APRIL 8, 2010 -- MINNESOTA 10, LOS ANGELES 1

The Twins open a can of whoop-ass on the perenially-competitive Angels, taking three of four in the season-opening series. The surprising thing about the series was not that the Twins hit the cover off the ball for the majority of the four games, nor was it the somewhat-surprising fact that the starting pitching fared pretty well. What surprised me the most was how lackluster and imminently beatable the Angels looked. Their pitching is going to win them plenty of games, but their lineup has some major holes. Who knew losing Chone Figgins would hurt the ballclub this much? Torii Hunter anchors the lineup, and we all know too well what Hunter could do to a promising rally when he consistently failed in the clutch in a Twins uniform. Either way, the Twins looked impressive in this series on most sides of the diamond.

What was frustrating to see was the Twins' first inning performance against Angels starter Joel Pineiro. After Joe Mauer doubled Orlando Hudson to third base with one out in the first, Pineiro got Justin Morneau and Michael Cuddyer to strike out to end the threat. The Cuddyer at-bat is a given, as Cuddyer rarely delivers big hits in the clutch, but the Morneau strikeout is somewhat troubling. Usually, when you're facing premier teams such as the Angels, you need to drive in guys on third base with less than two outs in order to have a chance to win the game. You NEED to, no questions asked. What exacerbates the fact that the Twins failed at this rudimentary part of the game is the fact that one of their best players did it. Sure, if Nick Punto or Alexi Casilla or a pitcher gives three half-assed waves of the bat at terrible pitches in the same situation, we at least wouldn't be surprised. With a former MVP, however -- your clean-up hitter, mind you -- those situations MUST be productive. It's unacceptable for Justin Morneau to fail to get the run home there, and though the rest of the lineup bailed out Morneau, it's not going to be everyday that guys like Brendan Harris and Seldom Young hit home runs to provide the bulk of the scoring.

Jim Thome also homered for the Twins, and although that's a sight that Twins fans should be used to (the guy's hit fifty homers against the Twins, for crissakes), don't think that this will be a regular occurance when he plays for the Twins. Here's my bold prediction of the week: Jim Thome will end up with less than 100 at-bats for the Twins this season. I'm predicting that his line, at the time the Twins finally release Thome in mid-June, will read something like this: 89 at-bats, 19 hits, five home runs, and 33 strikeouts. Thome will be Tony Batista-esque in his short-lived stint with the Twins, and once it becomes apparent that he cannot deliver bloop hits to the opposite field (the hitting approach so prized by Ron Gardenhire and Joe Vavra), the team will jettison him in favor of the more versatile player in Matt Tolbert. Here's hoping I'm wrong, that Thome will hit so well that they bench Seldom Young and he ends up hitting 30 home runs -- sorry, but I see the former scenario much more likely.

Now the Twins are off to the South Side to face the White Sox. Tonight will be interesting, as Francisco Liriano takes the hill for the Twins. Ron Gardenhire would be wise to have a short leash on Liriano, not only in this game but also in terms of his status as a starting pitcher. After struggling so mightily with elementary things like command and mound presence, Liriano's career very much hangs in the ballots in the early season here. He opposes Chisox southpaw John Danks.

Photos: (1,2) AP/Francis Specker; (3) AP/Nam Y. Huh

MTRC Relaunch...We're Back in Business, People.

After a lengthy hiatus, I'm proud to announce that the Minnesota Twins Re-Education Center is going to be a go for the 2010 season! Like many nowadays, the MTRC was not immune to the tough economic times besetting the country currently, but thankfully a few of my most loyal supporters came through in a big way to provide the funding to maintain this site. So, to Donna, Terry, Hank, and Betsy, a big THANK YOU is graciously extended. As many of you know, the apiary business has not turned out to be an adequate source of part-time cash, and even with my Roth IRA not totally tanking, I needed to tend to the more important things over the winter; hence, the MTRC essentially shut down for a few months. But those four wonderful folks mentioned above wanted to see the MTRC return for this season and paid for that privilege. Our mission statement for 2010: Bigger and better this year. Hank Rickenbacher, who many of you voiced positive responses following his guest gig at the end of last year, has agreed to step into an elevated role for this season. You'll still be mostly hearing from me, but Hank will be featured here on something like a weekly/bi-weekly basis. I, for one, am excited to welcome Hank to the full-time staff here. Like hell I'd ask Mr. Rogers to be my neighbor -- I'm blessed to have Hank and his lovely wife Betsy (who makes the meanest oatmeal-raisin cookies, by the way) live so close by.

Now to get to the stuff you're hear to read about...

A secondary reason that I was resistant to relaunching the blog for the 2010 season was that I thought the Twins weren't going to be as underachieving (and, hence, having the potential for a hilariously pessimistic blog) as last season. They made some good moves in the offseason -- great moves if you count who won't be on the 2010 roster ([cough] Carlos Gomez [cough]). The middle of the field is greatly strengthened for 2010 -- J.J. Hardy provides a much-needed offensive spark at shortstop, and Orlando Hudson was almost too shrewd a move for the front-office to make; you'd think they'd prefer having Matt Tolbert sucking up scoring opportunities in the 2 hole like it's nobody's business. Add Denard Span playing center field full time (like he should have been for the past two seasons) and a locked-up Joe Mauer -- that's a potent combination down the middle. The Twins' other "significant" moves over the offseason were pretty humdrum -- the Jim Thome signing still confuses me, as I don't see him getting all that many at-bats, but at least he'll be a home run threat off the bench, and Clay Condrey might as well be a Matt Guerrier in disguise. At least Condrey's presence will give Ron Gardenhire one more serviceable option to blow leads in the seventh and eighth innings.


That's a good segue to the biggest news for the Twins since they opened spring training in Fort Myers, the Joe Nathan situation. Nathan's done for the 2010 season, about to undergo Tommy John surgery, seemingly dealing a devastating blow for the Twins in the bullpen. Sure, Nathan's a great closer -- right up there with Mariano Rivera in my book in terms of the best closers in the game. But we're talking about a closer here for crissakes -- someone who pitches one inning a game maybe three times a week. As lights out as Nathan can be, let me say it here -- he is replaceable. For any other team in the league and any other manager, Nathan's absence can be overcome through a little roster tinkering and a little inspiration and coddling by the coaching staff. But we're talking about the Tweedledee-Tweedledum regime of Ron Gardenhire and Rick Anderson here. Here's a pair of clowns who didn't know how to manage a pitching staff with a healthy Joe Nathan. Now that you take the all-star stopper out of the mix, I'd just as soon suspect Ron Gardenhire is going to dictate his relievers' appearances by drawing names out of a hat.

What the Twins should be doing right about now is exploring outside options. It can be a blessing that Nathan's injury occurred before the season, as it could give them some time to address the issue before the games counted for real. But let's be honest -- Bill Smith already went over budget when he signed Hudson for $3.5 million, and then he signed Mauer for his deserved extension. Do you think Smith is ready to pony up another few million to add a Heath Bell (the best choice) or a Kerry Wood (a distant #2 option)? Doubtful at best. Most likely the Twins will turn to in-house options [gulp] Jon Rauch, Matt Guerrier, and the like. Francisco Liriano's name has been bandied about in regards to the closer's job, and I for one would welcome Liriano in that capacity if they are going to go with an in-house replacement. He probably doesn't have the meddle to handle the stress that comes with the job, but Liriano usually unravels after two or three innings in his starts -- meaning that his first inning or two is usually solid. That being said, he's probably a LaTroy Hawkins in the making, and I doubt that Ron Gardenhire would want to throw Liriano in that position to start the season, even if he was their best candidate (Gardenhire, of course, struggles making talent-based decisions [see Punto, Nick]).

Either way you think about it, the closer's job is definitely replaceable. Even a pitcher with a solid 3.00 ERA is going to give up a run every three innings, and you just hope that that run is surrendered when the team is up by more than one run. And it's not like Joe Nathan was rock solid all the time -- his playoff record is, well, checkered at best (see the 2004 and 2009 playoffs against the Yankees), and his blown saves down the stretch in 2008 were a major reason the team didn't qualify for the postseason that season. A big loss, for sure, but one that can be overcome.

Photos: (1) www.babble.com/; (2, 4) AP/Steven Senne; (3) www.fullcountpitch.com

OCTOBER 7, 2009 -- NEW YORK 7, MINNESOTA 2

Butt-kicking #1 goes pretty much as planned on Wednesday night, as Brian Duensing can't get out of the fifth inning before taking his team out of the game, and the offense can't provide that clutch hit when it needed it. This game was very much a return to a simpler time, namely May of this year, when the Yankees laid a four-game sweep at the hands of the Twins using the same formula. The Twins did get ten hits -- six of them in the first three innings -- but were 1 for 9 with runners in scoring position. One of their runs came on a passed ball, and the other due to a Michael Cuddyer single. And the Twins had a 2-0 lead in this game, but like so many contests against the Yankees, their lead was extremely short-lived. It lasted a whole three batters, as Douchebag surrendered a game-tying blast off the bat of Derek Jeter in the bottom of the third. Nick Swisher's double put the Yankees up for good in the fourth, and Hideki Matsui clocked a mammoth home run off Francisco Liriano (on the postseason roster for some reason) to put the game out of reach in the fifth.

One of the biggest plays in the game may have been in the top of the first inning, when Denard Span led the game off with a double off C.C. Sabathia. Orlando Cabrera failed in his opportunity to get Span over to third, but Span ended up on third due to a passed ball, but Joe Mauer struck out and Cuddyer flew out, giving the Yankees and everybody else watching a good idea of what was about to come. Frankly, nothing about the Twins' failing in the clutch was surprising when you know how Ron Gardenhire manages his teams against New York. As I've said before, with Gardenhire being absolutely owned by the Yankees, he's of the mindset that the Twins have to play a perfect ballgame when they play them. It's pins and needles baseball whenever the Twins face the Yanks, and that's a philosophy that probably loses more games than it would win them. Every failed opportunity is thus magnified, and momentum swings are that much more apparent. The same thing happened in the seventh inning, when the Twins were already down by four runs. They had runners on second and third with one out, but again, Span flew out weakly to the outfield, not nearly deep enough to score the run, and Cabrera struck out pathetically to end the threat. How were the Twins able to win 17 out of their last 21 ballgames? By getting clutch hitting, and that simply didn't show up on Wednesday night.

They were also driven to win the division by some pretty good starting pitching, and that, too, didn't appear to be the case with Brian Douchebag on the mound. Some people had been saying that, hey, the Yankees had never seen Duensing before, so maybe that's a good thing. What I'm struggling to understand is Ron Gardenhire's logic in starting Duensing. His regular turn in the rotation would have been last Saturday against the Royals, but Gardy pushed up both Nick Blackburn and Carl Pavano to start those two games, probably because he'd want his best pitchers to pitch in important ballgames. But then he lets Brian Duensing start the first game of the playoffs? This is a perfect example of the demented ideology that Ron Gardenhire has instilled on the team. It's more important for Gardy to win the division than to win something of real importance, say a World Series. Their goal every year is only to with the Central, and as we saw on Wednesday, the playoffs are simply "gravy" to Ron Gardenhire. That's why he couldn't care less if Duensing pitched or not -- hell, I wouldn't be surprised if Jeff Manship starts Game 3. How are games against Kansas City more important than playoff games against the Yankees? If it was up to me, I would have thrown Blackburn in Game 1 on three days' rest, and then countered with Pavano in Game 2. There's no excuse for Brian Duensing to be on the playoff roster, much less pitch the pivotal Game 1 in the playoffs. But, as we all know (and accept, which is the difficult part), mediocrity is just fine with us Minnesotans, and we're just happy to be in the playoffs. Except me -- I'd actually want to see us win a real title, and I won't accept anything less. Anything less is a tease, plain and simple.

Photos: AP/Julie Jacobson

SEPTEMBER 27, 2009 -- KANSAS CITY 4, MINNESOTA 1

The Twins revert back to their old ways, i.e. they go an incredible 1 for 14 with runners in scoring position against Zach Greinke and the Royals. What's funny is that the Twins were handling Greinke as good as any team has been, but when it came down to getting the clutch hit at the right time, the Twins were out to lunch. It sure didn't help that Francisco Liriano's "start" didn't go over too swimmingly, as he didn't even last two innings after giving up a three-run home run to arguably the worst player this side of Nick Punto, Yuniesky Betancourt. The Twins failing in the clutch is nothing new, of course, but what is notable is that the guys who really choked were the big boys -- Mauer and Kubel, to be precise, who both struck out in the third inning with the bases loaded. The Twins had a bevy of chances, and though Greinke is a superb pitcher and was able to work out of most of the jams, the Twins must take responsibility of losing what turned out to be a winnable game. It hurts even more when you see that the Tigers lost their game in Chicago; with both teams losing, the gap between the Twins and Tigers is still two games.

The Twins now travel to Detroit for the "Showdown in Motown," or whatever overhyped moniker they choose to attach to the series. If the Tigers win the series, they win the division, and in all reality the Twins need to take three out of four to make it interesting. A split would mean that the Twins would have to basically hope for a miracle to win the division. The way the pitching matchups line up, it would appear that the Twins would catch a break or two; Eddie Bonine and Nate Robertson are both slated to start games in the series, and they're not exactly intimidating hurlers to face. To give the Twins credit, they have made this series relevant, which is noteworthy when you consider that on Labor Day the Twins were seven games behind the Tigers. But the season still cannot be anything but a huge disappointment if the team doesn't finish in first place. For most teams, of course, the World Series is the ultimate goal, but in Twins Territory, winning the Central Division appears to be the holy grail, which would help to explain the Twins' pathetic showings in the playoffs in this decade (nothing left to play for, since the "goal" has been achieved). Here's to the Twins making it interesting in the Motor City.

Photos: AP/Ed Zurga

SEPTEMBER 26, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 11, KANSAS CITY 6

The Twins continue their hot streak, as Denard Span carries the team to its eleventh win in its last twelve games. There really needs to be more extolling of Span's value to this team, as I think he should be considered as valuable to the Twins' success than Mauer or Morneau is or was. From the leadoff spot, Span goes 4 for 5 with six RBIs, doing more than just setting the table for the Twins offense. He's putting dinner on the table and doing the dishes too -- in other words, he was like a 19th-century housewife on Saturday. Span was one of the major reasons that the Twins were as close as they were last season, doing everything that Carlos Gomez could do and a whole lot more. He's now got the eighth-best batting average in the AL and he's on the leaderboard with his stellar .393 on-base percentage. Quite simply, the Twins wouldn't even be close without Span, especially considering the cavity that the 2 hole has been all season long.

Scott Baker struggled early, giving up two home runs to the Royals in the second inning, but then settled down and pitched into the seventh inning, notching his fourteenth win on the season. The key play in the entire game was in the top of the fourth inning, when the Royals' patheticness shone through, when their version of Orlando Cabrerror, Yuniesky Betancourt, committed an error that directly led to four runs scoring. Instead of getting out of the inning ahead 2-1, Lenny DiNardo and the Royals were down 5-2, the big hit coming on Span's bases-clearing triple. Again the opponent's futility opens the door for the Twins to take advantage. The thing is, nowadays the Twins are capitalizing on those mistakes, whereas just a few weeks ago they would have let them slip through their fingers. The Twins are actually fun to watch right now, and they'll give Zach Greinke a run for his money this afternoon. The way the Twins' bats are swinging right now, they might be able to hit Bob Gibson. Francisco Liriano doesn't strike any fear in anybody right now, however, and the Royals will be glad to see him.

Photos: AP/Ed Zurga

SEPTEMBER 11, 2009 -- OAKLAND 12, MINNESOTA 5

Talk about inspiring confidence in your fans that you can actually, let's say, finish the season over .500. A 12-5 thumping at home to the last-place Oakland Athletics says a lot about your team -- a whole lot. Frankly, it wasn't even as close as the 12-5 score would indicate. The A's mashed and bashed their way to a Texas-sized romp of the Twins. Facing one of the worst offenses in the entire major leagues, the Twins have found ways to give up 12, 16 and 14 runs in individual games to Oakland this year -- that's just plain unacceptable. Oakland came into Friday dead last in the American League in hitting home runs, so what do they do? They clobber five bombs over the wall and by the end of the third inning the Twins are out of the game. What's funnier is that the Tigers lost again, this time to the Blue Jays, so again the Twins could have "climbed their way back into this thing" if they could have taken care of the second-division ballclub they were facing. But alas, the loss drops the Twins under .500 again, and makes even the most optimistic fan question the Twins' actual talent.

As always, it comes down to pitching, and Nick Blackburn again didn't have it on Friday. He hasn't "had it" since Ron Gardenhire's masterful plan to rest his then-ace pitcher for ten days in between the All-Star break. I've mentioned that umpteen times since he decided stupidly to do that, for the mere reason that, of all the boneheaded managerial moves Gardy has made just this season (and there's a whole low-light reel worth of them, trust me), that one might turn out to be the most costly. Sinkerball pitchers tend to tighten up when they receive too much rest, and even a fan mildly interested in the art of pitching knows that. When they tighten up, their sinkers don't quite sink, and especially if you don't have strikeout stuff to begin with (like Blackburn), your pitches are going to get hit, and hard. Jack Cust's home run in the second inning was more like a moon shot -- a towering, majestic big fly that landed some 440 feet later. Add a few more home runs to unlikelier sources -- Cliff Pennington (who?) and Mark Ellis, and Blackburn's day was quick and unproductive, like most of his second-half starts. Ron Mahay formally introduced his presence in the Twins bullpen to the fans by giving up the nail-in-the-coffin three-run blast to Daric Barton, and Armando Gabino continued to etch his name in the pantheon of Twins obscurity by surrendering the fifth and final Oakland home run to Kurt Suzuki. One bright spot for the Twins was Francisco Liriano, finally pitching out of the bullpen, who pitched two scoreless innings, notching four strikeouts. Now if only he did that when the season was still up for grabs...

Photos: AP/Ann Heisenfelt

AUGUST 17, 2009 -- TEXAS 8, MINNESOTA 5

Yet another bad start for Francisco Liriano, and after the game Ron Gardenhire announced that the young southpaw would be placed on the disabled list for a "tired arm," or technically speaking, "suck-itis," which is a disease that has plagued the pitching staff all season long. It doesn't seem like there's any real reason for Liriano to be put on the DL; if anything it may be better for his morale than if the team rightfully sent him back down to Triple-A. My guess is that the Twins are just going to shut Liriano down for the rest of the season and figure out a gameplan for how to use Liriano in 2010 -- either in the starting staff or in the bullpen. In any case, Phil Humber returns from Triple-A, in yet another example of the Twins calling up less deserving guys from Triple-A. Slama and Delaney continue to toil in the minors, and even Juan Morillo, who looked awful in a cup of coffee early in the season, has apparently righted the ship in Rochester and throws absolute gas. But Humber it is; apparently they tried to call up Kevin Mulvey but his phone went straight to voicemail and it's pointless to leave a message at that point because you know they aren't going to get the message for at least a day.


Liriano's line was a gaudy one on Monday: two innings pitched, seven hits, seven runs, two walks, a hit batter, and one strikeout. And this was after he was given a brief lead by Joe Mauer's 23rd homer of the year in the first inning. Mauer, by the way, was the only hitter it seemed that wasn't catatonic, as he collected almost half the Twins' hits (3 of their seven) and pushed his average to .380. For the third straight game, Ron Gardenhire was forced to exhaust his bullpen early, and this time Bobby Keppel came in and did a pretty good job in relief, throwing 3 1/3 shutout innings to provide a little bit of relief and allowing the Twins to get back in the game. Then Gardy had to use Jose Mijares and Matty Guerrier earlier than usual, in the fifth, sixth, and seventh innings; aside from the expected Matt Guerrier insurance run that he surrendered, those innings went fine. Then Ron Gardenhire did a very strange thing: he put in Brian Douchebag, who he had announced would (graciously) start for Anthony Swarzak on Thursday, on the mound for the eighth inning. What??? After the game, of course, Ron Gardenhire told the press that Swarzak would make the start after all because he felt forced (apparently) to use Douchebag in the eighth inning when guys like Jeff Manship, a converted starter who's thrown exactly 2 1/3 innings since being called up last week, were more than available to pitch. This was the second straight game where Ron Gardenhire made some curious moves with his pitching staff (sending in Jesse Crain in the third inning on Sunday, when the team is glutted with long relievers) and it's further proof that this man is purely bat-shit insane.


One piece of good news that did occur for the Twins on Monday was their signing of first-round pick Kyle Gibson. In classic Twins fashion, the deal went right down to the deadline, as the two sides agreed to terms about ten minutes before the midnight deadline. Gibson's a college pitcher, and this is an organization that's suddenly pitching thin, so Gibson's signing, though his impact at the major league level is a few years away at the least, is good news for the club. Hell, the Twins need to fill Liriano's spot in the rotation on Saturday -- I wonder what Gibson's up to that day? It can't be any worse than the prospect of seeing Douchebag or Phil Humber out there. And it keeps getting funnier (but sad at the same time) to hear Dick Bremer and Bert Blyleven still believe that the Twins can make a run. Take a look at their starting rotation -- how on earth can teams even ponder the idea of postseason baseball when Thursday's starter comes into the eighth inning on Monday and Saturday's starter is potentially flying in from Triple-A? The acquisitions of Orlando Cabrera and Carl Pavano (Tuesday's starter) continue to be dwarfed by their divisional rivals -- the White Sox will try to plug their fifth-starter spot in the rotation by Freddy Garcia, and more importantly the Tigers addressed their biggest weakness (the lineup) by getting Aubrey Huff from Baltimore for virtually nothing (a Single-A reliever). Huff's 73 ribbies will fit in nicely in that order and make Detroit that much better come playoff time. But, hey, keep us informed on that "three-team" divisional race in the Central, Dick.

Photos: (1,2) AP/Tony Gutierrez; (3) University of Missouri Media Relations

AUGUST 12, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 7, KANSAS CITY 1

It would be nice to think that the Twins could build on Wednesday's easy 7-1 win against the Royals and that perhaps they could start a winning streak and become a serious threat to win the Central Division. But there just hasn't been enough of this to believe that the Twins can start winning a lot of games in a row. The Twins have won exactly three times in their last eleven games, and the scores of those wins has been 10-1, 11-0, and 7-1. They have responded to those blowout victories with blowout losses, terrible pitching, untimely hitting, poor defense and always pathetic managing. It just goes to show how inconsistent this team has been, that they can play near flawless baseball one night and come back the very next game and don't even put forth a semi-effort. For what it's worth, Francisco Liriano responded to the imminent danger of being sent to the bullpen by what was perhaps his best outing of the season. He gave up a home run to the second batter he faced on Wednesday (to the power-challenged Willie Bloomquist, no less), but after that gave up only two more hits for the rest of his seven innings. He struck out eight and more importantly walked only one. His command was sharp and he actually looked like wanted to be on the mound. In a season that has been marked with frustrating inconsistency, Liriano has perhaps been the shining example of that inconsistency. If the Twins can get some solid pitching from Liriano down the stretch, that will be certainly encouraging; but as long as the other spots in the rotation continue to be a sore spot, Liriano can pitch like it's 2006 and it won't make much of a difference.

Joe Crede came back from (take a guess) another injury and promptly belted a three-run home run in his first at-bat in the first inning, capping a five-run inning off Royals starter Brian Bannister that the Twins used to coast to the victory. Crede's been just about what the Twins asked for when they signed him in the offseason. He'll provide a little pop in the order while hitting for a low average and getting on base sparingly. And we all kind of knew about his fragility and thought that the idea of Crede playing on turf would spell doom for his back, and it's been pretty much an assortment of injuries that's sharply limited his playing time. For the kind of numbers Crede is putting up (sub-.300 on-base percentage), it's not like the Twins should really be missing them. The guy pops up to the infield more than anybody else I've ever seen (even Nick Punto and Michael Cuddyer), but that being said, he's a lot better than the alternatives that the Twins have. Brendan Harris has limited range at third base, Brian Buscher is toiling in Triple-A, and Nick Punto couldn't crack the St. Paul Saints roster if the Twins weren't insane enough to give him $4 million a season, so when Crede's out of the lineup, it's not a good thing.


The Twins are so desperate for pitching that Ron Gardenhire is forced to do something pretty much unheard of from Ronny Boy: skip a starter and move up his ace, Carl Pavano, to pitch the Thursday afternoon matinee. Pavano's on his normal rest and such a move (especially considering what the Twins' back end of the rotation consists of) would be obvious to most people. But we're talking about Ron Gardenhire here, and if there's ever a guy who would want guys like Anthony Swarzak and Nick Blackburn and Glen Perkins to take a turn in the rotation just because it won't "screw things up," it's Ron Gardenhire. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if Jeff Manship, who was called up to replace the disabled Perkins on Wednesday, gets a crack at a few starts. Anything is better than what they have. Put it this way -- Armando Galarraga has had a bad season for the Tigers and his status as Detroit's #5 starter has been in limbo for much of the season. If he were on the Twins, he might damn well be their top starter. That's depressing.

AUGUST 8, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 11, DETROIT 0

Man, this team is hard to figure out. They have to be the most inconsistent team I've ever had the opportunity to watch. One day, they'll look like absolute garbage, failing at all aspects of the game -- hitting, pitching, defense, and managing. Then the next day, they'll come out, knock around one of the best pitchers in the league, and ride their pitcher to an easy win. I don't know from day to day what team is going to show up, and whenever the Twins do win games like the one on Saturday, I can't believe that the team is "turning the corner," because every other time they've won convincingly, they've come out the next day and phoned it in (like they did earlier in the road trip). If ever there is a season-saving victory in early August, Saturday's 11-0 romp was just that. With a loss, the Twins were in danger of dropping 6 and 1/2 games out; by winning, they are 4 and a half back and have a chance to get within another game of first place with a win today. But am I convinced that they will bring a lot of momentum into Sunday's game? Absolutely not.


I will give credit where credit is due, and Carl Pavano pitched like it was 2004 on Saturday. His pitching performance was a breath of fresh air for Twins fans, who have become all too accustomed to the Twins giving up eight runs a game, especially since the All-Star break. He had a veteran's presence on the mound, again refreshing when the Twins trot out an unexperienced, deer-in-the-headlights starter seemingly every other day. Not that the "veteran presence" is going to be a good thing necessarily (Livan Hernandez, anybody?), but if Pavano can pitch even a little bit like he did on Saturday, his acquisition will at least be justified (again, it's not as if he's going to be the tipping point for the Twins' winning the division). But the knock on Pavano has been all season long is that when he's on, he's on; but when he's off, he's absolutely dreadful, and the Tigers were the one team that Pavano has really owned this year, as he notched his fourth win of the year with no losses against Detroit on Saturday. The reason, however, that Pavano can't be the savior for the staff is that not one but two spots in the rotation are still up for grabs, even after the Pavano acquisition. Anthony Swarzak's run of good pitching appears to have elapsed, and not only does he not deserve to be in the starting staff, but it's probably overdue that he should return to Triple-A. Glen Perkins and Francisco Liriano also have not deserved to stay in the staff; so in effect the Twins have three for-sure starters on their staff: Scott Baker, who'll pitch today, Nick Blackburn, and Pavano. Brian Douchebag has been pitching effectively out of the long man bullpen role (what major league team, other than the Twins, has three long men in the bullpen? Well, I guess -- considering that you can count on a starter turning in a clunker twice every five games, so you need those long men). By process of elimination more than anything else, Douchebag should be penciled into the rotation. I've said it before that Liriano can really help the bullpen, and I think his value is greater in the bullpen. So who's the fifth starter? Glen Perkins can't get anybody out, whether he's in relief or starting, so he can't assume that role, and the scouting report on Anthony Swarzak appears to have gotten around to the entire league now, so he can't be trusted. You look at the other two Central competitors and their top 3 pitchers: Detroit's Verlander, Jackson, and Washburn, and Chicago's Buehrle, Peavy (when he's healthy) and Danks/Floyd, you've got to give both of those teams the edge over the Twins' Baker, Blackburn and Pavano. That's not saying anything about the glaring holes at the back end of the rotation for the Twins.


The bullpen continues to be a sore spot for the Twins, and again the Twins passed up the opportunity to add a bullpen arm on Saturday. Twice in the past week the Tampa Bay Rays have made waiver claims on two arms that had been designated for assignment by their prior clubs. Jeff Bennett was picked up from Atlanta, where he had put up a 3.18 ERA (albeit with a high opponent's batting average), and on Saturday the Rays picked up Russ Springer from Oakland. Springer's 40 years old, sure, but he's still effective (a lot more effective than Jesse Crain, for instance). He had been pitching stellar of late, posting a sub-2.00 ERA over his last 25 games, and he has 47 strikeouts in 41 innings pitched. The Rays have a better record than the Twins, meaning that had the Twins claimed either pitcher, they would have gotten them because their record is worse than Tampa Bay. Why they didn't pursue either of those relievers is astounding considering the fact that Joe Nathan continues to be the only guy in the 'pen that can consistently and confidently get batters out. But hey -- Luis Ayala was sent down by the Marlins the other day after posting an 8.50 ERA for them. He might be available (for the right price, that is -- "we don't want to mortgage our future just to make a move").

AUGUST 5, 2009 -- CLEVELAND 8, MINNESOTA 1

That's the Minnesota Twins' 2009 season in a nutshell -- two games that tell you how this team has played for four months. On Tuesday, they absolutely demolish a horrendous Cleveland Indians team, riding seven strong innings from Scott Baker, getting timely hitting from both the usual suspects (Joe Mauer, Jason Kubel) as well as unlikely sources (Carlos Gomez anybody?) and playing clean defense. The 10-1 victory was about as smooth-sailing as a victory can get. You'd think that the team might use that win as momentum to come back the next day and again outperform an inferior opponent. But Francisco Liriano was on the hill, and by the time the game was over, the Twins had fallen 8-1 to these Indians, in one of their most pathetic showings of the season. Aaron Laffey predictably breezed through the Twins lineup, going eight innings and allowing only one unearned run. Liriano was again lost on the mound, just struggling to get outs and falling behind hitters all night long. Frankly it was the same Liriano we've seen all year long, and it's more indicative of the kind of leash that the on-field staff has with this guy.

I'd say there have been five or six starts alone that would have prompted a good manager to address the problem and make a change, either by sending Liriano to the bullpen or down to Triple-A like they did last season. A guy leading the league in losses (and they're not tough-luck losses, either) and second in the league in walks has no business being in the starting rotation for a "competitive" club. But, according to Ron Gardenhire, he'd rather keep putting a confidence-drained Liriano on the mound rather than trying to get someone else to take his rotation spot: "The options are very limited. We can't go with a four-man rotation, and we just don't have much starting pitching left. It's not like we can just say, ah, let's take him out and put somebody else in." You can't say that, eh? You can't say, we have a better chance of winning with just about anybody on the mound? Brian Douchebag did better than Liriano could have ever done in a spot start last week; I'm not saying that's the answer, but it would be an upgrade. What this whole situation really emphasizes is how poorly the Twins did to address their holes both in last offseason and at the trading deadline. They're pretty pitching-thin right now, reliant on guys like Bobby Keppel and R.A. Dickey to get outs that just aren't in them at this point, and they desperately needed to get somebody, anybody to help the staff -- if they want to compete. And that's a big if considering the on-field staff and the front-office, who seems content as long as they stay "competitive" for the bulk of the summer (i.e. keep putting butts in the seats).

The fourth inning in Wednesday's contest was perhaps a classic '09 Twins inning, one in which it was so pathetic to experience that I'm struggling to recap it for you. Already down 2-0, Liriano started the inning by getting the first two batters quickly. Ninth-place batter Trevor Crowe singled up the middle, and moved to second on a boneheaded bobble by Carlos Gomez (who, by the way, resolutely fell back down to earth on Wednesday, not only with the error but with his more Gomez-esque 0 for 4 day at the plate). Joe Mauer allowed Crowe to go to third due to a passed ball, and three singles later, the Indians had a 4-0 lead, and with the Twins offense phoning it in against Laffey, that was as good as a rout. The bullpen quickly restaged its oft-performed act that it has reprised of late, meaning that they inherited a respectable deficit (4-1 in this case) and turned that score into a laugher. It was 8-1 before Bobby Keppel could get an out in the sixth inning, to say nothing of R.A. Dickey's zero-out, three-runs allowed performance. What's funny is that Orlando Cabrera is tearing the cover off the ball for the Twins -- he was the only hitter, seemingly, not to be in a catatonic state on Wednesday, going 3 for 4. Had the Twins at least attempted to patch their pitching holes, they may have a decent shot at making the playoffs. But the way that the pitching staff is comprised currently -- really one or two semi-reliable starters, a great closer whose value is greatly diminished when he's rarely needed to save games, and zero dependable arms in between -- seriously undermines their chances of even getting into second place.

AUGUST 4, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 10, CLEVELAND 1

Perhaps the Twins exorcised some of the demons (or, more appropriately, the team's many weak spots) that came into full view when they were pasted by a top-flight team over the past weekend in their 10-1 win over Cleveland on Tuesday. I half expected Randy Quaid to be desolately pounding a bongo drum in the sparse left-field bleachers, because these Indians are very reminiscent of that sad-sack bunch immortalized in the Major League series. This is a bad team right now, and if the Twins don't sweep the Tribe, they should be kicking themselves like the Tigers probably did after losing two out of three last weekend. The Indians have two players in their lineup that have done good things in the past, and Grady Sizemore is having an awful season, and Travis Hafner continues to be hampered by injuries. Shin-Soo Choo (bless you!) has always hit well against the Twins, too, but other than that, the Indian offense doesn't really scare you anymore without Victor Martinez, but that really isn't the problem -- it's the pitching. The Indians, shockingly, are sixth in the majors in runs scored but are, not surprisingly, second to last in runs surrendered, and guys like David Huff certainly aren't going to set the world on fire with that kind of stuff. It's a formula that the Twins have too followed this season -- good offensive production, horrendous pitching; the Twins pitching has just been a little bit better at times (it helps to have a good closer) and that's why the Twins are at .500 and "competing."


Most importantly for the Twins in this game was that Scott Baker put in his fourth straight "quality" start for the Twins (I know, his start in Anaheim wasn't technically a "quality" start, but compared to his early-season efforts, and especially in comparison with the quote-unquote pitching that the Twins have gotten of late, it was just fine). Seven innings, three hits, and zero runs for Baker, who lowered his ERA to a somewhat respectable 4.59. Unless Baker continues this run of brilliance, the Twins will continue to languish without a solid ace on their staff. Nick Blackburn had assumed that role up until Ron Gardenhire and the field staff decided that he should get two weeks between starts and screw up his rythym, and now it appears that Baker has stepped up. Jesse Crain even got through an inning without giving up a run, and the run that Bobby Keppel gave up in the ninth was great -- so good, in fact, that it was worth losing the shutout for the mere fact that Keppel's ERA is now over 5, which is only about a run or two lower than what Keppel's career track record had indicated he was worth before the season. Keppel needs to give up some more runs and quickly, because Ron Gardenhire's a manager that likes to lose a lot with one guy (see Henn, Sean) before finally cutting ties with him (see Ayala, Luis). A bullpen pitcher with a 5.01 ERA is a godsend to Ron Gardenhire. Those kind of pitchers don't grow on trees, you know, and you know that Ron Gardenhire's going to get as many losses out of Bobby Keppel as he can get.


Francisco Liriano will return to the mound on Wednesday (that is, unless Ron Gardenhire asks some doctors their opinion and then hedges on those trained, medical opinions like he did last week). Liriano's got some of the ugliest stats of any pitcher in baseball, and I wouldn't expect that to change. Unfortunately for the Twins, they face southpaw Aaron Laffey, who, for whatever reason, has been tough on the Twins in the past. It actually makes perfect sense for the Twins to struggle against Laffey, as they seem to pick guys out of midair to have fits against (Daniel Cabrera, anyone?). With eleven more games remaining on the schedule against the lowly Indians, they're going to have to feast on their pitching, and also get good pitching in return. The inconsistency which the Twins have shown in spades this year needs to change, as seemingly they can morph from a playoff team to an also-ran in a matter of a day and vice versa.

JULY 29, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 3, CHICAGO 2

The Twins sweep the Sox, getting a decent enough spot start from Brian Douchebag, who pitched admirably in Francisco Liriano's turn in the rotation. Alexi Casilla had two hits and two RBIs on the day that the Pirates dealt Jack Wilson and Freddy Sanchez (not surprisingly, neither of them went to the Twins, who desperately need middle infield help). Instead of looking for outside help, the Twins will use Wednesday's performance from Casilla to prove to their fans that he is capable of putting good wood on the ball, which is wrong on so many levels. First off, both of Casilla's hits were of the fly-ball variety, and this is a guy who should never be putting the ball in the air. How this guy got eight home runs last year is beyond me, and I don't think it's inappropriate to bring up the S-word with this guy when talking about Casilla's flukish success in 2008 (that's steroids, not...yeah, you get it; this year he's been the other S-word). Secondly, the goat of last night's game was arguably whatever Chicago coach had Scott Podsednik playing Casilla deep to center field, because Casilla's second hit was nothing more than a can-of-corn pop up to medium deep center field, and because of Podsednik's already limited range, he had no chance of catching it. So we're talking one legitimate hit and one cheeser -- but again, if you're struggling to hit .171, you'll take 'em any way you can. Nonetheless, Ron Gardenhire will point to this one two-hit performance as "proof" that Casilla can do the job. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if Casilla's hitting in the #2 hole on Friday. I'm serious; we are talking about one of the stupidest men in the game, after all.


Liriano was scratched from his start on Wednesday due to "swelling in his pitching forearm." According to certifiable idiot Dick Bremer, team doctors had checked out Liriano and given him the green-light to pitch on Wednesday, and then Ron Gardenhire went ahead and gave Douchebag the start anyway. Which brings up an interesting question: why even send Liriano to the doctor? If you weren't going to listen to the doctors, why not just put him on the disabled list for the hell of it? I can just see Ron Gardenhire going to a Mexican restaurant and asking the waiter if the fajitas are better with chicken or steak, hearing that the waiter highly recommends the steak, and then saying "thanks, but I think I'll go with the fish tacos instead." Doctors, schmoctors, Gardy would say; it's not like they've been to school for decades and might have an educated opinion on a medical issue. Face it, Gardy -- you've just been too pleased with Douchebag's horrendous pitching out of the bullpen that you wanted to put him on the mound to start a game. He did report to Dick Bremer that Douchebag's bullpen outings were "fine," which if anything changes the dictionary definition of "fine," because Brian Douchebag was far from "fine." Well, if by "fine" you mean "f***ing horrible," then I s'pose, Gardy. Keep eatin' those fish tacos, Ronny Boy.


Less than 48 hours to the trading deadline, or as it's known here in the Upper Midwest as "Status Quo Day" or "Time to Spiel The Old 'We Tried to Improve Our Team But We Didn't Want to Endanger Our Future' Rigamarole Day." Seriously, the only thing I expect Bill Smith to do come midafternoon on Friday is move his bowels. The Twins already made their quasi-move when they signed Mark Grudzielanek a few weeks back, and we'll see if he even makes it on the roster before the season is up. But, as some others have said, the Twins have so many holes right now that addressing all of them would require a complete overhaul of the team. In short, the team could use two top starters, a couple good bullpen arms and a new middle infield. And the way the other real contenders are actually addressing their needs, the Twins are going to be even more mismatched if they make it to the playoffs. If the Twins were to win the Central, they would likely face the Yankees in the first round; does that sound like wins to you? The Twins fan base is going to be teased again mainly because the Central is the worst division in baseball. If the Twins were in the AL East, they'd be 10.5 games back; the AL West, 9 games back; and that's not even considering the fact that with the Twins in the Central, their schedule is so much easier because of lots of games against bottom feeders like Cleveland and Kansas City. So yeah, go out and get Orlando Cabrera, because that's going to make us be able to beat the Yankees.

JULY 9, 2009 -- NEW YORK 6, MINNESOTA 4

Well, the Twins did it. They were swept in the season series against the Yankees, losing all seven games, including this humiliating three game sweep at your home stadium. Remember all that so-called "momentum" that the Twins had built prior to the Yankees series, winning four consecutive series and narrowing the Tigers' lead over the Twins to two games? Well, that's all gone, as the Twins find themselves at .500, four games out and in third place. With one swift kick to the nuts, the Yankees have brought the Twins down to where they belong, and Thursday's game was more of a mockery of the game of baseball than anything else. What was the difference in the game, you ask? Two at-bats by the Yankees' sore thumb in the lineup -- third baseman Cody Ransom, who came into the game the proud owner of statistics so bad that they remind people of a certain Puntoesque Patheticness. Francisco Liriano walked Ransom with the bases loaded in the three-run second inning, after getting ahead of him 0-2 in the count. Then in the fourth inning, Ransom singled in a run, thereby providing the two runs that turned out to be the difference in the ballgame. Throughout the seven pathetic losses to the Yankees, the Twins were not beaten by Mark Teixeira and A-Rod and Jeter -- it was because of consistent, embarrassing production from the Cody Ransoms and Brett Gardners and Francisco Cervellis that made the difference.


The Twins' made a rash of mistakes on Thursday and quite frankly they had no business being close. Matt Tolbert was batting second and playing second -- all I have to say about that is What??!! and Why??!?!!! Sure as shit, Tolbert makes the key gaffe in the game -- making an error that led to all three runs scoring in the second inning. It's too bad, too, that everyone knew that Tolbert couldn't get those runs back at the plate, because, like everyone in the league is quickly learning, he is absolutely atrocious with the stick. It was around the first Yankee series that Ron Gardenhire first got his head out of his ass and stopped batting the .170-hitting Tolbert in the two hole, but apparently Gardenhire's missed the view of his own intenstines, so there was Tolbert protecting, or rather doing a bad impression of protecting, Joe Mauer in the batting order. Tolbert was able to drive in the run the only possible way he can, by walking with the bases loaded in the fourth inning. Still, the three runs that his error led to in the second inning was enough for the Yankees to beat the Twins again, and once again Twins fans are left scratching their heads, wondering why the hell this horrid excuse for a ballplayer is on a major league roster. Frankly I doubt whether the Kansas City Royals or the Washington Nationals could make good use of Tolbert on their teams -- but for Ron Gardenhire, if you can "hustle," you've got it made in the shade.


Nick Punto is such a terrible -- you know what? I'm just going to save my breath on Punto. We all know what to expect from Punto -- a talentless, vomit-inducing, worthless human being who does absolutely nothing positive for a ballclub. There he was on Thursday, going 0 for 4, dropping his average to an abysmal .211, including striking out with the bases loaded and one out in the fourth. Without question, Punto is the worst ball player I've ever seen, and I'm just going to end it at that.

And what the hell was Justin Morneau thinking in the bottom of the seventh inning? Michael Cuddyer was up, primed to strike out in another clutch situation (representing the tying run), but he never got that chance because Morneau stupidly tried to advance to second on a pitch in the dirt. Jorge Posada picked the ball up and easily threw out Morneau. Factor in Francisco Liriano's horrible pitching performance -- falling behind hitters consistently, throwing forty pitches in the second inning alone, and not appearing to be confident at all with any of his pitches, and the Twins failed at every aspect of the game on Thursday -- pitching, hitting, fielding, and baserunning. Add that to the fact that Ron Gardenhire can't manage to save his life, and that's a great recipe for losing. It's a recipe that Ron Gardenhire has down by heart, in fact, and it especially is used whenever the Twins face the Yankees. Astonishingly, it's the third season out of eight for Ron Gardenhire that the Yankees have swept the Twins in a season series. It happened in Gardy's first two seasons (2002 and 2003) and now it again happens this season. It also makes it two seasons in a row that the Twins have gotten swept in a season series (last year they went 0-6 against the Toronto Blue Jays). For his career, Ron Gardenhire is an amazingly pathetic 16-47 against the Yankees in his career, including, of course, the playoffs. That's head-shakingly terrible, but it's understandable when you realize that he's imparting a certain style of baseball that he believes needs to be played to beat the Yankees. It's classic Ron Gardenhire pins-and-needles baseball, where everyone's afraid to make a mistake. As we've seen time and again, if you are nervous about making a mistake, you're going to make one sooner or later, and good teams like the Yankees pounce on those chances and win games because of them.


Now the Twins have to face the high-flying Chicago White Sox, who have been hitting the cover off the ball of late. The Twins should be grateful that Glen Perkins' "illness" will push him back to Saturday, because they desperately need their ace, Nick Blackburn, to stop the bleeding. Considering the Twins face All-Star and perennial Twin killer Mark Buehrle on Sunday, the Twins need to win on Friday, and it's the kind of game that they need their ace pitcher to provide the stabilizing force and avert a losing streak going into the All-Star Break. John Danks, hero of the one-game playoff last season, will pitch for the Pale Hose.

JULY 4, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 4, DETROIT 3

Saturday’s game was unfolding like another classic Twins loss. The Twins’ offense, though practically non-existent, provided just enough of a lead for the Twins to win, and then the pitching implosion gave up just enough runs for the Twins to lose. Francisco Liriano had given up just two hits through the first six innings, and then he Scott Baker’d it in the seventh, giving up two straight singles to start the inning and then giving up a back-breaking three-run home run to Magglio Ordonez later in the inning. It appeared as if the gameplan for the Twins had worked yet again. Then Justin Morneau tied the game in the next half-inning, and then a little man named Nick Punto won the game with a bleeder in the bottom of the eighth. The winning run was produced by the unlikeliest of combinations: Brian Buscher led off the eighth with a base hit, pinch runner Matt Tolbert was advanced to second on a Jose Morales groundout, and then Superman came through with his one clutch hit for the season. Don’t expect too much more out Punto at the plate this year – wait, you were expecting a lot out the guy? Were only talking about one of the worst hitters to grace a major-league uniform, who’s so bad that he makes Tony Pena Jr. blush.

Liriano pitched well for the second consecutive start, which means that he’ll keep his turn in the rotation for at least a few more starts. Kevin Slowey went on the disabled list after Friday’s game, a classic example of the Ron Gardenhire cop-out: Slowey’s pitched like absolute tripe the last two times out, but instead of working on actual mechanics and accepting defeat like a man, Gardenhire provides Slowey an easy excuse for his struggles by blaming it on an arm injury. All appearances are that the injury is minor, and considering the All-Star break is coming up, Slowey likely won’t miss more than one start. Anthony Swarzak was called up for the Twins but with the Twins having an off-day on Monday, the Twins may choose to go with a four-man staff for the final six games before the break.

Nick Blackburn goes today against Rick Porcello in a critical swing game for the Twins. Friday’s loss was huge, but Sunday may turn out to be a more important game. If the Twins win, they narrow the gap to two games behind the Tigers; if they lose, they drop to four back of Detroit. Though the series is not as important as certified idiots like Dick Bremer may make it out to appear, they will be remembered at the end of the season when the Twins can look back at the mistakes they’ve made and why they didn’t win the division. If they can win today, at least they can go into the Yankee series, during which they’ll get pummeled, with a little sense of false confidence.

JUNE 28, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 6, ST. LOUIS 2

The Twins complete a rare series victory on the road, riding a Justin Morneau three-run homer in the first inning and seven solid innings by Francisco Liriano to an easy 6-2 victory. The Cardinals could not be buoyed to a win by their new acquisition, Mark DeRosa, who batted cleanup for St. Louis and is pretty much the second-best hitter in their lineup behind Albert Pujols. The Twins only surrendered one base hit to Pujols when he doubled off of Matty Guerrier in the eighth inning, and importantly they walked him once. The Twins are very adamant in their no-walks approach to pitching, as they have perennially led the league in fewest walks ever since the current regime took over. What they need to realize is that sometimes walks are not necessarily a bad thing. Had they walked Albert Pujols on Saturday with runners on base instead of going after him, they may have won the game, and at the very least it would have forced the Cardinals to beat the Twins with secondary weapons. Pujols is a sore thumb in the St. Louis lineup, but in a good way -- he's the only guy with a good amount of talent in that lineup, so he sticks out like a sore thumb in a different way. Once again, the Twins let sore thumbs beat them on Saturday, but on Sunday they were fortunate to not have to face Pujols with guys on base. If that would have happened, Ron Gardenhire certainly would not have walked him, because he's too hellbent on not playing "embarrassing baseball." It's funny what Gardy considers embarrassing -- I think that a manager stupid enough to pitch to the best hitter in the league just so he can gain some points with Tony LaRussa is red-faced embarrassing, but that's just me.

Morneau snapped out of his funk with the home run in the first inning, but he was right back at it in the third, grounding into a double-play with runners on first and second and nobody out. It would have been a rally killing double play had it not been for Jason Kubel, who picked up Morneau with an RBI single in the next at-bat. Kubel is increasingly showing his value for the Twins, and with Morneau being a very streaky hitter, Kubel has been a rock in the #5 hole for the Twins. He's been surprisingly consistent and he's arguably had some of the biggest hits of the year for the Twins. Say what you will about Morneau, but I'd take Jason Kubel in a clutch situation any day of the week and twice on Sunday. Morneau continues to take some ugly swings -- it's definitely not the kind of swing that you'd like to teach your twelve-year old. He constantly steps in the bucket and he takes his left hand off the bat during his follow-through. It's really not pretty, but if he's hitting thirty homers and driving in 120 ribbies, I'll take it. But you just don't see too many game-tying hits late in the ballgame from Morneau. And the fact is, he's always going to get good pitches to hit, especially the way that Kubel's been going. With Joe Mauer hitting before you and a red-hot Kubel following you, Morneau's always going to be given fastballs. He's been in a rut of late, but thankfully Kubel has been perhaps more valuable all season long, and he's always there to pick up the team.

The Twins have surprisingly won both series to start this 9-game road trip, though both games that they have lost they really could have and should have won. Now they get to travel to Kansas City, and the Royals have really struggled in the last month and a half. The Twins get a break because they won't have to face Zach Greinke in the series. Staff ace Nick Blackburn looks to rebound from the eighth-inning disaster on Wednesday against the Brewers tonight as he opposes Kansas City youngster Luke Hochevar.

JUNE 23, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 7, MILWAUKEE 3

The Twins doink their way to a sloppy 7-3 victory over the Milwaukee Brewers on Tuesday, with Francisco Liriano putting forth probably the worst performance I have ever seen garner a win by a starting pitcher. In five innings, Liriano gave up seven hits, walked five batters and threw 117 pitches -- quite incredible, actually, to think that Liriano was still in the game at that point. In a rare fit of altruism, Ron Gardenhire let Liriano be eligible for the win, even though Liriano was far from deserving of picking up any kind of win. R.A. Dickey pitched a clean sixth and seventh innings, continuing his run of dominance while not being able to pitch in more pressure situations. The role for Dickey has remained the same since the beginning of the year; a long reliever who can go 2-3 innings each appearance. In Ron Gardenhire's mind, a knuckleball/junkball pitcher cannot possibly have a role more important than mere mop-up duty, so even though he's had by far the best year of any reliever save Joe Nathan, Ron Gardenhire won't think of putting Dickey in, say, the eighth inning. That's Matt Guerrier's job for life, and we all know that Gardenhire is willing to lose division titles because of that philosophy (2008, anybody?).

The Twins offense was clicking against Jeff Suppan, who's about as average as you can get when it comes to starting pitchers. It was a good matchup for Liriano, as Suppan's stuff is very hittable; that is evidenced in Carlos Gomez' 3 for 5 night at the plate. Gomez was again inexplicably leading off -- still not sure why Ron Gardenhire has a guy hitting .220 in the lead-off spot when Brendan Harris has thrived there. The Twins lucked out in the first inning, when they benefited from a wild pitch. Not surprisingly, Michael Cuddyer swung at a pitch literally three feet outside -- he didn't come within a foot of touching the baseball -- but the pitch was so terrible that it got past Jason Kendall. Instead of an inning-ending strikeout, Cuddyer made it to first base, which loaded the bases for Joe Crede. Crede promptly cleared the bases with a double, and the Twins were quickly ahead 3-0. Liriano made it clear to everyone in the park that a 3-0 lead with him on the mound is far from safe, and he put the Brewers immediately back in the game in the bottom of the first, giving up hits and walks to make it 3-2 Twins. The offense kept chugging away at Suppan, and the Brewer defense also chipped in some unearned runs in the third. Seldom Young doubled home a run following a J. J. Hardy error, and then Gomez cheesed a hit that fell just past Hardy into center field, bringing the Twins' lead to 7-3. With the way Liriano was going, it did not appear that the lead was safe, but strangely the score did not change, and the Twins opened their nine-game road trip with a nice win against the rival Brew Crew.

Ken Macha was to say following the game that the Brewers played their worst game of the season, and it did not help that Miller Park was in a bit of disrepair following a severe rainstorm that happened there on Sunday. The clubhouses were flooded and the damage to the park was evident, and if anything else it appeared that the Brewers' morale was affected. They didn't really seem ready to play, and with Liriano again struggling with command, it was surprising that they didn't jump on him more. The Brewers just looked a little listless out there on Tuesday, and I would expect an increased intensity from the Brewers for Wednesday's game. Twins ace Nick Blackburn has been pitching very well of late and he opposes Brewer veteran Braden Looper, who the Twins fared well against last month at the Metrodome. As a side note, Nick Punto had to leave the game again due to those bruised ribs that he's dealt with since sliding head-first into first base on Saturday!!! Though it means more playing time for Matt Tolbert, who's now in an 0 for 14 slump at the plate, at least I don't have to watch Punto any more than I have to. Here's to another trip on the DL for Superman -- I'm crossing my fingers.

JUNE 17, 2009 -- PITTSBURGH 8, MINNESOTA 2

So this is what losing to the Pittsburgh Pirates feels like. I’ve got to tell you, it doesn’t feel too good. In perhaps their worst performance of the season, the Twins are pummeled by the lowly Pirates 8-2, in a game in which every facet of the game was absolutely pathetic. They lost to a pitcher, Ian Snell, who had a 1-7 record with a gaudy ERA of 5 and a half. Not only did they lose to Snell, they were manhandled by a guy who is so average it’s hard to even distinguish him from a pack of average pitchers. Snell’s better than Francisco Liriano, however, who was busy giving up home runs to the likes of Andy LaRoche and Andrew McCutchen (who???). And Snell’s way better than Sean Henn, who finally turned in a terrible performance that will bloat his once deceivingly-low ERA. Henn’s been pitching awful of late but hasn’t seen his ERA reflect his patheticness; with his line on Wednesday (1/3 of an inning pitched, three runs) his ERA is now more indicative of his lack of talent. The same is true for Luis Ayala, who also padded his ERA and also let Henn’s two baserunners score in the eighth. The Twins just did a stupendous thing by sending Jesse Crain to the minors; it’s really too bad that what they have up in the big leagues isn’t much better. Other than Joe Nathan, every pitcher in the bullpen is a sore spot. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but R.A. Dickey has been the best bullpen pitcher aside from Joe Nathan, but his “role,” as Ron Gardenhire has defined and is therefore set in stone, is long relief, and though Dickey did work the seventh and eighth innings on Tuesday, that was mainly mop-up duty in a blowout win, and I don’t see Dickey’s role changing any time soon.

The only offense on the day was provided by a two-out double by Joe Crede, which tied the score at 2 in the fourth inning. The Twins had plenty of chances to tie the game late, but it appeared that their horrid clutch hitting that they displayed on Tuesday carried over into Wednesday. With Michael Cuddyer on third and one out in the sixth, Seldom Young tapped out to the pitcher, and Cuddyer stupidly was going on contact and got thrown out at home, and the rally was thereby killed. In the seventh, the bases were loaded with one out, and the game was very much still winnable, as the Bucs were only up by two. But, alas, Jason Kubel struck out against a guy named John Grabow and Crede tapped out pitifully to the pitcher. Rally snuffed out again. Other than two rallies that the Twins embarrassed themselves in, they didn’t really put together another rally the entire game. I love it how Fox Sports has now chosen to say that Seldom Young is “coming out of his slump” and providing the offense that the Twins are counting on from him. It was really classic Dick Bremer timing, as they couldn’t have picked a better game in which to lie to the fans about Seldom Delmon. The truth is, Seldom might be the worst player on the team, which is really saying something considering some of the other talent-free players on the team (Gomez, Tolbert, Punto, etc). And Young proved to everyone that he does indeed massively suck, as he went 0 for 4, struck out again, grounded into a double play, and failed in that guy-on-third-less-than-two-outs situation alluded to earlier. I don’t think there’s many ways that Young could fail at the plate more than he did on Wednesday. Absolutely ridiculous.

There is no excuse for losing to the Pittsburgh Pirates at home, my friends, and the Twins just did that. So much for the “interleague dominance” that the Twins apparently have, as one game like this can prove that theory wrong. It really doesn’t have anything to do with interleague play at all; the Pirates are a second-division team in the worst sense of the term, and the Twins (and Dick Bremer) would like to fashion themselves as a contending ballclub. It’s similar to losing to the Washington Nationals; the Twins should have seen three games against the Pittsburgh Pirates at home as a gift from the schedulers. Instead they go through the motions and put forth probably the worst excuse for baseball since that dreaded series against the Blue Jays in early April. And now they have to face the Pirates’ best pitcher, Zach Duke, who is 7-4 on the season with a good 3.10 ERA. Considering the Twins’ actual talent, it’s going to be a struggle for them to beat the Pirates on Thursday. I know that it’s June and that there’s a lot of baseball left, but I think the series finale is a big game for the Twins, for their morale if anything. It appeared on Wednesday that they didn’t think they needed to try to beat the Pirates. After all, they put forth a half-assed effort on Tuesday and routed the Bucs. But after a humiliating loss, now they have to battle to win the series and have to beat the Pittsburgh ace to do it. If you want to lose a series at home against the Pirates, go ahead and do the same crap that you’ve done the first two games of the series. If you want to avoid embarrassment and take care of business, then you put your game face on, treat the game like any other and go out there and pound their sorry asses. It’s not rocket science, folks, it’s the Pittsburgh Pirates. Kevin Slowey has the mound today, looking for win #10 on the season.

JUNE 5, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 2, SEATTLE 1 (10 innings)

Talk about pure cheese. The Twins win in the tenth inning Friday compliments of an error by Seattle left fielder Wladimir Balentien, who misplayed Matt Tolbert's line drive into a game-winner. Balentien no doubt reminded Twins fans of a certain Seldom Delmon Young by letting the outfield play him. Though the victory was no doubt cheesy, and mistakes in the game were rife, it's a win, and the Twins should be grateful to win a game started by Felix Hernandez, who looked pretty sharp for the M's. On a positive note, Francisco Liriano turned in a fine pitching performance, a rarity this year. Sure, the lineup that he faced featured an over-the-hill Mike Sweeney batting clean-up -- definitely not Murderer's Row. But Liriano needed this start badly, as maybe he can gain some confidence from his six-inning performance.

For the first time this season, the bottom of the lineup outperformed the top half, as the combo of Brendan Harris, Brian Buscher, Carlos Gomez, and Alexi Casilla combined to go 7 for 16. When it mattered, the bottom of the order choked, of course, and Matt Tolbert -- what can I say about this pathetic excuse for a major league player? He entered the game in the eighth inning pinch running for Joe Crede. Tolbert did end up stealing a base in the inning, and then Tolbert and third base coach/idiot Scott Ullger conspired to run themselves out of the inning. Buscher's infield single to second base was apparently enough for Ullger to send Tolbert home on the play, who was out by ten feet at the plate. Obviously Ullger had flashbacks to last Saturday, when he failed to send Joe Crede on an overthrow in which Crede likely would have scored. The batter on deck that day was Alexi Casilla, and Casilla would have been the next batter on Friday night, so it's not like I disagree with the decision -- Casilla sucks, and for him to get two hits in a game (much less two hits in a week) is a miracle in itself, so you can't bet on him getting a third hit, especially one in a clutch situation.

Then there's Tolbert's at-bat in the tenth inning. With the game on the line, Ron Gardenhire had apparently no move in which to pinch-hit for Tolbert -- which is a shining example of how thin this bench is at this point. If Michael Cuddyer can't pinch hit in this spot, you might as well put him on the disabled list. Cuddyer's terrible, too, of course, but anybody in the building is a better option that Matt Tolbert. Dare I say Seldom Young would have presented a better chance to get the run home? With runners on first and third and one out, Tolbert was at the dish because of Ron Gardenhire's insanity, and even Gardenhire is apparently aware of Tolbert's lack of skill, as he called for the suicide squeeze. Considering Tolbert's role model appears to be Nick Punto (his stats reflect a certain Puntoesque Patheticness), I think everyone in the park thought that the only way Tolbert was going to get the job done was with a bunt. With the worst hitter on the current 25-man roster at the plate (basically a pitcher batting), the element of surprise isn't there -- it's not like Joe Mauer was at the plate or somebody halfway decent. Tolbert squared to bunt, and the pitch was way outside, though not too far off the plate for Tolbert to at least make contact with. Because he failed to foul the ball off, Mauer was hung out to dry coming home, and the Twins were bailed out by the Seattle defense on the next play. It just emphasizes a major point -- this team is under the belief that they can win the division and they're putting guys like Matt Tolbert and Alexi Casilla and Carlos Gomez and Seldom Young and Nick Punto and Brian Buscher and Mike Redmond into the lineup on a consistent basis. If your team is asking Matt Tolbert to drive home game-winning runs in extra innings, competing for a pennant should be the last thing from your mind.

Well, the Twins got a win in Seattle, which I thought would be a tough challenge. Now they get their ace Nick Blackburn on the mound this afternoon against Jerrod Washburn, a guy with mediocre stuff that the Twins have never really figured out. Washburn, by the way, is the pride of Webster, Wisconsin -- an area that I spend parts of my summers in. Blackburn goes for win #6 on the year today.

MAY 30, 2009 -- TAMPA BAY 5, MINNESOTA 2

The Twins are unable to get anything off of Tampa Bay starter David Price, who struck out eleven batters in 5 2/3 innings on Saturday, and Francisco Liriano gave the Twins yet another subpar start, lasting only four innings and giving up four runs. The big inning for the Rays was the third, when Tampa batted around and scored four runs off Liriano. This followed Twins-on-the-road protocol, which states that once the team has a lead on the road, their pitchers must give that lead back immediately and usually take the team out of the game while they're at it. Liriano cruised through the first two innings, and then the third inning saw him throw 47 pitches and give up the four runs.


Fox analyst Eric Karros was partly blaming the defense for some of the runs scoring, and it's not like Liriano was hit very hard in the inning; a lot of seeing-eye hits and ground-ball bleeders led to the four runs. But Liriano did a few things that are unacceptable: 1) he gave up a home run to a guy named Joe Dillon -- you don't give up hits to this slug, much less home runs; 2) he walked two batters to prolong the inning and 3) most importantly, he struggled with command and looked lost on the mound. He hasn't shown a whole lot of mound presence in his last few starts, and especially when he gives up a run, Liriano seems to lose confidence quickly and he spirals into a huge inning. I for one don't see the defense as the reason for the four runs; even Nick Punto and his "better range" than Brendan Harris wouldn't have been able to stop the bleeding.


The Twins were basically non-existent at the plate against Price, who looked overpowering in his first major league win. They did, however, squander two runs while Price was on the mound, one of which was courtesy of third base coach/idiot Scott Ullger. Price had walked Joe Crede in the second inning and pitched to Carlos Gomez, who (not surprisingly) swung pathetically and tapped back to the pitcher. Price then threw wildly to first base, overthrowing everybody. Crede made it to third, rounded the bag, and then Ullger held him up. The replays confirmed that Crede would have likely made it home on the play, but Ullger held him up while he was positioned near home plate. Karros was correct in criticizing Ullger on the play, as you need to 1) force the issue, 2) realize that Price is throwing almost-unhittable stuff and you aren't going to get many opportunites to score against him and 3) most obviously, you need to know who is on deck. Alexi Casilla was on-deck, and Ullger apparently forgot about that in his over-conservative basecoaching, or he was showing a perverted sense of confidence in the beleaguered infielder. Casilla, obviously, failed to get the run home, and the Twins, thanks to their base coach, were stripped of a run. Come on, Ullger -- it was going to be an easy play to end the inning, and now you have a good chance of getting a cheap run across the plate. Everyone in the building knows that Casilla is a minor-league player; force the freaking issue.


Michael Cuddyer also failed to get a run across in the third inning. With Joe Mauer at third base and one out (with one run already in), Cuddyer struck out on a pitch way out of the strike zone. As I said after Cuddyer's cycle last Friday, the guy loves to fail in clutch situations. All he's done since the cycle is hit two solo home runs in losing efforts. Cuddyer's a lot like the erstwhile Torii Hunter in that they love to pad stats in blowouts and they wilt at the knees in clutch situations. I don't think Hunter had one hit in the clutch in his entire career with the Twins, and I'm struggling to think of a big hit that Cuddyer has had. He was the beneficiary of hitting between Mauer and Morneau in 2006 and he put up some good numbers that year; he's parlayed his one good year in the majors into a large contract, and the Twins are paying for it now. For most of the season Cuddyer has looked old, frankly, and his serviceability for the Twins is really limited. But, like Nick Punto, Cuddyer's contract isn't going to be easily moved, and the Twins are essentially stuck with him.



Randy Choate came in to shut the door again on Saturday, recording his second major league save the day after his first. Ex-Twins great Grant Balfour had provided a more-than-adequate bridge between Price and Choate. Boy, wouldn't the Twins love to have Balfour right about now. Just another example of the Twins being overrated in their talent-appraisal department; they let guys like Grant Balfour and Casey Blake and Matt Garza and Jason Bartlett go and they keep guys like Nick Punto and Matt Tolbert and Alexi Casilla. Tolbert, by the way, lost his second-base job to Casilla, and Brendan Harris will play short until Nick Punto is healthy, which hopefully is never. It's the second time this year that the Twins have replaced someone at the major-league level with a minor-league callup, which is simply ridiculous. Casilla and Tolbert were in the minor-leagues for a reason -- they suck, and in both cases, they were called up from Rochester and inserted into the everyday lineup. For how bad Tolbert is, I think Casilla might actually be worse, but his bloated 2008 numbers mean that he'll get the benefit of the doubt. Just like the Twins are still banking on Punto to replicate his 2006 numbers, the Twins will probably give Casilla three years of sucking until he finally proves to the team that 2008 was a fluke.


Nick Blackburn, suddenly the staff ace (which doesn't strike fear in anyone), goes today to prevent another road sweep. Matt Garza opposes Blackburn, marking the first time that Garza will pitch against his former team. Garza's been a lot better than his 4-3 record would indicate, and we all know that it is protocol for ex-Twins to kill their former team at least once (Corky Miller) if not repeatedly (Casey Blake). Bank on a Rays sweep.