APRIL 12, 2010 - MINNESOTA 5, BOSTON 2

Hello folks, Hank Rickenbacher checking in. Well, my son Henry gave me and Betsy tickets to Opening Day as a birthday present, so yours truly was at the Target Field for yesterday's festivities. Before we get to the game, I thought you folks would like a "Rickenbacker Review" of the Target Field.Now let me just say, I don't know why the Twins ever left Met Stadium for a football stadium named after a hippie. What was wrong with the Met? And I remember all the hype about the Metrodome before that place opened, and look how that turned out. So when I heard all the hubbub about the Target Field after two practices, I thought, let's not put the horse before the apple cart here.

Well, I don't want to be a drain on the old parade here, but let's just say the Target Field isn't perfect. I mean, it's a nice looking park and all, and for all the tax money they spent on the place it better be. But after the drive Betsy and I were hungry enough to eat a pony, so we got in line at one of the concessions. Of course all the kids in front of us had to use their debit cards and the debit card machine wasn't working, so we waited thirty minutes just to order. What happened to good old fashioned green backs? Anyway I ordered a hot dog and they said they didn't have any hot dogs at that stand. You could've rolled me over with a feather. A baseball game, and I couldn't get a hot dog. Betsy, bless her heart, ordered us cheeseburgers, but they tried to charge us nineteen dollars for the two of them. Like heck I was paying that for two cheeseburgers, so we just left and found our seats.

Of course we had to get the seats in front of the four loudmouth Boston kids who watched about three pitches of the game total and babbled on and on with those mobile phones instead. Betsy said if I let them get to me, they'd win. Well I'm no loser, but let me just say I don't want to talk about those Boston kids anymore. Except that those punks could have used about five bars of Lifeway to clean out those mouths, good Lord, and I let 'em know it too.

Well after all that there was still a game to be played, and that’s why I made the trip down for my first game since 1981, because I have high hopes about this team. And I’ll say it was a good game for this Twins fan. Pavano pitched 6 strong innings, outdueling the Lester kid from Boston. I for one was not impressed with this “Lesser” fellow. He started his outing with a walk, and after hits by Hudson, Cuddyer, and Kubel he was down 2-0. Later, Punto turned his monthly hit into a run, and a lucky hop off the bag on a patented Mauer grounder led to another run. In the 7th Kubel hit the first moon ball in the Target Field and even landed one section from me and Betsy.

The Twinkies showed some swagger Monday which was refreshing since they usually play frightened against the Big Boys. They smacked the ball around, came inside with some pitches (though with the feminine way that Youklis kid holds the bat, I’d throw at him too), and generally acted like they were the better team. Gardenhire tested the limits of cockiness when he trotted out Brad Duensing for the 7th and then to start the 8th too! If that kid gets you three 7th inning outs against the Red Sox, you thank your lucky stripes and have a good chuckle about it later. You don’t tempt fate by sending him out there again! Thankfully the joke ended with a screaming double from one of the Beantowners, and from there it was Guerrier and Rausch to close things out.

All and all, a decent visit to the new park. I suppose I would go back, but I’ll plan on having Betsy pack some ground ham sandwiches for us, because nineteen dollars for two cheeseburgers is criminal. The Twins are back at it Wednesday at noon, Slowey vs. Lackey. Hammering Hank, signing off.

Photos: (1) & (2) - AP/Ann Heisenfelt; (3) AP/Paul Battaglia

APRIL 9, 2010 -- MINNESOTA 4, CHICAGO 3 (11 innings)

The Twins continue their winning ways on their season-opening road trip, pulling out an extra-inning victory from the hands of the White Sox, who squandered plenty of chances to win the game. J. J. Hardy, suddenly the Twins' #3 hitter, won the game with a two-out single in the eleventh, prompting many fans to scratch their heads and try to remember the last time a Twins shortstop had hit third for this team. Is never the right answer? Certainly the last few years have featured offensive black holes at short stop, but it's almost surprising that Ron Gardenhire didn't put Nick Punto in the #3 hole for at least one game. The way Gardy'd justify it would be worth it -- to say that he had good numbers against a certain pitcher and that he's an "igniter" anyways. He came close enough last year when he had the balls to put Punto in the #2 hole "protecting" Joe Mauer. But, with Hardy, the Twins actually have a major-league ballplayer in the starting lineup. Add Orlando Hudson to the mix, who, although he's having a rough start to the season at the plate, is another bona fide professional, and you get to see how much an improvement the 2010 team is over last year's sad-sack loser version which featured thoroughbred Double-A talent in Carlos Gomez, Alexi Casilla, Matt Tolbert, Nick Punto, and others as key parts in the everyday lineup. The 4-1 start is an early indication that this team is leagues better than last years, and it has absolutely nothing to do with Ron Gardenhire, folks. It's not like Ron Gardenhire has the ability to coax quality at-bats out of the newcomers. Here's a guy who took good players (see Ortiz, David) and nearly sucked the life out of them. No, the thanks should be in order to Bill Smith, who's suddenly earning his keep after sleepwalking through the first few years on the job.


Scott Baker will make his second start on the road trip, facing Chisox retread Freddy Garcia. Joe Mauer will be back in the lineup Saturday after sitting in lieu of Drew Butera, who only struck out in all three of his at-bats on Friday night. Like father, like son -- Drew's dad Sal was an offensively-challenged backup catcher in his own right. With Butera and Casilla taking up roster spots, Gardenhire has at least set his quota at two minor-league players on the 25-man major league roster (never minding pitcher Alex Burnett, who's serving as an injury replacement for Clay Condrey). Like himself, Ron Gardenhire has a fond spot in his heart for undeserving players in the big leagues. The big difference, however, is that when Gardenhire played himself, he played on a terrible New York Mets team that had nothing to play for anyway (interestingly, once the Mets started to get good in the mid-80s, Gardenhire was waved bye-bye). Nowadays, Gardy helms a competitive team that can't afford to lose games due to minor-league talent clogging up the roster. It was sure cute, though, to see those three pathetic at-bats from Drew Butera on Friday. Cute.

Photos: (1) AP/ Nam Y. Huh; (2) AP/Steven Senne

APRIL 6, 2010 -- MINNESOTA 5, LOS ANGELES 3

The Twins ride the power of three home runs and, after a shaky start, Nick Blackburn settled down and pitched into the seventh inning, notching the first victory of the season for the Twins. Three first-inning runs proved to be the difference in the ballgame, as Joe Mauer's two-run home run provided the spark the Twins needed, and Justin Morneau and J. J. Hardy also hit their first home runs of the season. With Ron Gardenhire forced to leave the ballgame because of "flu-like symptoms," one of the drones had to fill in, in this case Scott Ullger, who proceeded to make the same ticky-tacky managerial moves that has come to be expected from The Brain. A computer could very well manage this ballclub, as Gardenhire has become merely mechanical in his in-game management.

Brian Douchebag got a key out in the seventh, making fans across the upper Midwest wonder why Brian Douchebag is asked to get key outs in the seventh inning. Matt Guerrier pitched a clean eighth which prompted Dick Bremer to personally induct Guerrier into the Hall of Fame, and Jon Rauch mowed down the Angels in the ninth, the first of many saves Rauch will pick up that Joe Nathan couldn't have done any better. As I've said before, the closer's job is perhaps the most overrated role in all of professional sports, and actually (don't jump out of your chair or anything) the Twins might be better off without Nathan in the ninth, for the simple reason that Ron Gardenhire classically underused Nathan. Maybe Gardy will be more apt to go to Rauch in the eighth inning, something that was anathema when Nathan was healthy. Gardenhire constantly babied Nathan and, as a result, lost more games in the eighth inning because he refused to put his best pitcher in the game. If anything, Rauch is a more durable reliever, and he could go for a two-inning save with relative ease. Of course, that won't happen with Ron Gardenhire managing this group or any group for that matter. When you struggled to play baseball successfully, as Gardenhire's brief playing career indicates, your talent appraising skills aren't the best, and real talent is something to be feared. How else do you explain the consistent benefit of the doubt given to slugs like Nick Punto and Matt Guerrier? Anyways, Rauch is guaranteed to get 30 saves. With any luck and a good offense that will provide Rauch many save opportunities, he could get 60 saves. That's why the closer's position is so overrated. Frankie Rodriguez had a terrible season with the Mets last year after setting the record for saves in 2008 -- a worse team and a lack of luck cut Rodriguez's saves in half in one season's time.

Carl Pavano toes the rubber tonight for the Twins, and like Blackburn, Pavano's a guy to keep your eye on. His stuff is eminently hittable, and he wasn't all that good last season with the Twins (don't believe what Dick Bremer will tell you -- Pavano was average at best after joining the ballclub). In an interesting irony, Pavano is currently on track to pitch the home opener, which means that he would have started the final game in Metrodome history and the first game in Target Field history. If that happens, that'd be a nice factoid for uncles to spring on unsuspecting nephews for Christmas gatherings aplenty in the future.

Photos: (1) AP/Jae C. Hong; (2) AP/Ann Heisenfelt

MTRC Relaunch...We're Back in Business, People.

After a lengthy hiatus, I'm proud to announce that the Minnesota Twins Re-Education Center is going to be a go for the 2010 season! Like many nowadays, the MTRC was not immune to the tough economic times besetting the country currently, but thankfully a few of my most loyal supporters came through in a big way to provide the funding to maintain this site. So, to Donna, Terry, Hank, and Betsy, a big THANK YOU is graciously extended. As many of you know, the apiary business has not turned out to be an adequate source of part-time cash, and even with my Roth IRA not totally tanking, I needed to tend to the more important things over the winter; hence, the MTRC essentially shut down for a few months. But those four wonderful folks mentioned above wanted to see the MTRC return for this season and paid for that privilege. Our mission statement for 2010: Bigger and better this year. Hank Rickenbacher, who many of you voiced positive responses following his guest gig at the end of last year, has agreed to step into an elevated role for this season. You'll still be mostly hearing from me, but Hank will be featured here on something like a weekly/bi-weekly basis. I, for one, am excited to welcome Hank to the full-time staff here. Like hell I'd ask Mr. Rogers to be my neighbor -- I'm blessed to have Hank and his lovely wife Betsy (who makes the meanest oatmeal-raisin cookies, by the way) live so close by.

Now to get to the stuff you're hear to read about...

A secondary reason that I was resistant to relaunching the blog for the 2010 season was that I thought the Twins weren't going to be as underachieving (and, hence, having the potential for a hilariously pessimistic blog) as last season. They made some good moves in the offseason -- great moves if you count who won't be on the 2010 roster ([cough] Carlos Gomez [cough]). The middle of the field is greatly strengthened for 2010 -- J.J. Hardy provides a much-needed offensive spark at shortstop, and Orlando Hudson was almost too shrewd a move for the front-office to make; you'd think they'd prefer having Matt Tolbert sucking up scoring opportunities in the 2 hole like it's nobody's business. Add Denard Span playing center field full time (like he should have been for the past two seasons) and a locked-up Joe Mauer -- that's a potent combination down the middle. The Twins' other "significant" moves over the offseason were pretty humdrum -- the Jim Thome signing still confuses me, as I don't see him getting all that many at-bats, but at least he'll be a home run threat off the bench, and Clay Condrey might as well be a Matt Guerrier in disguise. At least Condrey's presence will give Ron Gardenhire one more serviceable option to blow leads in the seventh and eighth innings.


That's a good segue to the biggest news for the Twins since they opened spring training in Fort Myers, the Joe Nathan situation. Nathan's done for the 2010 season, about to undergo Tommy John surgery, seemingly dealing a devastating blow for the Twins in the bullpen. Sure, Nathan's a great closer -- right up there with Mariano Rivera in my book in terms of the best closers in the game. But we're talking about a closer here for crissakes -- someone who pitches one inning a game maybe three times a week. As lights out as Nathan can be, let me say it here -- he is replaceable. For any other team in the league and any other manager, Nathan's absence can be overcome through a little roster tinkering and a little inspiration and coddling by the coaching staff. But we're talking about the Tweedledee-Tweedledum regime of Ron Gardenhire and Rick Anderson here. Here's a pair of clowns who didn't know how to manage a pitching staff with a healthy Joe Nathan. Now that you take the all-star stopper out of the mix, I'd just as soon suspect Ron Gardenhire is going to dictate his relievers' appearances by drawing names out of a hat.

What the Twins should be doing right about now is exploring outside options. It can be a blessing that Nathan's injury occurred before the season, as it could give them some time to address the issue before the games counted for real. But let's be honest -- Bill Smith already went over budget when he signed Hudson for $3.5 million, and then he signed Mauer for his deserved extension. Do you think Smith is ready to pony up another few million to add a Heath Bell (the best choice) or a Kerry Wood (a distant #2 option)? Doubtful at best. Most likely the Twins will turn to in-house options [gulp] Jon Rauch, Matt Guerrier, and the like. Francisco Liriano's name has been bandied about in regards to the closer's job, and I for one would welcome Liriano in that capacity if they are going to go with an in-house replacement. He probably doesn't have the meddle to handle the stress that comes with the job, but Liriano usually unravels after two or three innings in his starts -- meaning that his first inning or two is usually solid. That being said, he's probably a LaTroy Hawkins in the making, and I doubt that Ron Gardenhire would want to throw Liriano in that position to start the season, even if he was their best candidate (Gardenhire, of course, struggles making talent-based decisions [see Punto, Nick]).

Either way you think about it, the closer's job is definitely replaceable. Even a pitcher with a solid 3.00 ERA is going to give up a run every three innings, and you just hope that that run is surrendered when the team is up by more than one run. And it's not like Joe Nathan was rock solid all the time -- his playoff record is, well, checkered at best (see the 2004 and 2009 playoffs against the Yankees), and his blown saves down the stretch in 2008 were a major reason the team didn't qualify for the postseason that season. A big loss, for sure, but one that can be overcome.

Photos: (1) www.babble.com/; (2, 4) AP/Steven Senne; (3) www.fullcountpitch.com

NOVEMBER 12, 2009 -- Carlos Gomez is out of the Doghouse!...And Post-Season Awards

Greetings all of you in Twinsland. It's been a while since I've posted here at the MTRC, but I have to admit -- I relished the month away from the blog, a month in which I thought about the disastrous Twins very rarely. Bums like Ron Gardenhire and Nick Punto are but a distant memory at this point in my mind, which is refreshing. I only have about four months here before I get to hear those names again.

After the Twins' predictably pathetic showing in the playoffs against the Yankees, I watched the other playoff games sparingly. I tried my best to watch some of the ALCS between New York and the Angels, but man, oh, man -- MLB has a lot to work on if it wants to retain its fan base. Soooooo boring! Game 2 of the ALCS was the worst. Whenever I tuned in to try to watch a bit of the game, Jose Molina was running out to the mound -- eight times in one inning -- to talk to A.J. Burnett. The games moved at a snail's pace, and just weren't fun to watch. Worst of all, the Yankees had to win the whole thing, though rooting for the Phillies isn't exactly great either. It turned out to be a Big Spender's version of the playoffs, with four teams with bloated payrolls playing in the League Championship Series'. And it was because I thought that the Tigers had a better chance than the Twins of beating the Yankees (Detroit actually won a game against New York during the season) that I thought the Twins' late-season charge was unfortunate on two levels: not only would the Yankees be able to beat the Twins in their sleep, but the Twins' season would suddenly be remembered as a success, and thus key offseason moves that need to be made in order to improve the team wouldn't be made.

But one move has been made that is of significance: Carlos Gomez is going to the Brewers for shortstop J.J. Hardy. Now, let's be fair here -- Hardy had a terrible 2009 season, one in which he was sent down to the minor leagues because he was so bad. But, considering the Twins used Nick Punto for the majority of the season there and then turned to an over-the-hill Orlando Cabrera down the stretch, Hardy will give the Twins a shot in the arm at the shortstop position. He's young, a terrific fielder, and, when he's on, an above-average bat for his position. Hardy's acquisition means that Cabrera won't be back, which is a great thing. I had a bad feeling that Cabrera's play down the stretch would have led to a two-year extension from the front office, but, for once, the Twins do the right thing and give Cabrera his walking papers.


More importantly, Carlos Gomez is gone. Talk about FANTASTIC NEWS! I will finally say goodbye to the one player that I think is the barnone stupidest human being to put on a baseball uniform. I've never seen a player that is so, so demented in the head; and what's worse, I've never seen a manager so demented in the head that's so delusional as to play the truly moronic Gomez on a near-daily basis for the better part of two seasons. Yeah, we're talking about Ron Gardenhire, who put faith in the idiotic Gomez that he could "get the job done." Probably the fastest player the team has had since Otis Nixon, Gomez turned out to be the absolute worst baserunner possible, utilizing that speed by making overly-aggressive baserunning blunders (see Game 2 of the ALDS). And at the plate, Gomez looked like a parapalegic pregnant woman whose water just broke. This being said, Milwaukee will probably start Gomez in the minor leagues (where he belongs) and he'll learn baseball from the school of hard knocks, and develop into a fine National League ballplayer. For the Twins, it leaves just the maybe-he-will-or-maybe-he-won't-pan-out Deolis Guerra as the lone remnant of the disastrous Johan Santana trade of 2008. Hardy is now an offshoot, of course, and the jury's still out on whether he can recover from a poor 2009. But using the failsafe rubric of "well, he's a lot better than Nick Punto," Hardy's sure an upgrade at the shortstop position.

POSTSEASON AWARDS

Next week the baseball writers' awards will be announced, and I thought it might be fun to do a little prognosticating on this site. Not that my words count for anything, but here we go:

AL ROOKIE OF THE YEAR

1. Rick Porcello, P, Detroit
2. Elvis Andrus, SS, Texas
3. Gordon Beckham, 3B, Chicago

I do think Andrus is going to get the award, as his defense and surprising offense helped Texas stay in the race for much longer than they were expected to. And everyday players always seem to have the edge in Rookie of the Year voting, especially when there's not a runaway rookie pitcher among the contenders. But Porcello's performance in Game 163 sold it for me. Here's a 20-year-old who showed his meddle bigtime in the biggest game of his life. He ended the season as a more-than-comparable #2 man in the rotation behind the Tigers' stellar ace Justin Verlander.

NL ROOKIE OF THE YEAR

1. Chris Coghlan, OF, Florida
2. J.A. Happ, P, Philadelphia
3. Tommy Hanson, P, Atlanta

Happ and Hanson are both good candidates to win the award, as they both produced 10+ wins and sub-3.00 ERAs. Coghlan, however, is a perfect Rookie of the Year winner -- one who comes out of nowhere, quickly secures a starting spot, and hits the ball with authority. Does anybody realize he finished sixth in the NL in batting with a .321 average? I had to look that one up twice.

AL MANAGER OF THE YEAR

1. Ron Washington, Texas
2. Don Wakamatsu, Seattle
3. Jim Leyland, Detroit

Yeah, you were thinking that I was going to put Ron Gardenhire on this list? There have been rumors that a Manager of the Year award for Gardy was in the offing, but I just don't see it. You play like absolute doggie do-do for five and a half months and then play good for two weeks, and you're the best manager in the league? Puh-lease. The Twins were predicted to run away with the Central in 2009; Managers of the Year are usually those managers who take bad teams and turn them into a surprise contender. How Ron Washington was able to get almost 90 wins out of that pitching staff is truly a credit to his managing. And Wakamatsu inherited a messy Mariner team that lost 100 games in 2008 and turned in a winning season in his rookie year as manager.

NL MANAGER OF THE YEAR

1. Jim Tracy, Colorado
2. Bruce Bochy, San Francisco
3. Tony LaRussa, St. Louis

No contest here. Tracy's the runaway winner in this race, as he took over for the Rockies in late May when Colorado was 10 games under .500, and directed them to a 74-42 finish and the wild-card. Bochy's Giants were a mild surprise, too, in the suddenly ultra-competitive NL West, but it should be a unanimous victory for Tracy.

AL CY YOUNG

1. Zach Greinke, Kansas City
2. Felix Hernandez, Seattle
3. Justin Verlander, Detroit

This should be a runaway Cy Young for Greinke, but sadly his 16 wins will make the race a close one, and might cost him the award. Those that think that C.C. Sabathia should win the award are those with the typical East Coast bias; Greinke was far and away the best pitcher in the league, and if Greinke was on a team other than the hapless Royals, he would have won well over 20 games. Hernandez is deserving to win the award in any year that didn't also feature Greinke's brilliance. Still, I wouldn't be surprised to see Sabathia win the Cy.

NL CY YOUNG

1. Adam Wainwright, St. Louis
2. Chris Carpenter, St. Louis
3. Tim Lincecum, San Francisco

Both Carpenter and Wainwright are deserving of the award, and I feel that this race might be like the Academy Awards in a bit; Carpenter (and Lincecum, for that matter) has won the award already, and Wainwright hasn't. It's kind of like when Kate Winslet won Best Actress last year even though Meryl Streep could out-act Winslet in her sleep -- it's just that Meryl's won before and Winslet's been perennially stepped on by the Academy. So, for better or worse, it's Wainwright this year, though Carpenter might pick up his second Cy, as a kind of comeback-player of the year plus Cy Young combo prize.

AL MVP

1. Joe Mauer, Minnesota
2. Miguel Cabrera, Detroit
3. Mark Teixeira, New York

This one shouldn't be close, either, but like Greinke, Mauer resides in small-market-ville, and when East Coast voters pulled the lever, it was probably hard for them not to go for Teixeira or Derek Jeter, who people think like should win an MVP, because he somehow like deserves one for his Hall of Fame resume (yeah, right). Look at the numbers -- Mauer is on a different planet than everybody else, and should have won the award in 2006, too. It's time to give Mauer his comeuppance, Winslet-style.

NL MVP

1. Albert Pujols, St. Louis
2. Hanley Ramirez, Florida
3. Andre Ethier, Los Angeles

Pujols is like the FDR of the National League -- if his name is on the ballot, he's going to win. Between Pujols and Mauer, it's a hard choice selecting the best player in the game. Clearly Pujols is the class of the NL, but don't soon forget about Ramirez. He'll win an MVP one of these years, as he's quickly becoming one of the best all-around players in the league. I wonder how long Florida gets to hang onto him...

READER MAIL #2

Send in your questions and comments to me at eisenhowermcsteele@gmail.com. I plan on doing a Hot Stove-themed version of reader mail, so send me your suggestions on how to improve the club. Put yourself in Bill Smith's shoes for a day -- play general manager!

Photos: (1) AP/Peter Morgan; (2) AP/Morry Gash; (3) AP/Steven Senne

OCTOBER 9, 2009 -- NEW YORK 4, MINNESOTA 3 (11 innings)

Wow. Unbelievable. As I've said before, you can't lose these games unless you try, or unless you're just in a new category of "pathetic" that I'm just unaware of. Leading 3-1 going into the botom of the ninth, Joe Nathan gives up a single and a mammoth home run to Alex Rodriguez to give up the lead, and then Mark Teixeira comes back in the 11th inning with the game-winning homer off Jose Mijares. Ron Gardenhire didn't do anything during the game that lost the game outright; rather, it was his filling out the lineup that lost the game for the Twins on Friday. I think I thought out loud at least three times as to why Carlos Gomez is even on a major-league roster, much less in the starting lineup in a playoff game. The guy is such absolute doggie do-do that it's hilarious that people actually give the Twins a chance in this series. If I would have known that Gomez would have played Friday, I might as well have just slept through it. Unbelievable that Ron Gardenhire is that stupid. Manager of the Year my ass.


What's even funnier than that is that Brendan Harris propelled the Twins to what would have been a win, and Harris wasn't even in the starting lineup -- Matt Tolbert was, of course. It had to take a pulled muscle to get Tolbert out of the game, and there was Harris, providing the go-ahead triple in the sixth, the key hit to set up the two-run eighth for the Twins, and chipping in on defense with a miraculous Web gem later in the game. The bottom three guys in the Twins lineup -- Gomez, Tolbert, and Punto -- that's Washington Nationals "bad", Pittsburgh Pirates "bad." And you still should have won the game -- unreal. I'll give Punto props, as he delivered a clutch two-out hit in the eighth to put the Twins on top (that hit will probably keep him around for another four years). But I'm not giving Ron Gardenhire props, who I hope was joking when he told TBS reporter/snappy dresser Craig Sager that Punto was "the second best athlete on the team" next to Joe Mauer. That quote prompted me to look up the word 'athlete' in the dictionary, because I don't think Gardy and I are on the same page so to speak. Here it is from dictionary.com:


ath⋅lete 
–noun
a person trained or gifted in exercises or contests involving physical agility, stamina, or strength; a participant in a sport, exercise, or game requiring physical skill. (my emphasis)


OK -- so it doesn't necessary say they have to be good at sports, but merely a participant. But using the modifier "second best" implies that they are good at a particular sport, which just seals the deal -- Ron Gardenhire is the most idiotic, demented, insane man in the game of baseball. If you can hit .220 and play average defense, kids, you're a gold medalist in one man's book. Wow.


Let's get back to Gomez, who was the clear goat in the game. The guy can flat out fly, which was apparently the reason (defense, Gardy'd say, too) that he is even on the postseason roster. Yet Gomez is one of the absolute worst baserunners I've ever seen in my life, and that stupidity cost the Twins a run in the fourth inning. Tolbert actually came through with a hit off Yankee starter A.J. Burnett, sending Seldom Young home with the first run of the game. But wait -- Gomez tripped over his own shoes rounding second and was tagged out trying to go back to second before Young touched home plate, thereby nullifying the run scoring. Just an idiotic turn of events there -- Gomez should be trotting into second base and planting himself there. You're not going first to third there in a million years (I suppose the moronic Gomez probably thought he could), and at the very least, force a run-down so you ensure that the run scores. That blunder was basically the difference in the game, as Gomez proved to everyone, this time on a national scale, that he doesn't belong in the big leagues. But at least Gomez acknowledged his error in a postgame interview, offering his apologies by saying it was "my bad." Oh, OK. I needed that, Carlos.


But that wouldn't be enough for a guy who sucks as bad as Gomez. He had to come through again in the 11th inning, when the Twins started the inning with three straight singles. Seldom Young lined out on the first pitch he saw from reliever David Robertson; that's to be expected from Seldom. Then Ron Gardenhire has Carlos Gomez hit for himself. Huge mistake, Gardy. I'll quote myself from my Doghouse post on Gomez that I wrote way back in June: "This is what Gomez means to me: if the Twins are down by a run in the late innings and the tying run is on third base with one out, Gomez is the last hitter I want at the plate. I'd rather have a pitcher at the plate -- Kevin Slowey, Nick Blackburn, Joe Nathan, hell, even Nick Punto. Gomez folds in the clutch like it's nobody's business, and it's the listless hitting approach and non-existent instincts that make him a Doghouse Denizen for life." Pretty much the same scenario, except that the Twins were tied and would have gone ahead if Gomez can just get the ball in the air. Nope. Instead, he takes one of the most pathetic swings I've ever seen in my life and taps out to first base, and Teixeira throws home to force the runner. Harris flew out after Gomez, and Teixeira would end the game leading off the bottom half of the eleventh. Hooray, Ron Gardenhire! That stroke of managerial prowess lost you another game in the Bronx!


I would like to add that right field umpire Phil Cuzzi delivered one of the absolute worst calls I've ever seen in my life in the eleventh, such a bad call that it makes Mike Muchlinski's infamous home-plate call to end the Oakland Disaster look like a great call. I've always wondered why MLB has outfield umpires in the playoffs; it seems to me that it just means that two more umps can get the calls wrong. Cuzzi is literally fifteen feet away from watching Joe Mauer's fly ball land at least two feet fair and he calls it foul. What's more, outfielder Melky Cabrera touched the ball with his glove! The guy is planted stationary on the field watching nothing but the foul line, and he still gets it wrong. It's just like Richie Garcia's vomit-inducing call in the '96 ALCS when he said that Jeffrey Maier didn't lean over the fence and turn a fly ball into a home run -- the only thing that these outfield umps can do is screw up calls. Now, a lot of people are going to look at that call and do a Gardy and blame the loss on the umpires, but it's hard to tell what would have happened if Mauer had been on second base. Jason Kubel probably would have been trying to "get the guy over to third," i.e. pull the ball on the right side of the infield, and who knows if he would have gotten a hit or not. It likely would have still been up to Seldom Young and Carlos Gomez to blow it in the clutch. And there's no excuses to leaving SEVENTEEN guys on base. But Phil Cuzzi -- jeez, are you that much a Yankee fan or are you simply blind?
Photos: (1,3) AP/Julie Jacobson; (2,4) AP/Kathy Willens; (5) Reuters Pictures

OCTOBER 7, 2009 -- NEW YORK 7, MINNESOTA 2

Butt-kicking #1 goes pretty much as planned on Wednesday night, as Brian Duensing can't get out of the fifth inning before taking his team out of the game, and the offense can't provide that clutch hit when it needed it. This game was very much a return to a simpler time, namely May of this year, when the Yankees laid a four-game sweep at the hands of the Twins using the same formula. The Twins did get ten hits -- six of them in the first three innings -- but were 1 for 9 with runners in scoring position. One of their runs came on a passed ball, and the other due to a Michael Cuddyer single. And the Twins had a 2-0 lead in this game, but like so many contests against the Yankees, their lead was extremely short-lived. It lasted a whole three batters, as Douchebag surrendered a game-tying blast off the bat of Derek Jeter in the bottom of the third. Nick Swisher's double put the Yankees up for good in the fourth, and Hideki Matsui clocked a mammoth home run off Francisco Liriano (on the postseason roster for some reason) to put the game out of reach in the fifth.

One of the biggest plays in the game may have been in the top of the first inning, when Denard Span led the game off with a double off C.C. Sabathia. Orlando Cabrera failed in his opportunity to get Span over to third, but Span ended up on third due to a passed ball, but Joe Mauer struck out and Cuddyer flew out, giving the Yankees and everybody else watching a good idea of what was about to come. Frankly, nothing about the Twins' failing in the clutch was surprising when you know how Ron Gardenhire manages his teams against New York. As I've said before, with Gardenhire being absolutely owned by the Yankees, he's of the mindset that the Twins have to play a perfect ballgame when they play them. It's pins and needles baseball whenever the Twins face the Yanks, and that's a philosophy that probably loses more games than it would win them. Every failed opportunity is thus magnified, and momentum swings are that much more apparent. The same thing happened in the seventh inning, when the Twins were already down by four runs. They had runners on second and third with one out, but again, Span flew out weakly to the outfield, not nearly deep enough to score the run, and Cabrera struck out pathetically to end the threat. How were the Twins able to win 17 out of their last 21 ballgames? By getting clutch hitting, and that simply didn't show up on Wednesday night.

They were also driven to win the division by some pretty good starting pitching, and that, too, didn't appear to be the case with Brian Douchebag on the mound. Some people had been saying that, hey, the Yankees had never seen Duensing before, so maybe that's a good thing. What I'm struggling to understand is Ron Gardenhire's logic in starting Duensing. His regular turn in the rotation would have been last Saturday against the Royals, but Gardy pushed up both Nick Blackburn and Carl Pavano to start those two games, probably because he'd want his best pitchers to pitch in important ballgames. But then he lets Brian Duensing start the first game of the playoffs? This is a perfect example of the demented ideology that Ron Gardenhire has instilled on the team. It's more important for Gardy to win the division than to win something of real importance, say a World Series. Their goal every year is only to with the Central, and as we saw on Wednesday, the playoffs are simply "gravy" to Ron Gardenhire. That's why he couldn't care less if Duensing pitched or not -- hell, I wouldn't be surprised if Jeff Manship starts Game 3. How are games against Kansas City more important than playoff games against the Yankees? If it was up to me, I would have thrown Blackburn in Game 1 on three days' rest, and then countered with Pavano in Game 2. There's no excuse for Brian Duensing to be on the playoff roster, much less pitch the pivotal Game 1 in the playoffs. But, as we all know (and accept, which is the difficult part), mediocrity is just fine with us Minnesotans, and we're just happy to be in the playoffs. Except me -- I'd actually want to see us win a real title, and I won't accept anything less. Anything less is a tease, plain and simple.

Photos: AP/Julie Jacobson

SEPTEMBER 27, 2009 -- KANSAS CITY 4, MINNESOTA 1

The Twins revert back to their old ways, i.e. they go an incredible 1 for 14 with runners in scoring position against Zach Greinke and the Royals. What's funny is that the Twins were handling Greinke as good as any team has been, but when it came down to getting the clutch hit at the right time, the Twins were out to lunch. It sure didn't help that Francisco Liriano's "start" didn't go over too swimmingly, as he didn't even last two innings after giving up a three-run home run to arguably the worst player this side of Nick Punto, Yuniesky Betancourt. The Twins failing in the clutch is nothing new, of course, but what is notable is that the guys who really choked were the big boys -- Mauer and Kubel, to be precise, who both struck out in the third inning with the bases loaded. The Twins had a bevy of chances, and though Greinke is a superb pitcher and was able to work out of most of the jams, the Twins must take responsibility of losing what turned out to be a winnable game. It hurts even more when you see that the Tigers lost their game in Chicago; with both teams losing, the gap between the Twins and Tigers is still two games.

The Twins now travel to Detroit for the "Showdown in Motown," or whatever overhyped moniker they choose to attach to the series. If the Tigers win the series, they win the division, and in all reality the Twins need to take three out of four to make it interesting. A split would mean that the Twins would have to basically hope for a miracle to win the division. The way the pitching matchups line up, it would appear that the Twins would catch a break or two; Eddie Bonine and Nate Robertson are both slated to start games in the series, and they're not exactly intimidating hurlers to face. To give the Twins credit, they have made this series relevant, which is noteworthy when you consider that on Labor Day the Twins were seven games behind the Tigers. But the season still cannot be anything but a huge disappointment if the team doesn't finish in first place. For most teams, of course, the World Series is the ultimate goal, but in Twins Territory, winning the Central Division appears to be the holy grail, which would help to explain the Twins' pathetic showings in the playoffs in this decade (nothing left to play for, since the "goal" has been achieved). Here's to the Twins making it interesting in the Motor City.

Photos: AP/Ed Zurga

SEPTEMBER 16, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 7, CLEVELAND 3

The Twins take care of business against the apparently-not-even-trying-at-this-point Cleveland Indians, who don't even put up much of a fight against the Twins on Wednesday. Michael Cuddyer continued his hot run in non-pressure at-bats, going 3 for 4, with most of those hits coming with the Twins already up by four runs. Even though I like to bash on Cuddyer, he has been hitting well of late, and especially with Justin Morneau and Joe Crede out for the year (most likely), they desperately need someone to step up. The biggest casualty of the Morneau injury, it would seem, would have to be Joe Mauer, as the pitches he sees aren't going to be as good with Cuddyer protecting him as they would be with Morneau hitting behind him. That simply hasn't been the case, as Mauer has raised his batting average an astounding ten points in five games, to the cool altitude of .374. Hitting .400 seems out of reach at this point in the season, but the fact remains that this guy is simply incredible. If only the Twins could put an entire team around him.

Nick Blackburn won just his second start since Ron Gardenhire's stupendous plan of resting a sinkerball pitcher for ten days straddling the All-Star break. He's not even close to the same pitcher that he was in June for the Twins, when he was the clear-cut ace of the staff, and he's even not as good as he was last year, when he started the one-game playoff for the Twins. Blackburn's been wildly inconsistent this season and of course he's going to be a big part of the Twins' final few weeks here in 2009. With the Tigers taking care of the Royals at home on Wednesday, the Twins' gap from first place is still four and a half games, and the Tigers play on Thursday while the Twins are idle. The Twins won't be able to completely catch Detroit this weekend, but consider the three-game series against the Tigers to be make-or-break for the Twins. Following the series the Twins head on the road for a 10-game road-trip that will likely officially end any hope of postseason play, but if the Twins can sweep the Tigers this weekend, they will have a chance. The problem is, the Tigers will be sending two of their top three studs to the hill this weekend, with Rick Porcello and Justin Verlander (and Jarrod Washburn, traditionally a Twin killer). If Brian Duensing wants to remain a Duensing on this site, he'll have to pitch his heart out on Friday; if not, I fear the dreaded Douchebag moniker may have to return to the MTRC.

Photos: (1) AP/Ann Heisenfelt; (2) AP & The Canadian Press/Frank Gunn

SEPTEMBER 15, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 5, CLEVELAND 4

The Twins draw closer to the Tigers, as they finally make up some ground on first place with their win over the Indians and Detroit's 11-1 pummeling at the hands of the Kansas City Royals. Joe Mauer had two more hits for the Twins, bumping his average to .373, and Nick Punto slapped three ugly hits and drove in two runs. You know things are going good when Punto's average clears the .230 mark, a figure that just a month ago seemed completely out of reach. Scott Baker labored through 5 and 1/3 innings, but pitched well enough to keep the Twins in the game, and vulture Jon Rauch picked up his third win in about three weeks of being on the team. Joe Nathan again struggled to get the save, as he surrendered a booming home run to rookie Matt LaPorta and had the tying run on second base with two outs before inducing the game-ending pop-fly off the bat of rookie Michael Brantley. It never is an amazing feat to beat the languishing Cleveland Indians, but with the 2009 Twins, nothing comes easy, and these two wins are huge in setting the stage for this weekend's series with Detroit.

They'll face a test today (well, a test for them at least) in lefthander Aaron Laffey, against whom the Twins are 0-3 this year. He's seemingly always been a pest to the Twins, and we're talking about a guy who's rarely a pest for anybody else. Added to the fact that Laffey goes for Cleveland is that it's Nick Blackburn's turn in the rotation, and he's been nothing short of horrendous ever since Ron Gardenhire had the ingenious idea to rest a sinkerball pitcher for ten days straddling the All-Star break. Need to win this game if you want a chance...

Photos: (1)AP/Paul Battaglia; (2) AP/Ann Heisenfelt

SEPTEMBER 13, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 8, OAKLAND 0

Finally the Twins can beat the Oakland Athletics at home. It really, really shouldn't have been this hard, but considering what kind of team that the Twins have, it should not come as any surprise that they lost two out of three. This time it's Brian Duensing (I'm retiring my "Douchebag" moniker for now, as he's hardly been doucheing it up lately; rather, he's damn near been the best pitcher the Twins put out there) who gets the win, pitching shutout ball over seven innings. Scattering eight hits over those seven innings and wiggling his way out of jams, Duensing was deserving of the win, and the Twins offense finally showed up, providing most of their eight runs early against Oakland starter Gio Gonzalez. Joe Mauer had three hits, including his 27th home run of the season, and most of the lineup was clicking -- except for Joe Crede, who started his first game in three weeks in the designated hitter spot, and went Seldom Young on everybody by going 0 for 4 with four strikeouts. Glad to have you back, Joe.

Of course, with the Twins winning, the Tigers won as well, and the Twins remain five and a half games behind first-place Detroit. It's getting to that point in the season where even certifiable idiots like Dick Bremer are beginning to doubt whether or not the Twins can actually overtake Detroit. Two pathetic losses to the hands of a last-place team like the Oakland A's will make even the most gullible sap skeptical, and I think that's certainly worth noting (this coming from the same moron, Bremer, who Sunday predicted on-air that the Baltimore Orioles would be a surprise team in 2010 [stiffled laughter]). The lack of any sense of urgency on the part of the Twins is really disturbing to anyone even remotely aware of sports. Alas, the Twins do end up playing the Tigers seven times down the stretch, and especially at the Dome, the Twins seem to have their number. And acknowledging that the Twins don't have the heart to compete here when it really counts, the Tigers haven't played well at all either here in the last week. Can somebody please win this division? Dare I say a .500 record could win the Central. As far as the Twins go, what's most important this season is that they simply don't deserve any team accolades that can possibly be given them.

Photos: AP/Jim Mone

SEPTEMBER 12, 2009 -- OAKLAND 4, MINNESOTA 2

Another loss at the hands of the pathetic Athletics drops the Twins two games under .500 and it's yet another example of the wasted opportunities that the Twins have had to gain on the suddenly slumping Tigers. Detroit hasn't won a game since last Sunday's thrilling comeback win in Tampa Bay, going 0-5, yet all the Twins have been able to do is gain a paltry game and a half on first place. In fact, with the White Sox winning yesterday in Anaheim, the Twins have fallen back to third place in the division -- this is notable considering the Twins had a 3 1/2 game lead over Chicago for second place just ten days ago. It makes you think that the Twins surely could have come back on Detroit, except for the fact that the Twins just aren't that good of a team. And it really doesn't help when minor-leaguers like Jeff Manship are called upon to stop the bleeding. Manship's longest start in the majors is a five-inning performance, and on Saturday he lasted only a few batters into the fifth. Walks came back to haunt the Twins in a big way, as the A's scored the two game-winning runs in the fifth without the benefit of a single base hit. Manship walked the first two batters (facing the eight and nine hitters, no less) and gave way to Jesse Crain, who promptly walked the first batter he faced. Two sacrifice flies later, the A's had a two run lead, and they used that same margin to coast to a victory.

Brett Anderson pitched like an ace against the Twins, mowing them down over seven innings. Michael Wuertz and Andrew Bailey slammed the door on the Twins in the late innings, and the Twins offense continued to sleepwalk down the stretch. The biggest tragedy of this season has been the fact that the Twins, with the talent they have, should be RUNNING AWAY with this division. Detroit hasn't shown any real moxie down the stretch following that Tampa Bay series, and the fact remains that 85 wins will likely win this division. Right now, the Twins can't guarantee themselves a winning season, and when you have guys like Mauer and Morneau and Span and Kubel all having career years or close to it (Morneau's last month and a half will be most remembered, however, as his struggles have stood for the struggles of the whole offense lately), you'd like to think you have a good chance to win a weak division. But it always comes down to pitching, and this season has been a flashback to the good old Dick Such days of the mid-90s. To rewrite the classic Simon and Garfunkel song, Where have you gone, Scott Aldred?

Photos: AP/Tom Olmscheid

SEPTEMBER 8, 2009 -- TORONTO 6, MINNESOTA 3

These are the Twins we know and love, from cruising with a 3-0 lead in the sixth to imploding thanks to poor pitching and a timely bullpen collapse that put them behind the eight ball for good. John McDonald of all people hit the game-winning three-run home run off Jon Rauch, who made his proper introduction to Twins fans. You can't be a mainstay in that bullpen until you've let leads slip through your fingers, and after Rauch's classic performance on Tuesday, he's damn well entrenched in the 'pen. Inheriting a three-run lead, Rauch began his night by giving up a sacrifice fly to ex-Twins great Randy "The Latino LeCroy" Ruiz, then walked a batter to re-load the bases, gave up a single on a hanging curveball to the Puntoesque Edwin Encarnacion, and an out later surrendered the back-breaking home run to the light-hitting McDonald. Though the Tigers lost a late lead themselves against Kansas City and the Twins didn't fall further back in the standings, they have to be concerned about their own team, and games like Tuesday do nothing to inculcate inspiration to dreary Twins fans ready to turn their attention to other teams.

I, for one, am greatly looking forward to the postseason, and I think the American League matchups, though certainly stale and not suggestive of any real competitive balance (how many times will this be that the Angels and Red Sox meet in the first round?), will be entertaining to watch, especially the Tiger-Yankee series. And of course the National League is always tough to handicap, but the Phillies are certainly strong, maybe better than they were last season when they won it all. The Dodgers played their best baseball early in the season and have slowly wilted as the season has progressed, and the Cardinals right now might be playing the best baseball of anyone in the majors. You can't count out the Giants or Rockies, either. All in all, playoff baseball should be entertaining to watch. At the end of the regular season, I'll do some playoff predictions on this site as well as submit my ballot for the regular-season awards (as if it actually counts, right). And I'll do a little preview for the Twins offseason, which should be interesting considering the potential Joe Mauer soap opera that might be in store. It's really simple, actually: if the Twins don't sign Joe Mauer, expect a near mutiny by the Twins fan base. Good luck filling the seats in Target Field if you let Mauer walk or if you trade him a la Johan Santana. Twins fans are a loyal bunch, but you can't go Pittsburgh Pirates on them, or else they will act.

Photos: (1) www.mlb.com; (2) www.umn.edu

SEPTEMBER 7, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 6, TORONTO 3

The Twins use a five-run first inning against Blue Jays starter Scott Richmond to coast to a relatively easy win for the Twins on Labor Day. No win, of course, comes easy to the Twins these days, but especially considering the fact that the Twins hadn't won in Canada since Brad Radke started a game, the Twins victory over the below-.500 Jays was certainly worth noting. After that first inning, the Twins' bats went to sleep as if they were still in Cleveland, but the damage was done, and six pitchers were able to fend off Toronto the rest of the way. One thing that I have learned from the 2009 Twins is that no lead is safe, so even after the five run first, we knew that that just wouldn't be enough for Jeff Manship and company. To give the pitching staff credit, they did buckle down when they needed to, inducing two pop-ups with runners on third and less than two outs. With the Tigers idle on the holiday, the Twins actually gained ground on first-place Detroit; however, with the Tigers in Kansas City ready to feast on the Royals and the Twins ready to struggle against Toronto like it's 2007 (especially with Roy Halladay in the rear-view mirror, coming off a one-hit shutout of the Yankees), don't expect the Twins to make any serious movement towards first-place anytime this week.

Michael Cuddyer and Justin Morneau both snapped their long hitless streaks with cheesy base hits in the first inning -- Morneau's was a seeing-eye fourteen-hopper through the right side, and Cuddyer's was a one-handed lob shot that doinked into center field. If the Twins want to retain their hold on second place, these two guys will have to pick up the slack, Morneau in particular. Cuddyer's garbage and we all know it; Morneau is the key in this equation. It might be that he's still feeling the ill effects of those dizzy spells he came down with in Texas a few weeks back, but it does appear that a late-season swoon has become commonplace for Morneau. Had Morneau had a better September last season (and in particular that last homestand where he simply didn't show up), the Twins would have made the postseason and he may have deservedly won another MVP title. Again, he picks the absolute worst time to go into an extended cold slump, and when Morneau's not hitting, that effects everyone in the lineup, most of all Joe Mauer. Cuddyer's a fifth wheel on the team who's best known for his "sloppy seconds" approach to run-production; namely, when the runs are to be had, Cuddyer's got no qualms about getting a little piece for himself. When the game's on the line, Cuddyer chokes more than a donkey with a small esophagus, and that's the extend of his "value."

Photos: AP & The Canadian Press/Darren Calabrese

AUGUST 30, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 5, TEXAS 3

A perfect example of the Twins winning a game in spite of their manager, Ron Gardenhire, whose moves in the bottom of the eighth inning are head-scratching mystifiers if you ask this fan. To make matters worse, Dick Bremer pointed to "shrewd managing" as a reason why the Twins were able to come back against the Rangers; it's unfortunately paradoxical and counter-productive when one idiot heaps praise on a fellow idiot. Let's examine this half-inning to see how the Twins were shockingly able to come back: after Justin Morneau walked and Jason Kubel singled against C.J. Wilson, Michael Cuddyer came up to the plate with one goal in mind: to strike out. Some baseball people would have had Cuddyer bunt, but I'm fine with what happened. In those situations, Cuddyer has to strike out, because that is apparently what he's paid to do. No problem there. Then Brendan Harris singles to left to tie the game, and outfielder Nelson Cruz's error allows runners to move to second and third with one out. So far, so good for Ron Gardenhire -- he hasn't done jackshit, and the team has tied the game and is on the verge of taking the lead. Then he continues to do nothing, and inexplicably he lets Mike Redmond hit. Here's a guy who, if it weren't for Nick Punto and Alexi Casilla also being on the team, would be by far the worst hitter on your team, who hits the ball to the right side of the field because he can't catch up to anything at this point in his career and is perpetually behind the baseball. Gardenhire had some moves on the bench to make: Jose Morales, he of the Joe Mauer-esque batting average, Orlando Cabrera, and Seldom Young -- all three of those players are far superior hitters to Redmond. But Gardy goes with Redmond, who bounces it to first, and pinch-runner Carlos Gomez is only able to score because of a bad throw home. Gardenhire again lucks out, does nothing and gets the advantageous bounce to take the lead.

Now it's Nick Punto's turn, and Bremer lauded Gardenhire's ploy to bunt Punto here. As if everybody else in the building didn't also think that Punto just *might* bunt. Dude, have you seen Nick Punto swing the bat this season? It's kind of like watching Elaine Benes dance -- he's got these little kicks and herky-jerky movements that's very hard to watch most of the time. Yeah, like you're going to have Nick Punto try to swing away to get the run home. The bunt is a decent one, and Wilson's throw home was again errant, allowing the run to score, and Bremer takes that opportunity to praise both morons, Gardenhire and Punto, for teaming together to score another run. As if Gardy was done making moronic managerial moves; in the middle of the next at-bat, on a 1-1 pitch, Gardenhire pinch-runs Redmond at second base in favor of Orlando Cabrera? Whaaaaaat???!!! You'd pinch-run Redmond in the middle of an at-bat but you'd think that he could get the job done at the plate? What the hell are you thinking, Gardenhire? And to make matters worse, instead of putting Jose Morales behind the plate for the ninth, he loses his DH and has Mauer catch the ninth. Ladies and gentlemen, meet the Master of Logic, Ron Gardenhire. Oh, and as a side note, the Twins are unable to extend their lead because Alexi Casilla, batting .198 and second in the lineup again, failed to get a two-out hit. Hmm. I wouldn't have expected that.

So Sunday's game was a perfect example of the Twins winning despite their manager's best efforts to lose ballgames. Not that this should be necessarily new to Twins fans, as Gardy has done this ever since he took over the managerial reins in 2002. Unfortunately for the Twins, Gardenhire's poor managing did constitute enough to lose the season for the Twins in 2008, and if they want to make the playoffs this year, it's going to be the players that are going to have to rise up and win in spite of Gardenhire's best Pete Rose imitations. By the way, the Tigers' dramatic 4-3 win against Tampa Bay again prevented the Twins from moving up on Detroit.

Photos: (1) AP/Tom Olmscheid; (2) Getty Images/G. Newman Lawrence

AUGUST 18, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 9, TEXAS 6

The Twins fall behind 5-0, as Carl Pavano struggles to get through four innings. It appears that the formula for losing, which the Twins have darn near patented in the last few weeks, is again on track. Then something funny happened on the way to the middle innings. The Twins came back. Seldom Young, of all people, who had just struck out pathetically on a pitch at his head with a runner on third and one out in the second inning, ignited the rally, doubling home two to tie the game at five in the sixth inning. When Phil Humber threw the ball to nobody covering third base in the bottom of the sixth, which gave the Rangers the lead again at 6-5, it appeared that this would be how the Twins would lose -- pathetically with a Triple-A pitcher losing the game on an asinine fielding decision. But then what happened? Joe Mauer led off the seventh with a home run, his second of the game, and then there's that pesky Seldom Young winning the game with a two-run blast of his own in the seventh. Shocking. Absolutely stunning. The only thing that would have made it more surprising if Nick Punto had done it all offensively and defensively (in other words, been worth the four million dollars the Twins are shelling out for him). After Joe Nathan quickly retired the Rangers (in his first save opportunity of the month) in the ninth, the Twins could breathe easy again, as they posted a key win in a situation where the Rangers, in sole possession of the wild card lead coming into the game, needed to win.


It's a nice win, sure, a little late of course, but yet another example of how the offense certainly can produce for you. The Twins played the game shorthanded again, as Justin Morneau sat on the bench one day after dizzy spells forced him to leave the game, and Jason Kubel had to exit early in Tuesday's contest due to fouling a ball off his knee. But the bigger story in the game should have been how the starting pitching continues to betray the Twins. Pavano's now had two bad starts following his brilliant debut with the Twins, and Tuesday's win was more of an anomaly than a harbinger of future success. You're not going to win a whole lot of games when you're starter gives you four pathetic innings and you have to (again) rely too heavily on an already overtaxed (and lacking in the talent department to begin with) bullpen. The Twins lucked out on Tuesday, but there's no reason to expect this "winning" thing will continue.


As a few of you commented on last night, the whole Brett Favre saga is now in full gear, and though I'm glad I don't blog about the Vikes, I will say some words about it here as they relate to the Minnesota Twins. I'll tell you one thing: Brett Favre in a Vikings uniform is an absolute godsend to the Minnesota Twins. Why? Well, that circus is now in full gear, and with the Twins season rapidly falling apart, Ron Gardenhire and his bunch of clowns can relish the fact that the media darling Favre will likely steal all of the attention in this media market. September is likely going to be a miserable month for the Twins, as they're going to be fighting for third place and staving off the Indians; but with Favre helming the Vikings, not many people around Minnesota are likely going to care much about the Twins' troubles. It's an understated quality of Ron Gardenhire's undeserved job security, that the Vikings (and the Wild, it can be argued) really own the town in terms of Minnesota pro sports. The Twins are more than happy to be second banana to their Metrodome cohabs, because Minnesota sports fans will quickly latch on to the Vikings and soon forget about the Twins' woes. Ron Gardenhire should almost feel obliged to thank Brett Favre personally, just because it makes his own idiocy that less visible to the public.

Photos: (1,2) AP/Tony Gutierrez; (3) AP/Hannah Foslein

AUGUST 17, 2009 -- TEXAS 8, MINNESOTA 5

Yet another bad start for Francisco Liriano, and after the game Ron Gardenhire announced that the young southpaw would be placed on the disabled list for a "tired arm," or technically speaking, "suck-itis," which is a disease that has plagued the pitching staff all season long. It doesn't seem like there's any real reason for Liriano to be put on the DL; if anything it may be better for his morale than if the team rightfully sent him back down to Triple-A. My guess is that the Twins are just going to shut Liriano down for the rest of the season and figure out a gameplan for how to use Liriano in 2010 -- either in the starting staff or in the bullpen. In any case, Phil Humber returns from Triple-A, in yet another example of the Twins calling up less deserving guys from Triple-A. Slama and Delaney continue to toil in the minors, and even Juan Morillo, who looked awful in a cup of coffee early in the season, has apparently righted the ship in Rochester and throws absolute gas. But Humber it is; apparently they tried to call up Kevin Mulvey but his phone went straight to voicemail and it's pointless to leave a message at that point because you know they aren't going to get the message for at least a day.


Liriano's line was a gaudy one on Monday: two innings pitched, seven hits, seven runs, two walks, a hit batter, and one strikeout. And this was after he was given a brief lead by Joe Mauer's 23rd homer of the year in the first inning. Mauer, by the way, was the only hitter it seemed that wasn't catatonic, as he collected almost half the Twins' hits (3 of their seven) and pushed his average to .380. For the third straight game, Ron Gardenhire was forced to exhaust his bullpen early, and this time Bobby Keppel came in and did a pretty good job in relief, throwing 3 1/3 shutout innings to provide a little bit of relief and allowing the Twins to get back in the game. Then Gardy had to use Jose Mijares and Matty Guerrier earlier than usual, in the fifth, sixth, and seventh innings; aside from the expected Matt Guerrier insurance run that he surrendered, those innings went fine. Then Ron Gardenhire did a very strange thing: he put in Brian Douchebag, who he had announced would (graciously) start for Anthony Swarzak on Thursday, on the mound for the eighth inning. What??? After the game, of course, Ron Gardenhire told the press that Swarzak would make the start after all because he felt forced (apparently) to use Douchebag in the eighth inning when guys like Jeff Manship, a converted starter who's thrown exactly 2 1/3 innings since being called up last week, were more than available to pitch. This was the second straight game where Ron Gardenhire made some curious moves with his pitching staff (sending in Jesse Crain in the third inning on Sunday, when the team is glutted with long relievers) and it's further proof that this man is purely bat-shit insane.


One piece of good news that did occur for the Twins on Monday was their signing of first-round pick Kyle Gibson. In classic Twins fashion, the deal went right down to the deadline, as the two sides agreed to terms about ten minutes before the midnight deadline. Gibson's a college pitcher, and this is an organization that's suddenly pitching thin, so Gibson's signing, though his impact at the major league level is a few years away at the least, is good news for the club. Hell, the Twins need to fill Liriano's spot in the rotation on Saturday -- I wonder what Gibson's up to that day? It can't be any worse than the prospect of seeing Douchebag or Phil Humber out there. And it keeps getting funnier (but sad at the same time) to hear Dick Bremer and Bert Blyleven still believe that the Twins can make a run. Take a look at their starting rotation -- how on earth can teams even ponder the idea of postseason baseball when Thursday's starter comes into the eighth inning on Monday and Saturday's starter is potentially flying in from Triple-A? The acquisitions of Orlando Cabrera and Carl Pavano (Tuesday's starter) continue to be dwarfed by their divisional rivals -- the White Sox will try to plug their fifth-starter spot in the rotation by Freddy Garcia, and more importantly the Tigers addressed their biggest weakness (the lineup) by getting Aubrey Huff from Baltimore for virtually nothing (a Single-A reliever). Huff's 73 ribbies will fit in nicely in that order and make Detroit that much better come playoff time. But, hey, keep us informed on that "three-team" divisional race in the Central, Dick.

Photos: (1,2) AP/Tony Gutierrez; (3) University of Missouri Media Relations

AUGUST 16, 2009 -- CLEVELAND 7, MINNESOTA 4

I had the (dis)pleasure of watching Sunday's pathetic rubber match with the Cleveland Indians in person at the Metrodome. I have to tell you, it doesn't look any better when you're at the game than it appears on television; any way you can disect Nick Blackburn's imitation of "pitching," it was absolutely horrible. What's worse is that the six run third inning that Blackburn started (and Jesse Crain inexplicably finished) came directly on the heels of a three-run second inning by the Twins that gave them a 3-0 lead over the Indians and their newfound nemesis, Aaron Laffey. Hell, I thought I was fortunate enough to witness a minor miracle when Seldom Young blasted a home run to center field in that three-run frame, and I had a good feeling that Blackburn could get off the schneid and post his first victory since Ron Gardenhire rested him for a week and a half at the All-Star break. Blackburn, who had retired the first six batters with relative ease through the first two innings, faced the bottom of the Cleveland lineup to start the third, and what does he do? He gives up a towering fly ball that lands in the seats to Kelly Shoppach (still can't believe that ball went out), a home run bombed to right field by the light hitting Luis Valbuena, hits 9th-place hitter Andy Marte and gives up a tape-measure fuhgettaboutit blast to Grady Sizemore. Just like that, within a matter of minutes, the Twins lead had vanished, and of course Ron Gardenhire kept the downtrodden Blackburn on the mound in order to give up two more runs before the inning was up. Why Gardenhire went to Jesse Crain in the third inning is beyond me (don't get me wrong -- the only innings he deserves are mop-up duty in a wiffleball game) and not one of their four long relievers -- Jeff Manship being the newbie of that group. But whatever, Ronny Boy -- the game (and the season) was lost long before Sunday's contest.


The goat of the game just may have been Orlando Cabrera, who had one of the worst all around games I've ever had the privilege to watch first hand. Cabrera went 0 for 5 at the plate and found a way to make seven outs in those five at-bats, courtesy of two double plays that Cabrera banged into. To make matters worse, Ron Gardenhire has Cabrera hitting second in the lineup, protecting Joe Mauer, so with Cabrera's pathetic day at the plate, that insured that Mauer would not be hitting with runners on base all game long. His biggest folly was his second GIDP, which came in the seventh while the Twins were mounting a mild rally. With runners on first and second, Cabrera grounded into the Twin killing with Joe Mauer waiting on deck. Cabrera struck out for the final out in the game in the ninth, and Joe Mauer again was the tying run, left in the on-deck circle. To make matters worse, Cabrera's defense again betrayed him. He made a bad error on an easy play in the third inning that would have loomed larger had the Indians taken advantage of the error, and also showed his lack of range by failing to field a grounder that went for a base hit later in the game. He extended his major-league lead of most errors out of anyone playing in the bigs with his 18th boot of the season. Yeah, he's an awesome pickup.


Seldom Young's two-run blast in the second inning was also not without its repercussions, as that meant that he had to play the rest of the game like he's played it the majority of the season, namely like he's the worst player ever to pick up a bat. Those qualities were ever so apparent in the bottom of the fourth, when Young bounced into an inning-ending double play, wasting a bases loaded, one out opportunity for the Twins to get back in the game. Considering what Laffey and the rest of the Indians pitchers were giving them (not much mound presence, very hittable pitches), the Twins seemed to be sleepwalking through this match. It appears as if some players have begun to merely phone in the effort on what has become a lost season -- Michael Cuddyer's someone who has routinely called in sick whenever the game is on the line, and especially now with the chance of the postseason slim to none (the Twins are officially closer to fourth than first with Sunday's loss), expect those players who aren't playing for a contract to give decidedly half-assed efforts. There is one saving grace, and it's probably the only reason (other than the maintenance of this blog, of course) that I'm going to want to watch the Twins the rest of the season -- and that of course is Joe Mauer. If he hits like he did in May (which is a tall order, no doubt) he has a legitimate shot at hitting .400. Reaching such a coveted milestone may come with a downside for the Twins, however. If he does do something historic this season, that just means that the Red Sox and Yankees are going to try that much harder to sign this guy once his contract is up after next season. The big question will remain: Will the Twins try to put a World Series competitor (not just an A.L. Central Division championship competitor) on the field and convince Mauer that they are serious about winning?


Photos: (1) AP/Paul Battaglia (2) AP/Hannah Foslein (3) AP/Tom Olmscheid