OCTOBER 6, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 6, DETROIT 5 (12 innings)

I've got to tell you guys -- with a little salt and pepper, crow actually doesn't taste that bad. I'm more than happy to eat a little crow, however, after the Twins completed their miraculous comeback to win the Central Division title (or, as Ron Gardenhire calls it, the Holy Grail). In many ways Tuesday's tiebreaker was a whole lot like the majority of Twins games -- plenty of missed opportunities by guys that are deservedly in The Doghouse, some lucky breaks that go the Twins way, and in the end a Doghouse Denizen gets the game-winning hit. I kind of saw Alexi Casilla's game-winner coming, as he had failed to score the winning run a few innings before due to his stupidity; granted, that was on a Nick Punto sacrifice fly, and at least God has a sense of humor, or at least good sense, because Nick Punto just cannot win the biggest game of the season for the Twins. All in all, it was a whale of a game, and now they get to go to the Bronx and throw Brian Duensing to the wolves. I've heard it all been said -- "anything can happen in October" -- but a Twins win over the Yankees here would be nothing short of apocalyptic. Whatever. Go get 'em, Douchebag.

I had the pleasure (I guess) of watching most of the second half of the game at a local watering hole, and it was there that I found some startling facts out about certain Twins fans. One, that some Twins fans actually like Matt Tolbert, which I thought was damn near impossible. I thought the only reaction any person could have regarding Matt Tolbert was that he was absolute garbage on the baseball diamond. Another was that a lot of people were surprised when Matty Guerrier delivered his most timely Matt Guerrier Special of the season. I predicted Guerrier would blow the lead once Orlando Cabrera put the Twins ahead in the seventh with his home run (everybody was just going nuts over Cabrera, saying that he'd been the biggest piece of the puzzle and the key for the Twins' turnaround!) and got some knowing glances once Magglio Ordonez promptly tied it off Guerrier in the eighth. These "fans" also weren't livid when Ron Gardenhire, in his infinite wisdom, burned his bullpen by the eighth inning and had to get two innings out of Joe Nathan, then had to turn to Jesse Crain and Bobby Keppel to preserve the tie. Crain gave up the lead, and the Twins were bailed out only because Ryan Raburn lost Michael Cuddyer's liner in the lights and misplayed it for a triple. Keppel gave up the lead, too, but umpiring saved the Twins big time in the 12th. With the bases jammed, Keppel clearly grazed Brandon Inge's jersey with a pitch, but home plate umpire Randy Marsh didn't see it that way, and that turned out to be the biggest call of the game, as Inge would force out a runner at home and Gerald Laird struck out to end the inning. As always, the Twins rely on a little bit of luck, both with their ballpark and the men in blue.

I probably could go on further about the game, but let's just leave it at that. It was a terrific, exciting thriller that will go down in Metrodome lore. It's almost too bad that they have to get their butts kicked by the Yankees; if only that could be the swan song on the Teflon Treasure. As mentioned before, Duensing pitches today for the Twins at 5:07 local time, and he opposes Twins killer C.C. Sabathia. Sabathia's 13-8 with a ERA just about 3 in his career against the Twins, and he seems to pitch exceptionally better when there's something on the line. Like everybody says, anything can happen in October, and the Twins are hot. But as Tuesday's contest showed, the Twins' biggest problem remains the bottom of the order. How many times in the game did Matt Tolbert and Nick Punto come up with the game on the line? How many times did Ron Gardenhire let those two slugs hit? That will come back to haunt them against New York, mark my words.

Photos: (1)AP & Star Tribune/Brian Peterson; (2)AP/Tom Olmscheid; (3)AP/Paul Battaglia

OCTOBER 2, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 10, KANSAS CITY 7

They wouldn't be the 2009 Twins if they don't let a game against the 95-loss Royals in which they led by ten runs get far too interesting, as Kansas City scores the final seven runs in the ballgame but still loses by three. It was all probably a ploy to allow Joe Nathan to break the Twins' single-season saves record with his 46th save of the season, one-upping ex-Twins great Eddie Guardado's mark set in 2002. Though it got much too tense than it should have late in the ballgame, a win's a win, especially considering that Jake Peavy went out for the White Sox and totally dominated Detroit, and the Twins are still alive and kicking, one game out with two to go. If the Twins are to win both games against KC (a tough task considering they've drawn Zach Greinke today), Detroit will have to also win out to take the division without a one-game playoff. The scenario is so eerily similar to 2006, when the Tigers struggled for the last month of the season and limped into the playoffs while the Twins had been the hot team, getting into the playoffs on a high. As things often go, those patterns didn't stay true to form, as Detroit was the team that turned it on in the playoffs, getting to the World Series, and the Twins' season, which for all intents and purposes had ended on the last day of the regular season considering the lack of effort they gave forth in the ALDS against Oakland, was a stupendous flop for me. If the Twins win the division, they're going to celebrate their asses off, and then likely play some of the most embarrassing baseball anyone's ever seen against the Yankees. The biggest problem of this franchise is its mindset -- that a Central Division title is the end-all goal. That mindset owes a whole lot to its major endorser -- Ron Gardenhire.

As for Friday's contest, it appeared that the game was over by the second inning. Royals starter Lenny DiNardo was knocked out early after surrendering a Seldom Young grand slam in the first inning, among six hits he gave up in an inning-plus of work. Jason Kubel notched his 25th home run of the season in the 4th inning, and the entire Twins offense was clicking. In a trip back to simpler times, every Twins starter had at least one hit except Nick Punto, who so often loves being the exception to the rule offensively. Even Matt Tolbert got two hits, making it that much more possible that Ron Gardenhire decides to have a little more confidence in the Punch-and-Judy-meister. Jeff Manship got his first major league win, silencing those doubts as to why a guy who's pitched like regurgitated pumpkin seeds in the big leagues is pitching with the season on the line. The bullpen made it interesting, as always, as the vaunted combo of Crain-Mahay-Keppel allowed the Royals back in the game. On a side note, why is Bobby Keppel in the major leagues? This guy is such absolute garbage is hard to understand how he could make the St. Paul Saints or the Wichita Wingnuts, let alone a major-league roster, let alone a "contending" major league club. Remember the Oakland Disaster? The one game the Twins will look back on after this season and say, "why couldn't we keep a ten-run lead against a last place club?" Well, Keppel was a big part of that, and that question was nearly asked again on Friday, but luckily for the Twins, they held on, and, like Maxwell House, they're in it 'til the last drop.

Photos: AP/Jim Mone

SEPTEMBER 23, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 8, CHICAGO 6

The Twins have their hitting shoes on again in Chicago, this time sending Mark Buehrle to the showers early and fending off a late rally by the White Sox to sweep their first series on the South Side since 2006. Admittedly, it looks as if the White Sox have thrown in the towel on the season, as they didn't really appear to try a whole lot in the three games, but for the Twins, it was three games they absolutely needed to win and they came through. The Tigers pummelled the equally-half-assed-effort Cleveland Indians on Wednesday and reduced their magic number to nine, but the Twins' sweep precluded any further reduction on that number. Detroit will finish their series in Cleveland on Thursday while the Twins travel to Kansas City, where they ideally need three more wins against the suddenly hot Royals, but in reality, two wins are going to be tough to get, as Zach Greinke will finally make a start against the Twins in his Cy Young-deserving season on Sunday. As it looks now, the Twins are probably going to have to sweep the four-game series in Detroit to win the division, or at the very least take three of four and hope the White Sox play spoiler in their two remaining series against the Tigers.

Brian Duensing again pitched good enough to get the win, his fifth victory against zero defeats since he was put into the starting rotation. Disappointingly, Ron Gardenhire is still aware of Bobby Keppel's existence and it was Keppel who was called upon to put out the fire in the sixth and seventh innings with the Twins hanging on to a one-run lead. In a pennant race, those kind of moves are going to backfire on you big time; the Twins lucked out on Wednesday, as the two runs Keppel did surrender occured after the Twins had extended their lead to 8-4. Just as likely of a scenario is one in which Keppel reprises his performance in the infamous Oakland Disaster of mid-July (wouldn't you like that win back right about now?). Fortunately for the Twins, the offense was in full swing, as Nick Punto again surmounted the .230 mark with a 2 for 4 day at the plate, and even Seldom Young got three hits. Joe Mauer and Jason Kubel went a combined 1 for 7, and the Twins still managed thirteen hits -- that's a sign of an offense that's clicking. Earlier in the season the Twins could have gotten 8 hits out of their 3 and 4 hitters and still lose because guys like Nick Punto and Matt Tolbert batted like, well, themselves. If the Twins want to really make it interesting, those guys are going to have to continue to play at superhuman levels.

Photos: AP/Charles Rex Arbogast

AUGUST 22, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 8, KANSAS CITY 7

Two wins in a row against the pitiful Royals, and with the Tigers losing at Oakland, the Twins are "back in the thick of things," as certifiable idiot Dick Bremer would say. They're still three games below .500, mind you, and the Royals haven't been playing like a major league team in the last three months. Saturday's game was an example of a game that if the Twins needed to pitch one more inning, the Royals were likely going to finally overtake them. Brian Douchebag pitched the game of his life, which at this point in his career is just five innings and two earned runs. Because of the short start, the Twins had to rely on their bullpen, and what's worse was that Joe Nathan's 53-pitch outing on Friday apparently made him unavailable on Saturday, making Matt Guerrier the de facto closer [Gulp]. Ron Coomer, filling in for Bert Blyleven on color this weekend, was quoted as saying that this series is something like make or break, the most important series of the year and they desperately can't lose games like this. If that's the case (and it is, unless you want to fall further back in the division), you need to have Joe Nathan on the mound in the bottom of the ninth inning. Frankly I don't care if Nathan had to throw 120 pitches on Friday, if these games mean that much, you've got to have your best players in the spots that they are asked to deliver in. What's the worst that could happen, Gardenhire? You're banking on one good inning from Joe Nathan -- 15-20 pitches at most. Who in their right mind wouldn't be able to throw that many pitches, no matter how many they threw the night previous. Considering Nathan's classic "brush-off" of the push-over Gardenhire the night before, I thought that perhaps Nathan could easily talk his way back into the game. But alas, Matty Guerrier got the save, nearly giving up the tie in the eighth and giving back the insurance run the Twins cheaply got in the top of the ninth to win by the narrowest of margins.

After Douchebag left after the fifth, the Twins had to seriously patch it up until Stopper Guerrier came in in the eighth. Bobby Keppel and Jesse Crain helped get the Royals back in the game in the sixth and seventh innings, each surrendering two runs in their less-than-one-inning performance. Both of these slugs have proven that they simply cannot get major league batters out, but I have a sneak feeling that the front office will bring both of these guys back for 2010. Hell, considering the pay hike that Billy Smith gave Nick Punto last offseason, Keppel's 5.55 ERA may be due for a raise. That the Twins were even able to win this game was a testament to how truly bad the Royals are. The three runs that the Twins got in the top of the sixth were mainly due to Joe Mauer reaching first on a wild pitch on strike three, and Michael Cuddyer's pop-up in a clutch situation in the ninth (Cuddyer popping up in the clutch? No, really???!!!) needed to be caught, and that turned out to be the difference in the game. But the seventh inning was a classic, as the Royals loaded the bases with nobody out against Jesse Crain. Jose Mijares inherited that mess and promptly gave up a single to cut the lead to 7-5. After a key Cuddyeresque pop-up by Mitch Maier for the first out, the madness ensued. Yuniesky Betancourt hit a can of corn to center field, and Carlos Gomez dropped the ball, and instead of getting the easy force play right in front of him at second, threw to third to get the out there instead. To cap it off, Josh Anderson lined a ball to left, and Seldom Young, instead of retreating back on the ball, did a standing leap and barely caught the ball. It was literally one of the funniest things I'd ever seen; I laughed for a solid minute after seeing that patheticness.

The Twins go for the sweep on Sunday, with Carl Pavano making the start for the Twins. Anthony Swarzak, by the way, was finally outrighted back to Triple-A, and some guy named Armando Gabino was called up. Not sure whether this Gabino is going to get a shot at the starting staff, but whatever his role is, there are two things that are important with this transaction: 1) Swarzak's back in the minors, where he belongs, and 2) even the thought of a guy like Gabino making critical starts down the stretch for a "contending" team should tell everyone that the team has zero chance of getting to the playoffs. But hey, anybody's a step up from Swarzak, who in his last four or five starts was serving more meatballs than Olive Garden.

Photos: AP/Charlie Riedel

AUGUST 20, 2009 -- TEXAS 11, MINNESOTA 1

Two comeback wins by the Twins were enough for them to salvage a split in the series, so Ron Gardenhire's bunch felt that it would be acceptable to phone in their effort for Thursday's game, and the results clearly showed a pitiful effort. The Rangers hit four home runs off Twins starter Anthony Swarzak, who again showed everyone watching that his scouting report has been duly circulated throughout the league and that teams know what to expect when he pitches. Especially considering his stuff isn't dazzling to begin with, that's a recipe for absolute disaster, and Swarzak followed the pattern set by, well, all the other starters when he put the Twins down 4-0 early. Seldom Young continued his hot streak (who knew?) when he led off the fifth with a home run, and the Twins mounted a threat in the sixth, loading the bases with one out. Ranger fans were probably groaning as they were expecting the same course of events to occur in Thursday's game that also happened the previous two nights: that the Twins, namely, would score four in the sixth to get back in the game, as they had on both Tuesday and Wednesday. Well, after Ron Washington put rookie Neftali Feliz into the game, Joe Crede silenced all that crap by tapping into an inning ending 5-3 double play, thereby extinguishing both the rally and the chance to win.

Swarzak started the bottom of the sixth by giving up his fourth homer of the game, and the inning wouldn't end until Jeff Manship could stop the bleeding. In between the Swarzak-Manship sandwich was another classic outing by Bobby Keppel, who's becoming kind of like the evil cream in the middle of a disastrous Oreo cookie of failure. More traditionally that cookie, which apparently stands for those big innings ("crooked numbers," as certifiable idiot Dick Bremer would say) that the bullpen is wont to give up, involves such notables as Jesse Crain and R.A. Dickey; Keppel's usually been part of that mix, too, and Thursday was no exception, as he faced three batters and all three Rangers hit doubles off Keppel. Talk about thrifty patheticness -- Bobby Keppel has mastered that art.

With the dramatic comeback win for the Tigers on Thursday afternoon, the Twins dropped back to 6 1/2 games behind the front-running Tigers (and 4 1/2 behind the second-place Pale Hose), which means that even with the two impressive comeback wins in Texas, the Twins ended up losing a half-game in the standings. Justin Morneau, meanwhile, will see a specialist concerning his inner ear infection that kept him out of the lineup for pretty much all of the Texas series. An injury to Morneau would be fatal for the team, and a trip to the disabled list just might put the final nail in the coffin to this season. But first they have to travel to Kansas City to put forth what likely will be a pathetic effort. Luke Hochevar, who looked nothing better than Bret Saberhagen the last time he faced the Twins, will be on the hill for the Royals, and Nick Blackburn, he of the 0-4, 10.17 ERA since Ron Gardenhire rested him for ten days between the All Star Break, will oppose him for the Twins.

Photos: AP/Tony Gutierrez.

AUGUST 5, 2009 -- CLEVELAND 8, MINNESOTA 1

That's the Minnesota Twins' 2009 season in a nutshell -- two games that tell you how this team has played for four months. On Tuesday, they absolutely demolish a horrendous Cleveland Indians team, riding seven strong innings from Scott Baker, getting timely hitting from both the usual suspects (Joe Mauer, Jason Kubel) as well as unlikely sources (Carlos Gomez anybody?) and playing clean defense. The 10-1 victory was about as smooth-sailing as a victory can get. You'd think that the team might use that win as momentum to come back the next day and again outperform an inferior opponent. But Francisco Liriano was on the hill, and by the time the game was over, the Twins had fallen 8-1 to these Indians, in one of their most pathetic showings of the season. Aaron Laffey predictably breezed through the Twins lineup, going eight innings and allowing only one unearned run. Liriano was again lost on the mound, just struggling to get outs and falling behind hitters all night long. Frankly it was the same Liriano we've seen all year long, and it's more indicative of the kind of leash that the on-field staff has with this guy.

I'd say there have been five or six starts alone that would have prompted a good manager to address the problem and make a change, either by sending Liriano to the bullpen or down to Triple-A like they did last season. A guy leading the league in losses (and they're not tough-luck losses, either) and second in the league in walks has no business being in the starting rotation for a "competitive" club. But, according to Ron Gardenhire, he'd rather keep putting a confidence-drained Liriano on the mound rather than trying to get someone else to take his rotation spot: "The options are very limited. We can't go with a four-man rotation, and we just don't have much starting pitching left. It's not like we can just say, ah, let's take him out and put somebody else in." You can't say that, eh? You can't say, we have a better chance of winning with just about anybody on the mound? Brian Douchebag did better than Liriano could have ever done in a spot start last week; I'm not saying that's the answer, but it would be an upgrade. What this whole situation really emphasizes is how poorly the Twins did to address their holes both in last offseason and at the trading deadline. They're pretty pitching-thin right now, reliant on guys like Bobby Keppel and R.A. Dickey to get outs that just aren't in them at this point, and they desperately needed to get somebody, anybody to help the staff -- if they want to compete. And that's a big if considering the on-field staff and the front-office, who seems content as long as they stay "competitive" for the bulk of the summer (i.e. keep putting butts in the seats).

The fourth inning in Wednesday's contest was perhaps a classic '09 Twins inning, one in which it was so pathetic to experience that I'm struggling to recap it for you. Already down 2-0, Liriano started the inning by getting the first two batters quickly. Ninth-place batter Trevor Crowe singled up the middle, and moved to second on a boneheaded bobble by Carlos Gomez (who, by the way, resolutely fell back down to earth on Wednesday, not only with the error but with his more Gomez-esque 0 for 4 day at the plate). Joe Mauer allowed Crowe to go to third due to a passed ball, and three singles later, the Indians had a 4-0 lead, and with the Twins offense phoning it in against Laffey, that was as good as a rout. The bullpen quickly restaged its oft-performed act that it has reprised of late, meaning that they inherited a respectable deficit (4-1 in this case) and turned that score into a laugher. It was 8-1 before Bobby Keppel could get an out in the sixth inning, to say nothing of R.A. Dickey's zero-out, three-runs allowed performance. What's funny is that Orlando Cabrera is tearing the cover off the ball for the Twins -- he was the only hitter, seemingly, not to be in a catatonic state on Wednesday, going 3 for 4. Had the Twins at least attempted to patch their pitching holes, they may have a decent shot at making the playoffs. But the way that the pitching staff is comprised currently -- really one or two semi-reliable starters, a great closer whose value is greatly diminished when he's rarely needed to save games, and zero dependable arms in between -- seriously undermines their chances of even getting into second place.

AUGUST 4, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 10, CLEVELAND 1

Perhaps the Twins exorcised some of the demons (or, more appropriately, the team's many weak spots) that came into full view when they were pasted by a top-flight team over the past weekend in their 10-1 win over Cleveland on Tuesday. I half expected Randy Quaid to be desolately pounding a bongo drum in the sparse left-field bleachers, because these Indians are very reminiscent of that sad-sack bunch immortalized in the Major League series. This is a bad team right now, and if the Twins don't sweep the Tribe, they should be kicking themselves like the Tigers probably did after losing two out of three last weekend. The Indians have two players in their lineup that have done good things in the past, and Grady Sizemore is having an awful season, and Travis Hafner continues to be hampered by injuries. Shin-Soo Choo (bless you!) has always hit well against the Twins, too, but other than that, the Indian offense doesn't really scare you anymore without Victor Martinez, but that really isn't the problem -- it's the pitching. The Indians, shockingly, are sixth in the majors in runs scored but are, not surprisingly, second to last in runs surrendered, and guys like David Huff certainly aren't going to set the world on fire with that kind of stuff. It's a formula that the Twins have too followed this season -- good offensive production, horrendous pitching; the Twins pitching has just been a little bit better at times (it helps to have a good closer) and that's why the Twins are at .500 and "competing."


Most importantly for the Twins in this game was that Scott Baker put in his fourth straight "quality" start for the Twins (I know, his start in Anaheim wasn't technically a "quality" start, but compared to his early-season efforts, and especially in comparison with the quote-unquote pitching that the Twins have gotten of late, it was just fine). Seven innings, three hits, and zero runs for Baker, who lowered his ERA to a somewhat respectable 4.59. Unless Baker continues this run of brilliance, the Twins will continue to languish without a solid ace on their staff. Nick Blackburn had assumed that role up until Ron Gardenhire and the field staff decided that he should get two weeks between starts and screw up his rythym, and now it appears that Baker has stepped up. Jesse Crain even got through an inning without giving up a run, and the run that Bobby Keppel gave up in the ninth was great -- so good, in fact, that it was worth losing the shutout for the mere fact that Keppel's ERA is now over 5, which is only about a run or two lower than what Keppel's career track record had indicated he was worth before the season. Keppel needs to give up some more runs and quickly, because Ron Gardenhire's a manager that likes to lose a lot with one guy (see Henn, Sean) before finally cutting ties with him (see Ayala, Luis). A bullpen pitcher with a 5.01 ERA is a godsend to Ron Gardenhire. Those kind of pitchers don't grow on trees, you know, and you know that Ron Gardenhire's going to get as many losses out of Bobby Keppel as he can get.


Francisco Liriano will return to the mound on Wednesday (that is, unless Ron Gardenhire asks some doctors their opinion and then hedges on those trained, medical opinions like he did last week). Liriano's got some of the ugliest stats of any pitcher in baseball, and I wouldn't expect that to change. Unfortunately for the Twins, they face southpaw Aaron Laffey, who, for whatever reason, has been tough on the Twins in the past. It actually makes perfect sense for the Twins to struggle against Laffey, as they seem to pick guys out of midair to have fits against (Daniel Cabrera, anyone?). With eleven more games remaining on the schedule against the lowly Indians, they're going to have to feast on their pitching, and also get good pitching in return. The inconsistency which the Twins have shown in spades this year needs to change, as seemingly they can morph from a playoff team to an also-ran in a matter of a day and vice versa.

AUGUST 1, 2009 -- LOS ANGELES 11, MINNESOTA 6

The Angels score eleven runs off the Twins pitching staff for the second straight game, spoiling Orlando Cabrera's debut with the Twins. Anthony Swarzak pitched like sour milk, and then the bullpen pitched in with a five-run, three home run sixth inning that was a tandem effort by R.A. Dickey and Bobby Keppel, who after giving up two moon shots to the first two batters he faced, is quickly falling out of favor with everyone watching the Twins except Ron Gardenhire and Rick Anderson. But, as Dick Bremer would say, it's refreshing to hear someone like Keppel be upfront and "take responsibility" for Friday's pathetic eleventh inning. Refreshing, sure; but what would really be refreshing is if Bobby Keppel could get batters out, or even better, it'd be damn refreshing if the Twins cut their ties with this guy. It would be refreshing to be a fan of an organization that knows talent and tries its best to put the best players on the roster, and to use the best out of those players to place in their everyday lineup. That would be refreshing, yes, but the reality is is that I'm likely going to stay thirsty here for quite a while.


One example of this poor talent assessment is the transaction that the Twins made before the game on Saturday, when Brian Buscher was inexplicably sent down over Alexi Casilla's .171 average to Rochester to make room for Cabrera on the roster. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not here to laud praises on a guy hitting .225, but when the choices are .225 with a little pop who can deliver a pinch hit once in a while and a guy who's hit progressively worse in three seperate stints with the club, can't play consistent defense, is a mentally putrid player and sucks the team dry of offensive production in the bottom of the order, I'll take Busch any day of the week. What had Casilla done to deserve staying on the roster? He was recalled just before the All-Star break when his average was .180; somehow the guy found a way to lower that another ten points. The guy has simply failed at every aspect of the game, and his value as a fifth infielder at this point has to be lower than Buscher's value as a pinch-hitting option. Again, not to say that Buscher absolutely deserved to stay with the club, either, but everyone in the entire league has outperformed Alexi Casilla in 2009, and there's no excuse for leaving him on the roster.


But there is, according to Ron Gardenhire (who said this, according to Dick Bremer). The main reason for Casilla to stay on the ballclub, according to these two clowns, was that the veteran presence of Orlando Cabrera could perhaps help the young Casilla get a better understanding of the game of baseball. Casilla can learn from Cabrera, and it would be more valuable for the Twins long-term if Casilla were directly mentored by Cabrera for the two months that he's going to be in a Twins uniform. This notion is at once pathetic and self-defeating in all its intentions. This is a kind of thing that non-competitive teams do. If you're the Kansas City Royals or the Washington Nationals or the Pittsburgh Pirates, you can afford to do things like this and you probably could benefit from such a move. But according to everyone paid to like the Twins, this is a "competitive" ballclub that has set its sights on winning the division. How can a "competitive" baseball team afford to keep minor-league talent on their roster when they're trying to win a division? A move like this, and the philosophy behind it, should signal to Twins Nation that this team has no intentions of trying to win a Championship (I would consider an A.L. Central Division title a supremely lower-case "championship"), and as a lifelong fan I can't help but be offended at such a philosophy.


Speaking of offensive philosophies, I think my respect of Ron Gardenhire sank even lower after I heard Dick Bremer report to everyone listening that some of the content of last Saturday's "closed-door" meeting following their 11-5 thumping at the hands of the Angels in Anaheim regarded foolish outfield defensive plays "such as missing the cutoff man." According to Bremer, Gardenhire had told his outfielders that if they missed the cutoff man, that they would get benched on the spot. That's something that I agree with 100%; especially when you're dealing with Mensa antitheses like Carlos Gomez, you need a "tough-love" approach to management. But on Friday, when Gomez missed the cutoff man in the first inning (which led to an extra run for the Angels, which by extension was a major reason the Twins lost the game), Gardenhire sat on his hands and did nothing of what he had threatened his players with just a week before. That is not only a terrible way to manage a baseball team, but that's a horrible way to run a company, to raise a family, to be in an interpersonal relationship -- you can add to the list ad infinitum. Do you have any idea what happens when you set clear-cut boundaries and specific penalties and then welsh on those parameters which you yourself set up? The behavior that you had attempted to extinguish in the first place will *undoubtedly* happen again. If you're a parent, it's like telling your sixteen year old not to have a party when you're gone for the weekend, and if he/she did that they would be grounded; and then you return home to find your kid's hosting a party at that minute, and then join in on the festivities. What does that signal to your sixteen-year-old? That he/she can do that again and not take anything you say in terms of "threats" seriously. As a manager of a major-league baseball team, you lose all credibility with your players and those who follow the team closely. In fact, if I were Brian Buscher, I would have had a hard time believing Ron Gardenhire when Gardy told him he was sent down Saturday, for the mere reason that Gardenhire did not follow through on his "promise" that he initiated just a week prior. This much is guaranteed, Gardenhire -- Carlos Gomez will miss the cutoff man again, and probably sooner rather than later. What are you gonna do about it? Remember that all the respect your players had has been transfered to the status of simply a buddy-buddy manager whose words can be taken very lightly. Yeah, we all knew you weren't Knute Rockne, but at the very least, don't be a f***ing Pinocchio, Gardenhire.

JULY 31, 2009 -- LOS ANGELES 11, MINNESOTA 5 (11 innings)

The Twins lead 5-2 going into the seventh inning and watch Nick Blackburn and the bullpen give up the last nine runs of the game, and the Angels beat the Twins at the Metrodome in a game in which the Twins needed to win. This is the type of game that competitive ballclubs do not lose, and it was fitting that on the day that the Twins continued their year-and-a-half long trend of failing to improve their bullpen via outside help, the bullpen lost the game for the Twins. Matt Guerrier came through with his first Matt Guerrier Special in months, promptly giving up the game-tying home run to the first batter he faced in the eighth inning, Mike Napoli. After Guerrier and Nathan mowed down Los Angeles through the tenth inning (and the Twins offense shut down against an Angel bullpen comprised of the likes of Justin Speier and Jason Bulger and Kevin Jepsen), Ron Gardenhire decided to lose the game in the eleventh when he started the inning with Bobby Keppel, who failed to retire a batter and took the loss. Gardenhire made sure that the Twins were pathetically embarrassed when he turned to Jesse "Gas on the Fire" Crain, who failed to retire any of the four batters he faced, and by the time R.A. Dickey completed the six-run eleventh, the Twins were supremely out of the game. Not surprising that the Twins' bullpen lost this one for the Twins, as it will doubtless be the area of the team that, again, will likely preclude the team's postseason chances.


Fans may have been clamoring for Orlando Cabrera when Brendan Harris made a fool of himself in the eleventh inning, on a play that my anger was merely supplanted by my bursting out in laughter at the sheer patheticness of Harris. With runners at first and third, Howie Kendrick, who of course is in my good graces due to his first name, grounded a ball to Harris' left. Harris hesistated and wanted to come home with the ball, but then tripped over his own feet and did a head-first digger into the turf. It was one of those plays bound to make the blooper reel, and it would be really funny if the game hadn't been on the line at that point. I don't mind that Harris wanted to throw home, seeing as that's the go-ahead run and all, but both Dick Bremer and Bert Blyleven were criticizing Harris for not turning the double-play. In reality, with Jesse Crain coming into the game and not getting anybody out, it's unlikely that the Angels wouldn't have extended their lead, but Harris' gaffe no doubt opened the floodgates on a big inning. For those counting at home, that's the fourth time in the last eleven games that the Twins' pitching staff has allowed an inning of six runs or more; but hey, they didn't need another arm badly or anything.


The loss dropped the Twins back to third place, one game over .500 at 52-51. Again, to consider that the White Sox and Tigers made significant moves to improve their club's chances not to win the Central Division but to compete for the World Series, it's going to be increasingly difficult for the Twins to overcome both the Sox and Tigers. Take a second to ponder the White Sox acquisition of Jake Peavy and its inherent risk. Peavy likely won't be able to pitch for almost a month, and so in effect Chicago mortgaged a good part of their future (four pretty good pitching prospects) for, at most, five or six starts in the regular season. As Kenny Williams said, it's a move that was made in order to win a championship, and I had a sneak feeling that he meant a real championship (i.e., a World Series) rather than what the Twins have set as their goal (i.e., winning the weakest division in baseball). With Orlando Cabrera mainly being a Brendan Harris in masquerade, I have to strongly disagree with Bremer and Blyleven that the move is even a "good" move at this point. He's certainly not a player that's going to put the team over the top, and definitely he's not going to make them be able to beat the Yankees any more. And most importantly, I hope to God that Bremer is wrong when he reports that Cabrera's going to be placed in the #2 hole, but I'm pretty sure that'll happen. Ron Gardenhire likes to change things that are going right, and Joe Mauer in the #2 hole is a natural fit. As ESPN's Eric Karabell reports, Cabrera's .318 on-base percentage "should not alter" the current batting order with Mauer hitting second, and that Cabrera should be hitting low in the Twins' lineup; unfortunately Karabell doesn't know who he's dealing with with Ron Gardenhire, who's a logician's nightmare. Mauer, after all, is only hitting .398 from the #2 hole, and they've won more games with Mauer hitting there than anybody else. Why change something that's worked?

JULY 23, 2009 -- LOS ANGELES 6, MINNESOTA 5 (10 innings)

The bullpen does it again, giving up four runs in five innings and miraculously losing a game to the Angels which they should have won. Joe Nathan blew the save, giving up two runs in the bottom of the ninth. In all fairness, the game tying hit was nothing more than a fourteen-hop grounder that deflected off the second base bag and eluded the grasp of Nick Punto. Sometimes the bounces don't go your way, and it was a frustrating way for Nathan to blow the save. Once Los Angeles tied the game, the momentum was clearly away from the Twins, and it didn't take long for the Angels to bring the game home. Brian Fuentes mowed down the middle of the Twins order in about a minute and a half in the top of the tenth, and then came the bottom half. Ron Gardenhire must have said something like, "Bounces be damned, I'm going to make sure we lose this game on some solid hits," because he brought in Jesse Crain to lose the ballgame. Crain, fresh from a stint in Rochester, did so in spades, though he did retire two batters (well, one, really -- the other out was a sacrifice bunt). Mike Napoli's two-out double brought home the game winner, and the Twins lost for the second time in three extra-inning affairs on this road trip.

Crain's numbers suggest that he has become the Matt Guerrier of 2009, and with the Twins still unwilling to address their bullpen woes, it will likely spell doom for the club for the remainder of the season. Bobby Keppel gave up a quick run in the sixth inning, as his run of good pitching appears to have come and gone. No doubt Ron Gardenhire will continue to go to Keppel until his ERA starts to offend grandmothers across the Upper Midwest, but for an intents and purposes Keppel's finished as an effective pitcher. What's worse is that in the last week, more than serviceable relief pitchers have been seemingly dealt with ease and have not demanded a whole lot in return in the trade market. Ground ball specialist Cla Meredith with traded to the Orioles last week (who may in turn trade Meredith again before the deadline) for a middling prospect. Just yesterday the Colorado Rockies traded a Class-A pitcher for Rafael Betancourt of the Indians, a guy who's always pitched well against the Twins. Perhaps the Indians didn't want to help their divisional rivals, but I have a sneak feeling that Bill Smith and the front office didn't even inquire as to Betancourt's availability. And former All-Star B.J. Ryan, released by the Blue Jays, was scooped up by the Cubs last week; since Toronto is still on the hook for Ryan's contract, any team signing him would have little financial obligation. But, at least as it looks from up here, Ron Gardenhire and the field staff is more than content using minor-league call-ups, retread wash-ups and never-even-has-beens, and Matt Guerrier than acquiring outside relief help. It's an area that they should have addressed in the previous offseason and came out of it bragging about Luis Ayala, so I wouldn't be surprised if the Twins sit on their hands again.

It had appeared that Ron Gardenhire had come to his senses finally when he put Joe Mauer in the #2 hole for the last two games in the Oakland series. Mauer's been the only guy that has hit in the #2 hole all season long, and on Monday he put Nick Punto in the second hole protecting Mauer; that move is so wrong on so many levels -- I wouldn't be surprised if Tanzania declared war on Djibouti for that stroke of genius. But Ron Gardenhire's a guy who likes to tinker with things that are working and he'll try his darnedest to screw them up again. So for that reason and that reason alone, apparently, Alexi Casilla hit in the #2 hole again. I've said it before: How long does it take Mark Grudzielanek to get into game shape? Casilla was at it again, going 0 for 4 at the plate, striking out twice and looking pretty pathetic doing it. His average is now at a head-shakingly bad .168, and he's 3 for 26 (.115) since being recalled again after the All-Star break. Putting Casilla in the #2 hole is kind of like putting your pitcher in the middle of the freaking lineup, shoulder to shoulder with Mauer, Morneau and company. Gardy -- it was cute before when you'd put Casilla and Tolbert in the #2 hole, but enough's enough. Get your head out of your ass and stop putting minor-league talent in a major-league lineup.

Francisco Liriano takes his 4-9 record and 5.33 ERA to the hill on Friday, and he opposes Angel ace John Lackey. The Twins did do enough at the plate on Thursday to beat Jered Weaver, and they're going to have to be on against Lackey if they want a chance on Friday. More importantly Liriano's going to have to pitch well, and that certainly has not been a given this season.

The MTRC also tips its cap to Mark Buehrle, who pitched the 18th perfect game in major league history on Thursday afternoon. Most impressively it was Buehrle's opponent, the Rays, who are an offensive power that just sent five of their hitters to the All-Star Game. Buehrle's a guy I've always admired for his attitude on the mound, his passion for the game, and his old-school approach. He's the ideal ace starter for his similarly old-school manager in Ozzie Guillen, as both players are a few decades behind their time (and that's a good thing). Though he's certainly been outspoken, especially when talking about the Twins, he's a guy I've always had respect for, and with the type of career he's already had (he's only 30), I wouldn't be surprised if there is Hall of Fame talk when he decides to hang 'em up.

JULY 20, 2009 -- OAKLAND 14, MINNESOTA 13

Buckle up, folks. This one's going to be a long one.

Many people might come here and expect a nice long rant on how home plate umpire Mike Muchlinski blew the call at home to end the game, calling out Michael Cuddyer trying to score from second base on a wild pitch. And let's get it straight -- Cuddyer was very safe; it really wasn't close at all. Muchlinski's horrible call cannot go unnoticed, as it probably is one of the worst, most gutless calls I've ever seen in my life. But the fact remains is this -- to cry over a bad call in the ninth inning in a game in which the Twins led by ten freaking runs is not the correct emotion to cling to. This was a game so classically Gardenhire-esque and so pathetic and yet so predictable that Muchlinski probably made the right call. The Twins had no business even being close in this game. They were as far from deserving to win on Monday as any team in the history of major league baseball. This is the real Twins, folks. These players and this manager -- these pathetic excuses for baseball people are what we stress out over for six months of the year.

OK -- you don't call yourself a competitive team -- no, scratch that; you don't call yourself a major-league team if you're losing games in which you were leading the second worst team in the American League by TEN runs. This is a mockery of the game to lose a game like this. A mockery of the game. The sad part about it is that a lot of people will forget how pathetic the Twins actually were and remember only Muchlinski's bonehead call. We need not to forget about such games -- that's Ron Gardenhire's awesome idea, to just forget about it and move on. No -- we need to examine how games like this get out of hand so it never, EVER happens again. Ron Gardenhire needs to look at his own managerial style and see how this game was lost well before it even began. I'm sorry -- in a game in which you have a ten run lead and you lose, it's not all on the players. A lot of the blame must be thrown on the manager here, and this was one of the worst managed games I've ever been a witness to. Quite often here at the MTRC, I tend to overplay my hatred for Ron Gardenhire and I might be a little harsh on him at times. But it's these kind of performances that just reaffirm Gardenhire's status as truly one of the worst in-game managers in the game. It's absolutely cuckoo to me how this man can sleep at night.

Gardenhire's first folly: deciding (whenever it was) that his staff ace, sinkerballer Nick Blackburn should get nine days between starts, giving some bullshit excuse like "he's worked a lot of innings in the first half of the season." That's ridiculous right off the bat, because Blackburn's been your ace in the season and you ride your best pitcher, not give him nine days off and throw off his rythym. More importantly, it doesn't take a lifelong baseball fan to know that nine days between starts for a sinkerball pitcher would tend to make Blackburn a little too strong for his start on Monday, thereby putting too much force on the sinkerball and straightening it out. I was curious why Blackburn was skipped on Friday when he should have started, and to hear that Blackburn's workload was perhaps a little "taxing" in the first half of the season was pure Gardenhire blather that makes little to no logical sense. Not surprisingly, Blackburn put forth his worst performance of the season, giving up thirteen hits and seven runs in five innings of work. But when you get a week and a half between starts, that's only going to screw with the winning rythym he had set in the first half. Good one, Gardy.

Then the bullpen. I had to do a double take last night when I heard Ron Gardenhire's post-game comments (usually I don't, but I had to see what he was going to say after this one). I don't have the exact quote, but Gardenhire said something like, "You're used to seeing this happen to the other team and not ours," referring to a bullpen meltdown. Ah--whaaaaat? Does the year 2008 mean anything to you? Remember when you brought Matt Guerrier in every freaking game to blow leads and lose games down the stretch? Apparently this has all been taken care of thanks to Ron Gardenhire's patented GARDY 2K8 Amnesia Therapy, and it's another reason why forgetting about what didn't work at one time is a terrible philosophy not only to manage a baseball team but life in general. It's one thing that Ron Gardenhire's a terrible manager, but it's even worse when he goes Last Year at Marienbad on us all. Good managers have the ability to adapt, and acknowledge what didn't work once and try a different approach. Monday's game and his bullpen management was predictably bad, but I still can't figure out the logic behind any of it.

1) He brings in Brian Douchebag in the sixth inning. Douchebag was apparently Gardenhire's bridge from Blackburn to the eighth inning, which makes zero sense considering Duensing had pitched in Sunday's game (and took the loss). Douchebag's sixth inning was a struggle, as he allowed the first two batters to reach before being bailed out by a double-play ball. You'd think after Douchebag struggled so mightily in the sixth inning that Ron Gardenhire would come to his senses. Why he didn't go to R.A. Dickey in the sixth and the seventh is beyond me; Dickey had pitched Sunday too, but only threw six pitches, and hadn't pitched for eight days prior to that. Besides, he's the staff junkballer and you've boasted the fact that Dickey can give you four innings each night. But there was Douchebag on the mound for the seventh, and the same scenario unfolded: this time the first three batters reached, and then Ron Gardenhire waddled out to the mound to make a pitching change.

2) We were all waiting in steep anticipation for the Bobby Keppel Meltdown. What we were waiting for is the most pathetic opportunity for that to happen, and when Keppel was called on to "extinguish" the situation on Monday, I knew that Keppel was giving up the lead like nothing else in the world. If I were in Las Vegas, I would have made a killing on that, because that is the perfect situation for this career 7+ ERA wash-up never-even-has-been to finally implode. Why this guy was even called up from the minors when stud prospects like Anthony Slama and Rob Delaney continue to post impressive numbers still confuses me. Of course, with Ron Gardenhire, all you have to give him is two or three good outings out of the bullpen and you are then called on to blow games on a regular basis, and after Monday, we'll probably get to see a few more Bobby Keppel Meltdowns before that whole experiment officially goes kaput. It was pretty quick with Keppel -- bloop double, walk, and game-tying grand slam -- and in came Jose Mijares to give up the game-winning home run on the first pitch he threw to Jack Cust.

3) Then there's the situation in the top of the eighth inning. Joe Mauer had been given the night off, apparently because he's been struggling of late, but now with the Twins behind on the scoreboard, now Ron Gardenhire had the luxury of having the best hitter in the American League on his bench, and he could use him in a number of favorable situations. Brendan Harris led off the eighth with a single off reliever Brad Ziegler, and Mike Redmond strode to the plate. I figured that Gardenhire was going to save Mauer for the ninth inning or, if Redmond can at least move Harris to second base, pinch hit in the eighth inning for Alexi Casilla. Gardenhire had already dug himself a hole when he used Nick Punto in the #2 hole, and with Casilla also playing, the Twins had two sore thumbs in the batting order, but at least they had their ace in the hole in Joe Mauer (Casilla and Punto, by the way, went a combined 0 for 8, with two strikeouts and five pop-ups -- again, how long does it take Mark Grudzielanek to get into game shape?). Redmond's bunt attempts (he hadn't sacrificed in over three years, by the way) were for naught, and you had the sneak feeling that Redmond better strike out, because if he puts the ball in play, he's going to hit into a double play. Well, that's exactly what happened. With two out and nobody on base, up strode Joe Mauer to pinch hit for Casilla. This one I still can't fathom the logic behind. What are you doing, Ron Gardenhire? In essence, he wastes Mauer -- what, does he think he's going to hit a home run? Compounded on that was the fact that Mauer took over for Redmond behind the plate in the bottom of the eighth. So instead of pinch hitting Mauer for Redmond -- which is the logical move if you're planning on putting Mauer at catcher anyway -- Gardenhire uses his best hitter in a meaningless spot and lets Mike Redmond take their team out of the inning a batter before. With two out and nobody on, I'd might as well let Alexi Casilla make the third out of that inning and save Mauer for the ninth, because you have Nick Punto in the #2 hole that you need a pinch hitter for, too. As it turned out, Gardenhire had to use Brian Buscher, his other pinch-hitting option, at third to take over Redmond's spot in the lineup, and Punto had to hit in the ninth. Basically, with that beyond-stupid move, Gardenhire made three outs with one move -- Redmond made two outs when he should have been pinch-hit for, and Punto struck out because Gardenhire pinch hit Mauer in the wrong place and had to waste his other pinch-hitting option for defense. Absolutely demented managing.

Well, I'm done with this one. For all those out there who still think this team is competitive and can win this division, I hope you can look at this game and see who the real Minnesota Twins are. And the fact is, this has been the team all along. They've been masquerading as a .500 club up to this point, and all it takes is one West Coast classic like this one to prove to everyone that the Twins aren't going anywhere this season and as long as Ron Gardenhire manages this bunch of clowns, they'll never do anything.

JULY 17, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 5, TEXAS 3

Glen Perkins opens the second half of the season by giving up a two-run home run to the third batter he faces, Josh Hamilton, and it would appear that the crucial ten-game road trip is off to a horrendous start. Collectively, it seemed as if Twins fans everywhere muttered, “Here we go again.” But then the Twins picked themselves off the mat, tied the game in the very next inning thanks to a two-run triple by Carlos Gomez, and then rode Jason Kubel’s three-run home run in the third inning to a 5-3 victory. Perkins really struggled through five innings, throwing over one hundred pitches in getting the undeserving victory. Again, Bobby Keppel pitches the six and the seventh and mows down the opposition, striking out three of the six batters. Though Keppel’s done a yeoman’s job in this sort of role, I still think that the jury’s out with this guy. The bad thing is, we’re going to have to find out about Keppel’s real lack of talent the hard way, because all indications are that Ron Gardenhire is going to not only continue to put Keppel in games, but continue to put him in close games. Sooner or later, Keppel’s gonna go Sean Henn on everybody’s ass, and Gardenhire was willing to lose games with Henn a handful of times. So when Keppel finally implodes, it’s going to be ugly, I guarantee that much.

Alexi Casilla came into this season coming off a career year in which he hit close to .300, played stellar defense, provided a speedy option at the top of the order, and even hit a few clutch home runs during the year. That being said, Casilla fell back to earth so hard this year that it was just one month into the season that Casilla was sent down to the minors, and quite frankly that decision was a few weeks too late. Casilla’s been recalled and sent back again this year, and now he’s with his third go-round with the club. He’s back to square one, needing to earn playing time, a la spring training, which for Ron Gardenhire means that Casilla starts at second base immediately AND bats second in the lineup. What the hell Gardenhire? What is with his whole “the second baseman must hit second in this lineup regardless of how low that average sinks?” Matt Tolbert was hitting there for a while, too. The only guy that has really flourished in that spot is Joe Mauer, but Gardenhire would rather have Mauer hit third, for good reasons. Brendan Harris was spanking the ball until a recent slump, which has precipitated his move to the bottom of the order. Do you see the logic in that? Harris has one bad week (lowering his batting average to a mere .270) and he’s relegated to the #8 hole; Casilla and Tolbert have sucked all year long and have not had their averages above the Mendoza Line since, well, Opening Day, and they’re plugged into the #2 hole like that’s how it’s always been. That just makes a whole hell of a lot of sense.

Scott Baker is definitely one of the keys for the Twins in the second half if they plan of making a push for the divisional title. He’s been wildly inconsistent this season and if the Twins want to go anywhere, Baker’s going to have to pitch like the ace pitcher he was last season. He pitches tonight in Texas, and he opposes Rangers righthander Scott Feldman.

JUNE 30, 2009 -- MINNESOTA 2, KANSAS CITY 1

Well, that's about as cheesy a win as you'll ever get. Justin Morneau, a few innings after belting his third home run in three games, grounded a surefire double play ball to first baseman Mike Jacobs, who promptly Cuddyer'd the ball into right field, allowing Joe Mauer to gain third base. Mauer would end up scoring what turned out to be the winning run of the game on a Cuddyer sacrifice fly, and the 2-1 margin would hold up. Scott Baker labored through five innings, and now we know what it takes to be a crucial member of the bullpen -- one good appearance. Because Bobby Keppel went four solid innings in relief of Kevin Slowey on Saturday, Ron Gardenhire entrusted Keppel with the sixth, seventh, and part of the eighth inning on Tuesday. Keppel did a fine job, but seriously, Gardenhire? Bobby Keppel's your new eighth inning option after one appearance? Let's not forget that Keppel sucks so bad that he hasn't even pitched in the big leagues for two years, so obviously a scouting report isn't out yet for teams to hit his stuff. Once Keppel got out of the sixth and seventh unscathed, I figured he did his job in his new R.A. Dickey-esque role; even though he didn't allow a run, why are you starting the eighth inning with Bobby Keppel on the mound defending a one-run lead?


At least I've seen the move that Gardenhire made later that inning a million times -- Matt Guerrier coming in with the game on the line. With two runners on and two outs, Gardenhire called upon Guerrier instead of Joe Nathan for the umpteenth time, and in essence gave the assignment of getting the most crucial out of the game to one of the worst pitchers on the team (that's really saying something). But I've accepted that stupidity because I saw it a mile away and Gardenhire's done it constantly. But starting the inning with Keppel? I don't even care that he was effective, that's just plain stupid. I thought that Gardenhire was precipitous in his handling of Sean Henn from minor-league journeyman to eighth-inning "specialist" (by that I mean he specialized in losing games), but the ascent of Keppel from starter in the minor-leagues to eighth-inning pitcher in 2-1 ballgames after one game is puzzling even considering Gardenhire's idiocy.


The bullpen's lack of talent and Gardenhire's lack of wiles when it comes to managing that bullpen with continue to cause problems. Statistically, the 'pen and in particular Matt Guerrier have done a decent job this year, but last year the bullpen didn't lose games regularly until the second half of the season. Considering this year's bullpen is actually much worse than last year's, it will likely be the Achilles heel for the team again. It doesn't exactly exude confidence when guys like Bobby Keppel are called up for the big leagues and thrown right into the eighth inning. What's worse is that the Twins apparently have some big-time prospects in the minor leagues that are tearing it up down there, namely Rob Delaney and Anthony Slama. If ever there's an organization that would rather call up a minor-league wash-up with a 8+ ERA in the big leagues than either one of two guys that have electrifying stuff that could eventually be future closers, it's the Minnesota Twins. I wouldn't be surprised if the deciding factor was financial; calling up Slama or Delaney now would mean that their service time would start earlier than expected, which would mean they would be eligible for arbitration sooner, which would mean that they could demand more money sooner than they planned. With Keppel, the guy's just happy to be in the big leagues, and the Twins have no future invested in him, so he's the cheap (and bad) option for now.


If the Twins win today, that means they would have won each of the three road series on this trip, certainly a success compared to their early season road woes. Glen Perkins pitches for the Twins against nemesis Gil Meche.

JUNE 27, 2009 -- ST. LOUIS 5, MINNESOTA 3

The score basically could have been Albert Pujols 2, Kevin Slowey 0. Slowey gave up two home runs to the Cardinals superstar on two pitches that I think a pitcher could have hit out of the park -- hell, Nick Punto could maybe have gotten a double on those pitches. Ron Gardenhire has too much class to walk Pujols, so he'd rather lose the game than play "embarrassing baseball," as he put it. Wait, wait, wait a minute -- you'd rather pitch to the only guy in the St. Louis lineup that can do any sort of damage just so you can keep up your street cred? Look, Gardenhire, you're no Crip and the Bloods want no part of you after all. Whether or not it's an intentional or unintentional walk, put the guy on base and give yourself a chance to win! You did exactly that after his first two home runs -- why not nip the deficit that you're in before it even happens by sticking to that gameplan all along?

This is different than playing the Yankees, whose lineup is so formidable that to give up key hits to the sore thumbs of the lineup will cost you dearly, as the Twins proved in May. Look at the Cardinals lineup -- Yadier Molina hits fifth for the Redbirds; Ryan Ludwick is apparently playing part time baseball now; the rest of the lineup is cluttered with Joe Schmos and "some guys." Some guy named Skip Schumacher is hitting lead off for St. Louis, rookies like Tyler Greene and Cody Rasmus are playing everyday. Albert Pujols sticks out like a sore thumb in a good way for the Cardinals -- in that he's the only good player that they have. Just like you say to yourself that Francisco Cervelli and Brett Gardner can't beat you when you play the Yankees, you've got to say that Pujols, because of the lineup that surrounds him, cannot be the guy that you lose the game to. Let Rick Ankiel and Chris Duncan win the game for you -- at least then it might be a bit of a surprise. Ron Gardenhire would have none of that, however. He defended his decision by not walking Pujols in the at-bats in which he would end up homering against Kevin Slowey by saying, "If you want to just [intentionally] walk him every time up, I think that's embarrassing baseball. That's ridiculous baseball." No, Gardenhire. What's ridiculous is that a major-league manager would watch Pujols hit not one but two home runs against you when the situation obviously dictates that you don't give the guy anything good to hit. Okay, so you don't intentionally walk him -- tell Slowey to bean him, or throw four out of the zone "unintentionally." There's no loss of integrity by intentionally walking the best hitter in the National League when there's runners on base. If you intentionally walked him with the bases empty, sure, that's kind of a dickhead move. But especially in the third, when there were two out and Slowey had already given up a home run to Pujols, you've got to at least pitch around him. Instead, Slowey gives him a straight, 90 mile-an-hour fastball right down the pipe, and Pujols hits it to Jefferson City. That's ridiculous baseball, Gardenhire.

The offense did not fare too much better either on Saturday. Todd Wellemeyer struggled in a horrendous 2 1/3 innings and the Twins were only able to get a lucky two-out three-run single off the bat of Brendan Harris that should have been caught by left fielder Chris Duncan. Tony LaRussa gave Wellemeyer an early shower in the third inning, and the Twins hit the rest of the way against the mediocre (read: much better than the Twins') bullpen of the Cardinals. Josh Kinney and his Sean Henn-esque 8.50 ERA ended up with the victory, and a menage of other retreads buckled the hapless Twins for 6 and 2/3 innings, no-namers like Kyle McClellan and Jason Motte combined with veteran lefties Trever Miller and Dennys Reyes, jowls and all, who is certainly familiar to Twins fans, as he was pretty effective out of a largely ineffective bullpen last year for the Twins. Considering Reyes' replacement, Jose Mijares, can belly up to any buffet as good as Reyes can, it's not as if we lost a whole lot (maybe ten pounds, give or take -- just give Mijares some time). If we still had Reyes, however, we probably would not have gotten to know Sean Henn, and that would have been for the best. Henn pitched for the first time since last Saturday's MGS and continued his ineffectiveness by walking two batters. The highlight of the game for the Twins was probably Bobby Keppel, who made a good debut with the Twins in his new role, which is basically the new R.A. Dickey. Keppel pitched for scoreless innings in relief of Slowey, who only went three innings. What, may you ask, was a large reason why Keppel was able to throw zeroes in those innings? He walked Albert Pujols twice.

Now the Twins have to count on Francisco Liriano to win the series on Sunday, and Liriano's been nothing close to what the Twins wanted out of him. Furthermore, the Twins have to face Joel Pineiro, against whom the Twins have never done much against and Pineiro is fresh off a two-hit shutout against the Mets his last start. The Twins were lucky to get one win in St. Louis, and Ron Gardenhire made sure that his team would drop at least one to the Cardinals, as sort of a tip of the cap to Tony LaRussa. A good way that Gardenhire can assure his team of losing the series is to continue pitching to the only good hitter the Cardinals have. He might not have a choice -- if Liriano continues his trend of pitching two balls to every strike, Pujols might be coming to the plate with a lot of runners on base on Sunday.

Luis Ayala is Out of The Doghouse!

Happy day! The Twins officially dispatched horrible relief pitcher Luis Ayala on Tuesday in anticipation of the opening game of the three-game series against the Brewers. Ayala, who had a deceivingly low 4.13 ERA, had the perennial task of extending opponents' leads, and he was doing that fantastically. Give Ayala a one-run deficit and he'd turn it into a two-run deficit, whether you give him one batter or five. In reality, Ayala had lost any value for the Twins by the middle of April, but characteristically, the Twins let Ayala lose a few more games for them in order to get their money's worth. After all, they paid this guy $1.3 million to lose games for them, and they'd be darned if they weren't going to get all that they paid for. Ayala's departure is yet another in the long list of free-agent busts and bad trades that the Twins have had in the last five years. Here we go:

Terry Mulholland

Pat Borders

Juan Castro

Bret Boone

Tony Batista

Rondell White

Ruben Sierra

Phil Nevin

Jeff Cirillo

Sidney Ponson

Ramon Ortiz

Adam Everett

Mike Lamb

Carlos Gomez

Seldom Young

Livan Hernandez

Craig Monroe

Eddie Guardado

Luis Ayala

That's impressive. Some guy named Bobby Keppel has been called up to take Ayala's spot on the roster. In ten major league games, Keppel is 0-4 with a 6.10 ERA, though most of those games were starts for the 2006 Kansas City Royals. Whatever Keppel's stats are, he's going to be an upgrade from Luis Ayala, who just could not get people out at the major league level. And Keppel's been doing a fine job in Rochester, for whatever that's worth. We all know that Sean Henn was firing aces down in Triple-A, and that hasn't exactly translated to success in the majors. But it was about time that the Twins addressed Ayala's suckiness -- too bad it was two months two late. He was so bad that he got a spot in The Doghouse, but before I was able to write a formal piece on Ayala in The Doghouse, he was released. There's only a few ways that you can get out of the Doghouse: getting released, retiring, getting sent to the minor leagues, or winning a World Series. Ayala is free because of his release.