JULY 11, 2009 -- CHICAGO 8, MINNESOTA 7

The Twins return to form on Saturday, getting a vomit-inducing start from Glen Perkins, who looked like he was still sick when he was on the mound. All I can hope from Perkins is that he was smart and considerate enough not to spread that crap to the rest of the team, because whatever he had had a small touch of suck-itis on the side. Perkins excelled at his game plan, which is to take his team out of the game as soon as humanly possible, and he did that in spades. The Twins were down by three after two innings, and then fell into a 5-0 deficit before Perkins finally gave way to R.A. Dickey, who showed signs of his early-season horridness by giving up what would eventually turn out to be the winning runs of the game. Actually the last three runs were a tandem effort, as Dickey walked the bases loaded in the sixth and then Brian Douchebag (aka Duensing) did his best Sean Henn impression when he gave up a bases-clearing double to the first batter he faced, Jim Thome. Duensing’s been absolutely dreadful so far in his audition for the Twins, who continue to fill their major holes in the bullpen with minor-league washups, retreads, and non-prospects. Either get Slama or Delaney up here ASAP or trade for somebody – or watch as you finish in third place, out of first place by a double-digit deficit. It’s your choice, Bill Smith.

The Twins would make it close thanks to a couple home runs from ex-White Sock Joe Crede and had a chance to tie it in the ninth after Jose Morales cut the gap to one run when he hit a two-run single off Bobby Jenks. Brian Buscher represented the tying run at second base, but then Denard Span grounded into a terrible double play to end the game, and that was all she wrote. Two-out hitting killed the Twins again, both giving up two-out hits to Chicago and then failing at clutch hitting when they were taking their hacks. I don’t believe there is a stat out there that collects a sort of two-out hitting differential (take the Twins’ batting average with two-outs and subtract their pitcher’s opponents batting average with two outs) but if there was, I would imagine that the Twins’ would be brutal. Last year’s success has proven to be an aberration; remember when the 2008 Twins led the world with batting average with runners in scoring position? Yeah, that was a fluke, and they’ve displayed their real talent for clutch hitting this year. On Saturday, the Twins were giving up two-out hits left and right, twice giving up run-scoring hits to Brian Anderson with two out in an inning. Okay, you don’t give up hits to Brian Anderson, much less big ones. Another example of the sore thumb of an opponent’s lineup coming back to bite you in the ass. Meanwhile, the Twins went 2 for 8 with runners in scoring position (the White Sox went 5 for 19 – nineteen at-bats with guys on base just tells you how effective Perkins and company were Saturday). The 7-8-9 hitters for the White Sox (Jayson Nix, Gordon Beckham, and Anderson) went a combined 7 for 13 – it’s the second time this homestand that the bottom third of the opponent’s order has been the reason that the Twins have lost – that’s just pathetic.

I have the great opportunity to attend today’s Twins game, but when I looked at the pitching match-up – Mark Buehrle against Scott Baker – frankly I’m pretty sure that I’m going to be seeing a White Sox victory Sunday. Buehrle is just so nasty on the Twins and Baker is just so terrible against everyone that I don’t expect the Twins to pull it out today. But I hope that my expectations are wrong and that I see a victory.