AUGUST 7, 2009 -- DETROIT 10, MINNESOTA 8

The Twins lose again on Friday, this time because the umpires just totally, like, "ruined" it for Ronny Gardenhire, who launched a verbal attack on the umpiring crew and in particular home plate ump Hunter Wendelstadt following the game. You talk about unprofessional, classless, and plain pathetic -- I can't come up with more adjectives to describe Ron Gardenhire's behavior after the game. Yet again he fails to take responsibility for his team's terrible effort and again he puts the blame on the umpiring crew. Sure, the umpires probably missed a few calls, but I tell you what -- it's a horrible time for the manager to be losing his cool. The hinges are coming off on this ballclub, and fast, and the one thing that the Twins need right now is a steady presence in the clubhouse. If their manager is running on steam and getting thrown out in the second inning of ballgames, that sort of quick temper and irrational, childish reaction are going to transfer to the players. What's worse is that Gardenhire was basically asking for a suspension in his post-game interview, and he intimated that his rapport with Wendelstadt and other umpires in the league is such that they don't respect Gardenhire one iota (join the no-respect-for-Gardy Club, fellas; it's a long line). So good luck getting any "calls" in the future, Ronny Boy.


What should be the story about Friday's game was not the umpiring or Ron Gardenhire going second-grade on everybody's ass. What should have garnered the headlines was that Anthony Swarzak gave up seven runs in one inning of work, contributing his two cents to a starting staff in complete shambles right now. Did the umpires make Swarzak groove a 3-0 fastball to Miguel Cabrera in the first inning that landed in the right field seats? Did the umpires give up two hits, including a home run, and four RBI to Alex Avila, a rookie catcher in his second major league game? Did the umpires give up fifteen hits, the fourth time in seven games that the staff has surrendered that many base hits? Did the umpires cause Justin Morneau to make an error in the fifth inning (which easily could have been given to Orlando Cabrera) which directly led to two runs, which ended up being the difference in the game? Did the umpires force Michael Cuddyer to strike out with a man on third and one out in the sixth inning? Did the umpires force the front-office to sign Nick Punto to an astronomical contract in the offseason to keep that piece of s*** on the team so he could continuously fail in every situation? Did the umpires force Ron Gardenhire to play the said Punto every single game? The short answer, according to Ron Gardenhire, is: Yes. The umpires did it.


Speaking of that starting staff in shambles, there's help on the way (cue superhero music). Carl Pavano, he of the 5.37 ERA, will fit nicely in to a starting staff that's already populated by such notables as Swarzak (5.44 ERA), Francisco Liriano (5.63 ERA), and Glen Perkins (5.95 ERA). Pavano's acquisiton from Cleveland is just another example of a low-risk, low-impact move made by the front office. He's not a guy that's going to bring a divisional title to the Twin Cities, and even by getting Pavano, either Liriano or Perkins is still going to be in the rotation (not to mention Swarzak, who's last two starts have been so bad that Quebec is again reconsidering secession). For the time being, it's Perkins' spot that's the casualty to Pavano's acquisition, as Pavano will take the rubber in Saturday's game against Detroit. The most common spin to Pavano being acquired by the Twins was that he had pitched well against Detroit and Chicago, and that's all good and well, but all that means is that's he's been really, really bad against everybody else, and it's not like all ten or so starts that he'll make with the Twins are going to be against the Tigers and White Sox. The best numbers that Pavano had are these: 36-32-30. No, that isn't a hits-to-walks ratio, but rather the measurements of Pavano's ex-girlfriend Alyssa Milano, who Pavano dated in 2004 (which, not surprisingly, was Pavano's only solid season at the major league level). And here's the rub: Pavano's contract, which when you look at what the Twins are paying for this guy, you can't really understand why they went out and got him. The remainder of Pavano's base salary is only about $500K, which isn't much in terms of baseball money nowadays, but after his next start he'll start banking in his incentives. As Thrylos over at the Tenth Inning Stretch estimates, if Pavano continues to get the ball every fifth day, the Twins would end up paying him $2.7 Million to make ELEVEN starts. In other words, if you're the Cleveland Indians, who have announced in the last few days that they're on pace to lose $16 million this season, getting rid of Carl Pavano was a godsend to their organization. For the Twins, when they finally wrap up their third-place season in October, they're going to be wondering why the hell they spent almost $3 million for two months of such an average pitcher, and Twins fans will have to scratch their heads whenever the front office balks at making other acquisitions because they would be too costly. They'll scratch their heads because this is an organization that paid $2.7 million for eleven Carl Pavano starts and $4 million for 500 Nick Punto at-bats; meanwhile they won't give Casey Blake an extra year on a contract offer and won't go the extra million to sign a guy like Orlando Hudson. Head-scratching indeed.