APRIL 6, 2010 -- MINNESOTA 5, LOS ANGELES 3

The Twins ride the power of three home runs and, after a shaky start, Nick Blackburn settled down and pitched into the seventh inning, notching the first victory of the season for the Twins. Three first-inning runs proved to be the difference in the ballgame, as Joe Mauer's two-run home run provided the spark the Twins needed, and Justin Morneau and J. J. Hardy also hit their first home runs of the season. With Ron Gardenhire forced to leave the ballgame because of "flu-like symptoms," one of the drones had to fill in, in this case Scott Ullger, who proceeded to make the same ticky-tacky managerial moves that has come to be expected from The Brain. A computer could very well manage this ballclub, as Gardenhire has become merely mechanical in his in-game management.

Brian Douchebag got a key out in the seventh, making fans across the upper Midwest wonder why Brian Douchebag is asked to get key outs in the seventh inning. Matt Guerrier pitched a clean eighth which prompted Dick Bremer to personally induct Guerrier into the Hall of Fame, and Jon Rauch mowed down the Angels in the ninth, the first of many saves Rauch will pick up that Joe Nathan couldn't have done any better. As I've said before, the closer's job is perhaps the most overrated role in all of professional sports, and actually (don't jump out of your chair or anything) the Twins might be better off without Nathan in the ninth, for the simple reason that Ron Gardenhire classically underused Nathan. Maybe Gardy will be more apt to go to Rauch in the eighth inning, something that was anathema when Nathan was healthy. Gardenhire constantly babied Nathan and, as a result, lost more games in the eighth inning because he refused to put his best pitcher in the game. If anything, Rauch is a more durable reliever, and he could go for a two-inning save with relative ease. Of course, that won't happen with Ron Gardenhire managing this group or any group for that matter. When you struggled to play baseball successfully, as Gardenhire's brief playing career indicates, your talent appraising skills aren't the best, and real talent is something to be feared. How else do you explain the consistent benefit of the doubt given to slugs like Nick Punto and Matt Guerrier? Anyways, Rauch is guaranteed to get 30 saves. With any luck and a good offense that will provide Rauch many save opportunities, he could get 60 saves. That's why the closer's position is so overrated. Frankie Rodriguez had a terrible season with the Mets last year after setting the record for saves in 2008 -- a worse team and a lack of luck cut Rodriguez's saves in half in one season's time.

Carl Pavano toes the rubber tonight for the Twins, and like Blackburn, Pavano's a guy to keep your eye on. His stuff is eminently hittable, and he wasn't all that good last season with the Twins (don't believe what Dick Bremer will tell you -- Pavano was average at best after joining the ballclub). In an interesting irony, Pavano is currently on track to pitch the home opener, which means that he would have started the final game in Metrodome history and the first game in Target Field history. If that happens, that'd be a nice factoid for uncles to spring on unsuspecting nephews for Christmas gatherings aplenty in the future.

Photos: (1) AP/Jae C. Hong; (2) AP/Ann Heisenfelt

APRIL 5, 2010 -- LOS ANGELES 6, MINNESOTA 3

With a group of newly acquired players and a brand-spanking new set of road uniforms, the 2010 season got of to an inauspicious start, as the Twins channeled their April-through-mid-September performance of last season in kicking off this year's campaign with a disappointing 6-3 loss to the Angels. I will say that the opener did not feel like a season opener one bit -- it felt as if it were a mid-season game, and for that I will give both teams credit for not looking rusty. It also felt like a mid-season game for the Twins in the respect that their patheticness in not producing clutch base-hits appeared to be in mid-season form. The Twins didn't get a clutch hit in the late innings from their big stars, and the team went a true-to-form 1 for 6 with runners in scoring position. In probably the biggest at-bat of the game, Justin Morneau hit a scorching line-drive to first base with two outs and the bases jacked in the seventh, one inning after Seldom Young ended the sixth with a bases-loaded flyout. Also in mid-season form: the bullpen surrendering key insurance runs late in the ballgame to stretch a one-run deficit to a three-run deficit. Jose Mijares gave up two solo home runs in the eighth that pretty much sealed the deal for the Angels. Mijares is quickly becoming a left-handed version of Matty Guerrier and Monday's opener may be a harbinger of things to come in 2010.

Scott Baker pitched poorly in the opener, staying consistent in that he neared the 100 pitch count in the fifth inning before getting lifted. Falling behind hitters all game long, Baker put the Twins in an early hole after surrendering two runs in the first inning. Baker is like Johan Santana in the respect that it will take Baker a month or two before getting into his groove. Santana classically struggled in April before getting into lock-down mode once the second half of the season started. Now, Baker's second-half success isn't nearly the same as Santana's post-All Star Game domination of the league, but historically Baker's been much better in the latter half of the season. With the Twins having a tough early schedule, having a struggling Baker may sink the Twins into a deep hole in April. Surely his approach of "let's get behind every hitter I face and lack poise and confidence at every step of the way" is a loser's mentality, and for the Twins to go to Baker on Opening Day, telling the league he's the best we have -- that's a "gulp" moment if I've ever seen one.

Now it's Nick Blackburn's turn in the rotation, and out of all of the pitchers on the starting staff, I have concerns that Blackburn's sinker is going to flatten out this season and hitters will start to drill his pitches with consistent authority. This is a guy who gives up a ton of hits but seems to avoid big innings because he doesn't walk many batters. That control might come back to harm him, as he can't blow away anybody with pure stuff, and hitters may just sit back and wait for a hittable pitch to drive out of the ballpark. We'll get a good indication of how Blackburn's going to be tonight as he faces a patient team in the Angels. They certainly aren't free swingers, and they're the type of team that Blackburn could easily get shelled by. Joe Saunders goes for the Angels.

Opening Day Roster Announced

Ron Gardenhire made a couple of noteworthy announcements over the past few days regarding the 2010 roster. First, he announced that Nick Punto will be his regular third baseman, ending speculation that Brendan Harris would platoon with Punto at the hot corner. This, of course, is a potentially disastrous move that could end up costing the Twins valuable runs and, hence, victories down the road. One failproof tenet that people should learn here at the MTRC is that Nick Punto will do everything in his power to lose baseball games for the Twins. Punto defenders are usually quick to point out his defensive prowess, but Punto's glove can betray him just as easily as his bat always does. Of course, Brendan Harris is far from a viable upgrade at third, but in comparison to his competition, Harris suddenly looks like Brooks Robinson next to Punto. Alas, Harris will ride the pine for the time being. Most clubs (well-managed ones, at least) would confront the situation by at the very least giving one player the job on a earn-your-keep basis; if you're not producing, you're going to be replaced. Yet, Ron Gardenhire has been through a five-year trial period with Punto and has loved what he has seen (i.e., .210 production at the plate and an average glove). So even if Punto goes out there and hits a buck-forty with ten errors through April, he's likely to keep his job until he gets injured or retires or dies. In many ways, he's like a Supreme Court justice -- job security is a given for a guy like Punto on a Ron Gardenhire-run team.

Secondly, Gardenhire has given the closer's job to Jon Rauch instead of a closer-by-committee approach that he hinted at last week. As a closer, Rauch reeks of a Ron Davis type, one that blows saves in epic fashion. Like Davis was, Rauch is a more than serviceable bullpen asset in a set-up role; replace Davis' Coke-bottle eyeglasses with Rauch's one-of-a-kind neck tattoo, and the similarities continue. At least Rauch isn't Matt Guerrier, but the chances that Ron Gardenhire would prefer losing games in the ninth inning with Guerrier were slim anyways; Gardenhire has proven that Guerrier is a much better pitcher to plug in there when Gardy is in the mood for blowing eighth-inning leads. Consistency in stupidity is a motto that Ron Gardenhire has always employed, and with the roster already undergoing a major change (Nathan's injury), Gardy was certainly hesistant to continue to shake up an already crappy bullpen. In a mild surprise, Pat Neshek made the club out of spring training, but his effectiveness will be questionable considering he's coming off a lengthy rehabilitation from Tommy John surgery and his mechanics leave something to be desired in the first place. Guys like Jose Mijares and Clay Condrey and Brian Douchebag will be "relied" upon to get late-inning outs, too. In short, the bullpen will again be a headache in 2010, and their troubles are exacerbated with the glaring absence of the lone consistent arm, Joe Nathan.

Gardenhire's love-fest with Alexi Casilla will continue for at least the beginning of this season. This move to have Casilla occupy the final roster spot is supremely confounding, but the other options -- Matt Tolbert, Jacque Jones, et al. -- barely sound better. The thing that is so frustrating is that Casilla has done absolutely nothing to deserve winning the spot. He was atrocious in all three of his call-ups last season, played pathetically in winter ball and his average was hovering in the .150 range during spring training. Add to the fact that Drew Butera won the job as Joe Mauer's backup catcher -- not Jose Morales, not Wilson Ramos, who perhaps deserved the job based on spring training performance -- and Gardenhire's final roster spots are a confusing mess. But hey, it's not like we're surprised at this sort of tomfoolery. Leave it up to Ron Gardenhire to turn simple talent appraisal into an unfunny joke.

Look for complete 2010 predictions Sunday.

MTRC Relaunch...We're Back in Business, People.

After a lengthy hiatus, I'm proud to announce that the Minnesota Twins Re-Education Center is going to be a go for the 2010 season! Like many nowadays, the MTRC was not immune to the tough economic times besetting the country currently, but thankfully a few of my most loyal supporters came through in a big way to provide the funding to maintain this site. So, to Donna, Terry, Hank, and Betsy, a big THANK YOU is graciously extended. As many of you know, the apiary business has not turned out to be an adequate source of part-time cash, and even with my Roth IRA not totally tanking, I needed to tend to the more important things over the winter; hence, the MTRC essentially shut down for a few months. But those four wonderful folks mentioned above wanted to see the MTRC return for this season and paid for that privilege. Our mission statement for 2010: Bigger and better this year. Hank Rickenbacher, who many of you voiced positive responses following his guest gig at the end of last year, has agreed to step into an elevated role for this season. You'll still be mostly hearing from me, but Hank will be featured here on something like a weekly/bi-weekly basis. I, for one, am excited to welcome Hank to the full-time staff here. Like hell I'd ask Mr. Rogers to be my neighbor -- I'm blessed to have Hank and his lovely wife Betsy (who makes the meanest oatmeal-raisin cookies, by the way) live so close by.

Now to get to the stuff you're hear to read about...

A secondary reason that I was resistant to relaunching the blog for the 2010 season was that I thought the Twins weren't going to be as underachieving (and, hence, having the potential for a hilariously pessimistic blog) as last season. They made some good moves in the offseason -- great moves if you count who won't be on the 2010 roster ([cough] Carlos Gomez [cough]). The middle of the field is greatly strengthened for 2010 -- J.J. Hardy provides a much-needed offensive spark at shortstop, and Orlando Hudson was almost too shrewd a move for the front-office to make; you'd think they'd prefer having Matt Tolbert sucking up scoring opportunities in the 2 hole like it's nobody's business. Add Denard Span playing center field full time (like he should have been for the past two seasons) and a locked-up Joe Mauer -- that's a potent combination down the middle. The Twins' other "significant" moves over the offseason were pretty humdrum -- the Jim Thome signing still confuses me, as I don't see him getting all that many at-bats, but at least he'll be a home run threat off the bench, and Clay Condrey might as well be a Matt Guerrier in disguise. At least Condrey's presence will give Ron Gardenhire one more serviceable option to blow leads in the seventh and eighth innings.


That's a good segue to the biggest news for the Twins since they opened spring training in Fort Myers, the Joe Nathan situation. Nathan's done for the 2010 season, about to undergo Tommy John surgery, seemingly dealing a devastating blow for the Twins in the bullpen. Sure, Nathan's a great closer -- right up there with Mariano Rivera in my book in terms of the best closers in the game. But we're talking about a closer here for crissakes -- someone who pitches one inning a game maybe three times a week. As lights out as Nathan can be, let me say it here -- he is replaceable. For any other team in the league and any other manager, Nathan's absence can be overcome through a little roster tinkering and a little inspiration and coddling by the coaching staff. But we're talking about the Tweedledee-Tweedledum regime of Ron Gardenhire and Rick Anderson here. Here's a pair of clowns who didn't know how to manage a pitching staff with a healthy Joe Nathan. Now that you take the all-star stopper out of the mix, I'd just as soon suspect Ron Gardenhire is going to dictate his relievers' appearances by drawing names out of a hat.

What the Twins should be doing right about now is exploring outside options. It can be a blessing that Nathan's injury occurred before the season, as it could give them some time to address the issue before the games counted for real. But let's be honest -- Bill Smith already went over budget when he signed Hudson for $3.5 million, and then he signed Mauer for his deserved extension. Do you think Smith is ready to pony up another few million to add a Heath Bell (the best choice) or a Kerry Wood (a distant #2 option)? Doubtful at best. Most likely the Twins will turn to in-house options [gulp] Jon Rauch, Matt Guerrier, and the like. Francisco Liriano's name has been bandied about in regards to the closer's job, and I for one would welcome Liriano in that capacity if they are going to go with an in-house replacement. He probably doesn't have the meddle to handle the stress that comes with the job, but Liriano usually unravels after two or three innings in his starts -- meaning that his first inning or two is usually solid. That being said, he's probably a LaTroy Hawkins in the making, and I doubt that Ron Gardenhire would want to throw Liriano in that position to start the season, even if he was their best candidate (Gardenhire, of course, struggles making talent-based decisions [see Punto, Nick]).

Either way you think about it, the closer's job is definitely replaceable. Even a pitcher with a solid 3.00 ERA is going to give up a run every three innings, and you just hope that that run is surrendered when the team is up by more than one run. And it's not like Joe Nathan was rock solid all the time -- his playoff record is, well, checkered at best (see the 2004 and 2009 playoffs against the Yankees), and his blown saves down the stretch in 2008 were a major reason the team didn't qualify for the postseason that season. A big loss, for sure, but one that can be overcome.

Photos: (1) www.babble.com/; (2, 4) AP/Steven Senne; (3) www.fullcountpitch.com

NOVEMBER 12, 2009 -- Carlos Gomez is out of the Doghouse!...And Post-Season Awards

Greetings all of you in Twinsland. It's been a while since I've posted here at the MTRC, but I have to admit -- I relished the month away from the blog, a month in which I thought about the disastrous Twins very rarely. Bums like Ron Gardenhire and Nick Punto are but a distant memory at this point in my mind, which is refreshing. I only have about four months here before I get to hear those names again.

After the Twins' predictably pathetic showing in the playoffs against the Yankees, I watched the other playoff games sparingly. I tried my best to watch some of the ALCS between New York and the Angels, but man, oh, man -- MLB has a lot to work on if it wants to retain its fan base. Soooooo boring! Game 2 of the ALCS was the worst. Whenever I tuned in to try to watch a bit of the game, Jose Molina was running out to the mound -- eight times in one inning -- to talk to A.J. Burnett. The games moved at a snail's pace, and just weren't fun to watch. Worst of all, the Yankees had to win the whole thing, though rooting for the Phillies isn't exactly great either. It turned out to be a Big Spender's version of the playoffs, with four teams with bloated payrolls playing in the League Championship Series'. And it was because I thought that the Tigers had a better chance than the Twins of beating the Yankees (Detroit actually won a game against New York during the season) that I thought the Twins' late-season charge was unfortunate on two levels: not only would the Yankees be able to beat the Twins in their sleep, but the Twins' season would suddenly be remembered as a success, and thus key offseason moves that need to be made in order to improve the team wouldn't be made.

But one move has been made that is of significance: Carlos Gomez is going to the Brewers for shortstop J.J. Hardy. Now, let's be fair here -- Hardy had a terrible 2009 season, one in which he was sent down to the minor leagues because he was so bad. But, considering the Twins used Nick Punto for the majority of the season there and then turned to an over-the-hill Orlando Cabrera down the stretch, Hardy will give the Twins a shot in the arm at the shortstop position. He's young, a terrific fielder, and, when he's on, an above-average bat for his position. Hardy's acquisition means that Cabrera won't be back, which is a great thing. I had a bad feeling that Cabrera's play down the stretch would have led to a two-year extension from the front office, but, for once, the Twins do the right thing and give Cabrera his walking papers.


More importantly, Carlos Gomez is gone. Talk about FANTASTIC NEWS! I will finally say goodbye to the one player that I think is the barnone stupidest human being to put on a baseball uniform. I've never seen a player that is so, so demented in the head; and what's worse, I've never seen a manager so demented in the head that's so delusional as to play the truly moronic Gomez on a near-daily basis for the better part of two seasons. Yeah, we're talking about Ron Gardenhire, who put faith in the idiotic Gomez that he could "get the job done." Probably the fastest player the team has had since Otis Nixon, Gomez turned out to be the absolute worst baserunner possible, utilizing that speed by making overly-aggressive baserunning blunders (see Game 2 of the ALDS). And at the plate, Gomez looked like a parapalegic pregnant woman whose water just broke. This being said, Milwaukee will probably start Gomez in the minor leagues (where he belongs) and he'll learn baseball from the school of hard knocks, and develop into a fine National League ballplayer. For the Twins, it leaves just the maybe-he-will-or-maybe-he-won't-pan-out Deolis Guerra as the lone remnant of the disastrous Johan Santana trade of 2008. Hardy is now an offshoot, of course, and the jury's still out on whether he can recover from a poor 2009. But using the failsafe rubric of "well, he's a lot better than Nick Punto," Hardy's sure an upgrade at the shortstop position.

POSTSEASON AWARDS

Next week the baseball writers' awards will be announced, and I thought it might be fun to do a little prognosticating on this site. Not that my words count for anything, but here we go:

AL ROOKIE OF THE YEAR

1. Rick Porcello, P, Detroit
2. Elvis Andrus, SS, Texas
3. Gordon Beckham, 3B, Chicago

I do think Andrus is going to get the award, as his defense and surprising offense helped Texas stay in the race for much longer than they were expected to. And everyday players always seem to have the edge in Rookie of the Year voting, especially when there's not a runaway rookie pitcher among the contenders. But Porcello's performance in Game 163 sold it for me. Here's a 20-year-old who showed his meddle bigtime in the biggest game of his life. He ended the season as a more-than-comparable #2 man in the rotation behind the Tigers' stellar ace Justin Verlander.

NL ROOKIE OF THE YEAR

1. Chris Coghlan, OF, Florida
2. J.A. Happ, P, Philadelphia
3. Tommy Hanson, P, Atlanta

Happ and Hanson are both good candidates to win the award, as they both produced 10+ wins and sub-3.00 ERAs. Coghlan, however, is a perfect Rookie of the Year winner -- one who comes out of nowhere, quickly secures a starting spot, and hits the ball with authority. Does anybody realize he finished sixth in the NL in batting with a .321 average? I had to look that one up twice.

AL MANAGER OF THE YEAR

1. Ron Washington, Texas
2. Don Wakamatsu, Seattle
3. Jim Leyland, Detroit

Yeah, you were thinking that I was going to put Ron Gardenhire on this list? There have been rumors that a Manager of the Year award for Gardy was in the offing, but I just don't see it. You play like absolute doggie do-do for five and a half months and then play good for two weeks, and you're the best manager in the league? Puh-lease. The Twins were predicted to run away with the Central in 2009; Managers of the Year are usually those managers who take bad teams and turn them into a surprise contender. How Ron Washington was able to get almost 90 wins out of that pitching staff is truly a credit to his managing. And Wakamatsu inherited a messy Mariner team that lost 100 games in 2008 and turned in a winning season in his rookie year as manager.

NL MANAGER OF THE YEAR

1. Jim Tracy, Colorado
2. Bruce Bochy, San Francisco
3. Tony LaRussa, St. Louis

No contest here. Tracy's the runaway winner in this race, as he took over for the Rockies in late May when Colorado was 10 games under .500, and directed them to a 74-42 finish and the wild-card. Bochy's Giants were a mild surprise, too, in the suddenly ultra-competitive NL West, but it should be a unanimous victory for Tracy.

AL CY YOUNG

1. Zach Greinke, Kansas City
2. Felix Hernandez, Seattle
3. Justin Verlander, Detroit

This should be a runaway Cy Young for Greinke, but sadly his 16 wins will make the race a close one, and might cost him the award. Those that think that C.C. Sabathia should win the award are those with the typical East Coast bias; Greinke was far and away the best pitcher in the league, and if Greinke was on a team other than the hapless Royals, he would have won well over 20 games. Hernandez is deserving to win the award in any year that didn't also feature Greinke's brilliance. Still, I wouldn't be surprised to see Sabathia win the Cy.

NL CY YOUNG

1. Adam Wainwright, St. Louis
2. Chris Carpenter, St. Louis
3. Tim Lincecum, San Francisco

Both Carpenter and Wainwright are deserving of the award, and I feel that this race might be like the Academy Awards in a bit; Carpenter (and Lincecum, for that matter) has won the award already, and Wainwright hasn't. It's kind of like when Kate Winslet won Best Actress last year even though Meryl Streep could out-act Winslet in her sleep -- it's just that Meryl's won before and Winslet's been perennially stepped on by the Academy. So, for better or worse, it's Wainwright this year, though Carpenter might pick up his second Cy, as a kind of comeback-player of the year plus Cy Young combo prize.

AL MVP

1. Joe Mauer, Minnesota
2. Miguel Cabrera, Detroit
3. Mark Teixeira, New York

This one shouldn't be close, either, but like Greinke, Mauer resides in small-market-ville, and when East Coast voters pulled the lever, it was probably hard for them not to go for Teixeira or Derek Jeter, who people think like should win an MVP, because he somehow like deserves one for his Hall of Fame resume (yeah, right). Look at the numbers -- Mauer is on a different planet than everybody else, and should have won the award in 2006, too. It's time to give Mauer his comeuppance, Winslet-style.

NL MVP

1. Albert Pujols, St. Louis
2. Hanley Ramirez, Florida
3. Andre Ethier, Los Angeles

Pujols is like the FDR of the National League -- if his name is on the ballot, he's going to win. Between Pujols and Mauer, it's a hard choice selecting the best player in the game. Clearly Pujols is the class of the NL, but don't soon forget about Ramirez. He'll win an MVP one of these years, as he's quickly becoming one of the best all-around players in the league. I wonder how long Florida gets to hang onto him...

READER MAIL #2

Send in your questions and comments to me at eisenhowermcsteele@gmail.com. I plan on doing a Hot Stove-themed version of reader mail, so send me your suggestions on how to improve the club. Put yourself in Bill Smith's shoes for a day -- play general manager!

Photos: (1) AP/Peter Morgan; (2) AP/Morry Gash; (3) AP/Steven Senne

OCTOBER 11, 2009 -- NEW YORK 4, MINNESOTA 1

What a shocker folks -- the Twins drop three straight against the Yankees, and go down with hardly a whimper against the Evil Empire. If you're keeping track at home (which I am), that's nine straight postseason losses for the Twins under the Ron Gardenhire regime, and that's only a part of eight straight losses at home in the playoffs. The last Twin to win a playoff game at the Metrodome was none other than Joe Mays, whose gem in the first game of the 2002 ALCS against the Angels stands as the last home victory for the Twins in the Metrodome. This run of postseason futility that the Twins are experiencing is just a perfect example of what the priorities are here in the Twin Cities. Playoffs are gravy to Ron Gardenhire, and he apparently just doesn't care if they win or lose in the playoffs. They're just happy to be there. And this philosophy has translated to an abysmal, embarrassing 6-18 mark in the playoffs under Gardenhire. Considering this, what's the point of even winning the division? If you're just going to play like bird droppings in the playoffs, why tease your fans to think that you actually might win something of actual significance? But no. Winning the perennially weakest division in baseball is hotdish for Ron Gardenhire. It makes me sick to my stomach. This is why I was pessimistic about the Twins hot stretch -- because it gives the illusion that this season was a success. Dude -- you've won the division five times in eight years. Why not try a more challenging goal? I think that winning the division was a bad thing for the Twins, as they'll use the division title as proof that they don't need to improve their ballclub for 2010. In reality, this team should be shaken up, but we know any real change (i.e. canning Ron Gardenhire) will never happen.

The Twins seem to be embodied (at least to those observing the team from a national level) by Nick Punto -- that scrappy, "hard-nosed," talent-deficient excuse for a ballplayer -- and that's really hard for me to accept. Punto may have had some of the best offensive numbers for the Twins in the three-game sweep, as he went 4 for 9 at the plate, but he was there in the eighth inning to put the nail in the coffin that was the Twins season. His baserunning blunder cost the Twins the season, and is yet another example of why this man has no business being a Single-A player, much less a starting player on a playoff team. For some reason he thought that Denard Span's chopper over the mound went into the outfield, and of course he wasn't looking at his third-base coach to see if he should score -- barreling around third was Punto, and Derek Jeter smartly threw home to force Punto to return to third, but he returned too late, and instead of having runners at first and third and nobody out (the Twins were down 2-1 at the time), Punto ran his team out of their season. What I said to myself after that predictable boner was "Nick Punto is the stupidest player in franchise history. Nick Punto is the stupidest player in franchise history." As far as mantras go, that one caught on pretty quick. Seriously though -- the fact that this guy has any words of praise go his way is gut-wrenchingly pathetic. I'm shaking my head in shame right now, having to be a fan of a team that plays Nick Punto on a regular basis. I was thinking about this hard-to-accept fact, too: Nick Punto's played here for six years. SIX YEARS. And he'll be here for probably another six. At the end of his career, he's going to be one of the longest-tenured Twins in franchise history. Why? As Tracy Chapman once sang, Give me one reason, Ron Gardenhire, why Nick Punto is on a major-league roster.

I'm done with this team, finally, for this season. Let me tell you -- it was a maddening adventure to document this sad-sack bunch of characters for nearly six months. I know I'm in the minority when it comes to ragging on guys like Ron Gardenhire, but I've found that the Re-Education Center has been amazingly therapeutic for me. In the past (and especially in 2008) I was unable to contain my rage when I watched the Twins. Often I'd bang a fist on my coffee table in frustration and shout obscenities at the TV screen. But once I started this website, I found it much easier to accept the Twins' patheticness. Now when I watch the games, I find their errors and futility comedic and humorous, and I look at Ron Gardenhire as if he were one of the Keystone Kops of the early silent movies. The guy is such an Andy Kaufman joke -- not at all funny, a little creepy, definitely pathetic, and tragic at the same time. I will go to my grave saying that Ron Gardenhire is the worst manager I've ever seen in my life, and I will continue to say that on this site. By putting faith in guys like Carlos Gomez and Nick Punto, Ron Gardenhire lost this series before it even started. It reminds me of a Modest Mouse album title of a few years back: We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank. If there's anything that sums up the 2009 Twins, it's that right there.

It was a blast to do this, and I thank everyone who put in their two cents. Whether you agreed with me or not, I appreciate those who took the time to support this site. I'll keep it updated every once in a while in the offseason (I do plan on doing a 2009 Season Wrap-Up and Postseason Awards sometime within the next week) and I'm considering doing this again next season. I really enjoyed what my neighbor Hank Rickenbacher did when he had the reins, and I'd like to hear more from him next season. If you have any suggestions on how to make the MTRC better, I'd love to hear from you. And I'd like to do another segment of Reader's Mail, so feel free to get questions and comments in to my e-mail: eisenhowermcsteele@gmail.com. Thanks again everyone!

Photos: (1) AP/Jim Mone; (2) AP/Kathy Willens; (3) AP/Charlie Neibergall; (4) www.cinemablend.com

OCTOBER 9, 2009 -- NEW YORK 4, MINNESOTA 3 (11 innings)

Wow. Unbelievable. As I've said before, you can't lose these games unless you try, or unless you're just in a new category of "pathetic" that I'm just unaware of. Leading 3-1 going into the botom of the ninth, Joe Nathan gives up a single and a mammoth home run to Alex Rodriguez to give up the lead, and then Mark Teixeira comes back in the 11th inning with the game-winning homer off Jose Mijares. Ron Gardenhire didn't do anything during the game that lost the game outright; rather, it was his filling out the lineup that lost the game for the Twins on Friday. I think I thought out loud at least three times as to why Carlos Gomez is even on a major-league roster, much less in the starting lineup in a playoff game. The guy is such absolute doggie do-do that it's hilarious that people actually give the Twins a chance in this series. If I would have known that Gomez would have played Friday, I might as well have just slept through it. Unbelievable that Ron Gardenhire is that stupid. Manager of the Year my ass.


What's even funnier than that is that Brendan Harris propelled the Twins to what would have been a win, and Harris wasn't even in the starting lineup -- Matt Tolbert was, of course. It had to take a pulled muscle to get Tolbert out of the game, and there was Harris, providing the go-ahead triple in the sixth, the key hit to set up the two-run eighth for the Twins, and chipping in on defense with a miraculous Web gem later in the game. The bottom three guys in the Twins lineup -- Gomez, Tolbert, and Punto -- that's Washington Nationals "bad", Pittsburgh Pirates "bad." And you still should have won the game -- unreal. I'll give Punto props, as he delivered a clutch two-out hit in the eighth to put the Twins on top (that hit will probably keep him around for another four years). But I'm not giving Ron Gardenhire props, who I hope was joking when he told TBS reporter/snappy dresser Craig Sager that Punto was "the second best athlete on the team" next to Joe Mauer. That quote prompted me to look up the word 'athlete' in the dictionary, because I don't think Gardy and I are on the same page so to speak. Here it is from dictionary.com:


ath⋅lete 
–noun
a person trained or gifted in exercises or contests involving physical agility, stamina, or strength; a participant in a sport, exercise, or game requiring physical skill. (my emphasis)


OK -- so it doesn't necessary say they have to be good at sports, but merely a participant. But using the modifier "second best" implies that they are good at a particular sport, which just seals the deal -- Ron Gardenhire is the most idiotic, demented, insane man in the game of baseball. If you can hit .220 and play average defense, kids, you're a gold medalist in one man's book. Wow.


Let's get back to Gomez, who was the clear goat in the game. The guy can flat out fly, which was apparently the reason (defense, Gardy'd say, too) that he is even on the postseason roster. Yet Gomez is one of the absolute worst baserunners I've ever seen in my life, and that stupidity cost the Twins a run in the fourth inning. Tolbert actually came through with a hit off Yankee starter A.J. Burnett, sending Seldom Young home with the first run of the game. But wait -- Gomez tripped over his own shoes rounding second and was tagged out trying to go back to second before Young touched home plate, thereby nullifying the run scoring. Just an idiotic turn of events there -- Gomez should be trotting into second base and planting himself there. You're not going first to third there in a million years (I suppose the moronic Gomez probably thought he could), and at the very least, force a run-down so you ensure that the run scores. That blunder was basically the difference in the game, as Gomez proved to everyone, this time on a national scale, that he doesn't belong in the big leagues. But at least Gomez acknowledged his error in a postgame interview, offering his apologies by saying it was "my bad." Oh, OK. I needed that, Carlos.


But that wouldn't be enough for a guy who sucks as bad as Gomez. He had to come through again in the 11th inning, when the Twins started the inning with three straight singles. Seldom Young lined out on the first pitch he saw from reliever David Robertson; that's to be expected from Seldom. Then Ron Gardenhire has Carlos Gomez hit for himself. Huge mistake, Gardy. I'll quote myself from my Doghouse post on Gomez that I wrote way back in June: "This is what Gomez means to me: if the Twins are down by a run in the late innings and the tying run is on third base with one out, Gomez is the last hitter I want at the plate. I'd rather have a pitcher at the plate -- Kevin Slowey, Nick Blackburn, Joe Nathan, hell, even Nick Punto. Gomez folds in the clutch like it's nobody's business, and it's the listless hitting approach and non-existent instincts that make him a Doghouse Denizen for life." Pretty much the same scenario, except that the Twins were tied and would have gone ahead if Gomez can just get the ball in the air. Nope. Instead, he takes one of the most pathetic swings I've ever seen in my life and taps out to first base, and Teixeira throws home to force the runner. Harris flew out after Gomez, and Teixeira would end the game leading off the bottom half of the eleventh. Hooray, Ron Gardenhire! That stroke of managerial prowess lost you another game in the Bronx!


I would like to add that right field umpire Phil Cuzzi delivered one of the absolute worst calls I've ever seen in my life in the eleventh, such a bad call that it makes Mike Muchlinski's infamous home-plate call to end the Oakland Disaster look like a great call. I've always wondered why MLB has outfield umpires in the playoffs; it seems to me that it just means that two more umps can get the calls wrong. Cuzzi is literally fifteen feet away from watching Joe Mauer's fly ball land at least two feet fair and he calls it foul. What's more, outfielder Melky Cabrera touched the ball with his glove! The guy is planted stationary on the field watching nothing but the foul line, and he still gets it wrong. It's just like Richie Garcia's vomit-inducing call in the '96 ALCS when he said that Jeffrey Maier didn't lean over the fence and turn a fly ball into a home run -- the only thing that these outfield umps can do is screw up calls. Now, a lot of people are going to look at that call and do a Gardy and blame the loss on the umpires, but it's hard to tell what would have happened if Mauer had been on second base. Jason Kubel probably would have been trying to "get the guy over to third," i.e. pull the ball on the right side of the infield, and who knows if he would have gotten a hit or not. It likely would have still been up to Seldom Young and Carlos Gomez to blow it in the clutch. And there's no excuses to leaving SEVENTEEN guys on base. But Phil Cuzzi -- jeez, are you that much a Yankee fan or are you simply blind?
Photos: (1,3) AP/Julie Jacobson; (2,4) AP/Kathy Willens; (5) Reuters Pictures