JUNE 17, 2009 -- PITTSBURGH 8, MINNESOTA 2

So this is what losing to the Pittsburgh Pirates feels like. I’ve got to tell you, it doesn’t feel too good. In perhaps their worst performance of the season, the Twins are pummeled by the lowly Pirates 8-2, in a game in which every facet of the game was absolutely pathetic. They lost to a pitcher, Ian Snell, who had a 1-7 record with a gaudy ERA of 5 and a half. Not only did they lose to Snell, they were manhandled by a guy who is so average it’s hard to even distinguish him from a pack of average pitchers. Snell’s better than Francisco Liriano, however, who was busy giving up home runs to the likes of Andy LaRoche and Andrew McCutchen (who???). And Snell’s way better than Sean Henn, who finally turned in a terrible performance that will bloat his once deceivingly-low ERA. Henn’s been pitching awful of late but hasn’t seen his ERA reflect his patheticness; with his line on Wednesday (1/3 of an inning pitched, three runs) his ERA is now more indicative of his lack of talent. The same is true for Luis Ayala, who also padded his ERA and also let Henn’s two baserunners score in the eighth. The Twins just did a stupendous thing by sending Jesse Crain to the minors; it’s really too bad that what they have up in the big leagues isn’t much better. Other than Joe Nathan, every pitcher in the bullpen is a sore spot. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but R.A. Dickey has been the best bullpen pitcher aside from Joe Nathan, but his “role,” as Ron Gardenhire has defined and is therefore set in stone, is long relief, and though Dickey did work the seventh and eighth innings on Tuesday, that was mainly mop-up duty in a blowout win, and I don’t see Dickey’s role changing any time soon.

The only offense on the day was provided by a two-out double by Joe Crede, which tied the score at 2 in the fourth inning. The Twins had plenty of chances to tie the game late, but it appeared that their horrid clutch hitting that they displayed on Tuesday carried over into Wednesday. With Michael Cuddyer on third and one out in the sixth, Seldom Young tapped out to the pitcher, and Cuddyer stupidly was going on contact and got thrown out at home, and the rally was thereby killed. In the seventh, the bases were loaded with one out, and the game was very much still winnable, as the Bucs were only up by two. But, alas, Jason Kubel struck out against a guy named John Grabow and Crede tapped out pitifully to the pitcher. Rally snuffed out again. Other than two rallies that the Twins embarrassed themselves in, they didn’t really put together another rally the entire game. I love it how Fox Sports has now chosen to say that Seldom Young is “coming out of his slump” and providing the offense that the Twins are counting on from him. It was really classic Dick Bremer timing, as they couldn’t have picked a better game in which to lie to the fans about Seldom Delmon. The truth is, Seldom might be the worst player on the team, which is really saying something considering some of the other talent-free players on the team (Gomez, Tolbert, Punto, etc). And Young proved to everyone that he does indeed massively suck, as he went 0 for 4, struck out again, grounded into a double play, and failed in that guy-on-third-less-than-two-outs situation alluded to earlier. I don’t think there’s many ways that Young could fail at the plate more than he did on Wednesday. Absolutely ridiculous.

There is no excuse for losing to the Pittsburgh Pirates at home, my friends, and the Twins just did that. So much for the “interleague dominance” that the Twins apparently have, as one game like this can prove that theory wrong. It really doesn’t have anything to do with interleague play at all; the Pirates are a second-division team in the worst sense of the term, and the Twins (and Dick Bremer) would like to fashion themselves as a contending ballclub. It’s similar to losing to the Washington Nationals; the Twins should have seen three games against the Pittsburgh Pirates at home as a gift from the schedulers. Instead they go through the motions and put forth probably the worst excuse for baseball since that dreaded series against the Blue Jays in early April. And now they have to face the Pirates’ best pitcher, Zach Duke, who is 7-4 on the season with a good 3.10 ERA. Considering the Twins’ actual talent, it’s going to be a struggle for them to beat the Pirates on Thursday. I know that it’s June and that there’s a lot of baseball left, but I think the series finale is a big game for the Twins, for their morale if anything. It appeared on Wednesday that they didn’t think they needed to try to beat the Pirates. After all, they put forth a half-assed effort on Tuesday and routed the Bucs. But after a humiliating loss, now they have to battle to win the series and have to beat the Pittsburgh ace to do it. If you want to lose a series at home against the Pirates, go ahead and do the same crap that you’ve done the first two games of the series. If you want to avoid embarrassment and take care of business, then you put your game face on, treat the game like any other and go out there and pound their sorry asses. It’s not rocket science, folks, it’s the Pittsburgh Pirates. Kevin Slowey has the mound today, looking for win #10 on the season.