APRIL 14, 2010 -- BOSTON 6, MINNESOTA 3

The first weather-affected game goes against the Twins, as the Red Sox get the clutch hits and take the middle game of the three-game series. The Twins offense was dreadfully pathetic, as they couldn't come up with the big hit all game long. The key at-bat in the game came in the seventh inning, when the Twins loaded the bases with two outs. Boston was up a run at 3-2 and brought in Hideki Okajima to face Justin Morneau. Morneau, predictably, popped up -- just about as pitiful of an at-bat as you could come up with. Jesse Crain then returned to his old self in the top of the eighth by surrendering three insurance runs to effectively put the nail in the coffin. Those three runs were driven in by none other than Jeremy Hermida, no doubt the weak link in the Boston lineup. What Crain's history will tell you is that when he struggles, all that he can figure out to throw is a straight fastball, and that's when bad hitters like Hermida can feast on Crain. Many people were expecting big things from Crain this year, but I'm pretty skeptical. The only big thing I see from Crain in 2010 is his ERA (hey-o!). Worth mentioning as well is Michael Cuddyer's fly-out to end the game. He represented the tying run and of course failed to deliver. His home run in the eighth was classic Cuddyer -- a meaningless homer that pads the stats and looks good on his baseball card. If he would ever hit a homer that would actually mean something...

Kevin Slowey pitched poorly, barely getting through five innings and obviously struggling to pitch through the weather. As mentioned before, Crain's terrible outing put a stain on the bullpen's overall impressive start to the season, and they'll be getting some help in the form of Ron Mahay, who was called up from extended spring training. Alex Burnett drank his cup of coffee and he's back to Rochester and will likely sink into Twins oblivion. The Mahay call-up has everything to do with Jose Mijares, who's looked as good as a pregnant woman on roller skates so far this year. As Hank eluded to yesterday, to see Ron Gardenhire put Brian Douchebag late in the game for multiple innings is a plan waiting to backfire. Mahay's endurance is questionable, however -- he's always been a lefty to face a batter or two; certainly not full innings. In a sense, the Twins got an emergency pinch-hitter, too. Some may be surprised to hear that Mahay first broke into the big leagues as an outfielder for the Red Sox. His numbers translate to a Nick Punto-esque kind of career at the plate, so it's a great thing that he turned out to be left-handed, because he's made quite a career for himself out of pitching exclusively to left-handed batters.

Just as a quick sidenote, we are officially nine games into the season (that's 153 to go!) and Dick Bremer is already in pennant chase mode. In the middle of Wednesday's game, he was giving all-too-frequent-for-the-middle-of-April updates on the Kansas City-Detroit game, saying that it'd be a "good thing" if the Royals were able to beat the Tigers. Dude, it's APRIL. Last season is over -- there is no need to keep us apprised of the Tigers. For all we know, the Royals might be the team to catch this season -- it wouldn't be good for the Twins if KC won then, would it? Just do me a favor Dick: give it fifty games at least before you start blowing shit out of proportion. 50 games. That's all I ask.

Photos: AP/Andy King

SEPTEMBER 11, 2009 -- OAKLAND 12, MINNESOTA 5

Talk about inspiring confidence in your fans that you can actually, let's say, finish the season over .500. A 12-5 thumping at home to the last-place Oakland Athletics says a lot about your team -- a whole lot. Frankly, it wasn't even as close as the 12-5 score would indicate. The A's mashed and bashed their way to a Texas-sized romp of the Twins. Facing one of the worst offenses in the entire major leagues, the Twins have found ways to give up 12, 16 and 14 runs in individual games to Oakland this year -- that's just plain unacceptable. Oakland came into Friday dead last in the American League in hitting home runs, so what do they do? They clobber five bombs over the wall and by the end of the third inning the Twins are out of the game. What's funnier is that the Tigers lost again, this time to the Blue Jays, so again the Twins could have "climbed their way back into this thing" if they could have taken care of the second-division ballclub they were facing. But alas, the loss drops the Twins under .500 again, and makes even the most optimistic fan question the Twins' actual talent.

As always, it comes down to pitching, and Nick Blackburn again didn't have it on Friday. He hasn't "had it" since Ron Gardenhire's masterful plan to rest his then-ace pitcher for ten days in between the All-Star break. I've mentioned that umpteen times since he decided stupidly to do that, for the mere reason that, of all the boneheaded managerial moves Gardy has made just this season (and there's a whole low-light reel worth of them, trust me), that one might turn out to be the most costly. Sinkerball pitchers tend to tighten up when they receive too much rest, and even a fan mildly interested in the art of pitching knows that. When they tighten up, their sinkers don't quite sink, and especially if you don't have strikeout stuff to begin with (like Blackburn), your pitches are going to get hit, and hard. Jack Cust's home run in the second inning was more like a moon shot -- a towering, majestic big fly that landed some 440 feet later. Add a few more home runs to unlikelier sources -- Cliff Pennington (who?) and Mark Ellis, and Blackburn's day was quick and unproductive, like most of his second-half starts. Ron Mahay formally introduced his presence in the Twins bullpen to the fans by giving up the nail-in-the-coffin three-run blast to Daric Barton, and Armando Gabino continued to etch his name in the pantheon of Twins obscurity by surrendering the fifth and final Oakland home run to Kurt Suzuki. One bright spot for the Twins was Francisco Liriano, finally pitching out of the bullpen, who pitched two scoreless innings, notching four strikeouts. Now if only he did that when the season was still up for grabs...

Photos: AP/Ann Heisenfelt

AUGUST 28, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 3, TEXAS 2

The three runs that the Twins score off Ranger starter Tommy Hunter is just barely enough to beat Texas, as Brian Douchebag puts forth his first solid start as a major leaguer. To give Douchebag props, he went out there and shut down a potent Rangers offense, limiting them to three hits over seven innings. Of course, shutting down potent offenses over seven innings and 96 pitches is just too much to ask, so Matty Guerrier was on the hill for the eighth inning, and if not for Joe Mauer throwing out potential base stealer Elvis Andrus, Guerrier would have surrendered a run, and David Murphy's blast off Joe Nathan in the ninth came about five feet from clearing the baggie. By the hair on their chinny-chin-chin, the Twins squeek one out at home, but again fail to move on the Tigers, as they handily defeat the Rays at home. The Twins do move into second place due to the White Sox losing to the Yankees, but as long as the Tigers continue to win, they're going to be hard to catch coming down the stretch.

The Twins did some roster maneuvering on Friday, acquiring both Jon Rauch from Arizona and Ron Mahay from Kansas City to "bolster" their bullpen. The Rauch acquisition I actually like, as the Twins will likely retain Rauch for next season at a modest price (around $3 million). The tallest player to ever play in the big leagues, the 6-11 Rauch could also potentially be a boon for the Timberwolves, as their GM has been so anti-Bill Smith this offseason (i.e., making moves) that I couldn't name you two players on that team right now. Mahay, on the other hand, is the classic Twins move. He's had a terrible season with the Royals this season; a 4.79 ERA for a left-handed one out guy ("LOOGY," as they're referred to in some circles) isn't that impressive, and he's given up a whopping 55 hits in 41 innings, including nine home runs. It's funny that Craig Breslow, who the Twins shipped out in May, has benefited from the change of scenery in Oakland and has had a pretty good run with the A's; Mahay's acquisition is such that he basically becomes a lesser Breslow, and in no way does his presence in that bullpen do anything to improve the ballclub. Sure, he may alleviate the pressure and stress on Jose Mijares' arm, but if the guy can't get batters out, it doesn't really matter. Yet, the Twins acquisition that I disliked the most was the one that flew completely under the radar, and that was the Twins sending Yohan Pino, their best starter in Rochester, to the Indians to complete the Carl Pavano deal. Remember that I had said that Pino was more deserving of the call-up than Armando Gabino was, and now the Twins have dispatched Pino for the two months that they'll get from Pavano. You'd like to think that the Twins got Rauch for next to nothing, as a "player to be named later" was sent to the D-Backs; but, knowing Bill Smith, that player to be named later just might as well be Danny Valencia or Anthony Slama.

Joe Crede finally went on the disabled list (for the first time this season, amazingly) and Jose Morales was dutifully called up from Triple-A. Crede's injury likely means more playing time for Nick Punto, and we all know how great that is. And with the rosters expanding in September, the suddenly new-look Twins are about to get a new batch of fresh faces to join them for the "pennant chase." Remember what Ron Gardenhire did last season when he put those minor-leaguers in key spots down the stretch -- he damn well lost the season because he put Jason Pridie (in his major league debut) in for defense in Toronto and Pridie ended up committing a costly error which cost the team the game (and, by extension, the season). So what green rookie is Ron Gardenhire planning on ruining the season with this September?

Photos: (1) AP/Andy King; (2) AP/Ben Margot