APRIL 11, 2010 -- CHICAGO 5, MINNESOTA 4

The Twins find a way to lose on Sunday, barring them the chance of entering their new ballpark on a six-game winning streak. Nick Blackburn was in continuous "lets-give-up-the-lead" mode all day long, as he surrendered three home runs to the White Sox. Paul Konerko's two-run shot in the first was at least hit by a guy who you expect to go deep. Blackburn giving up homers to the likes of Mark Kotsay and Gordon Beckham, however, are not. If you want to win, you've got to get guys like Mark Kotsay out every time at bat, and certainly you don't give up home runs against them. But Sunday was not without its share of goats. There's Ron Gardenhire for putting Nick Punto in the starting lineup. Punto's double-play grounder early in the ballgame was crucial, as the Twins were threatening to make it a short day for Mark Buehrle. So predictable was Punto's failure at the plate that it made Brendan Harris' walk in the previous at-bat look genius. But Ron Gardenhire is a goat of every Twins loss; what makes the Twins unique is how often the spread around the love, so to speak, in terms of losing ballgames.


Scott Ullger has to be one of the stupidest men working in the major leagues. That's saying something, because not many members of the Twins management are going to get into Mensa anytime soon. But the game ended so pathetically that Scott Ullger must be chided for his ultimate stupidity in the ninth inning. With J. J. Hardy at first base and two outs, pinch-hitter Jim Thome doubled off the wall in left field. Hardy of course was off with the crack of the bat, but had not quite made it to third base when the ball was relayed to the infield. What does Ullger do? He sends Hardy, and he's thrown out by forty-five feet. I realize that you want to make things happen, Ullger, but my God -- that was absolutely pathetic! It's true that Nick Punto was the on-deck hitter, likely to be replaced by a pinch hitter (though with Ron Gardenhire, you might very well see Punto hitting for himself in that theoretical situation -- or he'd send up Alexi Casilla). Maybe that was what motivated Ullger to make such a stupid decision. And in the post-game interview, it was suggested that perhaps Hardy made the decision to go on his own. Either way, the third-base coach needs to do his job there. Hardy doesn't have eyes in the back of his head, and Ullger has a clear view of the play. Who knows what would have happened if Hardy would have rightfully stayed at third, but at least don't make it look that pathetic.


Now the Twins return home for the first time, and for the first time since 1981, the Twins will be playing outdoors in their home whites. Tomorrow, readers will be treated with co-blogger Hank Rickenbacker, who will have a report from the game. It's the first game that Hank's attended since the old Met, and he'll be able to give us a full report on Target Field as well as the Red Sox-Twins game. Looking forward to it Hank!

APRIL 10, 2010 -- MINNESOTA 2, CHICAGO 1

The winning ways continue in Chicago, as Jason Kubel bails out the rest of the lineup by smashing a two-run home run for the lone Twins scores of the game, and Scott Baker pitches well enough to pick up his first victory of the season. For the majority of seven innings, the Twins were handcuffed by White Sox retread fifth-starter Freddy Garcia, who has been reduced from the sometimes-dominant pitcher he once was for the Mariners and Chisox to a slop-throwing Quadruple-A pitcher who probably would be a better fit with his neighborhood beer-league softball team. Instead, the Twins looked baffled by Garcia, which is truly pitiful, but not as pitiful as the White Sox lineup, which appears to have lost nearly all of its potency that it had for years. But Kubel did the job, and the bullpen preserved the lead, including Jon Rauch, who picked up his fourth save of the season with relative ease.

Ron Gardenhire cannot escape the long arm of the MTRC, however, for his mismanagement in the top of the eighth inning. The Twins had the bases loaded and nobody out and Michael Cuddyer at the plate. Ozzie Guillen brought in reliever Scott Linebrink to pitch to Cuddyer, who predictably didn't get the job done. Cuddyer's one of the most un-clutch hitters around, and whenever there are runners in scoring position, Cuddyer seemingly always either pops up or strikes out. Cuddyer's patheticness cannot be attributed to Gardenhire. But the next at-bat absolutely must. Gardenhire let Alexi Casilla hit. Casilla, who had entered the game for basepaths-clogging Jim Thome an inning before, remained in the game as the DH and hit for himself. WHY? We're not quite sure why any person -- it doesn't even care how much they know about the game of baseball -- would let a guy like Alexi Casilla hit in that situation. What Gardenhire would probably tell you is that they didn't have any left-handed hitting options to face Linebrink, so Casilla was the best matchup for the situation. This, of course, is a self-defeating prophecy, as Casilla is as much a left-handed batter to be taken seriously as I am the star of the next Real World. You might as well put a lamp shade in the batter's box when Casilla's turn in the order is up. Of course, Casilla struck out, and the Twins failed to score after loading the bases with no outs. In a different game, when you're actually facing a quality opponent, that kind of managerial blunder costs you games. And when you're in a tight division that has necessitated the playing of a 163rd game the last two seasons, one game makes the difference. Because Gardy got off the hook with this move, expect it to happen again -- and expect it to backfire big time.

Like most successful seasons, the Twins are winning in spite of Ron Gardenhire's best efforts to lose the game. We'll see if the Twins can complete the sweep on Sunday, with Nick Blackburn facing Twins nemesis Mark Buehrle.

Photos: (1) AP/Paul Beaty; (2) AP/Jim Mone

APRIL 9, 2010 -- MINNESOTA 4, CHICAGO 3 (11 innings)

The Twins continue their winning ways on their season-opening road trip, pulling out an extra-inning victory from the hands of the White Sox, who squandered plenty of chances to win the game. J. J. Hardy, suddenly the Twins' #3 hitter, won the game with a two-out single in the eleventh, prompting many fans to scratch their heads and try to remember the last time a Twins shortstop had hit third for this team. Is never the right answer? Certainly the last few years have featured offensive black holes at short stop, but it's almost surprising that Ron Gardenhire didn't put Nick Punto in the #3 hole for at least one game. The way Gardy'd justify it would be worth it -- to say that he had good numbers against a certain pitcher and that he's an "igniter" anyways. He came close enough last year when he had the balls to put Punto in the #2 hole "protecting" Joe Mauer. But, with Hardy, the Twins actually have a major-league ballplayer in the starting lineup. Add Orlando Hudson to the mix, who, although he's having a rough start to the season at the plate, is another bona fide professional, and you get to see how much an improvement the 2010 team is over last year's sad-sack loser version which featured thoroughbred Double-A talent in Carlos Gomez, Alexi Casilla, Matt Tolbert, Nick Punto, and others as key parts in the everyday lineup. The 4-1 start is an early indication that this team is leagues better than last years, and it has absolutely nothing to do with Ron Gardenhire, folks. It's not like Ron Gardenhire has the ability to coax quality at-bats out of the newcomers. Here's a guy who took good players (see Ortiz, David) and nearly sucked the life out of them. No, the thanks should be in order to Bill Smith, who's suddenly earning his keep after sleepwalking through the first few years on the job.


Scott Baker will make his second start on the road trip, facing Chisox retread Freddy Garcia. Joe Mauer will be back in the lineup Saturday after sitting in lieu of Drew Butera, who only struck out in all three of his at-bats on Friday night. Like father, like son -- Drew's dad Sal was an offensively-challenged backup catcher in his own right. With Butera and Casilla taking up roster spots, Gardenhire has at least set his quota at two minor-league players on the 25-man major league roster (never minding pitcher Alex Burnett, who's serving as an injury replacement for Clay Condrey). Like himself, Ron Gardenhire has a fond spot in his heart for undeserving players in the big leagues. The big difference, however, is that when Gardenhire played himself, he played on a terrible New York Mets team that had nothing to play for anyway (interestingly, once the Mets started to get good in the mid-80s, Gardenhire was waved bye-bye). Nowadays, Gardy helms a competitive team that can't afford to lose games due to minor-league talent clogging up the roster. It was sure cute, though, to see those three pathetic at-bats from Drew Butera on Friday. Cute.

Photos: (1) AP/ Nam Y. Huh; (2) AP/Steven Senne

Opening Day Roster Announced

Ron Gardenhire made a couple of noteworthy announcements over the past few days regarding the 2010 roster. First, he announced that Nick Punto will be his regular third baseman, ending speculation that Brendan Harris would platoon with Punto at the hot corner. This, of course, is a potentially disastrous move that could end up costing the Twins valuable runs and, hence, victories down the road. One failproof tenet that people should learn here at the MTRC is that Nick Punto will do everything in his power to lose baseball games for the Twins. Punto defenders are usually quick to point out his defensive prowess, but Punto's glove can betray him just as easily as his bat always does. Of course, Brendan Harris is far from a viable upgrade at third, but in comparison to his competition, Harris suddenly looks like Brooks Robinson next to Punto. Alas, Harris will ride the pine for the time being. Most clubs (well-managed ones, at least) would confront the situation by at the very least giving one player the job on a earn-your-keep basis; if you're not producing, you're going to be replaced. Yet, Ron Gardenhire has been through a five-year trial period with Punto and has loved what he has seen (i.e., .210 production at the plate and an average glove). So even if Punto goes out there and hits a buck-forty with ten errors through April, he's likely to keep his job until he gets injured or retires or dies. In many ways, he's like a Supreme Court justice -- job security is a given for a guy like Punto on a Ron Gardenhire-run team.

Secondly, Gardenhire has given the closer's job to Jon Rauch instead of a closer-by-committee approach that he hinted at last week. As a closer, Rauch reeks of a Ron Davis type, one that blows saves in epic fashion. Like Davis was, Rauch is a more than serviceable bullpen asset in a set-up role; replace Davis' Coke-bottle eyeglasses with Rauch's one-of-a-kind neck tattoo, and the similarities continue. At least Rauch isn't Matt Guerrier, but the chances that Ron Gardenhire would prefer losing games in the ninth inning with Guerrier were slim anyways; Gardenhire has proven that Guerrier is a much better pitcher to plug in there when Gardy is in the mood for blowing eighth-inning leads. Consistency in stupidity is a motto that Ron Gardenhire has always employed, and with the roster already undergoing a major change (Nathan's injury), Gardy was certainly hesistant to continue to shake up an already crappy bullpen. In a mild surprise, Pat Neshek made the club out of spring training, but his effectiveness will be questionable considering he's coming off a lengthy rehabilitation from Tommy John surgery and his mechanics leave something to be desired in the first place. Guys like Jose Mijares and Clay Condrey and Brian Douchebag will be "relied" upon to get late-inning outs, too. In short, the bullpen will again be a headache in 2010, and their troubles are exacerbated with the glaring absence of the lone consistent arm, Joe Nathan.

Gardenhire's love-fest with Alexi Casilla will continue for at least the beginning of this season. This move to have Casilla occupy the final roster spot is supremely confounding, but the other options -- Matt Tolbert, Jacque Jones, et al. -- barely sound better. The thing that is so frustrating is that Casilla has done absolutely nothing to deserve winning the spot. He was atrocious in all three of his call-ups last season, played pathetically in winter ball and his average was hovering in the .150 range during spring training. Add to the fact that Drew Butera won the job as Joe Mauer's backup catcher -- not Jose Morales, not Wilson Ramos, who perhaps deserved the job based on spring training performance -- and Gardenhire's final roster spots are a confusing mess. But hey, it's not like we're surprised at this sort of tomfoolery. Leave it up to Ron Gardenhire to turn simple talent appraisal into an unfunny joke.

Look for complete 2010 predictions Sunday.

OCTOBER 6, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 6, DETROIT 5 (12 innings)

I've got to tell you guys -- with a little salt and pepper, crow actually doesn't taste that bad. I'm more than happy to eat a little crow, however, after the Twins completed their miraculous comeback to win the Central Division title (or, as Ron Gardenhire calls it, the Holy Grail). In many ways Tuesday's tiebreaker was a whole lot like the majority of Twins games -- plenty of missed opportunities by guys that are deservedly in The Doghouse, some lucky breaks that go the Twins way, and in the end a Doghouse Denizen gets the game-winning hit. I kind of saw Alexi Casilla's game-winner coming, as he had failed to score the winning run a few innings before due to his stupidity; granted, that was on a Nick Punto sacrifice fly, and at least God has a sense of humor, or at least good sense, because Nick Punto just cannot win the biggest game of the season for the Twins. All in all, it was a whale of a game, and now they get to go to the Bronx and throw Brian Duensing to the wolves. I've heard it all been said -- "anything can happen in October" -- but a Twins win over the Yankees here would be nothing short of apocalyptic. Whatever. Go get 'em, Douchebag.

I had the pleasure (I guess) of watching most of the second half of the game at a local watering hole, and it was there that I found some startling facts out about certain Twins fans. One, that some Twins fans actually like Matt Tolbert, which I thought was damn near impossible. I thought the only reaction any person could have regarding Matt Tolbert was that he was absolute garbage on the baseball diamond. Another was that a lot of people were surprised when Matty Guerrier delivered his most timely Matt Guerrier Special of the season. I predicted Guerrier would blow the lead once Orlando Cabrera put the Twins ahead in the seventh with his home run (everybody was just going nuts over Cabrera, saying that he'd been the biggest piece of the puzzle and the key for the Twins' turnaround!) and got some knowing glances once Magglio Ordonez promptly tied it off Guerrier in the eighth. These "fans" also weren't livid when Ron Gardenhire, in his infinite wisdom, burned his bullpen by the eighth inning and had to get two innings out of Joe Nathan, then had to turn to Jesse Crain and Bobby Keppel to preserve the tie. Crain gave up the lead, and the Twins were bailed out only because Ryan Raburn lost Michael Cuddyer's liner in the lights and misplayed it for a triple. Keppel gave up the lead, too, but umpiring saved the Twins big time in the 12th. With the bases jammed, Keppel clearly grazed Brandon Inge's jersey with a pitch, but home plate umpire Randy Marsh didn't see it that way, and that turned out to be the biggest call of the game, as Inge would force out a runner at home and Gerald Laird struck out to end the inning. As always, the Twins rely on a little bit of luck, both with their ballpark and the men in blue.

I probably could go on further about the game, but let's just leave it at that. It was a terrific, exciting thriller that will go down in Metrodome lore. It's almost too bad that they have to get their butts kicked by the Yankees; if only that could be the swan song on the Teflon Treasure. As mentioned before, Duensing pitches today for the Twins at 5:07 local time, and he opposes Twins killer C.C. Sabathia. Sabathia's 13-8 with a ERA just about 3 in his career against the Twins, and he seems to pitch exceptionally better when there's something on the line. Like everybody says, anything can happen in October, and the Twins are hot. But as Tuesday's contest showed, the Twins' biggest problem remains the bottom of the order. How many times in the game did Matt Tolbert and Nick Punto come up with the game on the line? How many times did Ron Gardenhire let those two slugs hit? That will come back to haunt them against New York, mark my words.

Photos: (1)AP & Star Tribune/Brian Peterson; (2)AP/Tom Olmscheid; (3)AP/Paul Battaglia

SEPTEMBER 6, 2009 -- CLEVELAND 3, MINNESOTA 1

The nail-in-the-coffin road trip that I thought would really come to fruition in Toronto has blossomed a little premature with the Twins' second pathetic effort in three games against the second-division Indians. David Huff was a guy who the Twins just pummeled the first two times facing him, and on Sunday all the Twins were able to scratch across against Huff in seven innings were two measly base hits in the fifth inning. Add to the fact that Nick Blackburn gave up three back-breaking two-out hits, and that's a formula to lose a game in which you desperately need to win. It's not the formula that the Twins have used all that frequently in the second half -- they love to use the "three-inning, seven-run performance by a starter" formula, but the hallmark of a bad team is that they find different ways to lose. The Twins aren't simply one-track losers; they can scratch and claw their way to losses and, most importantly, be creative in their patheticness. Case in point Sunday, when they use a botched run-down to directly lead to the Cleveland insurance run. Michael Brantley had just knocked a two-out single to score the go-ahead run, and the throw to the infield was cut off, and Brantley was a dead duck between first and second. But, because of the Twins' ineptness, they fail to get Brantley out, mainly because Michael Cuddyer playing first base has no clue how to defend his position. Sure enough, Brantley would end up scoring on a base hit in the next at-bat. Though the extra run certainly wasn't needed considering the Twins offense on the road, it was yet another stroke of the hammer banging down on that coffin nail.

Contrast the Twins' sluggish performance on Sunday against a miserable opponent with the Tigers' character-building classic comeback against Tampa Bay. Down 3-1 with one out in the ninth, Brandon Inge hit a grand slam home run, leading the Tigers to a 5-3 win that extended their division lead to a comfy seven games. Though the Tigers' magic number is 20, that home run might have damn well clinched the division for Detroit. A three-game sweep on the road against the defending AL champs, in which all three games featured the Tigers scoring late runs to win the game, is proof positive that the Tigers are for real. Can you see the Twins having that impressive of a series on the road against a good team? The Twins can't even win two out of three against the Cleveland Indians -- facing the team with the second-worst team ERA in the league, the Twins scored a whopping seven runs in the entire series (it certainly doesn't help when your "stars" like Cuddyer and Justin Morneau are in extended slumps -- 0 for 16 for Cuddyer, 0 for 19 for Morneau). As I've said before, the lone drama that will unfold here in September is whether the Twins can hold on to second place. Before the season I predicted an 82-80 third-place season for the Twins, a prediction that resulted in sneers and derision and skepticism from overly optimistic fans who banked on the notion that 2008 wasn't an outrageous fluke. Though I hoped I was wrong, I just didn't see how certain players could duplicate their success in 2009 (guys like Casilla and Buscher and the entire starting staff). Unfortunately, it looks like my prediction has turned out to be precient, though I would like to see the team put it together here at the end and finish above .500.

Photos: AP/Tony Dejak

SEPTEMBER 4, 2009 -- CLEVELAND 5, MINNESOTA 2

The Twins follow up their most deflating loss of the season with perhaps their worst overall effort, losing pathetically to the Cleveland Indians, 5-2. The Twins were just plain sloppy in all aspects of the game on Friday, committing four errors in the field, receiving a mediocre-at-best start from the mediocre-at-best Carl Pavano, and again failing to hit anything of notable authority against Tribe starter Jeremy Sowers. Orlando Cabrera was quoted as saying that he thought the offense needed to pounce on Sowers, what with his 5+ ERA coming into the game; fortunately for Cabrera he didn't have to be on the team in the past, when they pretty much hit with their hands tied against Sowers. Scattering six hits against Sowers and that not-so-vaunted Cleveland bullpen is simply not going to be enough for you any day of the week, especially not one in which your defense doesn't show up and your pitchers don't make good pitches in key spots. Brendan Harris led the way with two errors at third base, all but solidifying his spot on the bench for Saturday's matinee in favor of the Fantastic Nick Punto. I, for one, really look forward to that. In fact, I'm steeped in anticipation.


The Twins certainly had chances at the plate to cut the deficit that Pavano put them in, notably in the fifth and sixth innings against Sowers. Alexi Casilla, back under the Mendoza line where he belongs, grounded into a rally-killing double play with runners on first and second in the fifth inning, and Michael Cuddyer continued his two-out, runners-in-scoring-position non-brilliance in the sixth inning, when he flew out measly to the outfield with two men on base and the Twins down by a run. Cuddyer's now batting .172 on the season in those situations, and if you expand those numbers, it becomes clear that this guy does all of his damage in low-pressure situations. With no one on base, Cuddyer does just fine -- .305 average, 18 home runs, .982 OPS. But he's a totally different player with guys on base, hitting a mere .236 with a .704 OPS. And you have to factor in the reality that Cuddyer really comes to play when the rout is on. He's best known for his eighth-inning three-run home runs that extend the Twins' lead to 13-3. Really crucial hits, you know. Back to Friday, the threats that the Twins mounted in those two innings was enough to prompt Eric Wedge to go to his bullpen, but the likes of Tony Sipp and Jose Veras and Kerry Wood would breeze through the Twins in the late innings, not allowing a hit for the final three innings.

Scott Baker goes for the Twins today against Justin Masterson. The last time Baker faced the Indians he shut them out on two hits, by far the best start by any Twin this season. Has anyone noticed that Baker's gone 10-1 since June started? That has certainly flown under the radar for me, and he'll have to continue that hot streak if the Twins want to stay in second place.

Photos: (1) AP/Mark Duncan; (2) http://www.citypages.com/

AUGUST 30, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 5, TEXAS 3

A perfect example of the Twins winning a game in spite of their manager, Ron Gardenhire, whose moves in the bottom of the eighth inning are head-scratching mystifiers if you ask this fan. To make matters worse, Dick Bremer pointed to "shrewd managing" as a reason why the Twins were able to come back against the Rangers; it's unfortunately paradoxical and counter-productive when one idiot heaps praise on a fellow idiot. Let's examine this half-inning to see how the Twins were shockingly able to come back: after Justin Morneau walked and Jason Kubel singled against C.J. Wilson, Michael Cuddyer came up to the plate with one goal in mind: to strike out. Some baseball people would have had Cuddyer bunt, but I'm fine with what happened. In those situations, Cuddyer has to strike out, because that is apparently what he's paid to do. No problem there. Then Brendan Harris singles to left to tie the game, and outfielder Nelson Cruz's error allows runners to move to second and third with one out. So far, so good for Ron Gardenhire -- he hasn't done jackshit, and the team has tied the game and is on the verge of taking the lead. Then he continues to do nothing, and inexplicably he lets Mike Redmond hit. Here's a guy who, if it weren't for Nick Punto and Alexi Casilla also being on the team, would be by far the worst hitter on your team, who hits the ball to the right side of the field because he can't catch up to anything at this point in his career and is perpetually behind the baseball. Gardenhire had some moves on the bench to make: Jose Morales, he of the Joe Mauer-esque batting average, Orlando Cabrera, and Seldom Young -- all three of those players are far superior hitters to Redmond. But Gardy goes with Redmond, who bounces it to first, and pinch-runner Carlos Gomez is only able to score because of a bad throw home. Gardenhire again lucks out, does nothing and gets the advantageous bounce to take the lead.

Now it's Nick Punto's turn, and Bremer lauded Gardenhire's ploy to bunt Punto here. As if everybody else in the building didn't also think that Punto just *might* bunt. Dude, have you seen Nick Punto swing the bat this season? It's kind of like watching Elaine Benes dance -- he's got these little kicks and herky-jerky movements that's very hard to watch most of the time. Yeah, like you're going to have Nick Punto try to swing away to get the run home. The bunt is a decent one, and Wilson's throw home was again errant, allowing the run to score, and Bremer takes that opportunity to praise both morons, Gardenhire and Punto, for teaming together to score another run. As if Gardy was done making moronic managerial moves; in the middle of the next at-bat, on a 1-1 pitch, Gardenhire pinch-runs Redmond at second base in favor of Orlando Cabrera? Whaaaaaat???!!! You'd pinch-run Redmond in the middle of an at-bat but you'd think that he could get the job done at the plate? What the hell are you thinking, Gardenhire? And to make matters worse, instead of putting Jose Morales behind the plate for the ninth, he loses his DH and has Mauer catch the ninth. Ladies and gentlemen, meet the Master of Logic, Ron Gardenhire. Oh, and as a side note, the Twins are unable to extend their lead because Alexi Casilla, batting .198 and second in the lineup again, failed to get a two-out hit. Hmm. I wouldn't have expected that.

So Sunday's game was a perfect example of the Twins winning despite their manager's best efforts to lose ballgames. Not that this should be necessarily new to Twins fans, as Gardy has done this ever since he took over the managerial reins in 2002. Unfortunately for the Twins, Gardenhire's poor managing did constitute enough to lose the season for the Twins in 2008, and if they want to make the playoffs this year, it's going to be the players that are going to have to rise up and win in spite of Gardenhire's best Pete Rose imitations. By the way, the Tigers' dramatic 4-3 win against Tampa Bay again prevented the Twins from moving up on Detroit.

Photos: (1) AP/Tom Olmscheid; (2) Getty Images/G. Newman Lawrence

AUGUST 29, 2009 -- TEXAS 3, MINNESOTA 0

The Twins follow up a nice victory against the Rangers on Friday with a pitiful effort against Scott Feldman and company, as they aren't able to score a single run off the Texas pitching staff and lose 3-0. Yet again, the Twins can't buy a hit with runners in scoring position, as they revert back to their old selves and strike out with guys at third and one out, as was the case so often for most of the season. The two biggest threats that the Twins posed were in the fifth and sixth innings against Feldman; in the fifth, Alexi Casilla struck out with Brendan Harris on third and one out. As you've probably noticed, Casilla's name has been largely absent from this site for a while, mainly because he was hitting much better than he had earlier in the season (granted, it's only a small accomplishment to raise your batting average from the .160-range to .201), but for that kind of non-production, Casilla's once again persona non grata here at the MTRC. Jason Kubel popped up in the same situation an inning later, and Michael Cuddyer's strike out to end the inning (what? Michael Cuddyer striking out in a pressure situation? No, really?) was the final nail in the coffin for the Twins. They didn't get a guy on base over the final three innings, and went softly into the night against the competitive Rangers. Again, the Twins fail to move on the Tigers, whose loss earlier in the day opened the door for the Twins to gain ground.

Carl Pavano didn't pitch horribly, but he did go out there and get his team in a hole right away, giving up two quick runs in the first inning. When your offense decides to take the day off, and collect only four hits and zero hits with guys in scoring position, two runs is far too many runs to give up. It's yet another example of the Twins failing to click on one facet of the game. Desparate for some kind of consistency in their starting rotation, it's that much more frustrating when their pitching can keep them in ballgames but then see the team lose because their offense phoned in the effort. Sure, they're only 4 and 1/2 games out, but the team that "we've all been waiting for" still hasn't come out to play this season, and that team that came out of spring training is a lot different than the players that are taking the field right now for the Twins. Pavano might as well be their ace for the starts that he's put forth, Brian Douchebag has a role that's much too big for a team that fashions itself as a contender, and as of Sunday Jeff Manship is going to be starting the Wednesday afternoon tilt against the White Sox, thereby becoming the second pitcher to be making his major-league debut during the "pennant chase." The one thing it certainly doesn't breed is a whole lot of confidence.

AUGUST 26, 2009 -- BALTIMORE 5, MINNESOTA 1

Well, so much for that winning streak the Twins had. Nick Blackburn goes on the mound for the Twins and he puts forth a Blackburn-esque outing, giving up two quick runs in the first inning to put his team behind the eight-ball early. One of those runs, it should be noted, was unearned due to another Orlando Cabrera error, as he had one hell of a game -- 0 for 4 at the plate, his league-high 19th error of the season which directly cost the team a run, and he was ejected for childishly slamming his bat after getting called out on strikes in the eighth inning. Certifiable idiots Bremer and Blyleven were suprised at home plate umpire Todd Tischenor's quick hook of Cabrera, but the more I think about it, the more I love that ejection. As Blyleven said, most of the time players are fined but never ejected for displaying such a poor example of sportsmanship. Yeah -- like a $5,000 fine is really going to make them think twice about doing that again, as these players already make insane amounts of money. For the kids that watch the game, these players are role models, and you damn well should get ejected for acting like a 5-year old. That and the fact that Cabrera sucks anyway.

Cabrera's ejection had some interesting side effects, mostly due to Ron Gardenhire's stupidity. It can be argued that Ron Gardenhire lost Wednesday's game even before it started, as he put both Alexi Casilla and Nick Punto in the starting lineup. Now, let's remember that the Twins were on a five-game winning streak. Does anybody want to guess how many of those five games Nick Punto appeared in? That's right -- zero. Of course -- after all, we are talking about one of the worst players to ever play in the big leagues. It makes perfect sense that the Twins reel off their biggest winning streak of the year and Nick Punto wasn't around to f*** things up. So what does Ron Gardenhire do to "keep the train moving"? He changes things up. He benches Brendan Harris, who had been playing third base since Joe Crede's back crapped out finally last Friday, and plays Punto at third. The best part about that work of genius was that Wednesday was Harris' 29th birthday, for Pete's sake. Yeah, we all know how much you hate Brendan Harris, but you don't have to be a dick about it. And what's worse is that by the late innings, after Punto had put forth his 0-for-2-with-two-strikeouts "effort", Gardenhire had to replace him with Brendan Harris anyways, which came back to haunt him when Cabrera was thrown out of the game. Michael Cuddyer had to be placed at second base and Casilla was shifted to shortstop, all because Ron Gardenhire was insane enough to change the entire momentum of a winning streak and put Nick Punto in a ballgame.

The Twins get a day off on Thursday before they play the competitive Rangers on Friday. With both the Tigers and White Sox losing on Wednesday, the Twins remained tied for second place, 4 and 1/2 games behind Detroit. The Twins will have to play well, which likely means playing without Nick Punto in the starting lineup, to beat the Rangers this weekend and give them a little momentum heading into the Chicago series next week.

Photos: (1) AP/Paul Battaglia; (2) http://www.bleacherreport.com/

AUGUST 15, 2009 -- CLEVELAND 7, MINNESOTA 3

Yet another example of the Twins horrendous inconsistency this season, as the fall weakly to the Cleveland Indians at the Dome. Michael Cuddyer set the tone for Saturday's patheticness when he popped up with the bases loaded and one out in the bottom of the first inning, the second such failure to get guys home from third base with less than two outs in this series (it's the umpteenth time that Cuddyer hasn't done his freaking job in those situations -- but hey, he's got "good" numbers, so we won't chastise him). Shin-Soo Choo (bless you) homered to lead off the top of the second and the Indians didn't look back, adding four more runs off beleaguered starter Anthony Swarzak and two more off Brian Douchebag to open up a 7-0 lead. A few meaningless RBI singles by Justin Morneau and Joe Crede in the fifth and a Joe Mauer solo home run in the ninth weren't nearly enough to come back on one of the worst teams in the league. David Huff had been so bad -- Twins-terrible, in fact -- against the Twins this season, but of course Ron Gardenhire's bunch picked Huff to be the one to shut them down on Saturday. It didn't help that Ron Gardenhire did one of the most insane managerial decisions of this season (which is saying something, believe me), by sitting Jason Kubel (who had gone 2 for 3 with a home run the last time he faced Huff) in favor of Seldom Young, whom Gardenhire "wanted in the lineup" over one of his best hitters. That makes a whole lotta sense, Gardy, to replace an elite hitter with perhaps the worst outfielder in the game -- I was going to say worst player in the league, but we have to remember that Seldom's not even the worst player on the team -- that race is a dead heat between Sirs Punto and Casilla.


I have to give new Twin Carl Pavano some mad props for his expletive he slinged on air during an in-game interview with Fox broadcaster Dick Stockton. Usually I'm not a fan of those in-game interviews, because especially if the inning drags on, it can get quite awkward to listen to. But in an attempt to skirt a foul ball that entered the dugout, Pavano let an "Oh, S@$%!" fly on-air, and even Bert Blyleven's snickering and Stockton's comments couldn't make that one easily forgettable. That happened to be one of the funnier moments in a game which was laughable from a fan's standpoint. Orlando Cabrera's seventeenth error of the season (on such a routine play, too) was hilariously pathetic, and Cleveland's four-run fifth inning off the two-headed monster of Swarzak and Duensing (sounds like a bad law firm) was nothing short of gut-busting. At this point of a lost season (with Detroit's sound thumping of a clearly inferior team, the Kansas City Royals (whom the Twins couldn't beat twice in three games at home earlier this week), the Twins are six games behind first -- and six games ahead of fourth-place Cleveland) all you can really do is laugh about it. There's no point in getting frustrated -- I think my frustration with the team left after the mid-May Yankee Massacre, and not only has this blog been the ideal outlet to let off steam regarding this pathetic ballclub, but it has been almost therapeutic to document the foibles of Gardy's sad circus of clowns.


The Twins face Aaron Laffey on Sunday, who's been nothing short of Steve Carlton this season against the Twins. Nick Blackburn unfortunately takes the mound for the Twins.

AUGUST 14, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 11, CLEVELAND 0

Well, the Twins won on Friday, so that must mean two things: one, that they won by six or more runs, and two, that they'll likely lose on Saturday. The Twins haven't won back-to-back games in the month of August, and again there's nothing that can signal to Twins fans that Friday's 11-0 romp is a harbinger of future success. On Friday, they were clicking on all cylinders: Scott Baker pitched an outstanding two-hit shutout (which likely means that his next start will be as frustratingly horrendous as this one was terrific), and the hitting was both timely and came from all parts of the lineup. Hell, even Alexi Casilla had two hits, including a bunt single that Dick Bremer blew all out of proportions, basically saying that it was the hit of the year and it likely will spark the Twins to overtake Detroit and win the division -- in fact, they probably won't lose another game the rest of the way because of Lexi's awesome single that raised his batting average to a still paltry .179. Jason Kubel continued his dominance over Cleveland, driving in five runs and hitting his sixth home run this season against the Tribe. When you win 11-0, most fans will condone such failure as two inning-ending double plays with runners on third and one out (compliments of Justin Morneau, and, not surprisingly, Michael "I Live to Fail in the Clutch" Cuddyer, whose lone contribution to the scoring came when the game was out of reach). People who follow this blog know that I'm not that forgiving. That kind of crap won't be tolerated here at the MTRC, and if they want to go anywhere, their "star players" need to get the job done in those situations. This is a team that hasn't won a close ballgame in over two weeks; if you're going to make a run at the division, at-bats like those are going to be the difference in games and perhaps the season. If I'm Ron Gardenhire, I -- wait, wait, wait. I'm not Ron Gardenhire and I don't even like the thought of being that weasel. Forget it.

Thanks to Dick Bremer's delusions, the broadcasters kept us well apprised of the goings-on in Detroit, where the Tigers won a classic pitcher's duel with a walk-off home run in the ninth inning, so the Twins' victory only prevented them from falling further behind the Tigers. The fact that anyone seriously believes that a team that came into Friday's action four games below .500 could actually win a division or even play consistent baseball is proof enough that Bremer belongs in a straitjacket. But I've heard this garbage for more than twenty years with this fool, and it ain't gettin' any better. I'd love to be able to mute the TV and flip on the radio for the play-by-play, but John Gordon and the Wrench, Danny Gladden, continue to yuk it up on the radio waves. One thing I will give the radio guys credit for (and especially Gladden) is that it doesn't appear that they're being paid to wax poetic on the heroic exploits of losers like Casilla and Punto. Gladden will tell you exactly what he thinks, which is a good thing when he's rightfully doing color, but it is a formula for disaster when he's calling the action. My vote is for Jack Morris to do Twins games more often -- anybody with me?

Any time that I have to criticize the broadcasters more than the players must mean that the Twins did well, and that they did. But as I said after Wednesday night's blowout win over the Royals, this team has done nothing to prove to their fans that they can ride these wins and start a winning streak. Most importantly is the fact that Anthony Swarzak gets the ball on Saturday afternoon, and he has lapsed into the scared rookie that most people figured he would be when he was first called up. David Huff, whom the Twins have roughed up twice this season, gets the ball for the Indians.

AUGUST 11, 2009 -- KANSAS CITY 14, MINNESOTA 6

Another embarrassing loss for the Twins, this time twice as embarrassing considering that it was to the hands of the lowly Kansas City Royals at home under the Teflon sky of the Metrodome. Making matters worse, the Twins weren't in this game right from the start. Before Nick Blackburn could blink, the Royals had already put four runs on the board in the first (three of which came home after there were two outs), and a Brendan Harris error in the second inning led to two more runs and Blackburn's departure. Although Blackburn didn't deserve to pitch any longer than he had, his short start meant that the bullpen would have to pitch the final 7 and 1/3 innings of the game, and that just spells runs. Sure enough, Brian Douchebag (who apparently won't be starting in the series), Bobby Keppel, and Jesse Crain all gave up runs in their relief outings, and only Jose Mijares, who pitched a clean eighth, was able to hold off the suddenly barnstorming Royals. This is a team that came into the game with one of the lowest team batting averages in the American League (batting .255 as a team), and they put up 18 hits in the game, making that the sixth game out of their last ten that the Twins pitching has given up at least fifteen hits in a game. Not surprisingly, the Twins have lost all six of those games, and the way things are going (and how the rest of this series is set up), it's going to be a challenge to even win one of these games against the last-place Royals.


Games like this must make those foolish fans who are still believing that the team is going to make the playoffs second-guess themselves. Blackburn had been the team's solid #1 starter throughout the first half of the season, but ever since Ron Gardenhire had the ingenious idea to rest Blackburn for ten days between starts (straddling the All-Star Break), he's pitched really, really poorly -- kind of like Joe Mays bad, or Sean Bergman bad, late-90s Twins bad. I read somewhere that it's possible that Carl Pavano, with one start down in his Twins career, is pert' darn near the ace of this staff, and I'd have to say that's about right. When you have zero starting pitching and even worse bullpen help, it's going to be increasingly difficult to notch wins, and right now the Twins are four games under .500. They're at the nadir of their season, and though they're five games out of first place, it's quite deceiving. Look at what the White Sox did the other day, by picking up Alex Rios from the Blue Jays. Though Rios hasn't proven that his monstrous contract he signed last season has been a good investment, he's a solid upgrade from what the White Sox had in their outfield, and he's still a young player. Rios and Jake Peavy are now going to be South Siders for quite a while, and even if the Sox don't win the division this season, they're going to be bonafide contenders for a good number of years. What have the Twins done to solidify their future, especially considering their move to Target Field next season? Nothing, at least, to signal to Joe Mauer that the Twins are committed to putting a winning club on the field, and if I'm Mauer, I sure as hell don't take one penny as a "hometown discount" to sign with the Twins. Mauer's a born winner, and he's not going to give a team which is so content with mediocrity the benefit of the doubt just because he was born a few minutes away from the stadium.


The Mark Grudzielanek experiment officially ended on Monday, when the Twins released the veteran infielder eight games into his comeback attempt with Double-A New Britain. The Twins felt that Grudzielanek's range wasn't what it once was, and his bat hadn't bowled over the Twins, either. That the Twins felt eight games was enough to prove to them that Grudzielanek wasn't the answer, and that they've given Alexi Casilla nearly 100 games at the major league level to prove to everyone else (other than the Twins' on-field management) that he isn't a major-league player is frankly a slap in the face to this Twins fan. Eight games is enough to gauge a veteran player who hadn't played competitively for a year due to injury? He was hitting .267 with the Rock Cats, which is roughly 100 points higher than what Casilla's hitting at the major league level, and don't talk about "range" when guys like Casilla and Punto are getting the bulk of the playing time at second base for the big-league team. They're average defensively -- sure, they'll put forth a Web Gem once in a while, but then also make plenty of miscues too -- and their defensive talents are further underemphasized when they give back all their defensive assets by consistently going 0 for 4 at the plate. With the Grudzielanek cutting, the Twins have officially said that they are just fine with their second basemen hitting .186 with average defense. Grudzielanek had a classic quote (actually a text message) printed in the Star Tribune that may go down as the quote of the year around here at the MTRC: "They [the Twins] just wasted my time." Thanks, Mark. That makes two of us.

AUGUST 9, 2009 -- DETROIT 8, MINNESOTA 7

The Twins make a valiant comeback after they let the Tigers take control of the game in which they had an early 3-0 lead, but it's all for naught once Matt Guerrier serves it up in the eighth, providing Twins fans of a glimpse of the 2008 Matty Guerrier that we know and love. The classic Matt Guerrier Special came back to haunt the Twins in the eighth, where Guerrier not only gave up the lead to the Tigers, but like all classic MGSes, he gave up the critical insurance run as well that ended up to be the deciding run in the game. In all the Twins pitching staff gave up fifteen hits, which is simply incredible -- it was the fifth time in nine games that the staff had surrendered that many hits in a game. Not surprisingly, the Twins have lost all five of those games. Tom Kelly used to say that the three most important facets of the game of baseball were pitching, pitching, and pitching, and never is that more true than with the 2009 Twins. They're hitting the cover off the ball right now, smacking three long home runs in Sunday's game and collecting fourteen hits of their own. If only they could get some consistent pitching, they'd be running away with the division and be in a position to actually compete with the elite of the American League. But alas, Sunday's loss drops them 5 1/2 games behind the front-running Tigers, and more importantly the Twins remain three games below the .500 mark.


Mike Redmond surprisingly got three hits for the Twins today. Perhaps Jarrod Washburn wasn't as "tough" an assignment for a backup player, which is a reference to Redmond's curious statements following Thursday's loss to Cleveland, where Redmond basically hinted that he shouldn't have been in the lineup facing Fausto Carmona. It's so bad that even the talent-free Redmond knows he's got nothing left in the tank, but he doinked three hits on Sunday and helped produce some runs. But his actual value for the Twins has continuously diminished, and that was emphasized on Sunday, when Ron Gardenhire was forced to remove Redmond from the game in the eighth inning for a pinch runner. Of course, when Gardenhire does that, that means that Joe Mauer must move from the DH spot to the catcher's position, which means that the pitcher must now assume the vacant DH spot in the batting order. By needing to pinch-hit for the .176-hitting Alexi Casilla in the same inning, Gardenhire effectively exhausted his bench in that one inning, and it nearly made for an embarrassing situation in the ninth inning. The pitcher's spot was sixth in the batting order for the Twins in the ninth, and that meant that if they were to mount a rally against Fernando Rodney, the Twins would have had no recourse but to send a pitcher to the plate with the game on the line (and no, I'm not using that as a euphemism for Nick Punto -- an actual pitcher (which, by the way, probably would be a better opportunity to score than if Punto had been at the plate)). It goes to show how having guys like Redmond and Casilla (who you're going to replace late in close ballgames anyway because they suck in more than one way) on the team absolutely cripples your roster. Again, there's a guy down in Triple-A who has a major-league batting average this season residing in Joe Mauer-land who's young, energetic, and isn't any more of a defensive liability than the elder statesman Redmond is. Why the Twins refuse to make the obvious talent upgrade is beyond me and I'm sure it continues to confuse Twins fans elsewhere. I would have loved to see Joe Nathan taking hacks at Fernando Rodney with the tying run on base with two out in the ninth inning -- actually I would have more enjoyed the look that Ron Gardenhire would have had on his face at that point. But, the patheticness of Seldom Young made that an impossibility when he took a brutal quasi-swing at Rodney's first pitch and tapped weakly to third base to end the ballgame.


The Twins have an offday Monday and then travel home to open a six-game homestand against the AL Central's two bottom feeders, the Kansas City Royals and the Cleveland Indians. Once again the Twins will luck out and not have to face Zach Greinke in that Royals series, but the real story will be that the Twins will have to have good starting pitching down the stretch if they want a sniff at the divisional title. It doesn't matter who you're playing -- the Yankees or the Royals -- if you can't pitch, like the Twins haven't lately, you simply won't win ballgames. The Twins aren't even sure who's going to make the Thursday afternoon game at this point, and Francisco Liriano is tentatively penciled in to make Tuesday's start. My bet is that Brian Douchebag makes one of those starts, and something tells me that Ron Gardenhire will go ahead and let Liriano make another start. It sure as hell doesn't inspire a whole lot of confidence when you are unclear who's going to be pitching the majority of the innings in an upcoming series. Especially when you consider yourself a playoff "contender."

AUGUST 6, 2009 -- CLEVELAND 2, MINNESOTA 1

Go figure. The Twins' biggest problem in the last two weeks (and the entire year, really) has been consistently ineffective pitching. Their loss on Thursday had absolutely nothing to do with pitching and had everything to do with an absence of clutch hitting. The Twins went 0 for 13 with runners in scoring position, this against an Indian ballclub which boasts of the worst pitching staff in the American League. Fausto Carmona was absolutely destroyed the last time the Twins faced him in early June, as he didn't last more than two innings. Here's a guy who was such a mess that he was sent down to Rookie ball to try to figure things out. Even with his six inning, one-run performance on Thursday, Carmona's ERA sits at a devilish 6.66, and the Twins were unable to get anything more than one measly run against Carmona and company. I believe this loss to be somewhat of a forboding defeat. Though previous to this game I had serious doubts whether they could win the division, I think after Thursday's debacle that they're done. I know it's August, but these are the kind of games that made me think of 2005 and 2007 -- in that it seems that if the Twins hit and put 5-6 runs on the board, their pitching fails them and they lose, and the games which their pitchers give up one or two or three runs, their offense fails them and they lose. I know it's just one game, but it was the kind of game that sort of tells a larger story -- and this story doesn't end with the Twins making the playoffs.

It's hard to pin the blame on one hitter when the team went hitless in thirteen at-bats with runners in scoring position, and nobody had an RBI for that matter (the lone run scored on a wild pitch). The top of the second was perhaps the most pitiful of the scoring chances that the Twins squandered, and guess who's to blame there -- no, you didn't say the bottom of the lineup, did you? After a Michael Cuddyer walk and a Joe Crede double put runners on second and third with nobody out, it was up to Mike Redmond and Alexi Casilla to get those runners home. That previous sentence would make it seem like those players have done that sort of thing in the past, which I know is purely asinine logic, considering the actual talent those players don't possess. Redmond hit a soft liner to the second baseman, pathetically wasting the first chance the Twins had. Now it's Alexi Casilla's turn. This guy's had one -- count it, ONE -- hit this season of any circumstance, against the Mariners in the opening series of the year. That clutch hit has been supremely dwarfed in a gigantic shadow of mental mistakes, defensive miscues, infield pop-ups, strikeouts -- consistent failure at the plate. Against Carmona, there wasn't any doubt that Casilla would not get the job done, and sure as shit, he strikes out, and after Denard Span tapped back to the pitcher, the Twins had wasted a golden opportunity to break through.

The rest of the game featured chances in which the Twins' best hitters, Justin Morneau and Joe Mauer and Jason Kubel, could not get clutch two-out hitting, which is a hallmark of good clubs. Considering the opponent that the Twins played, the series they just completed against the Indians was probably the worst series of the season for the Twins, especially because they now head to Detroit with zero momentum. The upcoming series against the Tigers might be a make-or-break series. Four and a half games behind the Tigers already, the Twins could be as much as seven and a half back before the weekend is up. And they'll have to face two of the Tigers' top three pitchers, Justin Verlander and Jarrod Washburn, which amplifies the importance of Friday's game, in which the Twins will face the struggling Armando Galarraga, who has never beaten the Twins in five career decisions. If the Twins want to have a chance at winning the division, they need to win this series, but what evidence is there to make that a reasonable thing to ask of this ballclub? This would be a perfect time for Ron Gardenhire to take a closed-door meeting with his ballclub and lay down some parameters -- tell his team that certain play will not be tolerated and that his players would get benched for making mental mistakes. Oh wait, that just happened two weeks ago, and it turned out those threats turned out empty and the effectiveness of said meeting turned out to be marginal and the respect for the manager turned out to be superficial. Well, it was worth a try.

AUGUST 2, 2009 -- LOS ANGELES 13, MINNESOTA 4

Another thorough ass-kicking to the hands of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, as they shellack the Twins pitching for the third straight game. It was the kind of game that reminded all Twins fans following their three-game sweep of the White Sox that this team simply cannot compete with the cream of the crop in the American League. Against the three best teams in the league -- the Yankees, Red Sox, and Angels -- the Twins are 6-17, and three of those wins earlier came against a depleted Angels team that was decimated by injuries. Fortunately for the Twins, they're done with those teams for the remainder of the season, and in reality the schedule certainly advantages the Twins down the stretch. They've got 24 games against the Central bottom feeders, the Indians and the Royals, so it's still in the realm of possibility that the Twins can win the division. But that's going to be a largely false accomplishment considering their competition in the division, and you would have to be insane or on drugs (or both) to think that the Twins could beat any of the actual contenders in the A.L. in the playoffs.

The biggest reason that they can't compete is that they just don't have the pitching, plain and simple. The team's ERA is 4.65 -- that's reminiscent of the mid-'90s pitching staffs helmed by the immortal Dick Such, when guys like Bob Tewksbury and Mike Morgan and Rich Robertson were toiling away on the mound. Glen Perkins was quoted as saying something along the lines of being frustrated in his last start to the White Sox after giving up a couple of home runs, because he "wasn't pitching his game." While that pearl of wisdom still confuses me, I think what he meant was that "his game" was more similar to his performance on Sunday afternoon, in which he gave up nine runs (eight earned) on a dozen hits in just four innings. Yeah, putting up a quality start is simply un-Perkins, and this kind of "pitching" was more of the regular Glen Perkins that we've become all too accustomed to. Now, when your starting pitcher gives up nine runs in four innings, you're basically out of the game at that point, but it doesn't help when you have nothing in the form of bullpen help that can perhaps salvage a game out of it. Brian Douchebag and Jose Mijares coupled to put the embarrassing finishes on one of the most embarrassing series that I've witnessed in years. Kendry Morales hit two three-run home runs for the Angels, and they pounded out fifteen hits yet again. The drubbing was so bad that it actually was historic in a bit; the Angels became just the second team in seventy-one years to score ten runs with at least fifteen hits in three straight ballgames (joining the infamous 1986 Cleveland Indians), according to the Elias Sports Bureau, which means that the Twins have never in their history been on the receiving end of such a pathetic pounding. Add to this the fact that Friday's game should have been a victory, and you may have had the worst weekend series in club history. Awesome.

Orlando Cabrera hit a home run in this game, but more important to me (and absent in any in-game or post-game discussion by paid liars Dick Bremer and Bert Blyleven) was Cabrera's error on a ground ball in the fourth inning that led to the lone unearned run in the game. The play was as routine as routine gets, and Cabrera seemingly coughed it up with ease. Certifiable idiot Bremer was one to say that the acquisition of Cabrera would mean that the Twins would get a Gold Glover at shortstop, which is true I guess in the fact that Cabrera has indeed won a Gold Glove in the past, but his decline in the last two years has been nothing short of precipitous, and that includes his defense. His error was his fifteenth on the season, which is the -- wait for it, wait for it -- most errors in the Major Leagues! That's not just the most errors among major league shortstops -- nope, that's the most errors committed by any one player at any position. Why exactly did we trade for this guy?

The Twins' batters seemed to be swinging potato peelers on Sunday, because the Angels racked up thirteen strikeouts against the Twins. Justin Morneau was the only Twin not to strike out, and Carlos Gomez took the sombrero, striking out all three times (each time more pathetic, I may add) he was at the plate. Alexi Casilla showed everyone why the Twins were wise to keep him on the roster instead of Brian Buscher by going 0 for 3 with two strikeouts, lowering his average to a paltry .166. Michael Cuddyer is nursing a minor injury right now, which normally I would definitely welcome, but that means more playing time for Seldom Young, who responded to the rare opportunity to start by going 0 for 4. For the greatness that the Twins do have in the lineup -- Joe Mauer, Morneau, Jason Kubel, and for the most part Denard Span -- the Twins have an awful bottom third of the lineup, and their fringe guys are not producing much either. Young, Brendan Harris, Gomez, Casilla, Nick Punto, and Joe Crede all have on-base percentages hovering around a measly .300. Brian Buscher, for what it's worth, did have a pretty solid .350 OBP, all the more reason to look at that transaction on Saturday and plain shake your head. It's becoming increasingly obvious that the Twins management does not seem to consider talent as an asset. But in reality, the lineup problems are secondary now to the pitching woes, and if the pitchers can't get anybody out, the Twins could score 13 runs and lose (wait...didn't that happen not that long ago?).

AUGUST 1, 2009 -- LOS ANGELES 11, MINNESOTA 6

The Angels score eleven runs off the Twins pitching staff for the second straight game, spoiling Orlando Cabrera's debut with the Twins. Anthony Swarzak pitched like sour milk, and then the bullpen pitched in with a five-run, three home run sixth inning that was a tandem effort by R.A. Dickey and Bobby Keppel, who after giving up two moon shots to the first two batters he faced, is quickly falling out of favor with everyone watching the Twins except Ron Gardenhire and Rick Anderson. But, as Dick Bremer would say, it's refreshing to hear someone like Keppel be upfront and "take responsibility" for Friday's pathetic eleventh inning. Refreshing, sure; but what would really be refreshing is if Bobby Keppel could get batters out, or even better, it'd be damn refreshing if the Twins cut their ties with this guy. It would be refreshing to be a fan of an organization that knows talent and tries its best to put the best players on the roster, and to use the best out of those players to place in their everyday lineup. That would be refreshing, yes, but the reality is is that I'm likely going to stay thirsty here for quite a while.


One example of this poor talent assessment is the transaction that the Twins made before the game on Saturday, when Brian Buscher was inexplicably sent down over Alexi Casilla's .171 average to Rochester to make room for Cabrera on the roster. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not here to laud praises on a guy hitting .225, but when the choices are .225 with a little pop who can deliver a pinch hit once in a while and a guy who's hit progressively worse in three seperate stints with the club, can't play consistent defense, is a mentally putrid player and sucks the team dry of offensive production in the bottom of the order, I'll take Busch any day of the week. What had Casilla done to deserve staying on the roster? He was recalled just before the All-Star break when his average was .180; somehow the guy found a way to lower that another ten points. The guy has simply failed at every aspect of the game, and his value as a fifth infielder at this point has to be lower than Buscher's value as a pinch-hitting option. Again, not to say that Buscher absolutely deserved to stay with the club, either, but everyone in the entire league has outperformed Alexi Casilla in 2009, and there's no excuse for leaving him on the roster.


But there is, according to Ron Gardenhire (who said this, according to Dick Bremer). The main reason for Casilla to stay on the ballclub, according to these two clowns, was that the veteran presence of Orlando Cabrera could perhaps help the young Casilla get a better understanding of the game of baseball. Casilla can learn from Cabrera, and it would be more valuable for the Twins long-term if Casilla were directly mentored by Cabrera for the two months that he's going to be in a Twins uniform. This notion is at once pathetic and self-defeating in all its intentions. This is a kind of thing that non-competitive teams do. If you're the Kansas City Royals or the Washington Nationals or the Pittsburgh Pirates, you can afford to do things like this and you probably could benefit from such a move. But according to everyone paid to like the Twins, this is a "competitive" ballclub that has set its sights on winning the division. How can a "competitive" baseball team afford to keep minor-league talent on their roster when they're trying to win a division? A move like this, and the philosophy behind it, should signal to Twins Nation that this team has no intentions of trying to win a Championship (I would consider an A.L. Central Division title a supremely lower-case "championship"), and as a lifelong fan I can't help but be offended at such a philosophy.


Speaking of offensive philosophies, I think my respect of Ron Gardenhire sank even lower after I heard Dick Bremer report to everyone listening that some of the content of last Saturday's "closed-door" meeting following their 11-5 thumping at the hands of the Angels in Anaheim regarded foolish outfield defensive plays "such as missing the cutoff man." According to Bremer, Gardenhire had told his outfielders that if they missed the cutoff man, that they would get benched on the spot. That's something that I agree with 100%; especially when you're dealing with Mensa antitheses like Carlos Gomez, you need a "tough-love" approach to management. But on Friday, when Gomez missed the cutoff man in the first inning (which led to an extra run for the Angels, which by extension was a major reason the Twins lost the game), Gardenhire sat on his hands and did nothing of what he had threatened his players with just a week before. That is not only a terrible way to manage a baseball team, but that's a horrible way to run a company, to raise a family, to be in an interpersonal relationship -- you can add to the list ad infinitum. Do you have any idea what happens when you set clear-cut boundaries and specific penalties and then welsh on those parameters which you yourself set up? The behavior that you had attempted to extinguish in the first place will *undoubtedly* happen again. If you're a parent, it's like telling your sixteen year old not to have a party when you're gone for the weekend, and if he/she did that they would be grounded; and then you return home to find your kid's hosting a party at that minute, and then join in on the festivities. What does that signal to your sixteen-year-old? That he/she can do that again and not take anything you say in terms of "threats" seriously. As a manager of a major-league baseball team, you lose all credibility with your players and those who follow the team closely. In fact, if I were Brian Buscher, I would have had a hard time believing Ron Gardenhire when Gardy told him he was sent down Saturday, for the mere reason that Gardenhire did not follow through on his "promise" that he initiated just a week prior. This much is guaranteed, Gardenhire -- Carlos Gomez will miss the cutoff man again, and probably sooner rather than later. What are you gonna do about it? Remember that all the respect your players had has been transfered to the status of simply a buddy-buddy manager whose words can be taken very lightly. Yeah, we all knew you weren't Knute Rockne, but at the very least, don't be a f***ing Pinocchio, Gardenhire.

JULY 31, 2009 -- Trade Deadline; Detroit and Chicago 2, Twins 1

At around noon today, the news flash reported that the Twins had acquired Orlando Cabrera from the Oakland A's, in a deal that had been rumored to go down for nearly a week. In return the Twins gave up last year's second-round draft pick, a young shortstop named Tyler Ladendorf. The A's also sent cash to the Twins, thereby deferring even more of the $1.4 million still owed to Cabrera for the rest of this season. It's a safe move, relatively low-risk but not too high in terms of return. Sure, Cabrera's spot on the roster most likely means that the Alexi Casilla experiment will end for the third time this season, and it also means that Nick Punto can play second base instead of giving the Twins limited range at shortstop. But that also means that Cabrera's limited range takes over at shortstop, and it means that Nick Punto is still in the everyday lineup. And if you take a look at Cabrera's numbers this year, they're very, well, Brendan Harris-esque: he's hitting .280, but his on-base percentage is a paltry .318 and his OPS is just .683 (in comparison, Harris' OPS is a near-identical .676, and Harris' range is similar to Cabrera).

So in essence, the Twins got rid of a minor-league prospect in favor of a 34-year old version of Brendan Harris. Considering that Harris might actually be a better defender than Cabrera, the trade can be interpreted as a downgrade from what they have on the roster. But here's how the Twins management will spin this: a) the Twins made a move, which, save for an August acquisition like Eddie Guardado or Phil Nevin, they can't say they've done in six years and b) Cabrera is a playoff-tested "experience" guy who will bring a sort of veteran leadership to the clubhouse. Ron Gardenhire never liked Brendan Harris from the moment the guy put on a Twins uniform, and even though Cabrera and Harris are virtually identical players, Gardy probably will be more likely to use Cabrera and stick with Cabrera. As to the second "benefit" from getting Cabrera -- wasn't this the same player that the Chicago White Sox (and manager Ozzie Guillen in particular) criticized as being somewhat of a clubhouse cancer for the Sox last season? Sure, the guy's got a World Series ring, for being a deadline acquisition by the Red Sox in 2004. The more I consider the trade, the more I dislike it, even if this Ladendorf was a low-level prospect. But it will force Ron Gardenhire to not play Alexi Casilla, and in that long-shot possibility of Mark Grudzielanek being able to play this season, that may mean that Nick Punto can ride the pine like he should be.

And, of course, the Twins did nothing to address their bullpen issues or their pitching issues in general. With the Cabrera trade likely to make little impact for the Twins, it's interesting to consider that the moves that will most affect the Twins' chances of getting in the playoffs were ones that other teams made. Cleveland traded both Cliff Lee and Victor Martinez this week, and that's important for the Twins, because they still get to play the Indians 12 times down the stretch. Those games are even more winnable now with those players off the team. But you have to look at the other teams in the Central Division and clearly say that the Twins made the third-best acquisition out of the divisional contenders. The Tigers' acquisition of Jarrod Washburn was a great move for the current division leaders, as Detroit had a need for a quality starter and they sure got one in Washburn, who has the third-lowest ERA in the league at 2.64. And then the White Sox came calling at the eleventh hour and came through with Jake Peavy, who, though on the disabled list, now makes Chicago a viable contender in the divison. Though the Cabrera trade may slightly benefit the Twins, in reality it's a low-impact acquisition, and though I still hope that the Twins can pass the Tigers, I have to look at the pitching disparity and give the edge to Detroit at this point, and now the White Sox' rotation is as formidable as any in the American League. But here's to Cabrera hitting .410 as a Twin down the stretch and the Twins winning the division by seven games.

JULY 29, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 3, CHICAGO 2

The Twins sweep the Sox, getting a decent enough spot start from Brian Douchebag, who pitched admirably in Francisco Liriano's turn in the rotation. Alexi Casilla had two hits and two RBIs on the day that the Pirates dealt Jack Wilson and Freddy Sanchez (not surprisingly, neither of them went to the Twins, who desperately need middle infield help). Instead of looking for outside help, the Twins will use Wednesday's performance from Casilla to prove to their fans that he is capable of putting good wood on the ball, which is wrong on so many levels. First off, both of Casilla's hits were of the fly-ball variety, and this is a guy who should never be putting the ball in the air. How this guy got eight home runs last year is beyond me, and I don't think it's inappropriate to bring up the S-word with this guy when talking about Casilla's flukish success in 2008 (that's steroids, not...yeah, you get it; this year he's been the other S-word). Secondly, the goat of last night's game was arguably whatever Chicago coach had Scott Podsednik playing Casilla deep to center field, because Casilla's second hit was nothing more than a can-of-corn pop up to medium deep center field, and because of Podsednik's already limited range, he had no chance of catching it. So we're talking one legitimate hit and one cheeser -- but again, if you're struggling to hit .171, you'll take 'em any way you can. Nonetheless, Ron Gardenhire will point to this one two-hit performance as "proof" that Casilla can do the job. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if Casilla's hitting in the #2 hole on Friday. I'm serious; we are talking about one of the stupidest men in the game, after all.


Liriano was scratched from his start on Wednesday due to "swelling in his pitching forearm." According to certifiable idiot Dick Bremer, team doctors had checked out Liriano and given him the green-light to pitch on Wednesday, and then Ron Gardenhire went ahead and gave Douchebag the start anyway. Which brings up an interesting question: why even send Liriano to the doctor? If you weren't going to listen to the doctors, why not just put him on the disabled list for the hell of it? I can just see Ron Gardenhire going to a Mexican restaurant and asking the waiter if the fajitas are better with chicken or steak, hearing that the waiter highly recommends the steak, and then saying "thanks, but I think I'll go with the fish tacos instead." Doctors, schmoctors, Gardy would say; it's not like they've been to school for decades and might have an educated opinion on a medical issue. Face it, Gardy -- you've just been too pleased with Douchebag's horrendous pitching out of the bullpen that you wanted to put him on the mound to start a game. He did report to Dick Bremer that Douchebag's bullpen outings were "fine," which if anything changes the dictionary definition of "fine," because Brian Douchebag was far from "fine." Well, if by "fine" you mean "f***ing horrible," then I s'pose, Gardy. Keep eatin' those fish tacos, Ronny Boy.


Less than 48 hours to the trading deadline, or as it's known here in the Upper Midwest as "Status Quo Day" or "Time to Spiel The Old 'We Tried to Improve Our Team But We Didn't Want to Endanger Our Future' Rigamarole Day." Seriously, the only thing I expect Bill Smith to do come midafternoon on Friday is move his bowels. The Twins already made their quasi-move when they signed Mark Grudzielanek a few weeks back, and we'll see if he even makes it on the roster before the season is up. But, as some others have said, the Twins have so many holes right now that addressing all of them would require a complete overhaul of the team. In short, the team could use two top starters, a couple good bullpen arms and a new middle infield. And the way the other real contenders are actually addressing their needs, the Twins are going to be even more mismatched if they make it to the playoffs. If the Twins were to win the Central, they would likely face the Yankees in the first round; does that sound like wins to you? The Twins fan base is going to be teased again mainly because the Central is the worst division in baseball. If the Twins were in the AL East, they'd be 10.5 games back; the AL West, 9 games back; and that's not even considering the fact that with the Twins in the Central, their schedule is so much easier because of lots of games against bottom feeders like Cleveland and Kansas City. So yeah, go out and get Orlando Cabrera, because that's going to make us be able to beat the Yankees.