleventh when he started the inning with Bobby Keppel, who failed to retire a batter and took the loss. Gardenhire made sure that the Twins were pathetically embarrassed when he turned to Jesse "Gas on the Fire" Crain, who failed to retire any of the four batters he faced, and by the time R.A. Dickey completed the six-run eleventh, the Twins were supremely out of the game. Not surprising that the Twins' bullpen lost this one for the Twins, as it will doubtless be the area of the team that, again, will likely preclude the team's postseason chances.


Fans may have been clamoring for Orlando Cabrera when Brendan Harris made a fool of himself in the eleventh inning, on a play that my anger was merely supplanted by my bursting out in laughter at the sheer patheticness of Harris. With runners at first and third, Howie Kendrick, who of course is in my good graces due to his first name, grounded a ball to Harris' left. Harris hesistated and wanted to come home with the ball, but then tripped over his own feet and did a head-first digger into the turf. It was one of those plays bound to make the blooper reel, and it would be really funny if the game hadn't been on the line at that point. I don't mind that Harris wanted to throw home, seeing as that's the go-ahead run and all, but both Dick Bremer and Bert Blyleven were criticizing Harris for not turning the double-play. In reality, with Jesse Crain coming into the game and not getting anybody out, it's unlikely that the Angels wouldn't have extended their lead, but Harris' gaffe no doubt opened the floodgates on a big inning. For those counting at home, that's the fourth time in the last eleven games that the Twins' pitching staff has allowed an inning of six runs or more; but hey, they didn't need another arm badly or anything.


The loss dropped the Twins back to third place, one game over .500 at 52-51. Again, to consider that the White Sox and Tigers made significant moves to improve their club's chances not to win the Central Division but to compete for the World Series, it's going to be increasingly difficult for the Twins to overcome both the Sox and Tigers. Take a second to ponder the White Sox acquisition of Jake Peavy and its inherent risk. Peavy likely won't be able to pitch for almost a month, and so in effect Chicago mortgaged a good part of their future (four pretty good pitching prospects) for, at most, five or six starts in the regular season. As Kenny Williams said, it's a move that was made in order to win a championship, and I had a sneak feeling that he meant a real championship (i.e., a World Series) rather than what the Twins have set as their goal (i.e., winning the weakest division in baseball). With Orlando Cabrera mainly being a Brendan Harris in masquerade, I have to strongly disagree with Bremer and Blyleven that the move is even a "good" move at this point. He's certainly not a player that's going to put the team over the top, and definitely he's not going to make them be able to beat the Yankees any more. And most importantly, I hope to God that Bremer is wrong when he reports that Cabrera's going to be placed in the #2 hole, but I'm pretty sure that'll happen. Ron Gardenhire likes to change things that are going right, and Joe Mauer in the #2 hole is a natural fit. As ESPN's Eric Karabell reports, Cabrera's .318 on-base percentage "should not alter" the current batting order with Mauer hitting second, and that Cabrera should be hitting low in the Twins' lineup; unfortunately Karabell doesn't know who he's dealing with with Ron Gardenhire, who's a logician's nightmare. Mauer, after all, is only hitting .398 from the #2 hole, and they've won more games with Mauer hitting there than anybody else. Why change something that's worked?

JULY 23, 2009 -- LOS ANGELES 6, MINNESOTA 5 (10 innings)

The bullpen does it again, giving up four runs in five innings and miraculously losing a game to the Angels which they should have won. Joe Nathan blew the save, giving up two runs in the bottom of the ninth. In all fairness, the game tying hit was nothing more than a fourteen-hop grounder that deflected off the second base bag and eluded the grasp of Nick Punto. Sometimes the bounces don't go your way, and it was a frustrating way for Nathan to blow the save. Once Los Angeles tied the game, the momentum was clearly away from the Twins, and it didn't take long for the Angels to bring the game home. Brian Fuentes mowed down the middle of the Twins order in about a minute and a half in the top of the tenth, and then came the bottom half. Ron Gardenhire must have said something like, "Bounces be damned, I'm going to make sure we lose this game on some solid hits," because he brought in Jesse Crain to lose the ballgame. Crain, fresh from a stint in Rochester, did so in spades, though he did retire two batters (well, one, really -- the other out was a sacrifice bunt). Mike Napoli's two-out double brought home the game winner, and the Twins lost for the second time in three extra-inning affairs on this road trip.

Crain's numbers suggest that he has become the Matt Guerrier of 2009, and with the Twins still unwilling to address their bullpen woes, it will likely spell doom for the club for the remainder of the season. Bobby Keppel gave up a quick run in the sixth inning, as his run of good pitching appears to have come and gone. No doubt Ron Gardenhire will continue to go to Keppel until his ERA starts to offend grandmothers across the Upper Midwest, but for an intents and purposes Keppel's finished as an effective pitcher. What's worse is that in the last week, more than serviceable relief pitchers have been seemingly dealt with ease and have not demanded a whole lot in return in the trade market. Ground ball specialist Cla Meredith with traded to the Orioles last week (who may in turn trade Meredith again before the deadline) for a middling prospect. Just yesterday the Colorado Rockies traded a Class-A pitcher for Rafael Betancourt of the Indians, a guy who's always pitched well against the Twins. Perhaps the Indians didn't want to help their divisional rivals, but I have a sneak feeling that Bill Smith and the front office didn't even inquire as to Betancourt's availability. And former All-Star B.J. Ryan, released by the Blue Jays, was scooped up by the Cubs last week; since Toronto is still on the hook for Ryan's contract, any team signing him would have little financial obligation. But, at least as it looks from up here, Ron Gardenhire and the field staff is more than content using minor-league call-ups, retread wash-ups and never-even-has-beens, and Matt Guerrier than acquiring outside relief help. It's an area that they should have addressed in the previous offseason and came out of it bragging about Luis Ayala, so I wouldn't be surprised if the Twins sit on their hands again.

It had appeared that Ron Gardenhire had come to his senses finally when he put Joe Mauer in the #2 hole for the last two games in the Oakland series. Mauer's been the only guy that has hit in the #2 hole all season long, and on Monday he put Nick Punto in the second hole protecting Mauer; that move is so wrong on so many levels -- I wouldn't be surprised if Tanzania declared war on Djibouti for that stroke of genius. But Ron Gardenhire's a guy who likes to tinker with things that are working and he'll try his darnedest to screw them up again. So for that reason and that reason alone, apparently, Alexi Casilla hit in the #2 hole again. I've said it before: How long does it take Mark Grudzielanek to get into game shape? Casilla was at it again, going 0 for 4 at the plate, striking out twice and looking pretty pathetic doing it. His average is now at a head-shakingly bad .168, and he's 3 for 26 (.115) since being recalled again after the All-Star break. Putting Casilla in the #2 hole is kind of like putting your pitcher in the middle of the freaking lineup, shoulder to shoulder with Mauer, Morneau and company. Gardy -- it was cute before when you'd put Casilla and Tolbert in the #2 hole, but enough's enough. Get your head out of your ass and stop putting minor-league talent in a major-league lineup.

Francisco Liriano takes his 4-9 record and 5.33 ERA to the hill on Friday, and he opposes Angel ace John Lackey. The Twins did do enough at the plate on Thursday to beat Jered Weaver, and they're going to have to be on against Lackey if they want a chance on Friday. More importantly Liriano's going to have to pitch well, and that certainly has not been a given this season.

The MTRC also tips its cap to Mark Buehrle, who pitched the 18th perfect game in major league history on Thursday afternoon. Most impressively it was Buehrle's opponent, the Rays, who are an offensive power that just sent five of their hitters to the All-Star Game. Buehrle's a guy I've always admired for his attitude on the mound, his passion for the game, and his old-school approach. He's the ideal ace starter for his similarly old-school manager in Ozzie Guillen, as both players are a few decades behind their time (and that's a good thing). Though he's certainly been outspoken, especially when talking about the Twins, he's a guy I've always had respect for, and with the type of career he's already had (he's only 30), I wouldn't be surprised if there is Hall of Fame talk when he decides to hang 'em up.

JUNE 16, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 8, PITTSBURGH 2

The Twins easily defeat the Pirates, as Glen Perkins comes off the disabled list and limits his damage to two runs over six innings. Joe Mauer goes 4-for-4 and increases his batting average to an incredible .429. Simply put, if Mauer were not on this team, the Twins would be sunk. They have one of the worst in-game managers in the game and the bottom of their order is downright atrocious. Without Mauer, this team wouldn't be even close to .500. Even with Mauer, this team doesn't appear to be that great, as their pitching will keep the team from really competing. Here's a team that had to wait two and a half months before doing something about Jesse Crain, who did not have one appearance out of his 23 that was not disastrous. I will say it was a tad surprising to hear that Crain was sent to Triple-A to make room for Perkins on the roster. Surprising because it's the first time in two years that the Twins have done something about their terrible bullpen for the positive.

The Twins pounded out sixteen hits against the Bucs, and it would be easy to lavish praise on the team after such a convincing win. But let's be honest folks -- they played the Pirates, and if they don't sweep this series, it would be a disappointment. The Twins better win these games against Pittsburgh and Houston if they want to have a shot at competing, especially the way that they are playing on the road. Did you see who the Pirates are trotting out on the field? This is a team that traded their best player, Nate McLouth, for prospects a few weeks back. It was so bad last night that Craig Monroe was batting fifth for the Pirates -- yes, that Craig Monroe, he of the .215 batting average who didn't do much better last season with the Twins. For how surprising (and deceiving) the Twins' .500 record is, I find it more shocking that the Pirates are a modest 30-34. They did get some great starting pitching early in the season, especially from Zach Duke and Paul Maholm, who the Twins roughed up on Tuesday. But that's leveled off, and now without McLouth, the team looks headed for ninety losses. I was there in the late '90s when the Twins were terrible, but I don't think it was ever that bad, where the Twins would be to the point of trading off their best young players two months into the season. And this will likely be the 17th -- SEVENTEENTH -- consecutive losing season for the Pirates. That, my friends, is a new definition of bad.

The Twins did post eight runs on the board, but if not for some terrible situational hitting, the Twins could have had a lot more. They grounded into an incomprehensible five double plays on Tuesday, which no doubt cost them some more runs. Two double plays, one by Justin Morneau and the other by Jason Kubel, resulted in runs scoring but also killed any potential runs from scoring as well. Kubel was thrown out at the plate on a Michael Cuddyer double in the second inning. But through it all, the Twins did score more than enough runs on plenty of base hits, sixteen in total. Even Seldom Young and Carlos Gomez had two hits. Young, FYI, struck out on Tuesday, making it eighteen out of the last twenty games with at least one strikeout. He's started 41 games this season and has struck out at least once in 33 of them. Incredible. Speaking of Young, there was the distinct possibility of broadcasters being confused with the Twins and the Pirates playing each other. Delmon Young started left field for the Twins, whereas Delwyn Young started right field for the Pirates. Their names being close is the only thing similar to the two Youngs; DelWYN Young is far from Seldom, as he's hitting a mere .365 this season, and he thereby becomes the 462nd player in baseball that's better than Seldom Delmon.

As a side note, it appears as though my loving sobriquet for Mr. Young is not as common as another nickname for the outfielder. A loyal reader forwarded me a snippet of Young's Wikipedia page, which states that he is known in some circles as "Delmontello, due to his resemblance to a Ninja Turtle." You be the judge. Francisco Liriano pitches tonight for the Twins against Pirate righty Ian Snell.

JUNE 14, 2009 -- CHICAGO (NL) 3, MINNESOTA 2

The Twins can't complete the sweep at Wrigley as they drop 3-2 to the Cubs. Scott Baker pitched well, Joe Mauer had three hits, and the runs were driven in by the unlikely duo of Nick Punto (on an inexplicable two-out bunt hit) and Carlos Gomez (on an inexplicable display of power -- a home run). In a game in which they get good pitching from a guy who's been wildly inconsistent this season (Scott Baker) and their bottom of the order produces, it's all that much more frustrating when the team ends up behind the eight-ball. Though the road trip must be considered a success, as the 5-5 trip is leaps and bounds better than any of their previous road trips, it was disappointing when you consider the losses: 2-1 and 4-2 to Seattle, two 4-3 losses in Oakland, and a 3-2 loss to Chicago. The gauge of a good manager is a good record in one-run games, and at least on this road trip, the stats correctly indicate the quality of the manager. Most people point at Ron Gardenhire's career record and make the incorrect assumption that he's one of the best managers in baseball, but in reality luck has mainly powered the ship for Ron Gardenhire. In the last few seasons, luck has begun to let up, and the skill of the manager (or lack thereof) has been evidenced.

The loss on Sunday was not radically different than many of the others. There were no glaring managerial mistakes that deserve special attention here. It's just that this loss was like so many others, and Gardenhire continues to confound those who watch the game. Decisions like batting Matt Tolbert lead-off -- now what manager in their right mind would do this? Gardenhire had been successful with Brendan Harris in the leadoff position, as they had won their previous two games. And it's not like Harris was on the bench on Sunday -- he was batting fifth for the Twins. Why change what has been going right for you, Gardenhire? And if you're going to shakeup the lineup, why put in a guy hitting .175? In all fairness, Tolbert hitting from the right side against lefthander Ted Lilly meant that Tolbert would be hitting from his better side (he's .214 from the right side of the plate versus .169). But it's just unacceptable for a minor-leaguer to be hitting leadoff in the major leagues. And for a manager to make a rash change in a lineup following two wins -- why don't you stick to what's working for you?

That's the unique idiocy of Ron Gardenhire, the quality that sets him apart from all the rest of the idiots in the world. He'll change things that are positively working and then not change something that's so bad that it's beyond disrepair. That would be an adequate description of the bullpen, and in particular Jesse Crain, who has deteriorated to the level of a batting-practice pitcher. Ron Gardenhire has not altered his managerial style when approaching his bullpen since he began managing the team in 2002, and he's lost at least one division title because of that resistance to change. I consider Gardenhire to be a bad Pavlov dog -- you know the ones that were used in the eponymous scientist's behavioral tests. The Pavlov dogs were trained by the ringing of a bell, and after a few times of hearing the bell, they would be conditioned to act in a certain way. Ron Gardenhire, however, would be the control to Pavlov's experiment, as he would be that one dog that would be doing the same thing again and again, even when disciplinary measures were used. Gardenhire would do the same thing with his bullpen -- lose -- and he would rather watch that happen a million times over before he might change his approach. Most likely this is due to the fact that Gardenhire's bullpens from 2002-2006 were spectacular, perenially among the best in baseball. For five years Gardenhire consistently lucked out when he called upon his relievers. But in the last three years, the pen has become the Achilles heel of the team, apparent to anyone who is willing to admit it except Ron Gardenhire and Rick Anderson.

Jesse Crain was called upon to bring the game into extra innings on Sunday, as Gardenhire brought him in to pitch the ninth inning in a 2-2 tie. Guess what happened? Crain promptly gave up two hits, and, after he induced one strikeout, gave up the game-winning hit to Ryan Theriot. As I said to myself during the Yankee series last month, when Gardenhire was dumb enough to bring Crain in to "preserve" a tie game, all I asked out of Jesse Crain was to make it quick. He obliged in May against New York and again he does it here in Chicago. Now, with Ron Gardenhire's new role for Sean Henn being a left-hander who loses games late, and Jesse Crain giving up runs every time he pitches, Gardy has the convenience of being able to go to a number of pitchers in the bullpen who can lose games for you when you could really use them. It's really disappointing when you consider that every game of this road trip was winnable, and the Twins really should have won eight or nine of them instead of just five. But when you're talking about a Ron Gardenhire-managed club, a .500 record on the road is utterly fantastic, and you can't do anything but be surprised that they didn't blow more games than the four that they did.

A .500 record on the road would be a godsend for the Twins, but that's going to be really hard to accomplish with the Twins still only 11-21 on the road. If they want any chance of competing, they're going to have to win just about every game at home, and especially when their schedule features three game series against the Pittsburgh Pirates and the Houston Astros, you need to take advantage when you can. Though both teams are National League bottom-feeders, you have to realize that they are only a few games worse than the Twins. Glen Perkins returns from the disabled list, and he'll oppose Pirate pitcher Charlie Morton in the opener on Tuesday.

MAY 13, 2009 -- VIKINGS 14, LIONS 10

Fran Tarkenton throws a last-minute touchdown pass to Ahmad Rashad for the game-winning touchdown…or, Joe Crede hits an improbable walk-off grand slam in the 13th inning, giving the Twins a 14-10 victory over the Tigers. Quite obviously this game was not without its share of mistakes, which I’ll focus on later. But for those who think I am just a joyless pessimist, I have to say that I really enjoyed this game. Truly it was a Metrodome Classic, a game that just won’t be the same in Target Field. But enough accolades. There’s plenty to get to, so let’s just get started.

Pitching was not a strong suit tonight for the Twins. Yet again, the bullpen fails to hold multiple leads. Without the improbable comeback from the Twins, this blog would have lamented The Brain’s continued mismanagement of the bullpen. Luis Ayala was kept in the game two batters two late, setting the stage for the situations which have made Matt Guerrier (im)famous. Guerrier comes through with his first true Matt Guerrier Special of the year, giving up a go-ahead three-run home run on the first pitch he threw to Miguel Cabrera, and two batters later he gave up a center-field blast to some dude named Jeff Larish. This is an ideal MGS: Guerrier inherits a lead, gives up that lead and allows an insurance run to boot. This gives conformation to my hunch that Guerrier’s string of decent performances was all just a tease. This is the Matty Guerrier that we all know and love.

These failings were all forgotten when Jason Kubel came through with a booming pinch-hit home run to tie the game in the bottom of the eighth. Tigers flame-thrower Joel Zumaya pumped a 98-mile-an-hour fastball that left the building just as quick. If I was a Tiger fan, I’d be a lot more content with Zumaya blowing leads throwing absolute smoke. It sure looks and sounds better than seeing these pathetic 87-mile-an-hour cookies from Matt Guerrier getting drilled every time out. At least they are losing with their best talent on the mound, rather than the Twins losing consistently with their fourth-best reliever.

Hilarious sidenote to the bullpen continuing to suck is Dick Bremer’s comments. Bremer, a certifiable idiot, remarked that both Luis Ayala and R.A. Dickey were having real trouble with the first batters that they’ve faced in appearances this season. Wait a minute, Dick, they’ve had trouble getting any batter out this season, and only especially do they struggle with first hitters. Get it right, Dick. See, morons like Bremer, for many Twins fans, provide the only source of opinions on the Twins, and he loves to sugarcoat things. This re-emphasizes the importance of this blog, which seeks to re-educate those wayward fans who are too used to the type of undeserved praise constantly heaped on the team by fools like Dick Bremer, who are essentially cheerleaders paid for by the Twins.

Now, when the offense was non-existent in the 9th, 10th, and 11th innings, it appeared that the loss was warming up in the bullpen – the loss in this case being Jesse Crain, who’s looked absolutely dreadful this season. It underlines a major hole for the Twins – they are so incapable of winning games which are relegated to battles of the bullpen. Detroit’s bullpen is leagues better than the Twins’ bullpen, especially when The Brain chooses to use his best reliever (Joe Nathan) for one measly inning. Contrast that to the Tigers, who used Zumaya for fifty pitches and Brandon Lyon (the eventual loser) for sixty pitches. Fifty pitches are about a month’s worth for Joe Nathan, but look at the results – Zumaya was still touching 98 on the last pitches of his appearance. This proves the fact that these pitchers are certainly capable of stretching it out, and the theory damn near won the ballgame for the Tigers. Think of Brandon Lyon’s sixty-pitch performance this way – had he started the game for the Twins, Ron Gardenhire and Rick Anderson would have been thinking of taking him out soon, as he was approaching the 100 pitch count!

Had Crede not bailed out the team with his home run, the goat of the game no doubt would have been Jesse Crain. When he entered the ballgame, you knew the Twins were going to lose – all that was undetermined was the way the Tigers would do it. So surprising was the 12th inning, when Crain induced a double-play ball and pitched a scoreless inning! Considering Jesse Crain’s lack of talent, we knew that trend wouldn’t continue, and when Curtis Granderson hit a triple in the top of the 13th, we knew we were well on our way. We just needed to know how it would end. When Crain’s on the mound, we’ve learned to expect the worst possible way to lose, so it wasn’t surprising when he got Placido Polanco to pop up to left. Now, with two outs and Granderson on third, how was it going to happen? An error – no, that would mean it wasn’t Crain’s fault. A base hit – that would require talent from the hitter, which certainly isn’t a prerequisite when facing Crain. A home run – I like the way you’re thinking, but we need something more pathetic than that. A wild pitch – now this would be pathetic. It happened on Sunday with Crain on the mound, and it looked like a perfect spot for another. Crain had two strikes on the hitter, setting up a perfect opportunity for a back-breaking wild pitch.

Then Crain did something incredible – he outdid himself. He found a way to allow the run on a more pathetic way than I had even imagined – he balked in the run. Of course Bremer spun it that Granderson so shrewdly deked out Crain, forcing him to alter his delivery and not come set. No, Dick, no. What really happened on the play is that Jesse Crain is a f***ing idiot, and there’s no bullpen sessions or minor-league assignments that can change that.


One more thing. The Re-Education Center gives some serious props to Tiger skipper Jim Leyland on his ejection in the seventh inning. Leyland’s old-school bitching and barking at umpire Paul Schreiber (who called an awful game behind the plate, btw) was classic, and it’s that sort of negativity and pessimism that is so prized here at the MTRC.

MAY 4, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 7, DETROIT 2

Hey, hey! The Twins are back in the win-column, thanks to Francisco Liriano's first win of the season, a 7-2 victory over the Tigers at Comerica Park. The game was certainly a rarity for the 2009 Twins -- a game in which they never trailed, and won it with a five-run seventh inning, which amazingly included Alexi Casilla driving in two runs (!!). At least for this writer, the hit did not make up for Casilla's mental mistake in the first inning, when he pathetically popped a bunt in the air, and, due to Casilla's lack of running to first base, was smartly turned into a double play by pitcher Edwin Jackson. It's that kind of crap that gets you benched with any other manager, but with Ron Gardenhire, c'est la vie.

In reality, this is troubling for Twins fans, as this all but assures Casilla at least another week in the starting lineup. It's strange, but in Ron Gardenhire's demented mind, one hit can buy you playing time. Except if you're Jose Morales, whose sixteen hits in forty-seven at-bats (.340 average), who was sent down today in order for the Twins to activate Jesse Crain from the DL. Terrible decision by Gardenhire and the front-office; Mike Redmond has absolutely nothing left in the tank, is hurt and hasn't played in weeks, and he can't hit and can't throw. Gardy and the gang will spin it as "we need Red Dog's veteran leadership with our young pitchers," which is laughable, really. Hey, I'm all for Redmond -- he's certainly a guy I'd love to hang out with and shoot the breeze -- but the "value" he has for a major-league team at this point in his career is as a coach. Hell, I think Redmond would probably make a damn fine manager at some point down the road. But a hobbled Redmond serving as the backup to a fragile Joe Mauer is a liability. Put Redmond on the DL and keep Morales on the team -- he's shown he belongs in the bigs and he's displayed surprising poise.

Getting back to the game, Matty Guerrier cleaned up the eighth and the ninth innings tonight, no doubt providing fans with a false sense of confidence in the beleaguered reliever. All indications are that Ron Gardenhire is set on using Luis Ayala to lose leads late in ballgames rather than Guerrier. You know you're bullpen sucks when you're so glad that Jesse Crain is back of the disabled list. Talk about a guy with a lot of promise -- Twins fans will remember Crain as one of the Twins' top prospects in 2004, but injuries and a flat fastball have plagued Crain throughout his career. It got so bad for Crain that he was teaming up with Guerrier last season; often Guerrier would start the mess by putting the runners on base and Crain would bring 'em home, thereby inflating Guerrier's ERA and keeping Crain's ERA deceivingly low. For what it's worth, Crain's activation from the DL is a glimmer of hope, as it may cut into Luis Ayala's workload. I'm pretty sure my late grandmother could get guys out more consistently than Luis Ayala.

Nick Blackburn on the hill tomorrow against twenty-year old Detroit phenom Rick Porcello. He's one of these flame-throwers without a gameplan, so expect the Twins to be frustrated at the plate.